


Camp Chocobo

by DawnHasDust, SpaceKatEyes



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Anal Sex, And Axel sucks at reading the situation, Consensual Sex, Daddy Issues, Drunk Texting, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, M/M, Making Out, Minor Character Death, Minor Demyx/Zexion (Kingdom Hearts), Minor Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Roxas is real thirsty imo, Roxas sucks at flirtation, Slow Burn, Stolen Kisses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 06:01:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 97,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16948365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DawnHasDust/pseuds/DawnHasDust, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceKatEyes/pseuds/SpaceKatEyes
Summary: Camp Chocobo; the hidden gem of Twilight Town. Years past its prime and facing foreclosure, Roxas isn’t ready to quit. When faced with spying musicians, guilty secrets, and backhanded deals, the future of the camp balances on his shoulders. The perfect time to rekindle an awkward friendship with one of the most famous rock stars in the country, right?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting on Ao3, I've always posted on FF.net but I still do and will continue to! It started off with an RP between myself and my best friend until I got the inspiration to make it into a fleshed out story so I hope you guys enjoy!

**2 Weeks Ago**  

 _"Dear dedicated members of our community, parents, and children. I extend a heartfelt thank you to our past campers, counselors, and volunteers throughout the decades of Camp Chocobo. My dutiful son Roxas and I are saddened, but thankful, for the opportunity to have created so many cherished memories throughout the years with your children and our crew, and we here at Camp Chocobo believe that with the camp experience we gave them, we provided the tools to give them ability for creativity and innovation to lead great lives. Thank you for coming out to-"_ I’ve heard this speech over a thousand times already but it never gets any easier to hear. I tune out my father’s heart wrenching words as I tip my hat to hide the quiver of my lip and the tears at the corner of my eyes.

The buzzing fluorescent bulbs and the shaved wood aroma of the town's rec center bring me back to reality as I shuffle awkwardly next to my father as he closes out his speech, explaining the horrible reality we’re facing. I peak out into the small town gathered before us, seeing many stricken faces over the news while others begin to murmur with gossip as they fan themselves from the damp heat settling in over the hall. Our camp is closing for good... Summer camp just isn't what parents what their kids to do anymore, especially in a small town like Twilight Town.

Why trust total strangers and put your 13 year old in a camp with a gaggle of other kids the same age and hope for the best? As my dad closes his speech, keeping up the fake facade of being unfazed by his own words, a spiky brown haired man almost launches about of his seat, taking a step forward. His eyes widen with disappointment, his voice steeled with determination.  

"You can't just give up! The camp is what really _makes_ our town so great!" A hush falls over the crowd at the outspoken citizen saying no doubt what was on everyone's minds. I try not to wince at the words, knowing all too well that this wasn’t an overnight choice we made, and my father knows that all too well. I sneak a glance at Cloud before swiping at my eyes.

“Sora-” "Your camp has been open for _generations_ , and you guys have more than done your part to help out the community! Roxas, how many times have you stepped in to help fix the schoolhouse in the winter? Or Cloud! Our vet Kairi who graduated youngest of her class? Went AND volunteered at Camp Chocobo _to this day_ as your farm vet!" Kairi, now singled out of the crowd, blushes and waves it off with a simple smile.

"It wasn’t hard to realize my love for caring for animals, and you _are_ my best customers.” She adds in, the same determination now growing inside her as well. The crowd excitedly murmurs as Sora continues, moving to step up to the stage we were on. Always one to make people come together out out of nowhere, classic Sora…

"Exactly! You help kids find potential and thrive, don't we as a community deserve to respect them enough to help?" He addresses the town, who all shout their agreements. Cloud is rendered silent, familiar with Sora’s positive outbursts. I should have known Sora would have never sat quietly while we announced our closing, and I’m all too happy to be proven right. Sora’s been clued in on our money problems for a long while now, but I was too ashamed to say we were finally out of options.

Of course Cloud is too proud to ever want to ask for help, even though I’ve wanted to ask and at least do _something_ rather than have my ‘pride’ and shut down… Although with Sora’s help in rallying the town to come together… "I say we raise money to keep the ranch open, and help our our neighbors!" Sora’s proclamation gives me all the inspiration I need as an idea fleshes out in my head.

"A festival,” I whisper to myself as Sora prattles on, Cloud just silently letting him tire out. “A festival!" I move to take the podium, Sora’s face breaking into a million watt grin as if he was waiting for me to finally stick up for my camp, which is something I should have done _ages_ ago.

"If we get local business sponsors and volunteers and invite parents and kids to come, we could get together a festival! We could sell tickets to raise money to pay off the debt and even get old campers to come and help!" A hard silence settles over the crowd as my excited words linger on their minds. My heart beats against my ribs as I take a deep breath, trying to calm my frayed nerves as I continue. “I know It’s a lot to ask for, but-”

“I’m in!” Kairi stands from her chair, her hand thrown in the air and stretched high. “I would be proud to help my camp, and my town.” Sora joins her side and throws in his hand too, giving me a solemn nod. More and more people throw their hands up in the air, each one shouting out a different idea and theme until it’s a mob of people happy to show their love for their friends and community.

I look over my shoulder to Cloud, hoping that he wouldn’t be too upset with taking the lead on this meeting. He merely gives me a soft gaze with a slight smile, saying all I ever needed to hear. I face the town once again, pride swelling in my chest. This is gonna work!

  
**Present Day**

 

"This isn't gonna work." I heavily sigh as I lean back against hay bales stacked behind me. I rub my temples before shoving away the computer perched in my lap, meaning to be careful, but it’s a miracle that thing still works at this point. Frustrated, I get back to my feet and pace along the wooden floor of the loft, glancing down at the barn below only to be met with broken machines and rotted wood from old fences.

At least it’s quiet with the junk, there’s no reason to come in and look at broken machines we can’t afford to fix. Thankfully that means the barn is a quiet sanctuary I can come to be alone. So I can realize how stupid I was to think this was ever gonna actually _work_. I angrily groan as I sit back down, glaring at my computer before grabbing it once again just to make myself even more frustrated. Maybe the numbers magically changed in that two second fit of anger?

Nope.

I close the spreadsheets, clicking angrily with my mouse and I resign myself to Facebook.. Even with all the tickets _already_ sold, and all the money we would make after the weekend, we're _still_ behind on our goal. By a _lot_ . We’ll need a _miracle_ at this point. "Fuck,” I sigh to myself as I go the page I set up a couple years ago. It’s just a group for old campers and volunteers who want to connect and share memories or catch up on how the camp is doing.

I already posted about the ranch closing, and how we need volunteers and donations for the festival. I've gotten a lot of unexpected responses, but along with that a lot of people who are in their own trouble and can only send ‘thoughts and prayers’. Thanks Janice, but we’ll need about 6 different gods on our side if this is going to work.

I post a quick update on the page about where we’re at currently compared to our goal, spouting off some shitty inspirational message that I can’t find the heart to care. The usual updates, someone got engaged, someone's upset and wants memes to feel better, a missed connection 5 years ago. I leave a few comments on different posts, just the usual ‘congratulations!’ and ‘hope you feel better!’. 

It really has been a while since I’ve been on here though, I’ve been so depressed about the camp and it doesn’t help to see all the happy people reliving old memories... Is that what our camp is going to become? Some old ditch to be paved and turned into a strip mall, for people to forget we were even here and what we did? I take a deep breath as I try to calm my thoughts, remembering why I stopped visiting this page so often. But I have to focus on the festival now, and even if we fail, it’ll still make people really happy and be a boost to the community. It sounds nice, but it stills hurts to think about...  

I almost jump out of my skin when I hear the barn door creak open, the afternoon light pouring in and making the dust dance in the sun’s rays. Sora stands in the doorway with his boyfriend and my best ranch hand Riku. “Roxas, don’t tell me you forgot! We’re going out tonight!” I peak over the ledge of the loft where he waves, Riku giving me a once over. “You look like shit!” He calls out with a laugh.

“So come look like shit at the bar tonight,” I roll my eyes as I sit back with a laugh. “Gee,thanks.” Honestly, I totally forgot… I’ve been so busy with my regular chores and adding a whole festival on top is making me ready to explode. As I go to shut my laptop, a flash of red catches my eye. “I-I’ll be right down!” I call out mindlessly, hyperfocused on slowly scrolling down the page to see the video that caught my eye.

' _Guys!! The lead singer of Bleeding Nobodies went to our camp!! How exciting, I shared a cabin with a future rock star!!'_

Bleeding Nobodies…? I feel like I’ve heard of them before, that sounds so… _familiar_ . I feel like I would know if someone famous went to our small town camp, but recently I’ve been living with my head in the ground.. Almost literally. A wave of anxiousness floods into me, my heart speeding up as I start the video. I _know_ I saw, or maybe I just _thought_ I did? I skim the video, my heart gaining speed as the shaky camera phone finally focuses in on the lead singer, the video blurring in and out until I’m finally able to make out a familiar face.

My heart drops into my stomach as my breath catches in my throat, my entire body frozen as I find the will to pause the video.

“ _Axel_?”

A smile spreads across my lips as memories flood my mind, the nostalgia all too sweet to bare as I click on the attached picture, softly gasping. _Lead singer Axel in his youth at camp!_ It pictured a young boy with bright red hair and a rebellious grin, our camp logo printed boldy on his yellow shirt, posed with a 13 year old me. I haven’t seen this picture in _years_ ! Wait, wait I’m totally missing the point- 

Axel became a _famous rockstar_?! My stomach twists in guilt as I slam my laptop shut, my mind racing and my heart not doing any better. There’s no reason to feel guilty, I didn’t do anything wrong! He’s the one that wanted that kind of life in the first place and I have my place here at the ranch and it’s as it should be-

“Roxas, come _on_ ! Riku finally got the truck started, let’s go before it stalls out again!” Calm down Roxas, just _relax_ , it’s _fine_ , it’s not like he even knows about happened anyways, and I’m sure he’s okay with his life- “C-Coming!” I hustle down the ladder and I brush off the hay and dirt as I follow Sora out of the barn. It seemed like just yesterday that picture was taken, but in reality…

“Do you remember that boy that I used to hang out with at camp a lot? The one with the red hair?” I follow Sora into the truck, climbing in the bed and settling against the small window to talk to them as we head out of the camp. Sora gives me a bewildered stare before glancing at Riku.

“Uh… Yeah I remember him, you guys were inseparable. And he got you into a shit ton of trouble _all_ the time-” A smile plays at my lips at the fond memories of us exploring way too often to be safe, and then later getting yelled at by my dad and then getting rewarded by my mom who just gave us a wink and a smile. “Plus you two were obviously crushing on eachother.” Riku chimes in with a shit eating smirk, making me flush at the feeling like we were 13 again.

“I do- DID not!” They both burst out laughing at my tone, sending me back 10 years ago to when we were stupid preteens again.

_“Step off Seifer! Who cares if I Roxas and I hang out all the time, he’s my best friend.” Axel angrly steps in front of me protectively, holding arm out to stand his ground. “Cuz that’s super gay of you guys to always be with each other! You hold hands like a guy and girl should, I bet you kiss all the time too!” He sneers evilly at the both of us, more so towards me. “S-Shut up-” I try to cut in, wanting to be brave like Axel always is._

_“Who cares if we hold hands all the time?! If that makes me gay then I’m SUPER gay! I’ll always be there to hold Roxas’s hand, and kiss him too!” Axel deflects, puffing out his chest and moving to stand next to me, grabbing my hand and staring Seifer down with his new found growth spurt, a shit eating grin plastered on his face with confidence. Seifer angrily glares down both of us before turning on his heel, kicking up dirt and stomping away._

_“Whatever lamers, being gay is dumb anyways!” I chew on the inside of my lip before furrowing my brows, giving his back my middle finger. “That was super badass Roxas!” Axel hypes, causing us to laugh in our excitement of brushing Seifer off our backs and giving him the worst gesture in the world. “And all that stuff about kissing and hand holding, I was just-” “I-I would, would like that.”_

_My face burns as I turn away with a smile, tightening my grip on his hand. Axel’s excitement falls and changes into embarrassment, his voice faltering as he looks away too yet keeps his grip tight._

_“O-Oh. Just don’t go holdin’ anyone else’s hand or nothing, got it memorized?”_

“Always…” I whisper to myself as we head down the gravel road, a private smile gracing my lips as I look back at the camp in the distance. 


	2. Chapter 2

Oddly enough, I was never a fan of country music. I thought it was kind of dumb, and it’s a real fun conversation every time someone tries to strike up a conversation about the newest Garth Brooks album or some other name I can’t remember. Yet there aren’t many places you can go get a drink with friends in a small place like Twilight Town. Sure there are other places to get a drink at, but I’m all for sticking out the country music if it means it’s bound to have at least a _few_ guys looking for a date.

Or even a fun night to get my mind off all this pressure to make sure the festival goes okay. The only problem is when you live in a small town, _everyone_ knows who you are, and _what_ you are. I’ve never really gotten any flack from the community although, since my family has been around here for generations it’s more of a respect thing than anyone’s belief system. I’m thankful that we’re not one of those redneck towns that punish those that are different, but on the other hand, _everyone_ knows your business.

“Roxas, my _favorite_ customer! You’re just in time, there are some really cute cowboys that just hit the floor and they’re out of towners!” I take a seat at a nearby table with Sora and Riku, prompting the bar worker to make her way over. The black haired woman wipes her hands off on a ratty towel, tossing it on her flannel covered shoulder before grabbing four beers and making her way over. She sets the cold beers down in the middle of the table, taking up the seat next to me. She points out a small group of guys line dancing, all perfectly in step to the music.

I catch a few of their faces, but nothing to get excited over. Sora and Riku each grab a beer and easily knock the caps off using the edge of the table, Riku taking a small swig and Sora pausing to look at the mentioned cowboys.  “Awh come on, they’re totally your type!” I cock an eyebrow at Sora as I take my drink, opening it in the same fashion. I can’t remember the last time I had a really serious boyfriend. It never lasts long even if I _do_ find somebody to date for more than a few months.

My life has always been dedicated to the camp, and it’s been getting harder and harder to find the time to actually be someone my age. Just to hang out with friends and date people and have the time to put into the relationship, but I keep finding all my free time is going to keeping the camp above the  waters of debt. Which seems like an endless job…

“And what _is_ my type?” I go to take a drink of my beer as Riku chuckles aloud, eyeing the cowboys. “Apparently redheads with green eyes, _Roxy_ .” I gag on my beer and almost spit it out all over the cheap table as my friends laugh at my reaction to the nickname I haven't heard in a decade. “Well _that_ was quite the reaction,” Xion teases, giving me a few pats on the back as I clear my throat.

“Roxas brought up that kid Axel from like, 10 years ago when we were still kids at camp. He seems to be forgetting how close they were, seeing as you guys were crazy in puppy love ever since you guys met-”

“Yeah- Keywords being,” I interrupt, sitting back in my chair and staring at the cowboys as they finish their dance, only able to think about that video I saw an hour ago. “ _10 years ago_. He never even bothered to get ahold of me after he left, I doubt he even remembers me anymore…” I wistfully trail off. I mean, I forgot about him too, to be honest. Sure I remembered a few times but it’s been more scarce since the debt really started getting bad.

“You waited for _him_ to send a message? You never got ahold of him because… Why?” Xion interjects, giving me a look that can see right through me. Ah, well… That’s a very fair point actually. After Axel moved to California, I found solace in the other friends I kept on the back burner while I was always hanging out with Axel. I’m thankful for the chance to know them better, they’ve become my closest friends to this day.

“And don’t say you were busy with the camp!” Sora finishes, now having gained attention from all three of them, each one equally as confused to why. I scowl into my drink before taking a long sip, setting the near empty bottle back down. “I didn’t want to say anything to him because I was afraid he knew about what I did at the end of camp show…” They seem to sober up at my mention of it before Sora breaks the silence.

“It wasn’t even that big of a deal Roxas, we all knew it’s what Axel was dreaming of since we met him, and you gave him the break he needed.” They nod in agreement before Xion continues. “Plus you said yourself, it was 10 years ago. I _doubt_ it even affected him anyways, we were only 13!” I wince at her phrasing, bashfully looking harder at the fake wooden table top as I use my nail to pick at the flaking paint.

“Weeell,” I dig out my phone, in a few moments able to find a lot more evidence of what I hoped was a mistake that I saw. I lay it on the table as I polish off my beer, listening to the trio gasp. Xion clicks her tongue as she stands, making her way over to the bar and grabbing a round of jack and coke’s, leaving the jack bottle on the table next to the phone. She slides the drink over to me as she makes herself one.

Riku is the first one to break the awkward silence, raising his glass. “Here’s to us fucking up 10 years ago, may we fuck up another 10.” We toast our glasses over the picture I pulled up on my phone, an official group shot of Axel and the rest of his bandmates for the start of their tour.

~

“R-R-Rooooxxas, ‘mere,” Sora flaps his hand to wave me over, even though he’s sitting right next to me, his voice in a hushed tone as he pulls me in. I wobble a bit, giggles slipping from my lips as I nod about ten times. “Kay, kay, wh-what, what’s goin’ on,” My country drawl is even worse when I’m drunk, and boy, am I _drunk_. Sora fumbles with my phone and I whine as it clatters on the table, almost knocking over the near empty bottle of jack. “H-Hey now don’t be foolin’ with ma phone, make me nervous,” I angrily whisper back, although I doubt it’s much of a whisper at this point.

“Rox, Rox, shush up for a min. I gots an ideeaa, but Riku wouldn’t like. But it is sooo smart-” I nod way too many times once more as I try to grab hold of Sora, hanging onto his every word. “Jus tell me Sora, I won’t tell not nobody.” He takes a deep breath and pushes my unlocked phone towards me, the screen a bit hazy but I can tell it’s on Axel’s profile page on facebook.

“He’s your friend, on booksface, kay? And he’s a rockstarrr, kay?” Sora’s words heavily begin to slur as he struggles to keep his eyes open. “He can sing with da band, at the SHOW-” “Shhhhh,” I shove my hand over his mouth as his tone gets louder, giggling between shushes. “O-OH rigigght okay. So he can sinngg at the shooww, and boom! Camp saved.” He laughs loudly at his unknown joke, making me laugh drunkenly in turn before nodding in agreement. 

What a smart idea! Maybe all science is just a bunch of drunks getting good ideas? That sounds right! “Oh Sora well aren’t you just so smart,” I excitedly tap on the message icon on my phone, making a couple mistakes but I finally type out exactly what I want to say. “I haven’t heard from him in teeeeenn yeeeearrs, ugh,” I sigh in annoyance. “So I gotta start off slooooowww, kay Sora?” I glance at a passed out Sora before nodding to myself. “Good ‘dea Roxy.” I press the send button a few times for good measure before looking around to hide my secret and tucking my phone back in my jeans, which is for some reason a struggle.

I grab the Jack and take the last swig, happily slamming it back on the table and catching Xion and Riku’s attention who went back to the bar to chat while we were singing so expertly so some song about a tractor. Riku sighs heavily and Xion rolls her eyes, both in silent agreement it was a mistake to let us alone together with whiskey. “You take Roxas and I’ll take Sora, at least Roxas might stumble his way to the bed of the truck.” I laugh much too loudly and wave my hand at them as they head my way.

“Pssshh I’m fine yall! Yaaalll,” I giggle. “What a dumb word.” I snicker as Xion puts my arm around her shoulder, helping drag me towards the exit as Riku picks up an unconscious Sora. On our way out, I pass the group of cowboy’s as they seem to finish up their drinking too. “You’re okay lookin’ but just call me at least onnncee in ten yyearrss-” I laugh at my joke, causing Xion and Riku to really hurry their pace and get us out of there before I get my ass kicked.

“You really that mad about it? Even though _you_ didn’t text him either?” Xion questions as I crawl onto the bed of the old pickup. “Noooo. Yeesss. I dunnooo. W-Whaever, he-he’s a dumb head anyways. I’m _Roxy-_ ”

And that was the last thing I could recall for the rest of the night. I vaguely remember being dumped on the couch in the living room, but I just remember it being a lot softer than hay.  I _do_ remember clutching my phone way too close, with that picture of Axel still on my screen.

~

“Mhrn, leave me alone.” I whine as I bury my face back into the scratchy fabric of the couch. “It’s time for lunch, Roxas.” An amused voice above me comments like they were endlessly enjoying my hungover state. “I’ll feed the horses in a sec- oH MY GOD-” My heart stops in my chest as I bolt up from the couch, tripping over the tangled blanket that came out of nowhere and I end on the floor with a thud.  “It’s NOON?!” I peak at a nearby clock and I swear angrily to myself as I feel around for my boots, my mouth still tasting of stale alcohol and coke. “Awh shit I’m so behind on the feedings-” I pull on one boot.

“Roxas-” I get the other on. “and the horses need to be exercised-” I rush to my feet, big mistake.  “Rox-” I hold my spinning head in my hands as I suck in a hard breath, trying to avoid the will to puke. “and Kairi wanted some paperwork-” “ROXAS, stop.” I flinch at Cloud’s tone, not used to him snapping at me like that. He merely puts his hands on my shoulders and directs me to the kitchen, where smells of fresh bread and sizzling meat assault my nose. My stomach growls in frustration of lack of food as I’m forced to sit in a chair with a plate ready for me, still steaming.

“Sit. Eat.” He commands as he takes his place across from me. The food is enough to keep us full for another meal, but unfortunately Cloud can’t cook the way my mom did… But at least he tries. “But what about-” I move to get up, but his steeled stare makes me sit back down. “It’s taken care of. Whatever you’re about to say, it’s done. We have people to help us Roxas, it’s what they’re _here_ for. Plus I think you’re too hungover to deal with the screaming chickens anyways. I don’t want puke all over the hen house.  Another good point… I finally let myself relax as I kick off my boots once again, letting myself actually savor a meal for the first time in what seems weeks. “You were out cold ever since Riku brought you back from the bar. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you pass out from that much drinking.” He puts down his fork as he gives me a once over. I bet I look at shitty as I feel…

“Is everything… okay?” I pause, sending him a curious stare as I sit back. “I mean, the ticket sales aren’t doing that hot and there’s still a lot to prepare for-” Cloud’s fatherly stare cuts me off again. “I don’t mean with the camp. I mean, is everything okay with _you_? You don’t have to shoulder everything, you know. I’m not a good example of it myself but, I don’t want you killing yourself over saving this camp. You, no offense, look like horse crap. And I mean that in the most fatherly way possible.”  I bite the inside of my lip as I push my carrots around the plate, not really having the answer he’s gonna want to hear. This camp is gonna be mine one day, and I want it to be here when it’s my turn. It’s what I’ve been looking forward to all these years, and it’s about to be gone. “I’m okay, dad. I promise. Once the festival is over things will be okay and we’ll have a lot more campers to look after, and…” Cloud sighs softly, tossing his napkin on the table.

“You need to realize that the festival _might not work_. It’s hard to hear, but it’s the truth. I never expected this camp to last forever, the ranch might have a few years after we stop the camp stuff but, I don’t like watching my only son kill himself over keeping a limping horse running.” I furrow my brows at his words, the meaning slowly sinking in. He wants, to just give up? Just let it all go after everything we’ve put into it?

“I said I’m fine and don’t blame _me_ for shutting the camp down! I’m working my ass off to pay off our debts and you just want to give up, you didn’t even _bother_ to think of anything to keep us open! This camp is our _legacy_ and I’m not going to let it become some fucking Mall of America because you’re done trying!” I stand up from the table and push my chair away, almost knocking it over in my haste.

“Kids need a place like camp to find themselves, and I want to be there to help them through that. I love our campers and I love this camp and you’re just- done! Mom would never-” Oh god Roxas stop fucking talking oh god you really did it now- Cloud has never been one to really scream or yell, just this silent aura of anger to make you know that your _really_ fucked up. And I just really, _really_ fucked up. He stands from the table as well, his chair hitting the floor and making a splintering sound that reverberates throughout the small dining room. He places his hands on the table, visibly trying to hold it together. “Your mother-” His tone is pure venom as his hands shake.

“ _Understood_ that we might shut down. Something, apparently, you’ll never be able to realize until I nail the _fucking_ gates shut.” He lifts his head, his eyes full of anguish and pain. “This camp-” Words rest on the tip of his tongue, yet he holds back. “I didn’t mean-” I begin, my words dying in my throat. His shoulders drop before he picks up the fallen chair, now missing a chunk of the back support.

“I’m sorry dad, I-” I reach out to my chair to sit back down, but he stops me in my tracks. “Just, go. Please.” He slowly sits himself at the table, his eyes zeroed in on my almost empty plate, refusing to look as I retreat slowly upstairs to my room. Way to go Roxas, you found the easiest way to piss off your dad, all while sporting a hangover the size of Texas…  “God I’m such an _asshole_ , of course I’ve thought about what’s gonna happen if the camp closes but I’m such a _child_ I reacted like one…” Way to bring up mom and throw it in his face like that, like it’s what he needs right now… I peel off my old clothes and toss them in my hamper before hitting the shower, still cursing myself for the way I acted at lunch by the time I started drying off. Once I finish dressing in the usual flannel and stained jeans, I pat my pockets in search of my phone. I had it when I was at the bar, maybe I forgot it? I think Sora used it to text somebody, so maybe it’s with him? Nah, they would have dropped it off by now… Ah, here it is! With a 5 percent battery. Great… I sit on my bed as I look over the notifications, swiping away all the junk mail and marking the messages I’ll need to get back to later until I notice a new message icon next to a profile picture I don’t recognize. I click on the message, wondering if it’s an other army recruitment spam message.

 _Roxas:_ _  
_ _HHHEEYYYY AXxxxeelll, bes frien frum teeN yEARs ago!!! I foun ya on da webb and I waunted to talk agaIN!! Lez taLK bez freind!!!_

 _Roxas:_ _  
_ _ <3 _

_Roxas:_ _  
_ _ <3 _

_Roxas:_ _  
_ _ <3 _

_  
_ _Axel:_

_Either this is a spam bot or you’re actually a drunken message from my shy best friend I remember from 10 years ago with terrible spelling. I hope it’s the latter ;) Nice to hear from you again, Roxy…_

The screen goes black, the low battery icon flashing for a moment before going dark and leaving me with a reflection of my soul leaving my body after reading the horrific message I left Axel, and reading the even worse response. The phone slips through my fingers as I snatch the trash can, vomiting out my feelings and last night’s drunken adventure.


	3. Chapter 3

After expelling my lunch into my trash can a few more times, the hidden memories hit me in the gut, making it harder to keep the rest of my lunch where it's supposed to be. Convince Axel to come _all the way_ to Twilight Town and play a _free_ concert with little to no budget for set up. Oh _god_ and I thought it was such a good idea too, but it’s really my fault for thinking that would be an okay thing to even ask about. I haven’t gotten that drunk in a real long time, and _man_ does my body hate me for it. I grimace at the mess I made before heading back to the bathroom to brush my teeth about three more times to get the putrid taste out of my mouth. I stare at myself in the mirror, hard blue eyes staring back with guilt trapped behind, my dad’s words still fresh on my mind along with my drunken misadventure last night. Only I would get smashed and send a famous rockstar a drunken text message with a shit ton of hearts and _still_ get a response. My stomach twists violently at the idea of now having to respond and explain why I texted him after ten years of not speaking. But why would he answer if he was angry with me over the silence? And why should _I_ be the only one to blame for us not talking?

I wipe off my face and slowly head back into my room, gingerly picking up my charging phone and sitting back down on my creaking bed. I gnaw on my lip as I power it back up, the clock mocking me as a few more notifications pop back up on my lock screen, demanding my attention. I unlock my phone and go back to my messages, my thumb hovering over Axel’s face and a snippet of his message. It’s not like I don’t want to talk to him, it’s just… Do we even still have anything in common anymore? With him being no doubt super busy with his newfound fame, and me still getting stuck with cleaning the stables, I’m sure it’s just going to end up being one of those ‘Haha great time talking we should meet up sometime’ conversations, which turn back into complete silence as we move on with our lives. Sure I’ve been like that with a few friends I’ve lost contact with, but I’ve known Axel way too long before he moved away to brush him off like that. I read over his message about fifty times, trying to summon the will to type out a message to recover from my embarrassing one.

 _Roxas:_ _  
_ _Aha, I’m not a spam bot, sucks to be you- Sorry it took ten years to hear from you haha-_   
  
“That’s so stupid don’t write that,” I grumble to myself as I undo the message. I write out a few more lines with different openings trying to be sly and cheeky and none of them feel right. They all feel… fake. I just gotta be honest, it’s still just Axel after all these years.

_Roxas:_

_It’s really nice to hear from you too, Axel. Sorry for the first message, I was… Pretty drunk haha. Sorry to message you so out of the blue, but I’m still glad ‘drunk Roxas’ decided to :)_

There, short, sweet, and to the point! Kind of… It really doesn’t convey my actual feelings, or it’d be something like; ‘Hey I missed you after all these years I really want to see you again and convince you to play a concert with your band haha super casual’. I softly groan to myself as I stand back up, shoving my phone back into my pocket of my jeans as I grab my hat again, making my way downstairs. I tread carefully, not wanting to run into Cloud right now. I really pissed him off this time, and I know it’s my fault but I was just so _mad_ at the way he seemed to be brushing off this whole situation. Like our camp is meaningless, like my mom’s hard work didn’t mean _anything_. I know it’s just his way of coping but still… I peak around the living room and head back to the dining room, seeing no sign of Cloud. He must be in his office slaving away more paperwork, not like that’s a shock anymore. I’ve found him sleeping on his desk more than a handful of times… I grab my boots from under my chair and slip them back on. I eye a couple of dishes he left on the table, no doubt knowing I was still hungry. I grab a pieces of bacon before heading back out to the camp, not liking that I’m already behind.

“Morning sleeping beauty, finally decided to join the working force, your highness?” Riku calls out, peaking over at me from the front of the rusted pickup truck we refuse to let die. I grimace at the sun beating down into my eyes, the nausea slowly creeping back. “Not my fault my dad didn’t wake me til noon,” Not like I would have been alive before then anyways… “Speaking of your dad, you really pissed him off this time-” Riku sends me a knowing glance before ducking back under the hood at my glare. “I know- I’m a fucking moron okay?”

I trudge over to the trunk, pausing when I see a set of legs poking out from under it. I raise a curious brow as I use my foot to pull the legs out only to be greeted by an annoyed and extremely hung over Sora. He winces at the light in his eyes again, a long groan spilling from his dry lips. He slings his arm over his eyes and slowly shuffles back under the truck, uttering foul words and cursing the ‘devil’s liquid’. I merely chuckle at his misery before leaning against the truck next to Riku, who pauses in his wrenching to send me a judgemental stare. “He just- It doesn’t even seem like he even cares about saving the camp! I get that I have to be ‘realistic’ about shit and how this could go badly but it’s all I _ever_ think about, and I just got so mad I opened my fat mouth and…” “You used your mom against him.” Riku finishes for me, shifting to see me better, the tools clinking against the engine. I stare holes into my boots as I nudge the gravel, letting the silence be my answer.

“It’s gonna be okay Roxas,” Sora slides out from under the truck again, peaking at me from under his grease stained sleeve. “You got the whole town on your side and even some companies from the city are agreeing to the festival, and we were able to round up a good chunk of kids for opening week! It was a really good idea to schedule the festival at the end of the week, too.” Riku hums in agreement as he tightens a bolt on the battery. “You know what you’re doing Roxas, and you got a lot of people who want to help you. Cloud was a great leader but it’s your turn, and we’re not giving up until you say so.” “It’s what best friend’s are for! And getting really drunk-” I chuckle to myself before I give Sora a sympathetic grin. “Already threw up a few times today after lunch-” He laughs before pausing. “Right, don’t ask about what happened to the bed of the truck-” “Awh Sora! Come on man,” I groan in annoyance before Riku cuts in with a laugh. “I washed it out, don’t worry.” Sora sighs happily as he rolls back under the truck. “This is why I love you… We need someone to clean up for puke too Roxas-”

I quickly shake my head even though he can’t see. “Ah, no. I’m good. Actually Sora, do you remember what we talked about last night? That idea that you had before you passed out?” I’m met with silence for a few moments before Sora rolls back out once again, this time in thought. “Uhm, not really. Was it super good idea?” I scoff as I pull out my phone, picking at the ratty off brand case. “No, not in the least. You said that we should ask Axel and his band to headline our festival so we can sell more tickets. Even saying it out loud is just-” “That’s a fucking AWESOME idea!” He exclaims, sitting up way too fast before having to rest against the truck, cradling his head in his hands. Riku pauses and tabs his pliers against the chipped blue paint of of the truck before slowly nodding. “I gotta give it to you Sor, that’s actually a really good idea. It seems like he’s well known throughout the country and since you guys were basically dating- And _don’t_ give me that look, _everyone_ saw you guys kiss when Axel left.” He cuts off my icy glare at his choice of words, disarming my retort with a well known fact that I decided to forget about when I realized Axel was never coming back.

“ He would _totally_ jump at the chance to come help out if he heard the camp was in trouble, just lay on that ‘Roxy’ charm and it’ll be just like when we were campers ourselves.” Sora interjects with a sly grin. “ Just text him Roxas, sure he might be busy but you’re still friends with his personal facebook account, right?” I owlishly blink at Sora, realizing he has no idea what happened last night. I sheepishly unlock my phone and open the messages again, embarrassment coloring my cheeks as I hand my phone to Riku, who only takes a few moments to double over in laughter at my pain. He keeps peeking at the messages to feed his amusement before finally handing it off to Sora, who manages to laugh even harder than Riku. “O-Oh god I’m gonna throw up again this is so damn _funny_ ! Good thing Axel still thinks you’re cute or else the security guard would come after you.” Sora holds his sides as he almost drops my phone, my face burning at their taunting. “He’d throw you in the fucking _patty wagon_ backstage just for trying to even talk to Axel,” Riku snorts through his attempt to regain his breathing.  “They’d be like ‘There’s Roxy, get ‘em boys!” I angrily shove Sora back under the truck a hard kick to the board he was laying on, shoving my phone back in my jeans as I cross my arms over my chest so I don’t punch one of these idiots.

“Alright, very funny, assholes. He text me back, so what?! It doesn’t _mean_ anything! It doesn’t even mean he wants to try and kickstart our friendship again anyways, and it’s kind of awkward to ask him to do such a huge thing for a place he hasn’t been to in a _decade_ . What do you expect me to do - convince him to come to Twilight Town and bat my eyes at him while begging him to do the show?!” I scoff in frustration only to be met with shit eating smirks and knowing glances to each other before staring me down. “Uhm, duh? Didn’t you say you would do _anything_ to keep the camp open? It’s not like we’re suggesting anything _bad,_ just try to invite him down to visit! Be super casual about it, and if he asks how the camp is doing just say you’ll catch up when you see him!” Riku chuckles as he helps Sora up. “I don’t think Roxas can _handle_ being casual, let alone when talking to Axel. Even then you always had those love sick eyes-”

“Enough- _okay_ ! Sometimes I wonder why I even talk to you two anymore…” I grumpily mumble aloud as I check my new messages. Nothing, he hasn't even read it. “I’m not gonna sit around for him to text me back like a teenager, I’m gonna double check everything was done correctly while I was passed out.” I stalk off towards the stables to grab a horse to make my rounds before I hear them start to snicker. “And get back to work you fuckin’ meddling jerks!” I shout back over my shoulder, only causing another wave of laughter.   
  
~

“Alright that was great guys, take five. I want to revisit the last bridge one more time and we can call for lunch.” Relieved sighs fill the air before a sandy blond sits back from the drums, stretching his back with a satisfying crack. “I hope this town has decent fries at least, the last one’s tasted like they were nuked in a microwave.” I send the drummer a teasing grin as I pull a nearby stool close so I can finally sit, my feet throbbing in my black boots from being tortured these past couple years. “All your food is made in a microwave, Demyx.” “Stinks up the whole fuckin’ bus with those foul burrito bowls too-” An older man with an eyepatch sneers, setting a bass down on it’s stand. “I stand by Mucho Lucho’s burrito bowls! They’re good for the traveling soul on an exhausting journey across the country-” “They stink.” Zexion speaks up, pushing his hair out of his eyes and turning off his keyboard. I can’t help but chuckle to myself as I pull out my phone, drowning out Demyx’s argument in favor of those disgusting bowls. It’s nice to get a chance in the day to just be able to relax with friends, it’s hard to remember what that really feels like anymore… It’s never really bothered me until I got one hell of a blast from the past last night. Another late night trying to get the will to sleep on the bus was worth it for once.

I open the new message from Roxas, a smile gracing my lips as I read over each and every word with excitement, unable to stop the bubble of laughter from his explanation of his first texts. My life hasn’t been the same since we moved to California, what was it- 8 years ago? No, wait, 10? My stomach drops violently as my smile fades at the hard reality of our situation. It’s really been a whole ten years since I said goodbye to the only person I’ve ever come to really care about. Ah, but we were just stupid kids back then, I doubt Roxas even thinks about that kind of stuff. He’s always been such a hard worker, trying to make his dad proud. I’m sure he’s doing the same thing even now.

“Break’s over ladies, let’s get back to work!” I sigh in annoyance and roll my eyes at the remark. There’s a lot of great women rock stars that can perform circles around us, so calling us ‘ladies’ as an insult is stupid as hell... That’s our loving manager for you. Our loving, sexist, asshole manager…

 _Axel:_ _  
_ _I’ll have to thank drunk Roxas if I ever get to meet him for reminding me how much of an asshole ‘friend’ I’ve been after all these years. For now, I’ll just thank sober Roxas, haha. I’ll text you soon, gotta get back to recording :P_

 _Roxas:_ _  
_ _Please don’t encourage me to drink more haha, I have the hangover of a lifetime… I was an asshole too, I have a phone too, I could have messaged you sooner, and I could use a million excuses. But I’m sorry. I’m just glad we’re at least talking :) Hope your recording went well!_

_Axel:_

_Only if next time you drink I get to pour the shot! And let’s agree we were both assholes for letting so much time pass before talking to each other again… I really do miss having you around, you always knew how to charm your way out of the trouble I got us into. It went, decent enough. Can’t say much over text in case my shit ever gets leaked, but he’s… Honestly, he sucks. Ah, he’s giving me the evil eyes for being on my phone haha._

_Roxas:_

_I hope that’s a promise I’ll see you again, from one asshole to another ;) I didn’t charm my way out of anything, are you kidding? I wish I had that power… Ah, there you go again, getting into more trouble! Don’t let me distract you from your super awesome rockstar life!_

_Axel:_ _  
_ If you want me, you can have me, Roxy ;) As long as my manager and his lackeys say it’s okay, but I would break a thousand rules just to catch up with you. Like you never flashed those baby blue eyes at someone and gave them your signature pout. And of course it’s ultra mega awesome, but I have no problem making time for my favorite blond ;)

_Roxas:_

_Oh I can, hm? If I say I want you in Twilight Town this Sunday... will I get you? I AM your favorite blond, I think I should be able to cash in on that. Or do I have to send proof of me batting my lashes?_

I thickly swallow around the lump in my throat before hurriedly shoving the phone in my jeans, my hands shaking as I attempt to focus on inspecting the canoes to make sure none of them spring a leak. “Roxas- come on I need some light over here!” One of my workers call out to me, casting an annoyed tone my way. “Coming, sorry Yuffie-” I hustle over with another flashlight, smacking it with the heel of my hand a few times as the light finally flickers to life. I shine it over the hole she’s patching, trying to keep my mind off the risky text I just sent.

It feels, a bit awkward to be talking to Axel again. Our messages are hours apart and it seems like I can never understand his tone or what he’s going for. If I didn’t know any better I would say he was laying on the charm himself, but I bet he has a famous rockstar girlfriend or something… Or maybe he’s too busy to even entertain the idea of my invitation. He said his manager was a jerk, so the answer is probably no. It would be for the best, I wouldn’t even know what to say to segway into me asking him such a huge favor anyways… At the soft ping of my phone, I attack my pocket, my fingers shaking as I open my new message with ferocity. Yuffie sighed in frustration as the flashlight drops into the canoe during my haste to check the message.

_Axel:_

_10 years is way too long to go without seeing my best friend. You want me, you got me, I’ll be there 11 sharp at the Starlight Cafe this Sunday. If it’s still around, that is. It’s a date, Roxy... <3 _


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to make the chapters a once a day thing, but I'm only human so they might be a little late sometimes! Thanks for reading and enjoy!

It’s nearly impossible to keep the smile off my lips for the rest of the weekend after making official plans to see Axel. Someone as important and busy as Axel is making the time to visit. He really didn’t go into much detail about his manager, though by the sounds of it he’s still having the time of his life as a rockstar. I really hope he’s telling the truth, but it’s not like I should expect him to confide in me if life isn’t going exactly as planned. Everytime I try to ask what goes on behind the face of the band, he dodges it or even ignores it. not like I should even expect us to be as close as we once were, it’s crazy to even _hope_ for that.

We’re both adults now, and his life is everything he’s wanted since he moved to California, and I’m doing the same. Or at least trying with every moment to keep it the same… All I can do is look forward to our meeting on Sunday and try to summon the courage to beg him to headline the festival. It’s just one day, even for a few hours! It can’t be that crazy of a thing to ask if all the work is done for him and his band, and I can even bargain with the hotel manager in town to give up a couple rooms for them to stay in! Some fresh eggs for the continental breakfast should sweeten the deal. I add the chore to my mental list, wanting to hope for the best outcome on Sunday.

Ten years ago Axel would be the first one in line to help us out, even if he was a hell spawn sometimes, he had a lot of love for this place just like I do. I refocus in on reality, having spaced out for way too long. I move away from the windowsill in the hayloft looking over the camp, casting one last glance to the setting sun. It’s getting late, but I finally have a chance to do some research in preparation for tomorrow. After a few clicks I find myself on the Bleeding Nobodies band page, reading up on the history of the band to their current status.

_Lead Singer Axel Kasai makes his grand entrance into the world of rock when he was discovered at the age of 13 by his current manager, Peter ‘Pete’ Pedowski. Pete was passing through an old side road town in Oregon-_

I glare at my screen with a scoff. “ ‘Side road town’? The fuck does that even mean!” I roll my eyes in frustration as I continue reading.

_And made a stop when hearing that a local summer camp was having a talent show. Curious, Pete stumbled across Axel who was singing a duet with a powerful voice and stage presence-_

They don’t even _mention_ my name? I guess after what we did and how it all went down, no one would really care anyways…

_Pete knew Axel was a star from that moment on and immediately offered his family the deal of a lifetime. Move to California and be groomed to become the star of the hour-_

Pain strikes my chest as I’m forced to sit back to take in what I just read. They were able to put so much heartache into _one_ shitty sentence like it’s just a ‘fun fact’. Axel moving to California at the time was the worst thing that happened to me, even though I _knew_ it was my fault he was leaving. But I could _never_ tell him at the time, it would have broken his heart and ruined our friendship. Not like what things turned out any better in the end…

It took so many months to start to be okay again, having distracted myself with chores and school so I didn’t feel the throbbing ache of not having my best friend around. When I finally thought things were going to be okay, when it didn’t hurt to talk or think about Axel, mom died… I swallow around the hard lump in my throat as I let myself dwell on bad memories. I let out a shaky sigh as I scroll through the rest of the page, wanting to find something more lighthearted to take my mind off it all.

_The Bleeding Nobodies first North American tour is finally wrapping up with their final stop in San Francisco before returning home to rest in Los Angeles._

Huh, no wonder Axel had no issues with coming out this Sunday. San Francisco is only about an hour flight, no doubt he’ll be here and back before dinner. I guess his only problem is sneaking away from his manager long enough to do so. I’ve been holding my breath for a text cancelling our plans, but it’s already Saturday night and I haven’t heard much from him. He warned me of that although, saying he had to play a show in Las Vegas on Friday and rehearsing non stop to their next location. I know I do a lot of work around here but that sounds exhausting… Axel’s always had way too much energy than he knew what to do with anyways, I’m sure he’s in his element with his band! I hope…

I stifle a yawn as I sit up, cracking my back. I grunt before relaxing, shutting my laptop and plugging in the charger before casting it aside. My attention returns to my phone after I move to lay on the blankets I’ve left up here over the years of being too lazy to make it back to the house just to sleep. I check my messages once more, unaware of the way my face lights up at seeing Axel’s old messages. Tomorrow is going to be one to remember for sure… I bet he’ll find it just as crazy that people thought we were dating back then, and we can laugh over all the stupid shit we got ourselves into.

I have no doubt he’ll be just as worried about the camp as I am, and he’ll be more than happy to help. A yawn rips through me once again, my body reminding me that I need sleep - a lot more than what I’ve been getting lately. I check the time, giving a grunt in response to how late it’s getting. I ignore it as I go back to dig more into what Axel’s been up to, not finding a whole lot other than tour dates and some youtube videos of their songs.

I finally give up and toss my phone aside, remembering that I set a few alarms as soon as I found out Axel was coming to visit. My workers were entirely too curious as to where I was going on such a crucial day before the start of a new camping season, but Axel made me promise to keep it under wraps that he was coming. Not surprising, since I’m sure the media would be all over the scandal of him visiting an old friend. Works for me anyways, we do have a whole _ten years_ to catch up on...

~

There’s a reason that my workers had the right to be curious to why I was leaving, and I had to be the idiot to choose one of the busiest of the whole season to take a few hours to meet Axel. As soon as I stepped foot from the old barn I’ve been bombarded with questions and tasks and about a _million other things_ that needed to be done before campers arrived tomorrow morning for possibly the last session of Camp Chocobo ever. Usually everyone is pressured to make every session the best it can be for the kids, but this time we have a deadline looming like a dark presence over our shoulders. I oversee everything from horseback as I race around camp, giving orders with a commanding tone, my accent clear as day even to myself as I take the role of leader.

“Roxas where are the extra blankets-” “In the shed behind the bunkhouses Yuffie,” She nods and takes off running, side stepping everyone else in a panic to get things organized and finished.

“Roxas, all the firewood fell into the lake!” How in the fuck does that even happen?! I sigh in frustration, having to steer back to the storehouse to get some spare logs. After getting a couple chopped and assigning the task to a free hand, I’m stopped on my path again as someone points towards the mess hall

“The new volunteers need to meet you before you leave so you can go over-” I take a deep breath, trying to keep my cool as I shake my head. “It’ll have to wait, I’m already behind schedule.” I snap the reins and almost in an instant I’m back to the house where my beat up old truck sits, waiting patiently to give me a headache when I try to start it. I swear it can sense when I’m in a rush… I dismount my horse and hand it off to a ranch hand that passes by, giving me a once over but biting their tongue. I roll my eyes with a sigh as I make a beeline for the truck, my heart pounding in my chest from excitement to think that only a short drive away Axel is sitting and waiting-

“Rox-” “ _WHAT_ ?” I snap angrily, turning on my boot heel and seething with impatience before flushing with embarrassment. My anger drains and is only replaced with guilt as I bit my cheek _hard_.

“S-Sorry dad, I didn’t mean to yell at you. I-I’m just going into town for a meeting with a, potential sponsor and-” His gaze softens as he plops my hat onto my head, giving it a shake for good measure with a curt chuckle.

“They better not mind the fact you took a dirt bath today. I’ll cover for you.” One last lingering nod was all the motivation I needed to throw myself in the truck, the engine turning over a handful of times to spite me before finally chugging to life.

“Come on you old blue bastard, let’s not make me want to dump you in the lake.” I grumble under my breath as I peel out of the driveway, making the short drive to the cafe. I’ve gone over exactly what I’m gonna say in my head when I finally see Axel, but it’s still so nerve wracking to even think of asking him for this huge favor. ‘Hey buddy nice seeing you again after ten years, by the way, can you use your fame to get people to come to the festival? Thanks, see you in another ten!’ I grimace to myself as I cut the engine, leaning back and pulling my hat over my eyes.

“Don’t fuck this up…” I softly whisper aloud as I shove the truck door open, the hinges grinding even louder than usual. I wince as I shut the door a little too hard, my nerves getting the better of me. I reach out and shakily adjust the mirror before retracting it like I was bitten. My clothes are covered in dirt and muck is clinging to my boots, bits of hay poking out of my hair from under my hat,streaks of dust along my jaw.

“I look like someone shoved me ina’ lake and hung me out ta’ dry… Shiitt.” I drawl, the urge to give up and go back to camp becoming stronger by the second. I toss my hat back in the truck and I try to fix up my hair, tossing stands of hay onto the gravel parking lot. Maybe Axel isn’t here yet and I can wash off all this muck and dirt. My clothes are beyond saving, even _with_ a washing machine… I gnaw on my lip as I check the time on my phone, my stomach jumping to my throat when I see the time.

11:24. Almost half an hour late to seeing my best friend after a whole decade and I have the gall to be _late_. My throat tightens as I walk into the cafe, the smell of grilled meat and fried food assault my nose, the local regulars glancing over to me with a murmur of greeting before going back to their conversations. I give a weak wave out of habit, scanning the room for any sign of red, or an adult version of 13 year old Axel. My hopes plummet as I step towards the counter, still searching.

“Hey Tifa, have you seen a guy with super red hair? Like, red as _shit_ red?” The black haired bartender gives me a once over like I just grew a second head. “Honey, you look just like your dad when he was your age. Always covered in somethin’- And you still got that same impatient nature.” She giggles aloud as she wipes her hands on her apron, acknowledging the glare she’s getting for beating around the bush.

“It’s hard to miss someone like _that_ honey. He went to the bathroom, but it looks like he was real upset about something. You makin’ that poor man wait on you?” She chastises in a motherly tone until something catches her eye.

“Oh there he is- headin’ out the door-” I bolt from my spot at the counter, weaving between tables as I reach out to grab hold of the man trying to leave the cafe. Time moves in slow motion as I call out to him, feeling as if I was teleported back to when we were kids, always at his back chasing him and wanting to always be at his side-

“Axel?” I softly call out, his name leaving my lips like a forgotten memory sparking back to life. I step back as he freezes, leaving the door slightly ajar before he finally turns towards me.

“Roxas…?” My chest tightens, my heart slamming against my ribcage as I struggle to get my feelings in order.

“You’re so _tall_ !” I blurt like word vomit, unable to help the first thought that strikes. Sure Axel was taller than me growing up but he _really_ grew into that height. Along with that tight shirt and jeans he’s filling out in all the right ways… His awkward clumsy string bean arms have turned into toned biceps that flex with every minor movement, once choppy hair now brushed back into a well manicured cascade of red locks, those same emerald green eyes that would make any jeweler blush. I follow the curve of his jaw and sharp features of his filled out face, lingering on the new tattoos under each dazzling eye before I find myself hungrily taking in his chest and hips, slowly moving back up to meet his eyes.

He flashes me a toothpaste commercial worthy grin, running a hand through his groomed mane. I swallow my forgotten words before offering a weak smile in return. How did I not notice from all those pictures that Axel - the string bean of a kid who kept throwing rocks at Seifer- got _drop dead gorgeous_?

“W-Wow, Roxas… You, look-” I make the inside of my lip bleed with how hard I chomp on it, trying to keep myself from saying something stupid about how deep his voice has gotten, and how much it’s doing for me…

“Aha yeah, I know, I know. I look-”

“Amazing.” Axel breaths softly, his eyes soft. His gaze wanders over my features, but comes back to my eyes.

“S-Shoot that’s real nice of you ta say, but I don-” His excited laughter cuts me off, his warm hand moving to rest on my shoulder.

“Your accent still gets thick when you’re embarrassed- I remember now!” A smile tugs at my lips as I move to brush his hand away.

“You used to make me say all sorts of dumb words just because it amused you so much-” His laughter turns into a light chuckle, taking a moment to pick a piece of hay out of my hair. “I always thought it was charming…” He teases softly. He lets the hay float to the ground, his words trailing off as he gives me another fond smile, as if he was savoring the moment. I offer an awkward chuckle, unsure of how to react. This is a lot to take in, a lot more overwhelming than I thought it would be. Relax, he’s still your best friend under all that hollywood.

“Let's sit over here,” Out of range of Tifa’s eavesdropping. I take a seat in the corner of the cafe at a small table for two, Axel sliding into a chair across from me.

“I’m really sorry I’m late- things have been so crazy at the camp lately and it was one hell of a struggle just to even make it when I did.” Words tumble out of my mouth, jumbling together. “Then I was worried you weren’t even here and I saw you about to leave and-” A warm, slightly calloused hand overs mine that forces me to finally stop talking. I sheepishly meet Axel’s eyes again, relaxing at his reassurance.

“Hey, don’t even worry about it Rox. I was just going to call you, I wouldn’t leave-” I pull my hand away out of reflex, his choice of words stinging an old wound. Pain flickers across his expression before he tries to back track but I merely shake my head and wave it off.

“It’s in the past, it’s what we’re here for. I’m just glad we’re here _now_ , rather than later.” My genuine smile takes the edge off Axel, causing him to sit back and run another hand through thick gorgeous red.

“Each night you’re in a different city and at a different show, I guess leaving is something I’ve grown pretty talented at.” “Among other things, Mr. Lead Singer.” I redirect the conversation away from the sore memories it seems we’ve both been thinking about recently.

“It’s amazing, you’re gonna finish your America tour in a few days! I get overwhelmed if I have to go to the city let alone a whole nother state. I wonder if your fans will pay to hear about how you put a toad in Kairi Destiny’s bunk.” I tease, leaning forward onto my elbows with a teasing grin. He breaks out his heart melting grin once again, matching my posture, making the normal small talk seem even more intimate than it really is.

“Oh my god, I totally forgot about doing that! She screamed so loud it woke even your _dad!_ I got stuck cleaning the bathrooms for the rest of the day while everyone else went swimming.” His laugh is so nice…

“Excuse me, I didn’t get to go either! You suckered me into helping, jerk.” Seconds turn into minutes, which turn into an hour of retelling stories from our childhood and slowly catching up on the current events in each others lives. I keep dodging questions about the camp in lieu of asking Axel for more details on what it’s like to be a rockstar. Playing for millions of fans, singing your heart out on stage and how the rush of a performance is better than anything.

“Well, _almost_ anything. I’ve missed you, Roxy.” My breath catches as Axel places a hand on mine again, his thumb brushing the back of my skin and leaving a burning tingle in its wake. I can hear my heart beating in my ears as I finally find my voice. I can’t think of proper words when his burning eyes are staring at me like that, his lips curled in a knowing smirk like he can tell that he can make me flustered with a single word. Which apparently, he can.

He certainly has grown into his confidence over all these years, which isn’t surprising in the least. I clear my throat as I tug my hand away and gently pat his a few times before moving to rest them in my lap. Things are going pretty well, maybe I should just rip off the band aid…

“I, really missed you too Axel. I’m glad drunk Roxas had the guts to finally reach out to you.” We share a light laugh, giving me the courage to continue. “I didn’t want to say anything over the phone, but… The camp isn’t doing so great. We _had_ planned on shutting down by the end of the month, but a lot of good people in the community are coming together to throw a festival to try and raise enough money to pay off our debts and get back to former glory.” I nervously begin to shred a napkin under the table as I search his expression, only to find him dreamily staring at me. He merely nods for me to continue with an encouraging smile.

“W-Well, the tickets aren’t selling like we hoped, and we only have a couple days before the festival to come up with a plan.” Axel’s expression doesn’t change, his eyes roaming over my face.

“Mhn, makes sense.” I take a shallow breath. “Right- So… I was thinking that we would triple our ticket sales and attendance if… You and your band come to headline the festival. We have a ton of local bands coming from all over nearby towns to play, they were kind enough to donate their time for the publicity. If you guys play, you would get a lot of publicity since you guys are doing so well! It would only take a few hours-”

My napkin now lies in tatters at my feet as I lay my shaking hands on the table. I pick at my nails, my gaze drilling into Axel’s expression to catch any sort of reaction. He blinks a few times when he realizes I’m waiting for a response. He merely flashes me a dazzling grin while brushing his hand through his hair again like a nervous tick. Aha, he always did that when he was nervous…

“S-Sure, sounds like it’ll be fun!” Without warning I jump to my feet in excitement, practically lunging across the table. Axel rushes to his feet in shock in time for me to crush him into a hug, tears springing to my eyes as I press against him.

“Oh Axel, thank you, _thank you_! I was so worried you’d say no and leave again and I wouldn’t even know what to do-” A warm hand rubs my back, his chest rumbling with a warm laugh. He gently pushes me me out of the hug, but keeping a secure arm around my waist as he brings his hand up to brush away flecks of dirt off my cheek. His head tilts to the side, his fingers brushing along my cheek before tucking a piece of stray hair behind my ear, tilting my chin up.

“I told you, if you _want_ me, you have me…” I breath a sigh of relief at his words, only just now realizing what’s laying behind his words. Without warning, his lips press against mine, softly coaxing me into the kiss while his arm tightens around my waist. I softly gasp at the kiss, unable to step away due to his steeled grip on my waist and hand resting against the back of my neck. His scent overtakes me as his soft lips continue to work against mine, taking my gasp the wrong way as his tongue explores my mouth.

W-What the… fuck is… happening… My eyes slip close as I take part in the kiss, letting myself indulge in the moment- Wait, no! No no no, why is he kissing me?! I finally regain my senses and quickly push him away, breaking his hold on me. I stare at him in shock, my eyes wide as saucers and my face burning hotly. His kiss bruised lips pull into a smirk, a teasing line on his tongue until he finally realizes the situation. His teasing smirk turns into a deep set frown as concern worries his features.

“What, what’s wrong? I wasn’t too forward- I just thought in the moment it was okay-”

“W-WHY, why would it be okay to _kiss_ me?!” My voice breaks as I grab onto the table to steady myself, feeling like I could faint at any moment. “I thought we were just catching up and _yeah_ I asked you for a big favor and I was _excited_ b-but-” Axel dryly chuckles, weakly grinning as he holds up a hand for me to stop.

“Just ‘ _catching up’_ ? Is that what you call a _date_ these days? I get this is honky tonk country but come on-” My heart falls through the floor along with all my hopes as I choke on my words.

“A-A _date_ ?!” The cafe falls deathly silent at my yelling, eyes glancing towards us before slowly going back to their business, no doubt already gossiping to their neighbors. “I _never_ said this was a date, I thought it was just a thing you- I didn’t think you were actually taking it _that_ way!” I lower myself into my chair as Axel does. His brows knit together in frustration as he leans back in with a lower tone.

“The _flirting_ didn’t tip you off? And you were flirting even before I was over text! Why would it be so crazy to think you wanted to go on a date?! You text me after ten years of silence so I thought maybe you finally stopped being _weird_ about me leaving, so _yeah_ I thought it was a date!” He hisses at me before slumping back in his chair, glaring holes into the wall next to us. I scoff in shock, grabbing his attention with my venomous tone.

“ _Excuse_ me? You fucking moved to _California_ , of _course_ I was ‘weird’ about it! I lost my best fucking friend- it took _years_ to feel okay again! Yeah I should have messaged you sooner but I thought you moved on with your new life! Where the fuck was _your_ text?” I growl back, shaking with anger as I dig my nails into my fists instead of using them to punch him. He’s taken back by my anger, gaping at me for a few moments before finally settling on avoiding my eyes with no answer. I sigh heavily as I rub at my face, brushing away a few budding tears. “Look. It doesn’t matter anymore. Maybe it’s best if we don’t see each other much before the festival since-” Axel peaks back at me with a cocked eyebrow, confusion replacing the disdain.

“Uh, _what_ festival?”


	5. Chapter 5

_“S-Stop crying Roxy, it’ll be okay! I promise.” Axel shushes me as I softly wail. Fat tears roll down my cheeks as I hold my knee close, the skin shredded up by slipping over wet rocks when I was trying to catch up to Axel. He looks around for any sign of a counselor or adult but comes up with nothing. We weren’t even supposed to break away from the group but Axel just_ had _to show me the awesome place he found._

_“I-It hurts and there’s a lot of blood!” I whine between sniffles. Axel moves to grab my hands, offering a faltering smile._

_“It’ll heal in no time Roxy! It’ll be okay cuz I’m here for you, and I will be forever and ever, got it memorized?” I weakly nod, shakily wiping away my tears._

_“Always…”_

All I can do is gape at the man across from me, a _stranger_ compared tothe best friend I _used_ to have. “You weren’t even _listening_ to me?” My voice is thin and strangled, rage pushing my limits to test how much I can take before snapping. His face drains of color as he tries to find an excuse but comes up short. I take in a sharp breath before shakily exhaling, feeling my anger radiate and roll off in waves. “My entire life is falling apart around me and I’ve been breaking my fucking _back_ trying to keep it together… This is our _last chance_ to keep the camp open, and you don’t even have the fucking _nerve_ to PAY ATTENTION?” Ignoring the stares of the entire cafe, I continue in my rampage. “I asked the person I _thought_ was my friend to help me and headline the festival with other bands to raise money for the camp, which you said _yes_ to because I thought you actually _cared_ -” He sarcastically laughs off my anger before leaning in with his own glare of fury.

“We haven't spoken in _ten years_ and you have the fucking _guts_ to ask me something like that?! The only reason we’re even _sitting_ here right now is because you want to fucking bank off _MY_ fame! My shows sell out all over the _country_ in _minutes_ and you want me to play some _carnival_ in _hicksville_ USA?! What a fucking _joke. You’re still a fucking child_ crying over a fucking scrape. Get over yourself, we haven’t been _friends_ since the _moment_ I left. _”_ The chair behind me clatters to the floor, my palms smacking against the splintering table between us. I felt my face burn with rage, all the happy tears long since dried up. I never thought someone like Axel would turn into such a _selfish_ celebrity who let it all go to their head _…_ I don’t even know why I’m wasting my breath on him anymore, but I can’t just give up…

“Just because _you_ have what you want out of life and you're off living it up all over the fucking country doesn't mean you have to _shit_ on me and my camp! You used to fucking care about _‘Hicksville’_ and now that it needs your help you just _spit_ on it and act like you’re too high and mighty to even give two _shits_ about what happens!” I scream without thinking about the aftermath, my hands shaking as tears drip onto my fingers that dig into the wood. “Without that _stupid_ talent show you wouldn't even _be_ where you are! I’m asking for _two hours_ of your time just to keep the fucking gates open for more kids to have the kind of childhood _we_ did, but if they’re all going to turn their back against someone who needs their help then fucking _shut it all down_.” I pant heavily in anger, my voice breaking as my anger starts to fizzle.

“You fucking _promised_ you would always be there for me- and you _lied_ . You _left_ . I thought it was for the best, it was the only way I could be okay _without_ you, but knowing that you’re just another _callous_ person too _good_ for us- too good for _me…”_ I can’t handle knowing this is how it all ends. Axel turned into someone I can’t even bear to look at, like our entire friendship means _nothing_ to him, like all his words are just sweet lies. But we’re so _close_ . I can’t give up now, I just _can’t_.

I take in a shuddering breath as I stand back up, smearing the wet dirt over my cheeks as I attempt to wipe away my flowing tears. Axel stares back with pained eyes, his face devoid of any sign of emotion other than guilt etched into his handsome features.

“I don’t _care_ if you think we’re not friends anymore. I don’t _care_ what you think about this _town_ or my _camp -the only thing_ that matters is making a _difference_ in those kid’s lives that come through our gates every summer. You know that first hand, or at least you _did_ . I wanted my best friend by my side to tell me it’s gonna be okay, but I see that was too _childish_ of me.” I throw his insult back at him with a venomous glare, softening as I realize this isn’t the Axel I once knew. “Since you only see a _price tag_ on people, I’ll offer you a deal. If I can convince you that the camp is worth saving by the end of the week, your band plays the festival. And if you still think I wasted your time, you get all the profits from the festival…” I take in a slow breath, feeling more tears threaten to spill over. “And, you’ll _never_ hear from me again. No strings attached. ”  I watch as Axel processes the shock of my words, watching pain, guilt, and sadness poison his once handsome features. He sits back wordlessly, visibly trying to find the words but unable to speak. His eyes refuse to meet mine, dragging his hand through his hair multiple times before finally getting the courage to respond.

“I-I didn’t mean I never wanted to see you again, it’s just- I can’t even,” He struggles to find the right words, not wanting to make me even more upset. “How can I even explain this to my manager?! He doesn’t even know I’m here right now and there’s no way in hell he would even think about letting me go for a whole week- we would have to reschedule the San Fran show, and…” I let out a humorless chuckle as I step away from the table, brushing my hair out of my eyes.

“What has fame _done_ to you. You’ve become this money hungry celebrity that’ll roll over for anyone who commands them to as long as it means _more_ . You used to be _passionate_ about life and music, being the _first one_ to defend our camp from bullies and naysayers. You were warm and burning with excitement, _alive_ , but now you’re just a… Cold hearted rockstar looking for your next check, dead where you sit.” I turn my back to him, avoiding any of the prying eyes of the other customers while I head towards the door.

“Roxas wait-”

“If you change your mind on the deal, you know where to find me.” My words come out soft like a hushed whisper, anguish evident in my voice.

The muffled bell chimes behind me as the door shuts behind me like  closing an old chapter of my life. I should have left well enough alone. I knew it was a stupid mistake to even bother him again. My once sweet memories of our childhood - and my crazy idealization of the kind of person Axel would be after all this time - shattered under the hammer of reality. I slam my fists against the steering wheel as my truck refuses to start, a slew of curse words flying from my burning throat. My dad was _right_ , everyone who said to just sell it off was _right_ , and now even _Axel_ is telling me that I’m wasting my time. Granted, he turned into the biggest fucking _asshole_ , but even under all that hollywood he was the last person I ever expected to hear it from. I angrily stop on the gas, shifting into gear and taking off down the road back to camp.

Even after all this time I _know_ my best friend is still inside him under this new hardened exterior of a rockstar. I saw the _real_ him when we were talking about how different our lives have become after he moved away, even if it was just a few short moments. I was an idiot for expecting him to be exactly the same and tell me every dark new secret of his life, yet I never imagined this is how it would end. I glance out the window at the rolling landscape, the sun just barely beginning to set. Maybe it’s my fault for putting too much stock into a childhood friendship, or for giving up so easily after he left. There’s too many ‘what ifs’ for me to dwell on each one. The hard facts that I’ve been avoiding have finally hit me where it hurts most. The Axel I knew is long gone… And it’s all my fault.

I pull into the driveway, turning off to park in front of the house. I cut the engine before resting my arms against the steering wheel while gazing fondly at Riku and Sora strolling in the grass. After sharing a private whisper and a knowing grin they break off towards the stables, fingers laced together,fond eyes telling each other all they need to know. My heart aches with a dull throb, my stomach filling with an old feeling I thought I was rid of when Axel left and my mother passed away. He’s not coming back, and neither is our camp.

~

“Where the _FUCK_ have you been?!”

I sink deeper into the plush hotel couch, avoiding my managers rage. I pull a hand through my hair before letting it rest anxiously on my knee. I’ve had enough of being screamed at today, but I should have expected this kind of reaction from Pete. What the hell was I thinking?! Of _course_ Roxas didn’t see it as a date! He’s still as clueless as he was back then about this kind of stuff. Even ten years later he’s still that pouty dork scraping his knees up while egging on my stupid ideas. The only difference now is that Roxas can patch _himself_ up, and _he’s_ the one with the crazy schemes.

The biggest reason I even came back was because… I needed to know if I still loved him after all this time apart. I didn’t text him or even write a letter because Pete convinced me that chapter of my life was over and it was time to grow up. At first I disobeyed and tried to send out letters and emails even try to track him down again, but I only got as far as a friend request on facebook a few years after leaving. Pete had enough people working under him to stop me every chance he could. Eventually, I just gave up and focused on the band. Just like _Pete_ wanted…

Yet when I saw that first drunken text message from Roxas-, all those feelings got stirred up again. I haven’t stopped thinking about him since then, remembering what it was like to hold his hand and make him feel better when he fell, or kiss him goodbye… I had to know if it was just just my stupid nostalgia filter working in overdrive or if I honestly did still love him more than a regular friend should. The tickets were cheap and a flight was leaving at the perfect time, I thought it was a sign. I’ve never been good at reading those, apparently. What hurts even more is - after all the screaming and biting words back and forth - _I just want to kiss him again._

“I went to see an old friend, I’m allowed to have a fucking life _outside_ of rehearsal, Pete.” I snapped  back in frustration, pulling loose threads out of the holes in my jeans. I feel like I’m under hotel arrest every time I even _think_ about going outside. Thank god the rest of the band covered for me so I could leave, keeping Pete busy enough to let me slip out under the watch dogs nose. He sneers down at me, jabbing a fat finger in my face.

“Like _hell_ you are, smart ass. You’d be nowhere without _me_ and I can make you into a ‘nobody’ again, pretty boy.” He snarks, a cruel smirk blooming on his lips. I merely scoff and roll my eyes, making him even angrier.

“Keep on dreaming. You _know_ I’m the face of the band - it’s _my_ voice everyone wants to hear.” I don’t actually believe that to be the whole truth, but Pete threatens to fire me every day without hesitation, and I throw it right back in his face that if he’s the reason our band tanks, he’s out a _lot_ of money. He knows what we’re worth, but likes to remind us we’re nothing.

“Actually _Pete-_ ” I stand up to my full height, towering above him with a satisfied smirk of my own as an idea pieces itself together. “I just got the offer of a lifetime while in Twilight Town that’ll have the press kissing your feet and praising our names on every social media platform. Camp Chocobo is having a charity festival in a week to raise money to stay open. We would headline the festival, get tons of press and people kissing our asses for keeping the camp I was discovered at open. It’s a win win- we get exposure and they stay open. I would have to get a lot of face time with the camp so I would leave asap-” Pete’s face falls as I continue, the gears in his head working overtime to comprehend my idea. I feel disgusting for the way I phrased it, but Pete has his own language.

"So, you're telling me that you just potentially sold away the _biggest_ show on our tour, that'll earn me a _massive_ profit - and kickstart you ingrates to fucking EUROPE- for some hick town in the middle of _fuck all nowhere_ , because some ‘friend’ of yours from a million years back _asked_ you to?!” I cringe at his use of similar words I did when I was yelling at Roxas back in the cafe. Maybe Roxas has a point, I’m just turning into a mini Pete… “And _not only that_ , you sold yourself away, _our lead fucking singer_ , to spend a week _in_ said fuck-all-nowhere at some busted ass _camp_ ?! _Have you fucking lost your goddamn mind Axel_?!” The rest of the bandmates poke their heads in the room at hearing Pete’s distinct screaming, no doubt hearing almost every word due to his anger.

“Do you even _want_ to be a rockstar?! Is _that_ what this is?! Because you're kissing the rest of your fucking _career_ goodbye if we take this stupid fucking deal!" His voice got more and more shrill as he went on. Wincing, I knew I had to play damage control or he might just have a stroke. If only I would be so lucky…

"Hey, hey, calm the hell down. I didn't say I'd do the show, we still will be able to make it to San Fran if that's still what you wanna do, _okay_ ? I just want to give him- _them_ ,” I quickly correct myself. “A chance. Let me go for a week and let him try his best to convince me that it's worth putting the tour on hold." It didn't seem to do much to help my case, Pete running a large hand down his face with a heavy, frustrated sigh.

"It's not fucking _worth_ it. _No one_ gives a shit about it, that's why it's getting torn down. Boo hoo, _plenty_ of people have had their childhood places torn down and the world somehow went on! We'll all continue living on if _Camp Chocowhatever,_ closes down. How about thinking of _others_ for once and asking what your _band_ thinks of it?” Thinking of others is all I ever did, until Pete practically beat it into my head that you always gotta look out for number one. Well I hope he’s happy with how I turned out- because now I’m using what he taught me against him. Pete steps to the side as he motions for the band to come in.

“We’ve never done a charity event before, and it _would_ give us a good image to the press. Plus it’s a total heart string story. Saving the camp he where he made it big is something that people won’t forget about whenever they talk about us.” Demyx throws in with a lazy shrug. “Plus, I’m ready for a break. I never went to camp, I bet it’s fun from what Axel’s told us!” He cheekily grins before Pete cuts in.

“No, _no one_ else is going to that fucking backwater donkey ranch. You all feel the same?” Zexion nods silently while Xigbar merely sighs in annoyance.

“I’m with Pete on this one guys. We can do charity shit anytime, but if we impress the right people at San Fran, we could be in France this time next year with all those french babes.”

“Ah- Still three to two Xiggy! Majority vote wins, we go to Dusk City for a week-”

“Twilight Town.” I correct with irritation, only to get an eye roll in return.

“And Axel scopes it out to make sure the place is even worth helping! If it really is run down and beyond help we can still finish the tour! Simple.” I would have put it into nicer words, but I have to agree with Demyx. The look in Roxas’s eyes when he was talking about saving his camp and how much I hurt him when my fucking pride showed it’s ugly face, I don’t know if I even deserve to have this chance to show him how sorry I am. I got so _defensive_ because of how much it hurt when he pushed me away after I kissed him. I misread the situation, but my heart can’t tell the difference. I deserve all of Pete’s insults and punishments for making the only person I’ve ever loved walk away.

“ _Ugh,_ you idiots are impossible to work with. If you want to go to Bumfuck USA, who am _I_ to stop you - it’s not like I’m your fucking MANAGER or anything-that doesn’t seem to mean shit anymore. Start packing assholes- we’re taking the bus bright and early so Axel can go play cowboy. You’re throwing away your _careers_ , idiots.” And on that cheerful note, he slams the door in my face. Well, that’s as close to an ‘okay’ that I’m ever going to get from him. Knowing what I have to do now, I rush around the room and start throwing random clothes in a duffle bag.

“Well this is gonna suck. Thanks, asshole.” Xigbar flips me the finger as he heads back to his room, grumbling under his breath the whole way.

“At least Pete got pissed off, I enjoy making him angry.” Zexion chuckles aloud before following Xigbar out of the room. He pauses for a moment, now that it was just the three of us. “Try not to be a dick when you apologize. Pete’s personality doesn’t fit you, as much as he wants it to. You coming Demyx?” The sandy blond yawns and stretches before sighing heavily.

“Yeah, I’m comin’. 10 bucks he’ll make you sleep in the barn!” He snickers on his way out with Zexion, closing the door behind them.

I rush to finish packing, my heart and mind racing with anticipation before being weighed down with fear. I nervously swallow as I grab my lyric book, knowing I’ll have plenty inspiration on the plane. _Plane…!_ My words slap me in the face as I race back out of the hotel with bag in hand, trying to figure out what the hell I’m even going to say to him after I was so horrible back in the cafe.

I guess I’ll have about two hours to figure that out…  

~

“ _FUCK YOU_ ,” My axe slices through the log like butter, the halves falling into the growing pile. I set another one up impatiently, wiping my brow free of sweat before bringing the axe over my head again.

“YOU SELFISH _DIVA-_ ” Another log to the pile, another one on the block.

“SO CALLED BEST FUCKING _FRIEND-_ ” I let my voice carry into the void of the night, everyone having gone home to call it a day before the campers arrive. We’re more than stocked with firewood, but it’s the best way I can release my frustration and anger without going back to those painful memories.

“FUCKING- STUPID SEXY _JERKHOLE_!” The axe refuses to come loose from the stump, having imbedded a couple inches more than I meant it to. I plant my foot on the stump, using my body for leverage, giving it a hard tug. It finally loosens, causing me to stumble, the slick grass making it easy to losemy footing.

“J _esus Christ,_ watch where you swing that thing!” I turn on my heel in surprise, my chest heaving with sweat and exhaustion as I raise my axe in self defense.

“Don’ come any closer ya hear-” The axe slips from my sweaty palms, thunking into the grass beside me. “W-Wha, y-you-” I stutter through my shock as I take a step back, almost tripping over the log pile I was just swearing at. Axel drops a duffle bag at his feet, his once elegant appearance now disheveled. Dirt clings to his converse and tight jeans as he musters a weak grin.

“You convince me the camp is worth saving by the end of the week and my band headlines. If not, we take the money and I never hear from you again. Those were the terms, right?”

“A-Axel what in the _fuck-_ ” Passion blazes in his emerald eyes, his chest heaving from being out of breath as if he ran all the way here.

“ I’ll do it. It’s a deal.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick update for you guys! Sorry for going a few days without posting, Christmas shopping has been crazy and then I had a friend come visit but I hope the longer chapter makes up for my absence! I'm gonna try my hardest to update consistently so please bear with me! Thanks again for all the comments, it means SO much to me to know that you guys are enjoying this fic and making me laugh in return, enjoy!

Axel’s fingers flex anxiously like they were itching to do something other than lay at his side. He glances away at my blank gaze, a rosy flush covering his cheeks and bridge of his nose. He rubs the back of his neck with a humorless chuckle.

“C-Could you say something other than just _staring_ at me? I said I’d try this out, I dunno what else I can say.” Anger bubbles in my chest once again at his ignorant words. I force myself to pick up the ax again, holding it so tight it causes my knuckles to turn white as bitterness poisons my tone.

“You really don’t have anything else to say? _Nothing_ comes to mind?” I sling the ax against my shoulder, cocking my hip to the side, resting a twitching fist on it. “You could try starting an _apology_ . I get we were both mad but you said a _lot_ of shit that was _way_ over the line-” He stops me with a scoff, rolling his eyes while crossing his arms over his chest like a child being chastised.

“It’s not like _you_ were any better. The only reason I’m even _here_ is because you wanna bank off my fame like everyone else.” I step forward, bringing the ax back to my side in a defensive stance.

“At least _I_ thought you leaving to California was hard on both of us, but turns out I was just being _‘weird’_ about it. I thought you were my _friend-_ I thought…” We were _more_ than friends when he kissed me before he moved… His anger drains away and is replaced with the same shade of guilt from the cafe, his arms dropping back down to his sides.

“Oh. Right…” A few moments tick by and he merely nudges away a rock with his converse, avoiding my eyes without any further explanation.

“You’re such- you just! ARGH!” My yell is lost to the night sky, the stars twinkling back as if to mock me. “Why are you even taking the deal if you can’t even say _two words._ ” I turn my back on him and take a step towards the chopping block, setting up another log in frustration. “If you didn’t think we were friends after you moved away, why did you even agree to come back to _Hicksville_ , as you so carefully phrased it?” I spit his word back out at him as I raise my ax above my head, ready to strike the wood to expel my anger before I lose it completely and say something I’ll seriously regret.

“Because I _love_ you-”

“ _What_?!” I bring my ax down and wildly miss the log, instead embedding my ax into the pile next to me. I stumble into the swing and almost face plant into the chopped logs before finally regaining my footing. I leave the ax in the pile as I swing around, my heart hammering against my chest as my cheeks flush with embarrassment as his confession. His face is as red as his hair while he fumbles to recover, waving his hands wildly as if to wipe away his words.

“L-L-Love, like for a _friend_ ! I missed you a lot more than I let on earlier because it’s just not something I’ve had time for since moving to California. I’ve been so busy with the band and dealing with my manager and now this tour- it’s hard to make new friends when either everyone wants to get close for your connections or just to say they know me. And after we started talking again I was just so happy to know that you would _never_ be one of those types of people.”

Disappointment seeps in like an ice that will never melt away at his correction. Why should I care if he loves me or not, he’d sure have a funny way of showing it if he really _did…_ Not like I was a total saint today either. The only reason I even messaged him _was_ to use him because he’s famous. I know it wasn’t the greatest thing in the world to do, but a huge part of being excited to see him again was because I really did _miss_ him. Under better circumstances maybe I wouldn’t have been so upset he thought it was a date... He sighs heavily while running a hand through his messy red hair, this time not daring to avoid my eyes.

 _“_ I turned into someone I didn’t like back at the cafe, and I couldn’t leave things between us like they were. So I flew back to San Fran and talked to my manager-” I shake my head in disbelief, stepping closer to signal him to stop talking.

“You came all the way back from _California_ just to tell me you’d take the deal?” No wonder he looks so tired and ragged. After thinking back on it, he did look a little tired at the cafe, but nothing compared to _this_ version of him… His clothes rumpled, the bags under his eyes dark, and his hair no longer neatly groomed. He merely shrugs, slumping a bit with exhaustion. He softly laughs and brushes some stray dirt off his shirt.

“I guess when you put it like _that…”_ My frustration and anger slowly fade at the realization of his gesture, leaving only the awkwardness of our last words between us. I softly sigh after a few moments of silence, turning back to my mess. I stick the ax back into the stump with a satisfying _thunk_ into the soft wood.

“You look exhausted- come on. You can sleep on the couch in the house and I can rustle up some spare clothes for you to change into that might be a lot more comfortable.” I offer, eyeing up his tight jeans and shirt. He’s still a _jerk_ , but at least he’s trying to make up for it… He grabs his duffel and wordlessly follows behind me. He gazes over the camp before clearing his throat to fill the empty air between us.

“I know it’s been a while but the place feels a little, empty.” I glance back at him before looking towards the upcoming house with a touch of sadness, my tone somber as I spoke.

“We had to sell off almost half our animals just to stay open for another year. That year is up and, well… You know what our next option is.” I’m not trying to make him feel guilty, it’s just the harsh reality of what’s become of our camp. He might need to apologize for what he said at the cafe, but so do I. Neither of us are innocent in that exchange, but at least _I’m_ just trying to keep the place I’ve poured my heart into open for other generations to fall in love with. It’s not like I can say the same for Axel- he has everything he’s ever wanted and more…

I usher him into the silent farm house, carefully shutting the door behind him so I don’t disturb my dad who’s no doubt asleep by now. I shuck off my boots next to the others laying at the door, each one covered in some sort of muck and dirt. Axel’s converse are a stark difference among all the shoes, as if to deepen the rift between us.

“I think my dad is sleeping, so just make sure to keep your voice down.” I softly whisper to him, pulling his attention away from the photos along the walls and entryway.

“Hm? Oh right, okay.” I dig around in a nearby basket of clothes waiting to be folded, pulling out one of Cloud’s old shirts and some sweatpants I haven’t seen him wear in a long while. I drape them over my arm, motioning for Axel to follow me into the living room. He sets his duffel down next to my mom’s old armchair with a soft gaze directed at the empty seat.

“It feels like it’s been a lifetime since the last time I was in this house…” His fingers drag along the old fabric of the chair before drifting towards the fireplace. Axel’s head drops as his shaky hand reaches for an old picture frame, he steps back while holding it close to examine it carefully. A sad, wistful smile tugs at his lips before he flashes me the photo. It was the one I saw online when I first found out about Axel’s new life; A young pair of dorks with arms around each other and dirty Camp Chocobo shirts displayed proudly. “If only life could have stayed at that age, huh Roxy?” I grimace at the old nickname, it no longer holding the same familiarity I thought it would hearing it from him again. Not after what happened at the cafe, at least... “Ah, sorry.” He quickly puts the picture back, clearing his throat. I glance away, gnawing at the inside of my lip before a faint light in the hall catches my eye.

“Here, feel free to change out here or in the bathroom that’s over-” He finally sends me a genuine smile with a hint of amusement.

“I remember where it is.” I can’t help but match his expression, letting myself fall back into how it felt when I first spoke to him again.

“G-Good! I’ll be right back, I gotta- do a thing.” I awkwardly back away as I explain, his amusement growing more evident with his dopey grin. I finally break eye contact and head towards the source of light, knowing all too well what’s behind the door it’s coming from.

I gently open the door to my dad’s office, silently slipping inside. Cloud softly snores from his desk, his arms cushioning his head. I carefully maneuver around piles of books and paperwork, automatically avoiding certain floorboards so they don’t creak and wake him up. I click off his desk lamp - the only thing illuminating his work pile. The bright red words DUE and PAST DUE stare back at me like an ugly sore, poking out from under the accounting books from last month’s expenses. It’s not a new sight, but it still hurts every time I’m forced to stare down the belly of the beast. And to think my poor dad does this every single day and night…

“Let’s get you to bed dad,” I gently shake him awake, only to be given a soft grunt in response. After enough rousing I’m able to get him to his feet, even though I swear I can hear him snoring as I sling his arm around my shoulder. I shuffle him out of the office with practice only to be stopped by a now changed Axel. His hair is now pulled up into a messy bun, the sweatpants having trouble clinging to his slender hips and the shirt tied off to the side so it can expose a sliver of the tanned muscle beneath. I snap my eyes back to his, endlessly grateful it’s too dark to notice my shameless looking. I thought his hair being down was attractive, turns out that was just child’s play…

“Do you need any help?” He offers, reaching out only to stop short. His fingers curl back with uncertainty at my expression.

“No, it’s fine. This is almost a nightly routine, if I even sleep in the house.” I whisper, continuing  on my mission to get my dad into his bed, feeling Axel’s gaze bore into my back. It doesn’t take long to get Cloud situated, only getting a grunt as a thank you before he goes back to snoring soundly. I shuffle back to my room, rubbing my face in exhaustion. Why did my best friend have to turn out to be such an attractive asshole…  

I change into my own comfortable clothes, a simple pair of sweats paired with an old sweatshirt that’s been shoved in the back of my closet for months. Usually I wouldn’t wear such warm clothes to bed, but I can’t help but want to be bundled up in it for some odd reason. I guess I should let Axel know my dad is settled in for bed and say goodnight. It’s so crazy to even think about it… _Axel,_ is downstairs waiting for me. I can’t help the dorky smile that refuses to leave as I head back to the living room. I softly chuckle as I make my way to a nearby closet to grab a few things.

“Glad to know you still remember how to use a pullout couch. It’s no Ritz Hotel, but at least it’s a bed.” I set the thick blanket and pillows on the armchair as Axel laughs.

“I just hope I fit. I wasn’t so tall when I was 13…” He scratches his neck in thought, a tinge of worry in his voice. Situating the pillows and blanket on the sofa bed, I offer an apologetic smile.

“Not a great start to convincing you, huh.” He sits on the bed to test it, pretending to hum in thought. A smirk tugs at his lips as he pats the space next to him.

“ _Technically_ I’m not judging until tomorrow. So long as the free breakfast is up to standards I can _start_ to forget about the sofa bed ‘blunder’.” Giggles burst from my chest as I move to sit on the bed, moving to face him before crossing my legs comfortably.

“I’m kind of surprised you were able to stomach regular food outside of summer camp. Once you go farm fresh eggs, you never go back.” With a rough sigh he leans back against the pillows.

“I forgot I used to enjoy eating breakfast. Everything else just doesn’t taste the same. I might say fuck it and do the show if you bribe me with all the breakfast I want.” He awkwardly jokes before wincing. “ _Ah-_ bad taste.” I can’t help but laugh a little too loudly, pushing the hair back out of my eyes, flashing him a teasing grin.

“Aren’t you supposed to be this super charming rock star that ‘ _sells out shows in minutes’?_ ” He pauses at his own words being used against him before snorting with laughter, sitting up and rubbing at his neck.

“Yeah, well, I guess you’re officially entitled to insider information. I’m not as charming at my manager Pete wants the world to think...  As you can clearly tell by my tact at the cafe.” He meets my eyes for a moment, holding my gaze with a longing stare. I break the contact, turning my interest to picking at my pants.

“So I’m guessing you don’t have a rock star girlfriend waiting for you back in Cali if you kissed me on our ‘date’. Unless-” Or at least I hope he’s not _that_ much of a jerk.

“N-No, of course not! I wouldn’t have, _done_ what I did if I had someone waiting for me. I wouldn’t even be _here_ if I did. It’d be too weird to crash on my best friend’s couch that I kissed a few hours ago.” My heart flutters at his use of my title, still claiming me as his best friend even after this morning, but it also could have been because he isn’t seeing anyone right now...  

“So- why _did_ you so easily assume it was a date?” I desperately want to ask about the kiss, but I don’t want to start another fight when our relationship now is awkward at best. His cheeks tinge pink, his eyes shifting to settle everywhere else but on me.

“Well, that one’s kind of easy. I guess I assumed the reason you wanted to see me after all these years was because you missed me, but then you started flirting and the way you phrased stuff made me think…” He rubs at his neck as my gaze burns into him with confusion. “The way we left things back then - I just figured you wanted to pick up where we left off.” Scoffing, I ignore picking at my pants in favor of pulling out my phone to reread my messages to him.

“I totally wasn’t flirting-” Axel scoots next to me, his warmth radiating like my own personal heater. I try with all my will to not lean into him to be closer to his natural heat.

“How long has it been since you’ve been on a _date_ Rox?! That’s flirting 101, maybe even a touch of 102 with that last line asking me to come down.” Sitting back, I set my phone back onto the bed with an amused grin. I send him a matter of fact smirk, leaning back on my hands.

“ _Actually_ , I had one this morning. He was _super_ tall- Kind of a diva though.” I tease with an eyebrow wiggle. He bursts into a fit of giggles, falling back onto the pillows while covering his face as his shoulders tremble with laughter. I quickly crawl over to him as I try to control my own giggles. “S-Shut up idiot, my dad’s sleeping!” I gasp between giggles, moving to cover his mouth with my hand. He finally settles down, sending me a wink before he lathers my hand in spit. “Ew, are you _five_ ?!” I rub my wet hand onto his borrowed shirt, _definitely_ not feeling up his chest at the same time... Totally not.

“So, this date of yours… Was he super charming and charismatic?” He settles back into the pillows, his eyes swimming with amusement and a touch of curiosity as he flashes me a genuine grin.

“Hmm, I wouldn’t say that _exactly_.” I move to lay on my side, resting my head on my hand as I drape my free arm over my hip. “More like a polished persona that I didn’t like.” My tone switches from teasing to something more soft and serious. “I didn’t get to see the real him until I pressured him into yelling at me. But I deserved it-” Axel quickly shakes his head, turning on his side as well.

“Don’t even think like that Rox, I- your _date_ said a lot of things he shouldn’t have because he was just upset. He just, didn’t expect to be asked something like that after not seeing you for so long.” I can’t help but smile sadly back at Axel. He says that, but the question I’ve had on my mind since I last saw him nags at me to be asked, but I can’t resist not _knowing_.

“You said you didn’t consider us friends from the _moment_ you left to California, yet you agreed to a ‘date’ and even _kissed_ me.” I swallow around the lump in my throat, too afraid to know the answer. “I need… I need to know the truth before we start this week.” I capture his eyes once more, shame etched into his features, his pain reflecting my own. “Did you mean what you said?” My voice waivers, but I press forward again. “It _hurt_ so much when you moved but I knew it’s what you wanted and I wanted to try and mail you letters or get the courage to message you, but I was secretly afraid you had moved on without me - over time I did myself - but when I saw you again today, I remembered how much I’ve _missed you_ and when you said-” I softly inhale as my eyes fill with tears, my chest heaving with heartache to think that he meant everything he said. “That you didn’t even _think_ of me as your friend after leaving. Because if you _meant_ what you said then what are we even _doing_ here-” Axel’s hand reaches out towards me only to stop, unsure if he should even touch me before letting his hand rest back at his side.

He slowly sits up and I take the moment to wipe my face free of my stupid tears. I peak at him from under my sleeve, his soft gaze kick starting my heart, his own bleary tears threatening to spill over.

“I’m sorry for what I said… I never meant to hurt you, I just got so blinded by my own pride and anger. _But-_ ” He sighs in frustration, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding my eyes once again. “You come out of _nowhere_ and you ask me for a really heavy favor and it just- just didn’t feel awesome to be asked something like that. The only people I even _trust_ anymore are my band mates, and even _that_ can be a stretch at times.” His shoulders drop like a heavy weight is on his shoulders pressing further down, his voice thick with frustration. “I thought I could _trust_ you after all these years not to be like everyone else. Wanting to get close to me because of my money or my name, but when you asked me to play the festival- it was scary to think that you were just like those _people_.” Pain stabs my heart, my lips parting in shock at his sincerity. I know he’s right, but it still hurts to think that he doesn’t trust me anymore… Not like I should be surprised, I acted like a little kid not getting their way.

“I meet thousands of fans every week and hundreds of them come to me with a personal charity that needs money or their sick dad needing treatments- I can’t help everyone and they take it so personally. I want to help- but Pete is right in his own way; Who am _I_ to be burdened with making everyone’s problems disappear and fix them with _my_ money?” I chomp down on my cheek to hold my tongue at his tone, moving to sit up as well. I get money makes the world go round, but the Axel I knew would have never been so, _greedy_ about his wealth.

“Honestly… It wasn’t even my idea to ask you to play and was a stupid drunken mistake but I didn’t have to bring it up. Yet I _did_ , because I’m a huge jerk too.” I admit with a sigh, flopping back onto the bed. “I wasn’t lying in the cafe, although. If this festival doesn’t make enough money, we’re done. I shouldn’t have guilted you into thinking it’s your job to fix our mess, _but_ I still have right to be angry about all the other garbage you said.” Axel sheepishly chuckles, crawling to lay on his stomach, using a pillow to support his head.

“I _said_ I was sorry- _Awh_ , I’ve missed your pouty, annoyed ‘I hate you’ look…” He sighs wistfully at my expression, melting back into his old dorky self for a few moments. “I’ve missed you, Roxy. Honestly,  _truly_ , missed my best friend.” I can’t help but crack a smile at his genuine tone. Settling into the pillows myself, a soft yawn forces its way out. I close my eyes with a soft hum. I’ll just rest here for a moment, I’ll get back into my own bed here in a few minutes…

“I missed you too, jerk. Don’t tell my ‘date’ I said this, but I actually had a decent time in the beginning.” I miss the loving gaze from Axel, his lips curling into a soft smile and breathlessly chuckling under his breath.

“Me too…” I whisper as I watch Roxas’s face smooth out as he falls asleep. His chest rises and falls with every soft breath, curling into himself with a gentle sigh. My heart clenches as I reach out and gently brush a piece of hair out of his eyes, taking in the soft curve of his cheeks and the way his lashes rest against his skin. Hints of freckles decorate the bridge of his nose that twitches involuntarily. I merely chuckle and silently get back out of the sofa bed, seeking out a charger for Roxas’s phone, letting it rest nearby for him.

I run my hand over Aerith's chair once more as my eyes find the old camp picture again. If only life could go back to before I moved. Back before that _stupid_ showcase when I thought my destiny was with Pete in California instead of back at the ranch with Roxas… I’m still unsure if this festival will even work even if we DO play, and the thought of cancelling our San Fran show still doesn't sit right with me. But- a deal’s a deal. I owe it to Roxas and this camp to give it another chance. Plus- I can’t remember the last time I had a week long break from shows, signings, meet and greets, and rehearsals. I also can’t remember the last time I had someone in my bed, snoring like an old dog.

Carefully climbing back into bed, I decide to let Roxas stay sleeping. I’d rather him be pissed at me and refreshed than pissed and tired. I pull the heavy blanket over us both as I settle into the pillows, stretching out on the hide-a-bed. I was joking earlier, but even a Motel 6 has better beds than this… Though I wouldn’t give up the chance to watch Roxas drool all over himself yet somehow still look breathtaking…

~

Furious blue eyes bore deeply into mine as I struggle to awaken from the deep sleep I was in. I rub my eyes with the heel of my hands, sitting up with a soft yawn.

“ _Roxas Strife_ , why is there a _stranger_ sleeping in my living room?” Cloud’s quiet rage is more potent any any coffee in the world. You _know_ you fucked up when he uses your full name... I already pissed him off yesterday and was hoping not to do that again (at least for a while). I glance over to the ‘stranger’ l who’s sleeping soundly, his limbs spread all over the sofa bed with the blanket covering most of his face. I can’t help but crack a grin at how crazy of a sleeper he still is, only to earn myself Cloud’s silent glare, waiting for an explanation.

“Don’t get mad! I can explain, just give me a second-” I carefully remove myself from the bed so I don’t wake up Axel, but he hardly moves other than his chest rising and falling with each breath.

“Give you a second to tell me why you gave my clothes away, or so you can explain why I found you sharing a _bed_ with some guy?” His eyes narrow as his grip tightens on his coffee mug,  already dressed and showered for the day.

I usher us to the kitchen and out of earshot encase Axel gets woken up by our talking. Or by possibly more yelling… Either way this isn’t going to be a fun conversation. I rummage around the cabinets and pull out a mug for myself, Cloud’s eyes burning holes into my back.

“That’s Axel on the couch -he one who moved to California?” I shuffle over to the coffee pot as Cloud’s tense posture doesn’t shift, instead only intensifying at the new information.

“Of course I remember Axel- and the aftermath of him too. So he doesn’t give you a single letter or call after ten years and shows up on our doorstep and ends up on my sofa? With _you next to him_ -” He sets his mug down a lot harder than necessary as his ‘protective father mode’ kicks into high gear. I rush to block his path back to Axel, my face burning in embarrassment at his thought process.

“Nothing happened, I _swear_! And I’m old enough to be making my own choices, you’re the one who told me that when I was 18!” He finally simmers down and leans back against the counters, watching carefully as I continue making my coffee.

“I told you that thinking you’d be making more choices with the camp, not bringing home strays and giving them my clothes and a bed.” I scoff in annoyance at his accusatory tone.

“It’s not some guy I found at a bar- it’s _Axel_ . My best friend since I was _8_?”

“The same ‘best friend’ who hasn’t bothered to contact you in _ten years_?”

“That’s not fair, I didn’t contact him either!” His voice turns steeled and his mug discarded into the sink.

“It _does_ go two ways, but we lost your mother not long after he left. He didn’t even _bother_ to see how you were doing- Did he even _ask_ about how you were doing? Or about the camp, or even _apologize-_ ” Every word Cloud throws back into my face just makes my blood boil, wanting to defend Axel even though he’s partially right about a few things. All that matters is that he’s here now and giving me a chance again for the sake of our friendship.

“He’s _here_ because I made a deal with him.” I finally admit with a heavy sigh, my guilt eating at me from the inside over what I’ve done. I tell my dad everything that’s happened since the drunken mistake at the bar to our long conversation last night, but I hold back a few select details. Like how he kissed me and screamed at me that we were never friends... It takes him a few moments to process my story, merely giving me a blank uneven stare before a soft chuckle breaks from his lips. He rubs his calloused hands over his face, his wedding band gleaming under the cheap lights.

“You get your stubbornness from your mother, and all your stupid ideas from Sora. Did you really think Axel would be the same person since you were 13? He was discovered by that sleazeball and his parents were too blinded by the fake promises to even think about what Hollywood can _do_ to a kid that age.” Every summer that Axel was dumped off here by his parents I never thought anything of it, or even when Axel stayed with us for a couple months at a time during off seasons. I just loved having my best friend sleepover - with movie nights on the pull out sofa and sneaking snacks in after my parents went to bed. I mull over my thoughts before finally admitting them aloud.

“I think he’s lost. Ever since he left with that stupid recruiter at the end of camp show... Part of me wishes I never told that recruiter that I hate singing, and that _Axel_ had all the talent. It’s my fault it’s even gotten to this point.” I never wanted to think about it much, but it’s entirely possible Axel’s parents are just as money hungry as the people Axel can’t stand. And when they were offered a better, richer life in Cali, they went for it no questions asked. I wanted to talk to him about them, but it didn’t feel like it was my place to bring up a possibly sore subject when we only just reconnected.  

“But then you would be in Axels position. And who knows if Axel would have been there to pull you back into reality. As idiotic as it was to bring him here… I _did_ miss that little hellraiser. Even though he was way too touchy towards you for _my_ liking after puberty starting hitting-” I cut him off with a sharp forced laugh, throwing my now cold coffee back into the sink.

“Haha yeah too funny.” He does have a point though… Would Axel be doing the same for me if I was the one to get so far off track? I’d like to think so...  “I’ll get breakfast going, since I kind of ruined lunch yesterday.” Cloud makes his way to the fridge, pulling out different ingredients.

“I’ll give you a hand. You can rope tie a hog at the county fair in under 3 minutes but you can burn my eggs even faster.” He chuckles in a teasing tone, his actions speaking for him like usual.

“Out of everything mom taught me, cooking was the one thing I could never get right.” My dad starts cracking eggs in a bowl and sends me a glance.

“So you listen to her, but yet when I tell you to never listen to Sora when you’re drunk, that all flies out the window. Now I got a rock star on my sofa bed.” I flashes me a secret smile, my chest tightening with realization. I can’t remember the last time I saw my dad smile like that since mom passed…

“Well like it or not, that  _rock star_ is the key to keeping our camp open.” Cloud crushes an egg in his fist at my words, a string of swears falling from his lips.

“Ah, _great_. The same kid who threw rocks at people and put toads in cots is our last chance… I need stronger coffee.” He washes his hands in the sink, my amusement only growing even though it was hardly something to laugh at. But in the moment, it was far too funny seeing Cloud be so angry at Axel again.

“Just like when we were kids, huh?” I add before casting a glance towards the living room. I miss the sadness in Cloud’s eyes as he wipes off his hands, his voice softer and more reserved.

“Right… When you were _kids…_ ”

~

Tapping my sticks along to the beat in my headphones, I softly hum the lyrics aloud before the bus made me stumble onto Zexion. His book clatters to the floor as I end up in his lap, owlishly blinking back at the sudden switch.

“Awh, sorry Zex! Here, let me get it for you-” I reach down and grab the hardcover novel, offering back to him without moving from my new place on his lap. A hint of a smile tugs at his lips as he brushes my hair out of my eyes.

“You can stay there if you want. I don’t mind.” He settles back into the hard bench and cracks open his book again, seamlessly going back to reading. I grin shamelessly up at him before sitting back up with an annoyed sigh.

“Nah, I should probably eat something. But keep that offer open, I’ll be back!” I swoop in to kiss his cheek, his dull blue eyes following me as I head towards the back of the bus where the tiny kitchenette is. A strong hand grabs at my shirt to promptly yank me into the even smaller bathroom. “Xigbar what the _fuck_ man- I’m _starving_.” Xigbar rolls his eye with a frustrated sigh, inching back to give me more space as he closes the door.

“Just shut it for a second and _listen_ ; Axel is already in Twilight Town living it up with that stupid brat that somehow convinced him to go through with this idiotic deal -probably gave him a fuckin’ handjob or some shit.” I sigh in annoyance, already hating hearing him talk like that with how close he is to me in this cramped bathroom stall. He’s always spewing some garbage about Axel and this is no different.

“So what if he wanted to help out his friend and give it a chance, it’s a win win either way. Either we do the show in San Fran or we do a charity thing that’ll help out a lot of people.” Xigbar sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Let me paint you a picture. Axel does the camp gig, rekindles his ‘friendship’ with Rucksack and decides he wants nothing more to do with the band anymore and quits. Since he’s Pete’s _favorite-_ Pete’ll fire the rest of us. No more _shows_ , no more _singing_ , and no more _money_ . Axel will forget about me, Zexion, and _you_ , _just_ like he did for Ruck-”

“His name is Roxas, just so you know…” I would say he’s wrong, but… I’ve seen first hand what it’s like to be on the other side of forgetting a friendship by moving on to something bigger and better. Fear twists my stomach at the idea of losing everything we’ve all worked so hard to accomplish, _including_ Axel’s friendship. As much as I _hate_ to admit it, Xigbar _does_ have a good point.

“It’s not fair to any of us for Axel to leave us behind because he’s infatuated with some _Rux-ass_ . He wouldn’t choose us over some piece of ass, as if! And you think _Zexion_ will want to stick around much longer after the band breaks up? Sure you guys are good together now, but what happens when he finds out you didn’t take the chance to save the band? I got a plan to make sure that this deal goes the _right_ way. Help me do the right thing Demyx, _help_ Axel and our band tour Europe…” I don’t want to lose our band, not after the countlessless nights of songwriting and rehearsals and meet and greets and back to back concerts, and I especially don’t want to lose Zexion because I didn’t do everything in my power to stop Axel from making the wrong decision. I know it’s kind of selfish, but why does it always have to be about what he wants? _He_ gets lead vocals, _he_ gets first dibs on the sound booth, anything that he wants- Pete gives him. Deep down I know it’s all coming from fear, but even so… I deeply sigh and lean against the bathroom door.

“Fine. I’ll help you- but only for Zexion.” Xigbar merely chuckles and shakes my outstretched hand.

  
“Of course, for _Zexion_ .” _Why_ do I feel as if I made a deal with the devil?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is kinda short but I think it does a good job at painting how everyone feels up to this point! Thanks again for the reviews and views, I really appreciate you guys taking the time out of your day to read!

The air is heavy with the scent of ham frying on the skillet next to thick bacon strips, popping with grease and flavor. My stomach growls impatiently as I fold over the omelettes, having to press down to get all the cheese and veggies to stay inside. Cloud begins to set the table, placing a third plate down next to mine. 

 

“He better not eat like he did last time he sat there. Boy almost threw us in debt over breakfast foods. Your mom found it a lot more amusing than I did…” I chuckle to myself as I begin to turn off the burners on the stove. 

 

“Maybe all that food is what made him grow ten feet tall.” I turn back to the doorway as I hear feet shuffle along the hardwood. Axel’s bun is still half up, with the rest cascading over his shoulder, borrowed pants resting on his sharp hips that only exposes more skin as he stretches with a yawn. Don’t stare, don’t look, don’t even think about looking-oh god I looked and it was  _ amazing _ . Is it weird to find your best  friend really fucking attractive even when he has dried drool on his shirt?  

“Now that’s not fair, don’t go blaming the food, short stuff. I’m just  _ naturally  _ born to be so cool.” He tugs his shirt back down, much to my disappointment, casting me a flirtatious wink before Cloud loudly clears his throat. He drops the rest of the silverware on the table, letting it clatter against the plate as if to get Axel’s attention. 

“Sleep well?” There was nothing sincere or even nice about Cloud’s tone, causing Axel to involuntary stand at attention and stutter through a response when he realizes my dad was in the room. His fear is mingled with a touch of nostalgia at seeing my dad again after all these years -  _ this  _ time very much awake and coherent enough to watch Axel wink at me. 

“Cloud, it’s so great to see you again! It’s been so long I was starting to forget where Roxas’ grumpiness comes from.” He moves in for a tentative hug, wisely deciding against it, reaching out instead to offer  a handshake. My dad’s never been much of a hugger, especially not after he’s had a chance to assume what’s gone on between us from last night even though I keep  _ telling  _ him nothing happened. It’s easy to tell when he’s irritated, but the trick is figuring out the  _ reason _ . He still shakes Axel’s hand, his grip tightening as he lets his eyes say everything he needs to. 

“ _ Ten years _ too long…” Cloud bites back with venom dripping from his tone. Axel’s face contorts with a mixture of emotions before settling on getting defensive over his choices. 

“All that time and you never learned to smile. Thankfully  _ Roxas  _ didn’t get that trait.” The kitchen falls deathly silent as Cloud’s anger visibly boils, yanking his hand back,d wiping it off on his stained work shirt. 

“At least  _ his  _ happiness is  _ real _ . Can’t bottle  _ that  _ up and sell it over in  _ Hollywood _ .” The kitchen sinks back into silence as the two men glare sharply at each other, fists clenched, unspoken words poised to strike. 

“ _ Hey look- _ breakfast is ready!” I quickly step in between them with platters stacked with meats and omelettes in both hands. I place them on the table and wipe off my hands, sending them both a cutting glare that screams ‘ _ stop being childish and get along’ _ . Cloud has a right to be angry, since he’s seen first hand how painful it’s been since Axel moved away, and then my mom… But that’s just him looking out for his family and his son more than his actual feelings towards Axel. I’ve overheard him a few times talking with my mom about how much he sees Axel as another son, seeing as he practically lived with us during the summers and occasionally even outside of camp season. At the time I saw him as my best friend and like family, but even then I knew that you don’t look at your brother the way I looked at Axel when I thought no one noticed… Or how much that ‘goodbye’ kiss meant to me. 

Cloud sits at his usual place before gathering his plate of food, keeping a close eye on Axel as he sits next to me. After the first few bites, Axel practically moans into his fork as he dives back in for another bite. 

“It’s been  _ way  _ too long since I’ve had food  _ this  _ good! You gotta pay up the nose for anything halfway decent on the road- my manager would  _ kill  _ me if he knew I was eating this.” He sighs dreamily as he shovels a bacon strip in his mouth before throwing me a teasing grin. “I could get used to waking up and eating your cooking every morning.” I smile in response to his charming words, looking back down at my own plate. 

“Ah come on, it’s not  _ that  _ good. And who says I even  _ want  _ to live with you?” I chuckle softly before feeling his foot gently knock into mine, grabbing my attention once again. His teasing grin turns into a gentle smile, his emerald eyes practically glowing. 

“You’ll need me to reach the top shelves,  _ short stuff _ . Unless your ‘magic food’ can make  _ you  _ grow too.” My heart flips in my chest at his subtle flirting, remembering the kiss from yesterday too vividly for my own good. Before I can even think of an equally flirtatious response, Cloud cuts in with the same harsh tone as before. 

“He’s not some  _ housewife  _ to cook and clean up after you that you can turn into a  _ trophy  _ for the  _ media _ .” Oh  _ god,  _ here we go again… 

“No, he’s just the kid who never got a  _ childhood  _ because he was forced to work the second he could pick up a  _ bucket _ .” Cloud’s silverware clatters to the plate as he places his fists on the table, a new kind of look in his eyes that terrifies me. 

“You have  _ no  _ right insulting  _ my  _ parenting choices when  _ your  _ parents left you on my  _ doorstep  _ every summer!” 

“ _ Dad- _ ” He ignores me and goes to continue his rant only for Axel to raise his voice back. 

“I didn’t get to  _ choose  _ my parents! They didn’t give a  _ shit  _ where I was and but it’s not like you were any better! You made Roxas slave away  _ every  _ morning for  _ years  _ and took away his chance at being a  _ kid _ !”  I place hand on Axel’s bicep, trying to force him to calm down. 

“Axel don’t-” Cloud raises out of his chair, his voice getting louder by the word. 

“You  _ ate  _ at my table and  _ slept  _ under my roof and now you’re sitting here acting like you’re too good to even speak to this family after  _ ten years _ !” Axel gets out of his chair too, going toe to toe with my dad in a yelling match. 

“I had the  _ guts  _ to go after  _ my  _ dream and you  _ took  _ that away from Roxas, don’t scream at  _ me  _ because you-”  

“ _You_ _broke my son’s heart_ and all you can do is sit there and act like it _never_ happened-” 

“ENOUGH.” I cut off Cloud and Axel with a sharp yell, my hands slamming down on the table. The plates and silverware clink loudly in response as Axel and Cloud are taken back by my sudden outburst. They each slowly sit down, realizing what’s been said in a fit of rage that had been building over the last ten years. “You’re both acting like  _ children  _ screaming about who’s right. Axel was  _ apart  _ of this family too, even if it was a long time ago, he still  _ deserves  _ to be treated like one instead of some stranger  _ invading  _ your house. He’s here for a reason and what happened,  _ happened _ .” My dad takes a few moments to digest my words. He sits back with a soft sigh, adjusting the wedding ring on his finger. Axel sits back as well, ready to add salt to the wound. 

“And  _ you-  _ You have  _ no  _ right to speak  _ for  _ me, especially to my own dad! I’m not the same little kid you protected anymore, I can stand up for myself and I’m tired of having to yell whenever you’re around! This isn’t LA anymore, this is my camp and  _ my  _ dream to run it. You need to respect that by taking your time in making your choice.” He sits back in his chair as well, mulling my hard words over in his head while picking at the now cold eggs. I sigh in frustration, getting up from the table to head back to the living room to find my phone.

“At least finish your breakfast-”

“Not hungry.” I call back in irritation as I take my phone off the charger and head upstairs to get ready for the day. I know I’ll regret not eating later, but I can’t sit around and listen to those two fight anymore… I thought my dad was going to be  _ civil  _ during breakfast after warning him, but of course with Axel being so hot headed he felt the need to fire back. I’m sort of happy that I haven't told him about mom yet... or he might have said something to really push Cloud over the line. He’s just trying to look out for me - they both are. But they’re still so stubborn about the past that they can’t see that… 

I get dressed into my regular clothes for the first day of camp, my bright yellow shirt proudly declaring me a Camp Chocobo Counselor. For the first day I like to shadow the campers in their introduction to different activities, so I can make sure that my workers are doing their job and the campers are having fun. I’ll still poke my head in a few times throughout the rest of the week, but usually there’s so many other things that need my attention that I don’t get much of a chance to see them. 

As I pull my shirt down, a soft knock raps on my door and is pushed open. Axel peaks his head in with a sheepish grin before entering. He’s freshly showered as well, yet still wearing his clothes from last night. 

“Sorry to bother you, but I realized I didn’t pack the right stuff. Would it be okay if I borrowed more clothes? As long as your dad doesn’t come after me with a pitchfork,” He awkwardly laughs, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding my eyes. I softly sigh, letting myself smile. Hollywood can change a lot about a person, but they still can’t take the awkward preteen out of Axel. 

“I’ll get you some spare clothes, hang on.” As I move to pass him, a hand moves to grab my arm to stop me. 

“I’m also sorry for what happened at breakfast. I didn’t mean to ruin the meal you worked really hard on, and I was such an asshole to your dad and-” Placing a hand on his chest, I force him to stop explaining, offering a gentle smile. His heart beats like a drum against my palm as he smiles back even brighter. 

“Apology accepted. It might be harder to get my dad to say the same although.” We share a tense laugh before I finally take my hand back. “Did you get enough to eat? I know the moment was kind of spoiled but I  _ did  _ work hard on that food.” His laughter is full of mirth and joy at my tone, letting his hand rest on my arm. 

“We grunted an apology and he finished his food in his office and I helped myself. Even a stupid fight can’t stop my hunger.” I brighten at the news, flashing him a smile. 

“Tell me more about how much you liked my food,” I tease happily. His expression is soft and warm as pulls me into a hug, arms wrapping around me and his nose burying into my hair. I tuck my head into his shoulder, inhaling the pine shampoo he used from the bathroom downstairs. I hug him back just as hard, noticing a stark difference in his body from back at the cafe as I move my hands over his back. It was stiff and awkward, but now he’s so warm and comforting, and his body feels amazing pressed against mine so tightly- 

“Are you feeling me up, Roxy?” Axel teases, his arms now draping over my waist. “I wouldn’t mind,” He purrs in my ear, pulling me closer as if it was even possible. My cheek burns against his damp skin as I shove him away, only receiving a knowing smirk in response. 

“Is it always a  _ line  _ with you?” He merely sends me a flirtatious wink, his charm kicking back into high gear. 

“Only if it works.” I roll my eyes with a heavy sigh, resting my hand on the doorknob. 

“So I’m  _ guessing  _ never. I can’t believe I have a crush on you.” His eyes go wide at that, his dazzling smiling blinding me. 

“ _ You have a crush on me _ ?” My face burns in embarrassment before quickly correcting myself. 

“ _ Used _ to. I  _ used  _ to like Power Rangers too- but I’m an  _ adult  _ now. No more childish relationships, I’m in it for the long haul and I want someone who is too.”  __ I scoff and head down the hall to gather his clothes, missing the hurt stare from Axel. It’s like he’s a kid who  _ finally  _ learned how to flirt and is showing off all his tricks to impress me… Well- it  _ doesn't _ . It doesn’t matter how  _ attractive  _ he is, or how much he makes me want to  _ actually  _ feel him up, nope. Because at the end of the week he’ll be on a plane headed back to California and I’ll  _ hate  _ myself for acting on my crush. He can tease and flirt with me all he wants, it’s not like he even  _ means  _ any of it. If he really  _ is  _ my best friend then he of all people should know that I just want the  _ real  _ him. The dorky Axel I fell in love with all those years ago… 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your patience has been rewarded with another long chapter! Just a heads up though, which Christmas coming up soon I'm not going to upload until AFTER Christmas so that my editor and I can have a chance to be with our families and it gives you guys a break as well! Thanks again for reading and reviewing, it makes my day to see you guys enjoying my writing after being on Hiatus for a few years. Happy Holidays!

“Come on  _ camper _ , don’t wanna be late for your first day.” I follow Axel out onto the rickety porch, the paint peeling and the rotting handrail begging for some much needed repairs. He runs his hand over the splintered wood with a soft chuckle, overlooking zeroing in on the creaky steps. 

“I remember flying off these steps every morning more excited than the last…” I stand next to him, testing my weight against the railing. It has a little give but seems to hold up okay as I cross my arms loosely over my chest. 

“And what about now?” My question is soft and wondering, even a touch hopeful at his answer. It’s not like I expect him to fall back in love with this place, especially with the way things are going now. We’ve had to sell off a lot of our equipment, so we usually end up doubling up on activities throughout the week. I just hope Axel can remember that it’s not about what you do, it’s about the  _ people  _ you meet. He merely stares off into space, his thoughts kicking into high gear at my question. His silence speaks volumes, yet I can’t act like I’m surprised. 

“You  _ sure  _ you’re okay with meeting the band on the first day of camp? They can be cool when they want, but my manager Pete can be… Shitty.” He sighs, picking at some paint chips and flicking them aside anxiously. 

“Please, it’s not like I have a minute by minute schedule planned out for you. Besides, I want to thank them personally for giving our camp a chance.” I’ve met Pete a few times, granted it was a long time ago, but I can’t say I enjoyed any moment of it… 

“Roxas can you  _ please  _ help me get your horse under control?! He won’t even let me put on the got’ dang  _ saddle _ .” My name being called out captures both of our attention as we watch Sora trot over on horseback, pulling up in front of the porch and heaving an angry grunt. “Your horse won’t even let me  _ touch  _ him let alone try to get him ready for you! He knocked me into the haybin and now  _ Riku  _ won’t even get near me!” He whines, sitting back and picking more hay out of his clothes. I merely snicker to myself as I gesture over to Axel, who’s merely stunned by the sudden arrival of our old friend covered in muck like I was when we met yesterday. 

“Axel- This is Sora. I don’t know how well you remember him from camp, but he’s been working here ever since his mom let him move out here from Destiny Islands after middle school.” Sora dismounts his horse and steps up to the porch, giving Axel a long once over before grinning ear to ear with his usual smile. 

“It’s nice to see you again! California been treating you well?” They shake hands and Axel’s formalities kick in, still not relaxing around other old friends quite yet. 

“Yeah, of course! The band’s doing great and we’re making tons of profit from the tour-” Sora’s smile falters before interrupting. 

“That’s all fine and good, but I was asking about  _ you _ .  _ Anybody  _ can check Wiki about that stuff,” I internally cringe at his comment. So sue me, it was easier than trying to pry for basic information... “I’m asking as your  _ friend _ ! Don’t tell me you forgot  _ I  _ was the one who supplied the frogs.” They both share a laugh over the memory that only makes me shake my head to this day. I refused to help out with the prank since I  _ still  _ think it’s crossing a line, but sure enough Axel rallied Sora and Riku into his brilliant idea. 

“I swear Cloud was gonna kick us  _ both  _ out the minute he heard Kairi crying.” Axel adds in with a wicked grin, finally falling back into more relaxed conversation with Sora. 

“I egg on Roxas to do a  _ lot  _ of dumb stuff these days, but I never thought he’d  _ actually  _ go through with  _ this _ one.” Axel’s eyebrow peaks as he stares down at me, curiosity tempting him. 

“So it  _ wasn’t  _ your idea to do this?” I bite the inside of my cheek at his disappointed tone. 

“Sure it wasn’t  _ my  _ idea, but it’s not like I didn’t want to  _ see  _ you again. It shouldn’t matter whose idea it was.” Axel places a hand on the railing and one on his hip as he gives me a sour look. 

“So I wouldn’t  _ be  _ here if I wasn’t famous, right? Would it have taken another few years before I heard from you?” I scoff at his words, sending him my own biting glare. 

“You wouldn’t have  _ left  _ in the first place!” Sora pales when he realizes that his comment struck a sour chord between us. The memory is like an old wound slowly trying to scab over before he accidentally picked at it.  

“You guys can’t argue  _ every time  _ it’s brought up, especially not in front of the kids. Axel- you wouldn’t be here if you didn't want to give the camp a fair shot. Roxas- you’re still pissed about Axel leaving but we were kids, mistakes were made-” I shoot Sora a look that I hope conveys the feelings of ‘ _ for the love of god please don’t tell him about the talent show _ ’. He gets the hint and quickly clams up before patting Axel on the arm, getting the same look I did when I felt the new muscles he’s grown into. “Wow uhm- y-you guys are still friends, so don’t let what happened get to you anymore. Just try to enjoy yourselves.” He offers with a smile, his words actually comforting me a bit even if he almost caused a whole nother fight that might have derailed this entire plan. “But seriously Roxas, your horse is an asshole and  _ you  _ need to saddle it. The kids are all in the mess hall right now for orientation so we’re trying to get ready for the trail ride. Riku’s back at the stables, being a jerk.” He jabs his thumb from where he came, his own horse munching on the grass in boredom.  I roll my eyes as I let Sora lead me off the porch, Axel only a few steps behind. 

“You’re being  _ dramatic _ , Dusk is a gentle giant.” I make a quick stop to my truck to grab my hat from where I left it from the night before, adjusting it so the sun’s no longer blinding me. “I gotta go take care of this real fast, can I meet you by the gates in a few? Axel?” I repeat his name, breaking his thousand yard gaze and bringing him back to reality. 

“Oh- sure. No problem, go play cowboy.” He teases, pushing my hat down over my eyes as he passes by. I huff and fix my hat, Sora snickering behind me as we watch Axel head back to the gates. 

“I feel bad I caused an argument, but  _ man  _ you guys are so obvious.” I walk alongside Sora as he clicks his tongue for his horse to follow, the reins held tightly in his hand. 

“About what?  That he’s found new ways to irritate me?” Sora merely rolls his eyes in annoyance. 

“You  _ know  _ what I mean. You still love him,  _ don’t you _ ?” There’s no humor in his voice this time, instead his eyes are soft and his smile growing by the second I don’t reply. I finally sigh, giving up denying Sora’s accusations. 

“And it  _ sucks _ . After this week is over he’s gonna go  _ back  _ to California and keep living his dream by traveling all over the world with his  _ band _ . Even if he  _ does  _ play the festival there’s nothing  _ stopping  _ him from going back. And it’s not like I can  _ tell  _ him because then he’ll either get upset that I’m trying to get in his way  _ or  _ he’ll just give me another shitty pickup line and  _ ditch  _ me the morning after.” Sora’s excited expression fades and turns into one of sadness, visibly hurting. 

“Do you really think Axel is the kind of person to do that?” I shrug uselessly, lowering the brim of my hat to avoid looking at him. 

“We thought he would have the heart to do the festival no questions asked. I don’t know what kind of person he is anymore. Looking back on it now, it was a really bad idea. I just don’t want to look back on this and think that I hurt our chances by telling him about my feelings. Besides- I loved the genuine, caring,  _ passionate  _ Axel. Not this unhappy, fake  _ shell  _ of someone named Axel.” Sora’s determination that he showed at the town hall flares up in his eyes as he stops me in my tracks, the horse braying at the sudden stop. 

“You’re his  _ best friend _ , if  _ anyone  _ can bring Axel back out of his shell it’s  _ you _ . I’m not telling you how to run your love life, but all I’m saying is that there shouldn’t  _ be  _ an ‘old’ and ‘new’ Axel. He’s the same person you’ve loved since he moved away, just older and with his own demons to fight. This time it’s  _ your  _ turn to be there for him. He needs you.” 

~

I can’t resist looking back at Roxas as he heads off towards the stables with Sora, wanting nothing more than to pull him close and kiss him just  _ one  _ more time… It’s unfair how much that stupid old hat makes him all the more sexier… I run both hands through my hair in annoyance at my thought process, wishing that either god strikes me down where I stand for my sins or at least gives me a  _ sign  _ on what I should choose. On one hand, I feel like I can hardly breathe when I’m around Roxas… Everytime those soft blue eyes stare right into mine or those gentle pouty lips curl into a smile, I have to force myself not to agree to the festival then and there and kiss him.  _ Again _ . Since it went  _ so  _ well the first time. Yet on the other hand; It wasn’t even his idea to reach out to me in the first place. If the camp was doing fine on it’s own, would he have  _ ever  _ messaged me? 

But that’s not a fair way to think, since it really does go both ways… Even after Pete loosened his grip on me I could have gotten ahold of him myself, but I let my schedule stop me every time. I made excuses for everything and eventually I just forgot for a while, which gives truth to Roxas’ words from last night, it hurting even more. _ ‘I was secretly afraid you had moved on without me.’  _ How can I tell myself I love him if I let myself forget about him? A small part of me blames it on the shows, meet and greets, and recording sessions, which was a big part of it too. Yet whenever I tried going out to the bar and finding a random fuck to ditch in the morning, I felt disgusting and all I could do was remember how much I wanted to talk to Roxas. I still rarely turned down a willing guy - and  _ everyone  _ was willing… Seeing Roxas’ beautiful smiling face this morning, hair disheveled and clothes wrinkled from spending the night snoring next to me, I realized that I might  _ never  _ be as happy as I was in that moment. 

I sigh heavily, my heart weighted down with two choices that will end up shaping the rest of my life; Do I play the show in San Francisco, chasing down the last few years of fame all over the  _ globe, _ making  _ millions  _ of people happy with  _ my  _ music? Or do I play the festival and stay here with  _ Roxas _ , and get to see that same smile  _ every  _ morning from now on? The choice is obvious to different people, but when you’re trapped between wanting what you  _ thought  _ was your dream and realizing you  _ might  _ have a  _ new  _ dream...it’s different… 

Thankfully the hulking tour bus we’ve been confined to for the past few weeks stops in front of the gates to the camp, almost too tall to clear the surrounding tree branches and leaves. Birds cry as they flee from their nests in the trees, disturbed by the massive bus as the doors push open with a hiss. 

“ _ This _ is the place you want to play that stupid carnival for?!” Pete sneers as he lumbers off the bus, followed by the rest of my band. He spits his tobacco onto the fresh cut grass, making me grimace. Demyx stretches with a loud, happy sigh before Xigbar nudges him to the side with an eye roll. Zexion casts Xig a glare before taking his place at Demyx’s side. 

“It doesn’t smell anything like Cali,” He notes, looking around at the scenery. 

“I think I can finally remember what clean air smells like.” Demyx jokes, taking a big inhale before Xigbar elbows him in the ribs, causing him to cough roughly. 

“As if, this place smells like a shit factory gone wild.” He glances at Demyx for a moment, who gives a forced laugh and avoids Xigbar’s gaze. 

“Haha, totally…” Pete rolls his eyes and takes a few steps into the camp before swearing in disgust. 

“These shoes are fuckin’ italian- god damn hee haw stupid gravel- Where the hell is this kid you wanted us to meet anyways? And what the  _ hell  _ are you wearing?!” I bite my tongue, crossing my arms to hide the bright yellow bird stretched across my chest while cars begin to pull up beside the bus. Must be more campers… 

“He had to  _ deal  _ with something- he’ll be here shortly. And you’ve  _ met  _ him before.” Pete goes to spew off another nasty retort only to be elbowed out of the way by a sudden mob of people, each one with camera and notepads in hand. Bright flashes blind me and my bandmates as we’re quickly surrounded, the reporters barrage of questions disorienting. 

“Are the Bleeding Nobodies taking a break?!” I shield my eyes from the flashing cameras. 

“Do you have a secret lover hiding here?!” I scoff in annoyance as my feet are stepped on and elbows jab into me as they try to get the better shot. 

“Are you going to play the festival this weekend?!” I growl in frustration, trying to find my manager in all the chaos. He’s usually the one who wrangles them. 

“Is the tour  _ cancelled _ ?!” I’m forced back by the crowd as Pete forces Zexion back onto the bus, seeming to have lost Demyx and Xigbar in the mess of flashing cameras and microphones shoved in my face, assuming the must’ve snuck back on themselves. He merely sneers at me and laughs with that obnoxious gritty tone. 

“ _ Good luck _ ,” The doors close and the bus speeds off, nearly missing a few of the reporters in their haste. That fucking  _ asshole _ ! I bet he’s the one who called them in the first place! The wave of questions finally cease as hooves beat the ground, causing the reporters to mumble in confusion before being pushed back by the wall of horses that stomp and force them back. Fueled by their fear, the reporters finally take off back to their cars and speed away, a brave few remaining with steeled nerves. Roxas pushes to the front of the pack, horse bucking and giving a loud warning to  _ back off _ . 

“Git the hell  _ outta  _ here ya damn’  _ vulchers _ , festival’s not til this weekend!” They finally take the hint and scurry back to their cars, shouting out a few questions but only getting Roxas’ famous glare in return. He runs his hand over his horse’s neck, rewarding him for a good job before turning back to face me with worry etched into his beautiful face. “You okay? They didn’t hurt you or nothin’ right?” I take a few breaths to calm my racing heart, having to compose myself after that living nightmare. 

“I’m okay, thank you for helping me. I  _ wanted  _ you to meet the band but Pete carted them away and left me to deal with those fucking  _ leeches  _ with cameras. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to that, usually there’s a bodyguard or even Pete to get them to back off.” Roxas merely sends me a grin, my heart jumping into my throat. 

“I guess I’m your knight in shining armor,” I snort as he dismounts. 

“You’re even on horseback… I suppose that means I don’t have to protect you anymore.” His smile softens as he holds the reins tightly.

“Suppose’ not. Looks like it’s my turn to return the favor, if you’ll let me. Got it memorized?” His eyes sparkle with an underlying meaning, his smile dazzling me every time I see it. I can’t help but chuckle at my old catch phrase being used against me. 

“Always…” 

Riku - who looks nothing like the 12 year old I remember- clears his throat as Sora merely watches us with a shit eating grin, like he knows something I don’t.  

“When Sora said you were here I didn’t think he was telling the truth for a moment ‘til someone reported a tall redhead getting mobbed.” I sheepishly rub my neck with a laugh. 

“A rockstar’s 90% about presentation.” I joke before getting a few laughs. Riku checks his watch before catching Sora’s attention. 

“The orientation should be wrapping up soon, let’s get the horses ready. Nice seeing you again Axel, hopefully I’ll catch you on the trail.” He tips his hat in goodbye, casting Roxas the same look Sora had before they both leave. 

“We’re taking the campers horseback riding for the first activity to get them familiar with the horses and the Everfree forest.” Roxas mentions as he starts walking me back towards the stables. “If you think you can handle riding a horse again you’re more than welcome to join us.” I scoff and give Roxas a confident grin. 

“ _ Please _ , you forget who you’re talking to! I have a certain way with animals- _ AH! _ ” I reach out to stroke Dusk’s mane only to get my fingers nearly bitten off. I yank my hand away with a sharp swear, wanting to make sure my hand was still attached. “Sora was right, you  _ are  _ an asshole…” Roxas merely laughs, combing his fingers through Dusk’s mane. 

“An asshole that  _ saved  _ you from the paparazzi. Technically, you’re in my horse’s debt.” I scoff with an amused grin. 

“I think I can afford a couple carrots and oats.” 

“ _ Premium _ oats and carrots.” He corrects with that same playful sparkle in his eye, his lips curled into that pretty smile I can’t get enough of. 

“Only the best,” I breathe, offering a smile in return. 

~

I dodge and weave between the already prepped horses being carted from the barn, holding Axel’s hand to help him avoid getting in the way. 

“You sure it’s safe for kids to be riding on those?” He eyeballs the horses nervously. 

“Just don’t startle them and you’ll be just fine. And don’t stand behind them for too long without letting them know you’re there, or else they might take your knee out.” I advise, pausing at the last stall with a horse still inside. His coat is jet black and mane feathered yet wild, his polished inked hooves pawing at the bedding in his stall as he seems to take an interest in Axel. “I think he likes you,” I tease as I slide open the door, using a nearby rope to anchor him to the stall so he doesn’t try to escape. “This handsome boy is a Friesian. People usually have to pay up the nose to get a breed like this but we were really lucky to get a call from the local station saying that they just arrested someone with some neglected horses he was trying to sell on the black market.” The unnamed horse leans into Axel’s touch, silently asking him for more affection. 

“I’ve heard of people having puppy mills and doing that kind of thing to dogs but I never thought horses could be apart of that…” I sigh as I run a brush over the horses coat. 

“Most of the horses that they found were unfortunately too sick or old to live a good life, but we were able to save this cheerful guy. Although if the camp goes under, I’m not sure what we’re gonna do with him then.” I admit aloud, putting the brush back into the bucket and starting to get him saddled up. I pause when I see the hurt in Axel’s eyes, his feelings towards the horse already forming a deep bond only to be possibly stripped away if he chooses to leave. “We still haven’t named him yet, if you have any ideas.” I offer as I adjust the stirrups for Axel’s feet, although I’m sure he’ll need the longest length possible. His eyes light up at my suggestion and he mulls over a few ideas in his head, smoothing down the wild mane. 

“What about Charcoal?” I can’t help but chuckle at the juvenile name, yet ‘Charcoal’ seems to agree based off the braying. 

“I’d be careful, these breeds are known to be loyal to their riders, he might not like you riding him at first.” Axel merely brushes off my words, too excited to connect with his new horse. I show him how to put on the riding bridal and I hand him the reins. “He might try to test you a bit and be stubborn, but don’t be shy about standing your ground and making him move.  _ You’re  _ the boss.” I watch as Axel seems to snap back into the training he had when we used to ride together. He’s a touch tentative at first but after a few moments is easily able to navigate Charcoal outside the barn and into line with the other horses. 

“Hey, that wasn’t so bad, I think Charcoal really likes me.  _ Try  _ not to get jealous.” He winks at me as I bring Dusk to join the lineup. 

“Of a horse? I think I can manage.” I can’t help but laugh until Sora cuts in, a couple counselors following closely. 

“I dunno, that horse hasn’t really taken to anyone yet and it seems he’s got a bit of a crush on Axel.” He teases as the two counselors report for duty, trying to hold in their own snickers. I merely roll my eyes and gesture to the two new arrivals. 

“Aqua, Terra, this is-” Aqua interrupts with an excited smile, giving a curt wave. 

“I know who you are! You’re Axel,” I cringe as I watch Axel stiffen at the tone before plastering on that same practiced smile and fake laugh. 

“From the Bleeding Nobodies, yeah that’s-” 

“I’m sorry you’re  _ what’s  _ bleeding?” She cuts him off, her excitement turning to a dotting motherly expression. “I just meant that you’re Roxas’ friend that we’ve been hearing so much about from Sora and Riku. It’s nice to finally put a name to face!” Axel’s fake smile turns real as he visibly relaxes at finally being recognized as an actual person and not just the ‘famous guy’. 

“It’s nice to meet you too, I actually used to be a camper here for a couple years before moving to Los Angeles. Roxas was the one who convinced me to give this a fair shot.” He flashes me a private smile, making my heart flutter in response and I merely smile back, sharing a private moment. 

“We told the campers that you came here to get a mandated break. Although they don’t really buy that story, so I’d come up with an excuse if were you.” 

“GUYS LOOK IT’S  _ AXEL _ !” We all wince at the shrill shriek, Terra moving to stop the small group of campers.    


“I would make it a good one.” Aqua chimes in as Sora and Riku start getting the horses lined up to the training steps we use to help the kids reach the saddle. Axel nervously grips the reins and that fake smile is back into place, his posture tense and his rockstar persona taking over as campers try to get a good look from around Terra and Aquas arms. The horses begin to whine and shift at the sudden high pitched squeals and shouts, having to adjust to being near children again. 

“ _ Chocobos _ ,  _ enough _ .” Aqua and Terra back off and let me handle the starstruck campers. There’s only  _ six  _ of them? Even  _ with  _ the festival being advertised with the camp? And two of them are camp regulars... I shake myself out of the disappointment and continue. “My name is Roxas, second in command under the Camp Director. I’ll be around the camp for the next few days to shadow our guest Axel on his ‘break’. When Axel is  _ here _ , he’s just another camper, here for the  _ same  _ reasons you are. If I  _ see  _ or  _ hear  _ of any dis-respectfulness towards him or any other fellow camper, I’ll send you  _ right  _ to the Camp Director. And he’s  _ way  _ scarier than  _ anything  _ in those woods. Right Vanitas?” The black haired preteen scoffs and mumbles under his breath, crossing his arms over his chest in defiance. 

“Cloud doesn’t scare me anymore, I’m not a baby.” Cloud can sure scare  _ me  _ and I’m 23 years old… Thankfully they seem to settle down, yet I can’t help but let them get away with their whispers of excitement. If I saw Jason Momoa in person I’d freak out too... I nod to Aqua and Terra to continue with leading their campers as I mount my horse, catching Axel’s gaping stare. 

“What?” I ask with amusement, watching him ease himself onto Charcoal’s back. 

“My my my, listen to _you_! Not bad, _country boy._ Here I thought you might still be shy little Roxy from way back with the softest little voice,” I can’t help but enjoy the attention from Axel about my ‘time to be an adult and be in charge’ voice. I could shiver at the way he said ‘country boy’… I merely flash him a sly grin and a teasing wink. 

“Don’t get jealous.” I hum before nodding to Aqua to begin. 

“Just like what we said in orientation if you have any questions or concerns, you can come to anyone with the words ‘Counselor’ on the back of a yellow shirt. If you can’t find one, then any other adult is trained to help, including the ranch hands. Today we’re going to be riding at a casual pace down a path into the Everfree forest. This is an exercise to learn more about nature and getting to know our partner that’s going to be helping you. Trust your horse, and it will trust you in return. If you don’t have any experience in riding, stay close to me or Terra and we’ll be here to help if you have troubles. We ride in a two by two line, and everyone needs to keep pace. I’ll be in the front, leading with this flag,” She extends a long pole and unfurls a flag with the Camp’s logo printed on it. “ Roxas and Axel will be in the rear making sure we stay together. The woods can, and  _ will, _ get dangerous so we need to make sure to be safe. Make an orderly line and we’ll get everyone saddled up.” Not long after we’re able to get all the campers saddled up, the regular campers ignoring the steps entirely and getting up with ease. 

“The speech has hardly changed after all this time, I bet I can still quote it.” Axel hums to himself making me laugh. 

“Doubt it, it’s not like you ever felt like paying enough attention. You just wanted to get on the horse and take off.” After Vanitas takes to the saddle he tries to sprint ahead of the pack before Terra cuts him, his bulky horse easily blocking the path. “Remind you of someone?” I tease as Axel laughs, sitting back in his saddle. 

“He’s like a little me. But my hair was better.” I nudge him with a laugh as we finally get the last kid saddled up. 

Not long after we turn into a convoy of horses, keeping a light pace as we begin to make our way along the worn path surrounding the camp, trees blocking our view from any signs of civilization. Even with the breathtaking landscape, many of the campers keep their eyes practically glued to Axel. They argue for a closer place in line before Terra orders the more introverted ones to be in the back with us. Shy kids are my expertise, and I’m sure Axel will be relieved to not be bombarded with tons of questions and more screams.  

“So, why did you wanna come to Camp Chocobo for your break, Axel? If, you don’t mind me asking.” A soft voice pulls me out of my thoughts as I look ahead at the two horses in front of us. The camper who spoke has to brush away his bangs, revealing bright blue eyes that dart between Axel and I. He struggles to keep his horse from stopping to eat at the grass every few feet while trying to twist in the saddle to talk to us. 

“Don’t  _ question  _ him, Ven! He’s famous as  _ shit _ , he can do whatever he wants.” Ven merely grins at Vanitas who interrupts. These two have been coming to camp for a few years now, and for some reason they’ve been attached at the hip. Where ever Ven goes, so does Vanitas and vice versa. Axel merely chuckles at their back and forth. 

“I  _ promise  _ you can talk to me or ask me anything you want, as long as you don’t turn into a mob like before. I  _ am _ a camper just like you after all," He easily retorts. I can’t help but be a touch surprised at how well he’s handling the kids so far. It’s not like I expected him to be mean to them, but it’d be understandable if he was standoffish at best. I’m glad he’s proving me wrong. The blond hair boy smiles ear to ear and excitedly offers his name. 

“I’m Ventus! But my friends call me Ven.” Vanitas scoffs and rolls his eyes. 

“Everyone is your friend, Ven.” Ven flushes, pushing his hair out of his eyes. 

“So what, I like meeting new people.” I glance from Vanitas to Ven, getting a flashback of Axel and I when we were that age. Although, there’s a clear hint of something more than friendship brewing between them… 

“Nice to see you for another year Ven and Vanitas. But that’s a great question Ven! Axel, why  _ are  _ you here for your ‘break’?” I ask, giving him a sly smile. I’m curious to what excuse he can come up with to cover his real motives,  _ and  _ it’s a chance to fish for a compliment about my ranch. Axel glances over at me with a sad smile, nothing fake or teasing about his gaze. “I'm here because I made a promise to someone very important to me a long time ago, and it's about time that I finally make good on my promise…  _ And  _ I was an idiot for not doing it sooner. I had the chance to take some time off, so I'm here to join you as a fellow camper so I can remember what it was like when I went here as a kid.” Axel’s words were touching, even if it brings back bitter memories that still leave scars to this day. I could dwell on how long it took for me to get over Axel and realize he was never coming back, wanting to assume the worst about him and figuring that he went off to Hollywood and forgot about me. Even after his apology from last night and even now, it still stings to think that he  _ did _ . Yet I can’t say that everything that happened is  _ his  _ fault, if it wasn’t for me and my stupid decision at that talent show, he would have  _ never  _ left. But he did, and he only came back because my plea bargain. One that might decide the future of our relationship. I can’t  _ force  _ him to stay and do our festival, but if he goes back to California for the San Fran show, I can’t say that I’ll want to see him again. It might sound selfish, but after how  _ close  _ we were as kids, if he can walk away from my camp, he’s walking away from  _ me…  _ I wouldn’t be so ‘do or die’ about the situation, but we’re trying to save my  _ home _ , and he didn’t seem to care much back at the cafe. Yet he IS here after all, so maybe our friendship still means more to him than I realize...? Despite it all, I can’t help the bitterness that flares up in response, not willing to let such a painful moment go so easily.

“Hm, yeah, well, shame you’re not here on your  _ own  _ accord. But, you’re right about one thing. You’re an idiot.” I give him a venomous smile before dropping into a scowl, letting old wounds speak for me. 

“ _ Counselor Roxas _ , do I sense hostility towards a  _ fellow camper _ ?” Terra warns, looking back at me with a glare that says ‘Cool it, you’re gonna blow it.’ 

“Of course not Terra, just playful banter.” I retort before letting out a deep, annoyed sigh. Ven and Vanitas laugh easily at my pain while I catch the regret flash in Axel’s expression before he takes to staring at the trees passing by dejectedly. 

“I feel like there’s something going on that I  _ really  _ wanna know about.” Vanitas says, giving me an interested grin while Ven gives Axel a once over. 

“I feel like there’s some unresolved feelings that you guys need to work through.” He offers with an honest shrug. Vanitas sputters and gives him a bewildered stare. 

“What are you  _ talking  _ about Ven? You got rocks for brains or something?” I pause at Ven’s weird speculation, forgetting my petty anger in favor of laughing, as does Axel. 

“Well, being a kid  _ does  _ mean having a really wild imagination, I suppose.” I shrug, the guilt at my hard tone eating away at me. Maybe I was too rude to Axel? Terra is right, if I don’t relax, I’ll send him away by attacking him for what happened even though it should be so easy to move on. Damn it, why are we  _ like  _ this? We can barely  _ talk  _ because we’re both so  _ bullheaded  _ and can’t let go of a grudge. It’s not like I didn’t  _ try  _ to contact Axel at first, it’s just, his manager would intercept all my attempts. I just, gave up when phone calls stopped working. He’s here  _ now  _ and that should be all that matters. At least, until it’s time to make a choice of my own… Do I tell him I love him and make his decision all the more difficult, or do I say  _ nothing  _ and always wonder what  _ might  _ have been? I guess I just wanted the Axel I remembered. But people change, and so have I. Reaching over, I place a hand on his, giving it a squeeze. 

“I’m happy you’re here, Axel. I’ve missed you, and you’ll always be more than a famous rockstar, because you’re my  _ best friend _ . I miss being able to talk without arguing every few seconds, so… Truce? For friendship sake?” I ask, putting on a sincere smile, cocking my head to the side to try and catch his eyes. He squeezes my hand back, practically feeling the happiness  _ radiating  _ from him. 

“Truce… You're just lucky that it's  _ impossible  _ to be upset with you.” He teases before going back to smiling at me like he won the lottery.  Vanitas makes a puking sound and turns back around to pay attention to the trail while Ven sighs happily. 

“Told ya.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone had a good holiday season! Thank you guys for your patience with this new chapter, it's extra long to make up for the hiatus! Unfortunately the updates might be a little slower because I'm starting to work on my cosplay for Anime Iowa, and we might be getting a dog here in a few months, so life has me quite busy! I'll still do my best to update promptly but do expect delays! Thanks again for reading and reviewing, I hope you guys enjoy!

The house creaks and groans as it begins to settle in for the night, the moonlight casting over the pair of sleeping boys camped out on my pullout couch. I tiredly rub my face as I ease into a nearby arm chair, my body aching from a long day’s work. Soft, warm hands rest on my shoulders and begin to gently massage my worn muscles.

“I never signed up for a second kid, yet I wish he was mine. What kind of  _ parents  _ agree to this sort of thing?” I lean back into the warm hands, tilting my head back as I close my eyes. 

“You’re a good man, Cloud. All we can do is try to help them do what’s right for their child, like we do for Roxas.” Aerith's hand moves along my back as she comes to sit on the arm of my chair, looking down at the boys. 

“How are we supposed to tell Roxas that his best friend is getting dragged to California by that fat sweaty guy claiming to be a music manager? He’s finally coming out of his shell and making more friends because of Axel, but… Kids move away all the time, they’re only 13. It shouldn’t be that big of a deal, right?” Aerith sighs, her voice tense and her body tired. 

“If only it were that simple… They love each other more than even  _ we  _ can understand.” I pat her leg, heaving another heavy sigh. The boys have hardly known much of a life outside of each other yet they hold a bond even an old rancher can’t figure out… 

“The only thing we can do for them is try to reason with people who only see the  _ price tag  _ hanging over Axel’s head ever since that show.” Aerith softly sniffles, moving to dab at her eyes weakly. 

“It’s not fair… My baby is losing his mother and his best friend- It’s not fair. I can’t be there to hold him when his heart heals…”  I swallow around a hard lump in my throat, gripping my wife’s weak hand desperately as I catch her eyes. 

“That’s why we have to  _ try _ -” My hardly comforting words are cut short by sharp banging on the door. Axel sighs sleepily and merely rolls over, snuggling up to Roxas’ back. I stride to the door to stop the noise, casting a look of disdain towards Axel’s father -Reno. He’s dressed in a loose button up and black jacket to attempt any look towards upper class, dull red hair was pulled back into a long ponytail with tattoos curved along his eyes. 

“Evening Cloud, Aerith. Looks like your camp finally made it’s worth! You got a future rockstar in your midsts.” He flashes that annoying smirk at me once again, expecting some sort of reaction. I merely stare at him, my emotions cold and letting him know he’s not here for friendship. Not anymore. 

“Thank you for coming, Reno.” Aerith cuts in between us, pulling her shaw over herself to keep warm. “Where’s your wife?” She asks, her tone still sweet and soft like she can actually stand speaking with him. 

“Probably with some fuckin’ guy in a motel somewhere, who knows. We don’t need that old bag to have a nice visit, do we?” My glower doesn’t change, but Aerith's facade of dealing with this scumbag falters a touch before recovering with a false smile. 

“We’re just glad you came over! The boys are sleeping in the living room so we should head to the kitchen to talk.” Reno rubs his hands together as he steps inside, heading straight to the kitchen, leaving muddy tracks in his wake. 

“Just cleaned these floors-” I grumble under my breath. Reno makes a beeline for the fridge, not even bothering to  _ glance  _ at his sleeping son. Sure enough I find him already halfway into one of my beers, tipping his head back and chugging like a frat dick before he notices my unwavering glare. 

“Oh shit my bad,  _ you  _ want one? Gotta take the edge off after dealing with that kid all day, amiright?” He laughs at his own joke at his son’s expense before pushing a beer in Aerith hand. 

“Come on Aeri, might as well live up your last days!” I bristle at his laughter, taking a hard step towards Reno before Aerith holds me back, her eyes pleading for me to keep calm. She sets the beer aside before gesturing to the kitchen table. 

“There’s something we wanted to talk to you about, Reno. It’s about Axel.” He pauses in his binging, his eyes wide with surprise before narrowing in anger. He slams the can down on the counter, his voice raising. 

“What did that little  _ shit  _ do now? He’s gonna blow our shot at getting fucking rich in Hollywood by acting up- AXEL!” He tries to storm past us to get to yell at his son who was hopefully still asleep in the living room. I quickly catch Reno’s arm, stopping him in his tracks. 

“ _ He _ didn’t do anything wrong. Reno, you can’t move to California just because this random guy from Hollywood claims Axel will make you money! What happens if you move all the way out there and it turns out to be a scam, then you’re stuck all the way out there and I won’t be there this time to bail you out.” Reno scoffs, and it’s clear my words went one ear and out the other. He’s so blinded by his greed to see the dangers of this deal. 

“I don’t  _ need  _ you to fucking bail us out, Cloud! We’re not teenagers anymore, and I’m  _ not  _ an idiot! If one guy saw the potential of Axel, then  _ hundreds  _ of other managers will! Sooner or later Axel will be our ticket into the life we  _ both  _ deserve.” This time, Aerith steps in, her soft voice now steeled and her eyes locked on Reno. 

“He’s not a ‘ticket’, he’s your  _ child _ . One who needs their father to act like one.” Reno leans in, his beer forgotten and his tone sour. 

“You think I  _ like  _ leaving him here with you all the fucking time?! He’s always such an  _ asshole  _ when Roxas isn’t around- talking back to me and acting up. If he really does make it in Hollywood then  _ maybe  _ he’ll finally think his dad is doing what’s best for him! I  _ love  _ my son, but it’s  _ hard  _ and I didn’t  _ ask  _ to have him!” 

“You’ve been a fucking parent for 13 years now,” Aerith finally explodes, her voice still in a hushed whisper but that doesn’t change the anger behind her words. “Axel’s a good person and he’s apart of our family, so don’t start  _ acting  _ like you’re actually thinking about your son!” I try to calm Aerith down, able to tell that she’s getting more worked up than I thought, but she ignores me.  “If you  _ were  _ thinking about him you wouldn’t  _ force a 13 year old  _ into a life  _ known  _ for sex and drugs. You need to man the hell up and think about  _ Axel  _ for once in your damn life.” She stumbles as she heaves a heavy growl. “Get the  _ hell  _ out of my house.” She leans almost all her weight onto me as she struggles to breathe, her beautiful green eyes that once reminded me of nature, now dulled with the illness eating away at her. Reno looks to me as if I was going to say differently, but I pay him no mind as I help her ease into a kitchen chair. 

“You’re his father, you need to decide what’s best for him.” Reno’s expression is etched with a mixture of emotions, but he finally settles on sadness. He goes to retort, but a sleep ridden voice cuts through the tension. 

“I want to move, dad.” We all look over to Axel, red hair mused from sleep and his eyes puffy like he was crying. “If we can make money and stuff like you said, then you won’t have to be mad at me anymore. I promise I’ll be better- honest.” I grip Aerith's shoulders tightly as she looks away, her body shaking with silent tears. My voice catches around the anxiety in my throat as Reno kneels before the boy. Please, do the right thing for  _ once  _ Reno… 

“Thank you, Axel. You’re a good boy.” Reno merely pats him on the arm while Axel offers a weak smile. He glances up at me with heartbreaking sadness and tries to glance at Aerith before weakly smiling. 

“I just want to help,” Reno nods as he stands, his hands shaking slightly as he pulls a cigarette out of his pocket. 

“I know, and by choosing to move, you are. Making the right choices, like a man should.” Reno casts me one last silent look as his goodbye before he silently slips around Axel and back out the front door, this time closing it a lot softer than usual, not even bothering to take his son with him. I quickly help Axel back to bed, yet he pauses when Roxas stirs awake. 

“Axel? Where’d ya go?” Axel wipes at his eyes and jumps back in next to Roxas, covering the both of them back up. 

“Just had a bad dream is all. Night Roxy,” 

“Night Axel.” Roxas falls asleep easily once again, yet Axel’s gaze lingers on my back as I go back to the kitchen. 

“I can always visit, right Uncle Cloud?” I grip the doorway of the dining room tightly, closing my eyes tightly. I struggle to find the right words. 

“This, isn’t a choice you should be making Axel. Just- Think about what matters most…” With those somber words I leave him to sleep, if he can. I sit in a chair next to Aerith, putting a gentle hand on hers. 

“It’s not fair that a father like him gets the chance to raise his child…” She sighs, her eyes filling with tears as she moves to sit in my lap. She buries her face into my chest and I run my fingers through her once thick brown hair, careful to avoid the pink bow clipped in, reminding me of those times I used to hold her when we were teenagers. I look to the ceiling, offering my silent comfort as the kids continue to snore peacefully from the sofa bed. 

“We just have to be here for them now, be the parents that we want Axel to have until it’s too late…” I hope Reno makes the right choice before it’s too late...

~

_ “God damn it, what happened to you? You sang like a bird at that stupid camp show and now you sound like you were shot!” I wince at Pete’s harsh words being said over our headsets, his fat finger jabbing against the glass at our newest member. His eyes widen a fraction in fright before narrowing in defiance.  _

_ “I AM singing like at the show, maybe you just-” I quickly put a hand on Axel’s skinny shoulder, stopping him from making Pete even more upset, only leading to more screaming and punishments.  _

_ “Come on, can’t we take a break Pete, we’ve been going all morning.” Pete merely scowls and rubs his thick chin, stroking the stubble haphazardly shaved.  _

_ “Five minutes.” He barks before turning in his chair to complain to the sound operator. I roll my eyes before turning to Axel, who now has tears pricking the corner of his eyes. He merely scowls angrily at Pete and quickly swipes at his eyes. Offering a water bottle to him, he gives me a once over and takes it from me, taking a long drink.  _

_ “This is stupid, all he does is yell and eat - nothing but shit going in and coming out of his mouth.” I can’t help but laugh, knowing it’s pretty much the truth. Axel’s anger seems to dwindle and he cracks a grin himself. “My best friend Roxas always had better jokes. I wonder what he’d say if he met Pete too.” His brief moment of happiness fades once again at the mention of this ‘Roxas’ person, who must have been someone he was close to before Pete dragged him to join our growing band.  _

_ Even my parents thought I was too young to join at 16, yet Pete comes along a few weeks ago with this 13 year old fresh from Oregon and claiming he’s going to be the face of our so called ‘band’. He’s only started to open up to me, yet he’s still intimidated by Xigbar, Which isn’t surprising, since he’s not the most welcoming guy… But I’ve been trying to help Axel and keep him from the brunt of Pete’s anger.  _

_ “Just follow my lead and we’ll get through this.” I whisper to Axel, who merely nods.  _

_ “Thanks, Demyx. You’re a good friend.  _ ****  
  


“Some friend…” I whisper to myself, staring at my twitching hands, my foot tapping to a silent rhythm to keep my anxiety under control. I _guess_ I can understand Xigbar’s intentions with this plan… We’ve been working _just_ has hard as Axel, if not _longer_ , to get where we are today. I was the one who helped him out when he first showed up, not that I didn’t want to, but it was really surprising that Pete had pulled a kid who could barely hold a _note_ and plopped him into the mindset of becoming the face of a band. 

Pete almost sent Axel back home, but Axel finally let Pete guide him and shape him into the showman he is now. Sure he can be a bit of a diva now and then, but he still turned out to be that same country kid from that backwater town, even after being under  _ Pete’s  _ guidance for so long. Although it’s hard to miss the small notes of self destruction within Axel. Showing up to rehearsal too  _ hungover  _ to sing, inviting  _ strangers  _ into the hotel and leaving them to show up at our meet and greets  _ begging  _ for another night with him… He used to be so passionate about getting to perform and sing, but now it feels like he’s lost that fire within him. He’s been distancing himself from everyone, myself included. I’m afraid of the road Axel is going down, and thanks to Pete, there’s a brick on the gas pedal… Part of me is afraid for my friend, yet after talking to Xigbar I can’t help but feel angry. Why does  _ he  _ get to make this choice for us, he hasn’t even been in the band as long as the rest of us and yet our future depends on him. I’m happy he’s able to see Roxas again after all these years, but Xigbar  _ does  _ have a valid argument. 

“I suppose it will be exciting to see the ‘Roxas’ person Axel has been mentioning for a while now. Yet I haven’t heard his name come up recently, so I am surprised that he would want to accept his deal.” Zexion’s eyes track the trees that fly by as we ride down the gravel road towards the camp that we were told to visit so we can get a look for ourselves and meet Roxas in person. 

“Yeah, I’m sure Axel’s even more excited than we are.” I weakly joke before going back to my thoughts that only heighten my anxiety. Xigbar’s right about Zexion, too. Who’s to say what’ll happen to the rest of us if we split up, who’s to say that Zexion will even want to be with me after all this is over? I know I should trust him more but I can’t help but worry that he’ll realize we were only together because of the band, and move on without me or- 

“Demyx, breathe.” Zexion places a gentle hand on my shaking ones, catching my eyes. I follow his breathing instructions, my mind washing away all the negative thoughts I let myself derail into. After a few moments, I squeeze Zexion’s hands with a nod. 

“I’ll be okay, just thinking way too much again.” He shares a private smile with me, and I finally feel like I really  _ will  _ be okay. 

“I know… And it’s okay, I understand. I’m just glad you’re doing better.” I’ll do whatever it takes for us to stay together, I  _ promise…  _

“Thanks, I-” The bus lurches to a stop, the breaks grinding to a halt as the doors fly open. Pete shoves his way to the front of the bus and Zexion carefully takes his hands back to avoid any suspicion. There’s no way in hell Pete would stand for us being in a relationship, he would claim it’s too distracting and make an ultimatum… I try to follow Zexion off the bus, but Xigbar holds me back with a sharp tug on my shirt. 

“You remember the plan, right?” I roll my eyes in annoyance. 

“ _ Yes _ , kind of hard to forget when I feel so gross about it.” He merely scoffs at my whining. 

“Don’t lose your balls and back out  _ now.  _ We’re doing what’s best for the band, isn’t that what matters? All we gotta do is make sure Axel has the worst experience back at camp and get him pissed off enough to come back to Cali with us! He’ll forget all about blondie and this shit pile of dirt and remember that he  _ belongs  _ with  _ us _ .” I grimace at hearing the plan out loud again, still not sitting right with me,  _ but  _ he’s right. It’s too late to back out… “Did you call the reporters like I asked?” I nod, my stomach churning as my anxiety flares up again. 

“Yeah, as soon as we left the motel. They should be here any second.” He smirks and turns me around, pushing me off the bus. 

“Excellent work. Pete’s too petty to fight them off, so they’ll hound the shit out of Axel and his cover will be blown. The press will run wild with stories and tabloids and force Axel to make a statement about what’s going on.” I sigh as I step off the bus only to be practically trampled by paparazzi. “Ah, right on schedule.” He laughs, pushing me to the side as they form a small crowd around Axel. As predicted, Pete merely gets back on the bus with Zexion and almost immediately speeds off. We hightail it to the nearest thicket of bushes, crouching in the grass to watch the journalists unleash on Axel. 

“So what’s the point of doing anything else to him if the media will force him to choose?” Xigbar pushes me further down out of sight before peaking out once again.

“We need to make sure Axel chooses to be with the band, and there’s no telling what he could be thinking when he’s around his ‘best friend’.” I sigh in annoyance, merely watching with Xigbar. Our plan is almost immediately ruined when a fleet of horses show up to Axels aid, pushing away the crowd and scaring them off before they can really make him sweat. “Fucking hicks.” He spits at the group that cheerfully talk with Axel before zeroing in on the short blond Axel gravitates towards.

“What do we do  _ now _ ?” Xigbar merely chuckles, turning on his heel and pushes me further into the hidden areas of the campground. 

“He wants to play cowboy,  _ fine _ . We’ll show him what it’s  _ really  _ like to get dirty.”

~

“Are you  _ sure  _ snakes scare horses? I thought that was just a myth or something.” I let the garter snake slither around my arm, it’s small read resting comfortably on my palm. I carefully step over leaves and roots, following Xigbar’s path and making sure that the herd of horses being ridden along the trail are a good distance behind us. He angrily slaps his phone before shoving it down into his pocket, making me stop and crouch down again. 

“Fuck if I know, I can’t get any god damn  _ reception  _ to check. Shit- here they come!” We crouch down as the horses begin to pass us, the faint voices of the riders easily able to hear. 

“I’m happy you’re here, Axel. I’ve missed you, and you’ll always be more than a famous rockstar, because you’re my best friend. I miss being able to talk without arguing every few seconds, so… Truce? For friendship sake?” Xigbar pretends to gag and rolls his eye. 

“As if…” He gives me a look as I carefully stroke the snacks back with a smile. 

“I miss my pet snake I used to have,” 

“Throw the damn thing!” Xigbar hisses at me. 

“I can’t throw him- he could get hurt! And so could those kids, I don’t-” Xigbar snarls at me and grabs the snake from my arm, throwing it into the herd of horses. The poor snake hisses and snaps at the horse Roxas was one, causing it to rear and scream in shock. Chaos ensues as the other horses take off down the trail at the warning, campers yelling in fear and the counselors taking off after them with their own shouts. I watch in horror as Roxas’ back slams against the gravel trail, his back arching from shock and his head rebounding off the rocks. 

“Run, run away!” I hiss at Xigbar, wanting to bolt off into the forest at the first sign of trouble. I  _ knew  _ this was a bad idea! 

“Ah he’s  _ fine _ , stay and watch the show.” Xigbar yanks me back down and out of sight, a malicious grin worthy of matching the devil’s.

~

I pat Dusk’s neck as I merely laugh at Ven and Van’s antics, almost feeling like I was in some bad romantic comedy if the  _ kids  _ want us together. I go to retort, but it’s as if time slowed to a halt, yet fast forwarding at the same time. The snake comes out of nowhere as if it leapt into the air on its own and effectively startles my horse. It rears back in defense and starts to stamp at the ground to kill the snake, but I can’t find my balance in time. I slip off the back of my horse, sharp stones digging into my back and my vision going black for a moment as my head connects with the ground. I instinctively roll to the side even through my pain, avoiding the hooves slamming back down to the ground. 

“ _ Roxas _ !” I craddle my head in my arms as I can’t help but curl up in pain, avoiding laying on my back. I struggle to regain my breathing, struggling to suck in air as Axel grabs the snake and tosses it back into the bushes. He grabs the reins of my horse, forcing it back to the ground with sharp commands. “It’s gone, it’s gone, it’ll be okay.” He softly whispers to Dusk, getting him to calm down enough so I don’t get struck by his erratic hooves and bucking. 

Axel finally slides over the gravel as he falls to his knees, his hands shaking has his eyes look me over in worry. He gingerly helps me sit up, pulling me into his lap as he checks the back of my head for any signs of blood. 

“Do you feel dizzy? Is anything numb?” He voice is etched with worry, his arm cradling me as his free hand checks for any concerning wounds. He brushes my bangs out of my face, gently turning my head. 

“I-I’m fine, just took a bad fall.” I manage to breathe, my chest heaving as I regain my senses. I’m forced to blink away the blurriness at the edge of my vision, my head and back protesting at being bounced around. I rub at my sore back, brushing away the dust and small pebbles that seemed to lodge themselves into my clothes. 

“I was so scared when I saw you fall, and that stupid snake just came out of nowhere-” His hand rests on my cheek, his worried expression only making me smile and give a soft laugh. 

“Even after all this time you’re still trying to protect me?” Axel merely scoffs, pulling a gentle smile. 

“I got ten years worth of protecting to make up for, don’t I?” My heart hammers in my chest so loudly that I’m afraid Axel will catch on… He’s grown from that string bean of a spit fire into a 6 foot tall, full fledged handsome adult, but… I never truly  _ saw _ him since the cafe. He made me so mad and even before it was just mindless teasing and hoping that the same person I loved as a child was still inside him, but… I see him so  _ differently  _ now that I see his more of the person he’s become. The  _ real  _ Axel... I’ve been willingly blinded by our rekindled friendship to  _ realize  _ what lies underneath all the nostalgia. I always knew I loved him since he left to California but after he came back and  _ knew  _ how to hurt me and  _ willingly  _ did so, and then making all those  _ stupid  _ jokes and his flirtation, I was afraid the person I once loved didn’t exist anymore. But I doubt the Axel from the coffee shop would be so willing to throw himself at a raging horse to protect me and the campers. Oh my god, I literally  _ fell  _ for Axel… With a soft groan I screw my eyes shut at the realization. 

“What- does something hurt?!” I sigh in defeat. 

“Only my  _ dignity _ .” Axel breathes a sigh of relief before giving me an eyeroll. 

“Not like you  _ had  _ much to begin with-  _ ow _ ! I just saved your life, you can’t  _ hit  _ me!” He whines and lets me go, rubbing at his chest where I punched him. He merely pouts before giving me a sly grin. “I think your  _ hero  _ deserves some compensation,” I send him a steeled glare as I rub at my back only to get a sheepish grin in response. “I’m  _ joking-  _ I swear. We really should get you some ice.” I take his outstretched hand and stumble to my feet, my head still pricking with pain. I rest my forehead on his chest, my fingers digging into his bicep as I close my eyes. 

“Just- hang on…” Warm, large hands rub my back as I take a few moments to gather myself, thankfully this time no stupid comment from Axel as I step away from him. “Just a hard fall, but I’ll be okay. We just started riding, I’d rather not cut the kid’s time short if I don’t have to.” Axel merely sighs, his eyebrows furrowed with worry as he looks me over. 

“Are you sure? It didn’t look great,” I merely wave his concerns away as I head back towards Dusk, patting him down and making sure he was ready to go again. 

“I was just surprised, I guess we both were. I’ll be sore for a few days, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. Riding horses can be dangerous, but usually this trail is safe… It’s like that snake came out of nowhere.” I glance back towards the hedges that line the wide trail only to be met with nothing suspicious. “I’m glad it was me rather than anyone else, but honestly, I’m very impressed by how you handled it, I admit.” Axel gives me a wolfish grin, leaning against his horse who merely whinnies at him in defiance. He quickly moves, making me chuckle under my breath as I mount Dusk. 

“I told you, I have a way with the animals.” I wait for him to mount with an amused hum. 

“Obviously, my mistake ‘O he who commands thy beasts’.” I click my tongue and snap the reins, finally getting back on track with the ride, although we were far behind the group. 

“Axel the incredibly attractive rockstar you still have a crush on after all these years?” I merely send him another unamused stare. He sighs and sits back as Charcoal keeps pace. “Too long, you’re right.” He gets that mischievous look on his face, the same one he gets whenever he’s about to do or say something he shouldn’t. “If you wanted to be in my arms again you could have  _ asked _ .” Bewildered, I accidently yank Dusk to a stop out of surprise. 

“What the hell are you  _ talking  _ about, did you not see that snake?!” He gives me a blank stare before giving me that stupid cheesy grin again. 

“Sure Rox, we’ll blame the ‘snake’. You’ve always been good at this kind of stuff, I just find it hard to believe that you’d get thrown so easily.” Nudging Dusk back to a walk, I sigh aloud. 

“Even if I  _ wanted  _ to ‘be in your arms again’, there are much easier ways to go about it than throwing myself from a horse. Hell, I didn’t even do anything and  _ you  _ kissed  _ me _ .” I counter with my own cocky grin, watching him falter as I call him out. 

“Well… You kissed me back! It was only for a moment, but that goes both ways!” I flush at his words, embarrassed by knowing all too well that he was in fact, correct. I  _ did  _ kiss him back, but… 

“The last time I saw you it was a really hard goodbye and I was just happy to see you again and know that we were still on good terms after all these years, at least for a little while.” I sigh, offering a small smile. “I’m still surprised that you even would  _ want  _ to go on a date with me after all those years of living it up in California. I don’t know if the movies about rock stars being sexed up druggies are true, but I figured I’d be on some sort of waiting list.” I lightly joke, yet hoping that wasn’t the truth with Axel. 

“W-Well I uh, I dunno I guess I was just happy to hear from you and I mistook your flirting. Honestly, I probably shouldn’t have even kissed you...” He glances away quickly, avoiding my eyes with his simple explanation. That hurt a lot more than I expected, even though I can’t expect him to still have feelings for me after all these years... It’s not like I did either, but after really talking to him last night and remembering how much I’ve missed having him around and when he was right at my side when I feel… 

“Ah. Makes sense.” I’m cool, I’m casual about being in love with my best friend, totally. 

“Not that I wouldn’t want to date you! I-If things were a little different-” Oh god please stop trying to ‘make it better’. 

“Right of course! Plus I’ve been in a few relationships anyways, but none of them lasted long.” That seemed to have gotten his attention again… 

“Why’s that?” He asks curiously. I merely shrug, giving a soft sigh. 

“Not enough time, I suppose. They would always be upset that I didn’t spend enough time with them that  _ wasn’t  _ spent on the ranch, and the relationship would just kind of fizzle out. Never really lasted with anyone, and I can’t say I’ve tried recently either. My mind’s been in about ten thousand other places recently. What about you? Long list of exes back in Cali?” Axel mulls it over for a few moments as if trying to figure out if he wants to give me a real answer or not. 

“You want the nice answer?” I bite the inside of my lip, trying to get my disappoint under control. I can’t be upset over past flings, but that won’t stop me… “Honestly, it’s  _ such  _ a shitty answer, but I have no idea. When I got older I was just having the time of my life, doing whatever Pete let me do and that included taking home random guys. At first it was thrilling to go clubbing and party and still have the energy for it, but I feel like I’ve hit my prime. And we’re only 23.” I wince as Axel seems to have a self realization, staring off into the thicket of trees along the trail. His hands fold over the saddle’s horn, readjusting in the saddle, trying to get familiar with riding again. 

“It feels like I’ve been alive for thousands of years by now. Different city every night yet the songs stay the same.” He chuckles with no trace of humor as he seems to be lost in thought. “Never really had a chance to breathe since I started singing,” He trails off quietly as if he wasn’t even allowed to be speaking so freely. I merely nod for him to continue. 

“I  _ thought  _ I was making the right choice at the time. I love singing to people who actually  _ understand  _ what music is all about, that it can mean whatever you need it to. It’s ever changing art and I think it’s great that I get to spread my art all over the country, but that line started to blur the longer I stayed under Pete’s management.” He rubs the back of his neck, offering another humorless laugh. “I don’t mean to push any of my problems on you Rox,” I quickly shake my head in disagreement, offering an encouraging hum. 

“You’re not, I promise. It’s normal to vent about your issues, it’s what friends do.” He seems to pause at my genuine interest, taking a long moment before breaking eye contact. 

“Guess it is… Pete would kill me if he heard me,” 

“Pete’s not here, Axel.” I cut in. “Just me, and it seems like you have a lot to get off your chest. I don’t mean to pry, but you’ve never been one to keep quiet about this kind of stuff.” I tease, my lips curling into a soft grin. His expression quickly matches mine, finally giving off a real laugh. 

“No, I guess I never did. You always  _ were  _ a good listener.” I shrug, giving a sincere smile. 

“You’re worth listening to.” Axel seems to falter at my words, his cheeks dusting a soft pink and his eyes widening a fraction. His standoffish demeanor now cracking into the 13 year old boy I fondly remember. 

“Y-You are too, Roxas… It’s just, sure there’s a lot of money in what I do and I make millions of people happy but I guess lately, it hasn’t been making me any happier than it used to. But enough about my issues with fame and fortune, it feels like you’ve been doing all the listening, so if there’s  _ anything  _ you wanted to talk about, I want to be there for  _ you,  _ too.” My heart squeezes at his kind words, his eyes soft yet determined to make things right between us again. I want so badly to forget this stupid bet and confess everything to him- but what good will breaking my heart again be? If this was a perfect world I would tell him how much I love and care for him, even after all these years and how much I’ve realized I want to be with him, to have a new life together where we both can finally enjoy the happiness we’ve been looking for… But, this world is far from perfect. We’re both imperfect, and we still act like kids fighting about who messed up more than the other. We called a truce, but what friendships force a ‘truce’ on themselves just to keep from fighting? 

“Our lives are polar opposites, yet I can relate to what you’re talking about.” I admit aloud. “I would never say this around any of the campers or even my counselors, but I’m fighting tooth and nail to keep this place open but honestly, it feels like I’m forgetting why I even bother. I know I’m supposed to be convincing you to help, yet it feels unfair to ask you to ruin your own career when I can’t even guarantee this festival will even  _ work _ .” If I really ask myself, do I even  _ want  _ it to? “It’s selfish to even think about it, but on really hard nights I just…” Axel’s soft gaze meets mine, sadness laced in his expression. “I think about how nice it would be to wake up and be able to sleep in for once.” He bursts out laughing, expecting a more serious answer. I can’t help but laugh along with him, a smile cracking my somber mood. 

“I’m so tired of waking up at sunrise every morning, it was pretty the first few hundred times, now I just want to beat the shit out of the sun.” I sigh as if letting go of a heavy secret while Axel continues to chuckle at my goal. 

“At least you can remember what a sun is. I feel like I’m trapped in a car or a building, being carted off from one place to the next. My fantasy is to walk down the street without getting hassled, to sing what  _ I  _ want,” He sits up straighter as he declares his demands, passion building inside. 

“To stop being needed every moment of the day,” I add, matching his excitement. “To have time for myself, get drunk at bars with my friends and sing shitty pop songs and text old friends,” Axel laughs, giving me a sly wink. 

“That’s a good one. Oh- and be able to eat all the junk food I want without getting on the front page of every tabloid.” Curious, I give him a confused look. 

“You almost ate the table this morning at breakfast, wouldn’t that get you in trouble?” His excitement and fire behind his words seem to dim at my questioning, as if he was sucked back into reality. 

“Well… Yeah. Yeah it could.” He rubs the back of his neck, looking away and becoming more reserved once again. “I guess I should be more grateful for the position I’m in, don’t get me wrong, but… I suppose that’s what happens when you let a 13 year old decide his destiny.” 

“I thought your dad  _ made  _ you move, it’s not like you had much of a choice.” Even though I stupidly believed he did, but I guess I wanted to find someone to blame for him leaving... He avoids my eyes as he lowers his head, seeming to mull over his thoughts before looking forward to the trail. 

“If we’re honoring this bet and the truce we made not to fight about what happened, then you need to know  _ everything _ .” My throat tightens and my heart races at his ‘matter-of-fact’ tone. Does he  _ know  _ about what I did? If he did, why not say something earlier? 

“ _ I _ made the choice to move to California.” Before I have time to react, he quickly retells everything that led to the decision finally being made. It hurt to hear the truth, and maybe if I was younger I would get upset at Axel and tell him I never want to see him again, but the world isn’t so black and white. He only wanted to leave because he thought it would make his dad happy… Thousands of questions jump into my mind at his confession but there’s only one that matters right now. 

“If you didn’t hear our parents that night, would you have still left?” I seem to catch Axel off guard with my question, his eyes going wide and his cheeks going pale. 

“Knowing what I know now, it’s hard to say. That’s, not an easy question.” My heart drops to the cold pit of my stomach where my fear lies, the cold sting of reality striking at my chest. “We were still kids, Roxas. What do you want me to say, I didn’t know what kind of future I would have had if I stayed and I would have been killing myself over not taking the chance to know what would happen if I went with Pete and then after hearing my dad-” He anxiously runs his hands through his hair, doubt obviously feeding off him. “It felt like it was my destiny to leave. It doesn’t mean I was happy about it- but what’s done is done, and I wanted you to know what actually happened.” I clear my throat from the hard lump of disappointment as I risk my next question. 

“Do you… regret leaving? Knowing what you do now?” Axel finally stops his horse, forcing me to do so as well.

“I don’t  _ know _ , Roxas! There’s not a lot I can say here- I…” He thickly swallows as he pauses, avoiding my hurt gaze. “I  _ was  _ in love with you when we were kids, but when I chose to  _ leave- _ ” He finally looks up at me, pain etched into his voice, his once handsome face now contorted in anguish. “I  _ had  _ to do what was right for my family, it’s no different than what you’re trying to do right now.” Struggling to catch my breath, my hands shake and my stomach clenches angrily, replaying the word  _ ‘was’  _ over and over in my head. 

“I loved you, Axel. I loved everything about you, your passion and drive- it took me so long to get over losing you too. I thought, you would have been the last thing in my life that would have been able to make everything turn out okay after…” 

“Losing me  _ ‘too’ _ ? What are you talking about?” If we’re trying to make things right, here and now… Then I have to tell him. 

“I thought you might have assumed after all these years, but… Aerith died a week after you left.” My words confirm his fears as he hangs his head, a weak laugh coming from somewhere deep inside. 

“I always assumed she did, but still… Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He isn’t angry, he just looks, tired. Like the weight of the world just gave him one more brick to handle. 

“I was upset, Axel. You left, then she passed away, and my dad shut down and still hasn’t been the same since- Nothing has been the same. It’s taken me years to be okay again after everything that’s happened, and it’s why I was so ‘crazy’ when you said all those things about the camp.” It’s like my life died with this camp, and I’m trying to revive a dead corpse… Axel tries to reach out towards me, his warmth radiating from his hand before he pulls it away with uncertainty. 

“I, I’m sorry-” I quickly shake my head as I snap the reins, starting down the trail at a slow pace again. 

“We can’t keep apologizing to each other for what happened… It’s pretty to hear but it doesn’t change anything. We’ve both sacrificed for the sake of our family, and now I’m just trying to keep  _ my  _ life going after all these years.” Axel stays in place on the trail, his gaze lingering on my back before he finally snaps. He races in front of me, stopping my horse and angrily throwing his reins back down to the saddle. Anger is written all over his face yet his eyes burn determination. 

“You keep saying we’re not kids anymore, and we’re not. It’s our turn to make our own destiny, and that’s what I intend to do. Follow me.” He flashes me a mischievous grin and breaks off the trail, following a now overgrown path. 

“Wha-  _ follow  _ you?! Axel where are you  _ going _ ?” I’m forced to take off after him, finally realizing where he was going after a few moments following the old path. ‘Make our own destiny’? What the hell is he talking about, and why does he want to go back to the old hiding spot? 

The hiding spot is a grassy hill overlooking the lake shaded by the looming oak trees, now overrun with weeds and shin high grass from lack of care. He dismounts his horse as I approach, and I quickly follow suit. He nervously rubs the back of his neck as I avoid old fallen branches hidden within the grass. 

“Why did you bring me back here, Axel? And what are you even-” Axel takes in a slow, deep breath before slowly walking towards me, the lake making a beautiful landscape behind him. 

“I wasn’t sure after all these years if I was right, but you and I confirmed it. We were in love, once…” I falter at his sudden transition, merely gaping as I struggle to find my thoughts. 

“T-That was ten years ago Axel, and that was the price you paid when you left to California. I understand it was for your dad- but…” His warm hands slide up my arms as he steps closer once again, his eyes fueled by passion and his lips curling in a soft tug of a smile. I can’t think when he’s so close- and he’s so warm and comforting… His hands drop to my waist as I rest my hands on his biceps, the muscles moving under my fingertips as he pulls me closer. 

“I should have been there for you, Roxas. I’ll always regret knowing that you were alone because of what I decided, but we shouldn’t have to keep sacrificing our lives, Roxas… I can’t change the past and I can’t say what’s going to happen, but it’s our turn to write our own dreams, and if you have a dream…” I softly sigh, his warm emerald eyes making my heart beat so loud I’m sure he can hear. 

“Don’t wait, act…” He used to always say that, thinking it made him seem like an adult when he did. His lips curl into a smile as he runs his fingers over my cheek and along my jaw, is other hand twitching on my hip as he searches my face for some sort of sign. “Are you… are you saying-” He leans in close, his breath ghosting over my lips as his eyes slip close, his arm moving to wrap around my waist as he closes the distance between us. 

“I’ve missed you, Roxy… And I want to kiss you, if that’s okay. I promise I’ve learned my lesson,” He teases, his warm voice intoxicating as his lips drift over my cheek and next to my ear. He wants to be with me…? After all these years- does that mean he’s still in love with me? Does that mean he’s going to  _ stay _ ? The questions circle inside my mind but all I find myself doing is falling even deeper into Axel’s intoxicating embrace. I brush my thumbs over his tattoos under his warm eyes that fill with pure happiness. 

“I missed you too,” I whisper as I press my lips to his in a soft kiss. He’s finally back in my arms with promises of staying… It’s like my endless nights of fantasizing is coming true. I excitedly kiss him, our lips moving in tandem as I close any remaining distance. One hand tangles in my hair, curling around the locks as he presses back even harder like he was starving for affection, his free hand wrapping around my waist and holding me tightly. 

His kisses turn tentative and soft as if he was afraid to push me further, yet there was nothing soft about the way his breath shudders between kisses. I push my tongue between his lips as I pull him down, arms locking behind his neck and stretching on my toes to meet him. He quickly meets my fire with his own, twisting his tongue against mine. I can’t help the soft whimper that leaves our locked mouths, my fingers tugging on red hair. We’re kissing like we’re teenagers with only a few moment to spare between class, risking getting caught by the principle. He’s worth getting caught for… 

My lips follow his as he parts, softly panting before his hot mouth moves along my jaw, his hands now exploring my clothed back, his fingers twitching as he pauses at hips. 

“I’ve wanted to kiss you for ten years,” He breathes hotly against my neck as I drag my hands down his chest, pulling back enough to find his burning eyes. 

“That’s a lot of kissing to make up for,” I tease, tugging on his shirt as I reach for his lips. 

“Don’t worry, we’ll have a lot of time between shows to make up for it in full.” He teases back, his lips curling against my ear. I laugh, out of breath from the kisses as he nips at my ear. 

“What shows?” I ask curiously, my fingers dancing along his chest before he pulls away with a confused smile. 

“The concerts…? You said you weren’t happy here anymore, and how you agreed to ‘make our own destiny’, it was pretty obvious.” Still utterly confused, I laugh nervously as I step out of his arms, my heart starting to sink again. 

“I thought that meant you were  _ staying _ , for  _ good _ .” Axel matches my nervous expression, licking his wet lips rubbing the back of his neck. 

  
“I thought you wanted to close the camp and be with _me_ in, _California_...”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank everybody for being so understanding about the slow updates with the story, I really appreciate you guys and it makes me want to write a lot more! I'm deep into the cosplay crunch while working 40+ hours each week, but if you want to keep tabs on what I'm doing my Instagram is @DawnstarCosplays! Thanks again for reading!

_ “I-if I EVER get to see my Roxy again, I’m never ever gonna let him go. I sw-ear to you Dem!” Axel mumbles into my pillows, his breath stinking of expensive alcohol as he turns his head towards me. Tears fall down his cheeks and over the tattoos he got on some other drunken night. “Stupid sex don’t even feel right anymore- the guy was blond and had gross blue eyes, Roxas’ were much prettier and his hair was so much nicer. I want Roxas but he probably hates my guts.” He drunkenly cries into my pillows, his body sprawling out onto my oversized hotel bed. I lean against the doorway, sleepily rubbing at my eyes while Zexion clears his throat.  _

_ “I should go, you have your hands full. Again…” Zexion’s demeanor closes off as he shuffles around me, handing me my roomkey back that I gave him earlier.  _

_ “Zex-” Too late. He’s already in his own room a few doors down. “Damn you Axel, every night you doing this shit right at the worst times!” I sit on the edge of the bed, putting my head in my hands as he merely sniffles.  _

_ “Why don’t you just talk to Roxas like a normal human?” I wait a few moments for a response only to be met with long strings of snoring. Damn it… _

_ ~ _

Axel left, my mother passed away, and with her a part of my father went as well. I’ve lost almost everything in a matter of months, yet life didn’t stop for my tragedies. I threw myself into every fiber of this camp, trying to mend and stitch back together what little there was to be saved. Yet it’s getting harder and harder to tell myself exactly  _ why  _ I even bother anymore… then Axel came back and I thought  _ maybe  _ life was finally trying to right itself. I got to remember being with my best friend, even if  _ he  _ is a bit of a diva, and best of all remember all those feelings I still have for him. I know he has that same  _ passion  _ for life after Hollywood lost its glitz and his  _ heart  _ is still in the right place. 

When we kissed, for the first time since he moved away I felt truly  _ happy _ … Until I realized I’m not 13 anymore, hoping that the red headed kid that I gave my heart to would be with me for the rest of my life. It was a nice fantasy while it lasted, I guess. Better to have passionately kissed your best friend then not at all, right? 

I  _ thought  _ this is what I wanted, being back in Axel’s arms and feeling like my heart could explode with happiness. It was like all my childish dreams actually came true for a pure moment of bliss, but I suppose life isn't through with either of us. 

“You want me to move to  _ California  _ with you?” My voice quivers with uncertainty. I attempt to step away only for my heart to pull me back. Part of me wants to scream in his face and send him away, and the other part wants to take his offer and kiss him again… “Do you even know  _ why  _ you’re here?! The whole  _ point  _ is for you to help me save the camp, not say screw it and  _ leave  _ again!” His eyes narrow as he matches my brewing anger with his own. He clearly didn’t like my answer... 

“ _ You’re _ the one who said this place wasn’t even  _ worth  _ saving anymore! I get that you’ve lived here your whole life but there’s a lot more to the world than the  _ camp _ , Roxas!” I really can’t argue against my own words, which is highly irritating that it turns out he  _ was  _ listening… 

“We were just venting- you can’t tell me that life in California would be better than staying on the ranch! At least here no one runs your life like a fucking  _ dictator _ . It’s taken ten years to even speak to each other again, I get that’s on both of us but-” Axel heavily sighs as he pinches the bridge of his nose, his brows furrowing and his eyes closed. 

“I have people  _ depending  _ on me to keep being ‘Axel the  _ Rockstar’ _ , Roxas. I can’t just drop off the face of the earth and play cowboy with you!” I step closer out of anger,  _ wanting  _ to lash out but I know I have to keep a cool head. 

“Like I don’t have the same  _ problem _ ?!” I counter angrily, my eyes stinging as I hold back. I don’t want to fight, Axel… “I have six  _ fucking  _ campers and  _ half  _ of them are regulars from  _ town _ ! I am busting my  _ ass  _ almost single handedly  _ trying  _ to keep this place open because…” Because, why? Cloud is  _ buried  _ with debt, Mom  _ died  _ here, and even  _ Axel  _ chose to leave after everything... “Because it’s not  _ fair _ .” I admit, tears threatening to spill as Axel’s anger quickly fades.  

“I just-” His eyes soften as he gnaws on the inside of his lip, mulling over his thoughts.  “I don’t-” He rubs the back of his neck anxiously, glancing away before resting his twitching fingers down to his side like he didn’t know what to do with them. “I didn’t mean for this to turn into another fight…” He reaches out to gently tug me into another hug, his warm hands rubbing at my back. I weakly punch his chest in response, feeling the same way. Just minutes ago we were kissing like teenagers with stolen time, but now we’re realizing that stolen time was even shorter than what we thought it’d be… 

“This camp was supposed to be  _ my  _ legacy,  _ my  _ mark on the world to say that I did something  _ good  _ for a world that has no place for it.” And it cost me  _ everything _ .  “I can’t just walk away now, after  _ everything  _ I’ve done.” Axel heavily sighs as he finally grabs my arms, interrupting my weak onslaught of punches. His eyes are soft and heavy with emotion, like he was on the brink of shutting down from all the confusion. 

“All I can _do_ is say I’m sorry for what I’ve done, but you  _ know  _ that I only did what I had to do for my  _ family _ . I’m not trying to fight you on this, but you look  _ exhausted _ , Roxas. And it scares me because I  _ care  _ about you.” His shoulders drop as his hands move from my wrists to my biceps, his fingers digging into my arms as he struggles to find his next words. 

“What about everything  _ you  _ said back on the trail?” I counter, brushing his hands off along with his words. If he really  _ did  _ care about me then he wouldn’t act like this is a one sided choice to make. “You look  _ just  _ as tired too, Axel. It feels like you’re breaking a thousand rules just to even be here let alone talk to me, what kind of life are we supposed to have in California if you’re on tour and I’m left behind in some empty house?” Axel scoffs, yet I can see the doubt in his expression. 

“You don’t even know what it’s really like down there, and you would _obviously_ come with-” He glances away nervously as his argument falls apart. 

“ _ Would _ I?” I quickly counter, shifting to catch his eyes as I force him to look at me. “From what I’ve heard I’ll just be in your way if  _ Pete  _ even lets me go with you…” Axel’s gaze hardens, his tone unsteady as he fumbles for an answer. 

“Pete doesn’t  _ get  _ to decide that-” 

“HE ALREADY  _ DID _ , AXEL!” I didn’t mean to yell, but I can’t keep being a quiet voice from the sidelines waiting for Axel to wake up from his Hollywood ‘dream’. It’s my fault he’s even  _ in  _ this position, but knowing that after all this time he’s still in some  _ dreamland  _ about what kind of situation he’s in. I can’t stand by anymore. Not if we want a life  _ together _ , or whatever that kiss meant. He’s taken back by my tone, but I force myself to continue. I know he’s  _ lost _ , and I want to help him but how can I when I feel the exact same way?  

“You can’t  _ honestly  _ tell me that Pete would be okay with us being together in California, let alone in general. I’m a  _ distraction _ , and I’ve already proved that.” Axel angrily groans, stalking around the overlook at my doubting. I want things to be easy, but it’s not fair of either of us to ask the other to drop their lives before we even know what that kiss meant to us. I thought it meant he wanted to be with me  _ here _ , but I guess we were both wrong.  

“We don’t know what Pete will say-” 

“How hard did you have to fight him just to even _be_ here, Axel?” I place a hand on his back as he seethes in anger, my fingers digging into the fabric. It’s funny, really… After all these years I still can’t help but yearn for his burning passion he carries himself with… Even now, angry and frustrated. I understand his reasons, but... He turns on his heel, taking my hand in his as he pulls me close once again. His face is tight with anxiety, yet his eyes are full of fire to fight for our future together. I  _ want  _ to fight for us to be together, but it seems like destiny has other plans for us. 

“He can’t control _everything_ about my life. It’s… It’s not  _ fair  _ for me either!” He finally admits, his forehead resting against mine. His expression softens from the hard pressed mixture of dread to frustration. 

“Axel?” He gently sighs, his eyes caressing my face as his hands take mine. 

“It shouldn’t  _ be  _ this hard, it’s just not  _ fair _ . I want to be with you, but I have people  _ counting  _ on me to live up to expectations that I’m starting to not be able to meet anymore.” I gently grab his wrist as I lean into his touch, gazing up at him with a bittersweet smile. 

“It’s like I somehow know exactly how you feel.” Axel’s lips twitch into a hint of a smile as he pulls me close once again, the same excitement from before still lingering. Our lips meet once again, savoring the time we have together until it’s too late. 

We exchange slow, burning kisses, moving closer until we’re wrapping in each other’s arms once again and ignoring any problems the world demands of us. We slowly part of air, my lips still begging for one last kiss. My heart is split between leaving the place I vowed to save to be with Axel, or fulfilling that promise and staying yet losing him for the last and final time… This should be the  _ hardest  _ choice I’ve ever had to make but being  _ here,  _ in Axel’s arms again, I  _ never  _ want this feeling to end. 

Axel’s eyes slowly open, memorizing every crevice and freckle of my skin. He softly smiles, like the world was lifted off his shoulders as he leans back in. I can’t help but match his smile, filled to the brim with newfound excitement. 

“Roxas, I… I’m still in l-” 

_ “ SHIT !” _

~

Xigbar cackles at watching Roxas fall to the ground and smirks like the devil himself. I watch in horror was he struggles to avoid getting trampled by the spooked horse, my gut clenching every second at knowing that this was going way beyond what Xigbar said already. 

“You _said_ no one was gonna get hurt-” He merely shrugs me off. 

“As if. That stupid _kid_ is the reason _we’re_ squatting in the damn mud like animals. Hell, Axel used to be able to drink me under the table and now look at him, playing rancher or some shit.” 

What in the  _ fuck  _ did I get myself into? I miss being able to lounge on the buses couch, my head on Zexion’s lap as he reads lyrics to me… I guess that’s the reason I’m doing all this… To be able to keep doing that with him. Yet who am I to get in the way of Axel’s relationship, just to save my own? I’m pulled out of my thoughts as they start moving again down the trail, but at a slower pace this time behind the rest of the group. Xigbar and I shuffle along with them, trying to listen in but it’s not easy trying to stay out of sight as well. Xigbar rolls his eyes, heaving an annoyed sigh. 

“All Axel ever does anymore is bitch and whine, yet he’s got women lined up outside the bus  _ wanting  _ him and guys shoving phone numbers in his fucking  _ pants _ !” 

“Can you at least bitch in a  _ whisper _ ?” I mumble under my breath only for him to continue on, muttering angrily.. 

“Oh no,  _ nothing  _ is  _ ever  _ good enough for Mr. Lead Singer, he needs to drag the rest of us to yee haw  _ hell  _ so he can get some hillbilly ass-” I grab Xigbar and stop him from continuing as they begin to argue louder. 

“Just chill _out_ man, look!” He finally tunes in to the argument between them, their voices still slightly muffled before Axel takes off down a path, Roxas not far behind. 

“Shit, where are they going  _ now _ ?!  _ Follow  _ them, idiot!” Xigbar shoves me onto the trail as he takes off running behind them, forcing me to catch up. 

“Being mean is so much  _ work _ ,” I whine aloud to myself, looking up towards the sky as if I would get a break. No such luck. I heavily sigh and take off after him, trudging up the hill. I’ll follow, but I’m not killing my body over this… The last thing I need is Pete screaming at me because I sprained a muscle or something, although that could mean more time relaxing instead of feeling like a sidekick to some insane plot. 

I finally drag my feet up the overgrown path, feeling small among the towering trees. The leaves rustle with each breath of wind, a few fluttering down. I’m forced to step over roots sticking out of the ground and the more I walk the path, the more of the camp I can see. I guess I should be on Xigbar’s side about this whole plot to get Axel back, but I’m starting to get why people live out in the mountains like this. The camp isn’t very big, surrounded by a thicket of trees and a small lake with a dock. It’s like a picture out of a camping magazine that my parents shoved in my face when I was a teenager, begging me to do something other than stay inside playing my guitar. Looking back on it now, I regret not taking the chance. Nature is kind of fuckin’ awesome. 

“Demyx, what the fuck are you staring at?! Get the hell over here!’ Xigbar hisses at me. He grabs my shirt and drags me further up the hill, barley giving me a chance to find my footing. “I found them, they’re arguing again. Something about Axel staying or going or some shit.” We hide behind a pair of trees, this time a lot closer to be able to hear what they were arguing about now. 

The more I listen to them, the worse I start to feel… It sounds like they’re both looking for something to grab onto to make life worth it again. They thought they had each other again, but something happened to make them fight once more. I’ve listened to Axel pine over Roxas for  _ years _ , even after he started sleeping around he would wind up in my bed crying with a bottle in his hand over how much he wanted it to be  _ Roxas  _ there in the crowd. Yet I’m willingly trying to push Axel and Roxas apart because I’m afraid of losing Zexion. Why should  _ I  _ lose Zexion for Axel’s sake? 

I glance over at Xigbar who’s been quiet this entire time only to realize he’s been recording the entire conversation since we started eavesdropping. My stomach twists angrily, my body moving before I can think. I slam into Xigbar, clawing the phone out of his hands. 

“That’s too far! We’re not blackmailing him now-” He growls and shoves me back into the tree, his arm pressing against my throat as he struggles to get the phone back. 

“I lost my fucking  _ eye  _ for this band, I’m not gonna let this fucking twink make it all for  _ nothing _ !” We get into a shoving match over the phone before it thumps to the ground. We both dive for it, but Xigbar is too quick. He shoves me even harder and snatches the phone, desperately looking for the recording. 

_ “ SHIT _ _!”_ My face skids over the grassy hill, snagging on a few stray rocks and twigs. “I’ll take your other eye-”  

“ _ Demyx _ ?!” I weakly raise my head, offering a nervous smile to a very pissed off Axel. 

“H-Hey man, long time no see. What’s up?” His eyes burn with anger, physically struggling to stop himself from strangling me. I don’t think I’ve ever pissed him off this much… At least now he knows how it feels to be cockblocked for once. 

“What are you  _ doing _ ?” I scramble to my feet, brushing off the mud and dirt now covering my clothes as Roxas rushes to help me up. 

“Are you okay?! Here, I have some band aids for those cuts.” Axel’s anger immediately fades into admiration as he watches Roxas dig in his pockets with ‘love struck fool’ written all over his expression. 

“Of course you would have band aids on hand,” He teases as Roxas hands them to me. 

“Ninja Turtles?” I question as I apply them to the cut along my nose and a few on my forehead and cheek. “Fuckin’ rad!” Roxas breaks out into a relieved smile at knowing I was still okay, taking the trash and shoving it back into his jeans. 

“It’s my most requested band aid, I’m just glad I still had some left. Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need to see the nurse or anything?” He asks once more, his worrying very comforting. 

 

“Nah I promise I’m okay, just a rough fall.” I sheepishly grin back only to be met with Axel’s death glare once again. 

“Decided to take the scenic route back to the bus?” He sarcastically jokes with a biting tone. 

“I-I uhm,-” I glance back to the tree line, breathing a sigh of relief as Xigbar steps into view. He pants and wipes his forehead free of non-existent sweat, putting on a show. 

“Demyx, _there_ you are! I was looking all over for you man. Hey  Flamesilocks , fancy seeing you here. Did I miss out on a party?” He slings an arm around my shoulders and leans in with that lecherous grin I find repulsive. “Hey kiddo, giving our star the ‘celebrity treatment’?” He winks before giving Roxas a long once over. I grimace on the inside as Axel attempts to step in front of Roxas who merely offers a handshake with a neutral smile. 

“My name is Roxas, I’m assuming your Axel’s bandmates?” I quickly shake his hand before Xigbar gets a chance, nervous to why Xigbar’s switch seems to have flipped so suddenly.  

“I’m Demyx, and this is Xigbar. We got separated from the rest of the band when the paparazzi showed up out of nowhere. From there I guess we just got lost and followed the voices.” I lie through my teeth while Xigbar glances at me and subtly nods in approval. “We didn’t mean to interrupt though, we should be heading back to the bus,” Axel suspiciously glances between us, his arms folding over his chest. He settles on a steady frustrated stare from being intruded on especially when having a moment alone with Roxas of all people. 

“Pete will storm the place sooner or later, so you better leave. _Now_.” His eyes narrow as he directs his words towards me. It makes sense, I’m one of the only people who knows how much being back with Roxas means to him especially after how he acted when he first came. It doesn’t make what I’m doing any better to remember that I’m supposed to  _ help  _ him with Roxas, not hurt… 

“Ah you’re probably right like always Ax, it’ll be a long walk back to the bus though.” Xigbar sighs, rubbing his chin like he was lost in deep thought. 

“I can give you a ride if you want!” Roxas easily offers with an innocent smile while Axel’s deep set glare intensifies behind him. 

“T-That’s so nice of you to offer, but we couldn’t impose-” Xigbar tightens his grip and crushes me in his arm as he laughs with no trace of humor. 

“Nonsense, we’re  _ happy  _ take your offer! Any friend of Axel is always a friend of mine, kiddo.” Roxas’ helpful smile falters, obviously perturbed by Xigbar’s new nickname for him. 

“ _Great_ …” Axel steps forward and places a protective hand on Roxas’s waist. 

“I’ll come with-” Roxas quickly shakes his head and steps out of Axel’s reach. 

“You should stay and rejoin the group, I don’t want you to miss anything else because of our detour.” He offers a weak grin but his tone waivers like he came up with that excuse on the spot while Axel’s expression turns uneasy. 

“Are you sure? I don’t mind-” Roxas nods once again with a more steady grin as he backs up to his horse. 

“Of course, no problem! It won’t take long.” 

“Oh. Well, if you’re sure then.” I bite down on the inside of my cheek as the situation turns tense, a lot of unspoken words lingering between the two. Roxas finally breaks the awkward silence as he grabs his horse's reins. 

“We have to take the horses back to the stables, so if you two were comfortable you can ride with us or you can walk-” I made my way over to Roxas, giving a relaxed smile. 

“I’ll ride with you, Roxas! I’ve always wanted to ride a horse!” I also don’t trust Xigbar to be that close to him… Who  _ knows  _ how far he’s willing to go after the video incident.  For once Axel seems to stop glaring at me at my suggestion only for Xigbar to start sending me looks. The ride back to the stables is extremely tense, only a few words between Roxas and I exchanged with simple questions here and there. We stop in front of a large barn stinking of manure while horses wait inside. 

“Wait here guys, I need to get these guys back in their rooms then we can leave.” A few moments later I watch anxiously as Axel and Roxas head into the barn and out of sight. Xigbar nods to go follow them as he leans against the barn doors, trying to listen in. I was never totally okay with this plan to begin with, but now I really feel sick to my stomach… I gently touch the bandages covering my face as I follow Xigbar and listen in as well. 

“ _ -have _ to go?” 

“I’m  _ just  _ being nice to your friends, what’s the big deal? I’ll be right back.” 

“We were kind of in the  _ middle  _ of something, we still need to talk.” 

“I  _ know  _ we do, Axel, it’s not like I’m taking your place in the band.” Silence, then a shared sigh. “I won’t be long. I’ll let Aqua and Terra know the situation, I’m sure they’re freaking out about what happened to us. Just stay here and they’ll come get you.  _ Try  _ to have a good time?” More silence, then a heavier sigh than before. The sound of typing on a phone gets louder as footsteps approach, causing Xigbar and I to retreat a few feet back like we weren’t listening. 

“Okay, follow me guys. It might be a little cramped in my truck but it beats having to walk all the way back.” Roxas’s casts one last glance back to the barn where Axel leans against the doorway only for Xigbar to ruffle Roxas’s hair like a child. 

“Thanks a million kiddo, gotta save our strength for our next big show. Well, if we even  _ get  _ to play in San Fran.” I elbow Xigbar in the ribs as Roxas looks between us. 

“Oh sorry Xigbar- what did you say?”

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” I cut in, moving between them as we trail beside Roxas. “Just excited to get a chance to play for a good cause is all,” I flash Roxas a smile while Xigbar glares daggers into the back of my head. 

“That’s really nice to know, I’ve been so anxious that I was being selfish by keeping Axel here.” He seems to relax, like the guilt was riding on his shoulders this whole time. Of course someone as good as Roxas would be worried about something like that… 

“I mean- we  _ do  _ lose a whole  _ week  _ of rehearsal by waiting on Axel, but it’s no biggie! Sure we won’t be as polished for our fans who paid a  _ lot  _ of money to come see us- if they even  _ can _ , but when it comes to Axel who are we to say no! Just his bandmates,” He trails off, watching Roxas’ expression fall with each word. The tension is back in Roxas’ shoulders, looking even more anxious than before as he digs out his keys. His hands shake as he unlocks an old run down truck, his expression now turned into a sour pout. 

“I’ll uh, need some direction to where you’re parked.” His once kind tone is now tainted with nerves, his mood dampened. Xigbar merely smirks at me before shoving himself into the truck, forcing himself next to Roxas and forcing me on the outside. Roxas struggles to start the truck, the key turning over multiple times before he finally swears angrily and slams the gas. It lurches to life but the jitter causes Xigbar to fall forward due to lack of seatbelt. I’m forced to hide my grin, staring out the window as I quickly cover my mouth with my hand. “Sorry, don’t want you to lose your other eye in my truck.” Roxas smirks slyly to himself as Xigbar readjusts. I can see why he gets along with Axel so well…

“Like a rusty truck could take _me_ down, as if. This is the badge of a  _ hero _ , you know.” Roxas glances at him as we pull onto the dirt road leading out of camp. 

“Oh here we go,” I mumble as I slid down in my seat. 

“I saved our manager’s  _ life  _ when a stage light wasn’t set up right by the crew they cheaped out on. I saw the light fall and without a second of hesitation I pushed Pete away and took a light to the face. When I came to, my eye was missing and I’m left with this handsome scar.” Xigbar exaggerates his story, making it out to be some selfless act when in reality he pushed Pete because they were arguing. He never saw the light coming down on him, but of course neither of them will admit to the truth. “I  _ literally  _ sacrificed a part of myself for this band, but who cares?  _ Axel’s  _ the talent, if he decides to stay and  _ ruin  _ our one chance at playing in  _ Europe _ , will  _ I  _ be upset about it? As if!” Roxas’ knuckles turn white as he grips the steering wheel, his jaw clenched as he remains silent. 

“We uh, we’re parked at the Destiny Inn.” I quietly pitch in only to be met with tense silence. 

“But Demyx is right,  _ charity  _ is so important to us,” Xigbar continues to prod at Roxas, who refuses to say anything more yet seems to get angrier with every word. The truck flies down the roads and past other cars, Roxas’ foot almost pressing to the floor by the looks of it. “I’m sure bailing your farm out of debt is the  _ right  _ choice here after all, not like I would ever ask something  _ like  _ that of my famous friends, but I suppose that’s just  _ me _ -” 

“Xig, _enough_.” I command, the will to defend Roxas growing as I sit up. He casts me an annoyed glance before smoothing it out into a smirk. 

“Just making conversation with my new friend is all.” More like pushing him to  _ snap _ , but sure… Thankfully it’s not much longer when we pull into the parking lot of the motel, the bus looming over the other cars in the lot. 

“Thanks again for the ride, Roxas! And for the band aids,” I get out of the truck and impatiently wait for Xigbar, whispering for him to move his ass. He’s done enough damage for one day. He follows with a mere wink to Roxas who sighs heavily out of frustration as we walk around the side of his truck towards the bus. “Way to play it cool,” I reprimand under my breath. Xigbar ignores me and heads to the driver side, leaning against the open window. 

“You should meet our manager Pete, thank him in person for letting Axel take time out of his busy life.” Before Roxas can protest Xigbar opens his door for him, the piercing squeak making both of us wince and no doubt alerting Pete and Zexion to our arrival. We would be staying in the motel, but Pete said he was worried it would have been infested or some other bullshit excuse even though he’s staying in a room himself.  _ Probably  _ just didn’t want to waste money on us, even though he’d hardly notice.

Roxas trudges behind us, his once smiling demeanor now tainted with anxiety and doubt. And it’s  _ my  _ fault, which makes this entire plan even harder now that I  _ know  _ he’s a good person… Pete storms out of the bus, casting Xigbar and I his patented angry scowl. His jaw juts forward as he rests his chubby fists on his hips. 

“Where have you  _ boneheads  _ been all day?! And what the fuck is on your face Demyx?!” Before either of us can even  _ begin  _ to explain he waves us off with a growl. “Yeah shut up, ain't’ worth my  _ time _ . Get on the damn bus, both of you. And get those things off your fuckin’ face.” Even Xigbar doesn’t challenge Pete’s attitude as he immediately heads onto the bus, giving me a sly wink as he does like it was all going so smoothly. 

“Bye Roxas… I hope to see you again.” He gives a curt wave, a touch of happiness replacing the pain placed by Xigbar and I for a brief moment. As soon as I get onto the bus I rush to a window, carefully inching it down so Pete doesn’t notice I’m trying to listen in while Xigbar merely laughs himself to the bathroom. Roxas and Pete seem to have an awkward standoff, not speaking until Pete finally chimes in. 

“You realize you had your chance, right?” Silence. “You know, that was some real shady shit you pulled back then. You would have made it in Hollywood with that kind of trick.” Roxas anger seems to finally show it’s face as he crosses his arms over his chest. 

“ _ Axel _ is the one who wanted to sing, not me. Why didn’t you send him home when you found out?” I can’t see Pete’s expression with his back turned to me, but I can tell he’s fazed by the question. 

“I  _ already  _ wasted money on him, I wasn’t giving him a free ride back either. At the first sign of trouble his deadbeat dad bounced, and I felt generous, so I gave him a second chance to prove he can be  _ worth  _ my time. Ten years later here we are.” Roxas’ anger seems to only grow as he digs his fingers into his arms. 

“How generous of you.” Pete clicks his tongue and rubs at his fat chin. 

“You still sing? After Axel is finished playing make believe we can really test you out. Xigbar’s been getting testy and his popularity is down, you got just the face to replace him.” It takes Roxas a moment to process Pete’s offer, mulling it over a lot longer than I thought he would. Pete wickedly chuckles and digs in his pocket and produces a crumpled business card. “Not so quick to say no, eh? Why don’t you think it over, it’ll be our little secret either way.” Pete turns on his heel and I catch a glimpse of that evil in his eyes. 

“Wait! Have you… Told Axel what I did?” Pete glances back at Roxas who clutches the business card in his shaking hands. 

“...No. I was tempted, but I didn’t want to make him miserable before he can even be worth my money. I’m just that nice I suppose. Gettin’ soft in my years.” He laughs to himself, his large belly shaking as he throws his head back while Roxas merely drills holes into the card with his gaze. “Like I said, think it over. I’m all about second chances.” 

What the hell could they be talking about…? I knew about Axel’s dad vanishing, but I never heard anything about ‘what Roxas did’ that Axel doesn’t even  _ know  _ about. I feel like I just stumbled onto a conspiracy… Pete lumbers onto the bus, it creaking under his weight. I quickly take my seat like I wasn’t watching, grabbing my phone and pretending to text someone. 

“Hey boss,” I greet as he leans over me and stares out the window at Roxas. 

“Shoulda came back for this kid if I knew he was just gonna drag our asses back to this stinking shit hole. If he joins at least I can finally justify getting rid of Xigbar.” He mutters aloud before standing back. The truck door creaks close and not long after the rumble of it tearing back down the road makes Pete grin that horrible smile. “Our little secret.” He winks at me before heading off the bus and towards the motel. Zexion finally pokes his head out from his cot, gently closing his book. 

“Nice Ninja Turtle band aids. What happened?” I weakly smile and wave off his concerned question. 

“Nothin, just clumsy is all!” He softly laughs and returns to his book. “I like your face the way it is, please be more careful.” I slump over in my seat, resting my head in my hands as I heavily sigh. What have I gotten myself into...


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter for you guys since you've been so patient with the story! Cosplay has taken a backseat for now since KH3 is finally released, but my editor and I still plan on updating. If you have any questions or suggestions we would LOVE to hear them! (You can find my editor at SpaceKatEyes on FF.net, Ao3, Tumblr, and Instagram)

_ Pushing aside the bland brocoli with the tip of my fork, I sit back in my chair and try to refocus on the task at hand. _

_ “At least you finally made time for us to have a bad meal together.” I glance across the table at the blue haired man I have the displeasure of sharing a meal with.  _

_ “At least I tried,” I mumble under my breath. Last time I’ll ever have to cook for this guy and deal with his backhanded comments, yet I tell myself that every time we do this. Siax continues to chew on his pasta, the noodles undercooked and the chicken rubbery - his words, not mine.  _

_ “At least pretend to be pay attention…” I glance up at him before heaving a sigh. I drop my fork to the plate and lean in, eyes wide with mock excitement. “Please tell me more about how much you hate my cooking, Siax. Or tell me I should cut my hair, or text me a thousand times a night asking where I am!” He sets his fork down with a heavy sigh. He sits back in his chair and gives me the same stoic stare as always.  _

_ “What happened to us, Axel? We’re not even dating and it feels like you’re trying to break up… We used to be best friends-” His phrasing was like a slap to the face, an ugly reminder of what I chose for myself.  _

_ “Maybe I don’t need a best friend, you ever think about that?!” I snap back at him, unable to keep my anger under control. “I got thousands of people waiting to be my friend, I sure as fuck won’t lose sleep over kicking  _ you  _ out!” Saix stands from the table and throws his napkin back down at his plate.  _

_ “Every time we try hanging out this always happens! You get pissed off when I try to be your friend and you act like you’re too good for anybody to get close to you. You’re a fucking grown man throwing a tantrum because you can’t let go of some KID from your past! This is the first night in  _ weeks  _ you haven’t been seen in some bar! ... I’m worried about you, Axel.” His tone simmers from a yell to ‘that’ tone. The self-righteous one that he uses to judge me when he tries to talk me down like I’m going off the deep end. Like a good friend would… “I want to try being your friend again Axel, but I’m not standing by to watch you kill yourself over this person you haven’t talked to since you were thirteen. You need to look at yourself and figure out what you’re going to do about it. I’m done trying to help you.” I sink back into my chair as he grabs his jacket, casting me one last glance as he walks past me. My door closes with a loud bang, leaving me with the discarded dinner.  _

_ I lean forward and rest my face in my hands, heavily sighing at the night I ruined. Saix is right, but what can I do about it now? After so many years of these mixed feelings, how am I supposed to face talking to Roxas again? Will he even remember who I am? Has he been thinking about me as much as I’ve thought about him? There are too many ‘what if’s’ to justify attempting to talk to him again…  _

_ My pocket buzzes and I slowly pull out my phone, not wanting to deal with Pete or anybody else’s demands right now. My heart jumps to my throat as Roxas’ name flashes in my notifications. I open his message, my excitement swelling only to deflate when I see the jumbled texting and random emojis. Of course Roxas wouldn’t text me out of the blue so late at night like this, it’s probably just some fake person pretending to be Roxas to get close to me.  _

_ Yet on the off chance it really is Roxas… I quickly type back a message, rewriting it a few times until I finally decide on something. There’s no way this is actually Roxas, so what does it matter what I say? I hesitate in sending the message and finally give up and shove my phone back in my pants. There’s no point in texting back, it’s obviously not Roxas.  _

_ Hopes dashed, I spend the rest of the evening cleaning up the cold dinner before finally resigning myself to bed only to lay awake, unsure. I take my phone back out and I start to stalk the fake Roxas’ facebook profile, his posts far and few between. I almost drop my phone on my face as I finally find a picture of him from only a few weeks ago.  _

_ My memory of 13 year old Roxas is replaced with 23 year old not-so-fake-seeming Roxas - still able to render me speechless. Even in this silly picture of him with a couple friends I can still see how well he’s grown into himself. His thin body now filled in with a hint of muscles, skin tanned from working in the sun all these years, golden hair framing his soft yet defined features. I zoom in closer to see his eyes, my heart trying to burst. He looks so happy, but I can spot that clear underlying exhaustion from anywhere. It takes someone pushed to their own limits one a daily basis to see another’s tiredness…  _

_ I turn to my side as I flip through more of his pictures, most of them being him caught during work by an unknown cameraman, a few selfies with a pair of friends here and there. Part of me craves the simple lifestyle he still seems to be living, but I quickly wave it away. It’s wrong to even think like that - I should be grateful for everything I have; My job, my house, my fans… But I don’t have Roxas...and he’s the only thing I’ve been missing.  _

_ With a few taps I revise and send the message and watch my screen for a few moments, hoping for him to see it or even type back. No such luck. Even if this Roxas  _ is  _ fake, it’s worth the chance to not lose my one opportunity. After all, if you have a dream, don’t wait, act…  _

_ ~ _

I restlessly pace around the stables as I check my phone due to habit, unsure of what to do with myself while I wait around for Roxas. I took a chance and let it slip just a little about how I feel about him and by some _miracle_ he actually wants me too. Then I had to screw it up by pressuring him like that… Of _course_ he got pissed off at me, I assumed he was gonna come to Cali and leave his whole _life_ behind. We _just_ rekindled our friendship and _I’m_ the one who pushed for something more and now we’re stuck with not knowing where to go from here. I want so badly to _be_ with him after all these years of pining... but… I guess I just wanted to believe that my life would go back to normal - _My_ life, not his. 

“God, I’m such a dick,” I groan to myself as I sit on a dusty wooden chair. I don’t think I’ve really thought about how all of this is effecting Roxas, focusing on how it was effecting me… I claim to love him with all my heart and soul yet I’ve prioritized  _ myself  _ over  _ him _ . His mom died not long after I left and I wasn’t there for him or Cloud, but I was trying to be there for  _ my  _ family (what little I had). 

I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, but who lets a thirteen year old decide those kind of things?! I wasn’t stupid, I knew  _ why  _ I stayed with Roxas and his family so much, yet I always held out hope Reno would clean up his act like he promised in the kitchen that night.  _ Finally  _ be my dad .  But he left as soon as he got his money in fear that Pete would send me back here when I couldn’t hold a note to save my life. 

Not Roxas, though… He always did have a beautiful voice, and he still does. It’s taken  _ years  _ of vocal coaching and  _ hours  _ of rehearsals to get where I am, but Roxas was the one who really had the natural talent for it, even if he didn’t want to pursue this kind of life. Now that I think back to the talent show, why did Pete want to take  _ me  _ to California out of the two of us to sign on? When I went with him I didn’t understand why he was so upset I couldn’t sing when he had heard me at the show...but what if… What if Roxas was supposed to go? I thought it was weird that he was upset when I decided to leave, but he took it a lot better than I thought he would... Pete almost threw me out when he heard me sing for the second time-I lean back in my chair as I run my hands through my hair. 

“Holy shit, what did you  _ do  _ Roxas?” I whisper aloud in realization. 

“Talking to yourself, superstar?” I break out of my thoughts as Riku approaches, his boots thumping along the wooden floorboards of the stables. From the pictures I saw when I was stalking ‘fake’ Roxas online and from meeting him earlier, I think they’d be good enough friends for him to know what happened back then. I’ve only known Riku a few hours, and most of that time was spent with Roxas. I sit up and brush dirt off my pants as I debate silently to myself before going for it. 

“Roxas… Is the reason I was asked to go to California, isn’t he?” Riku seems unfazed by my question as he takes a seat across from me, resting his arms on the rotting wooden table between us. His expression remains calm. 

“You seem like you know the answer already.” I clench my fists as I sit back, thinking aloud. 

“Roxas must have switched Pete’s paperwork. So I could go live my dream… He must have not said anything because he’s scared that I’ll be mad at him, but how could I be upset?” Riku merely studies my expression, letting me continue. I usually don’t unload my problems onto others, but I can’t remember the last time someone besides Roxas just sat back and let me vent…. “If it wasn’t for Roxas I would have never gotten to play for sold out stadiums all over the  _ country _ , performing for people who actually  _ want  _ to hear my music, that’s all I ever wanted. And he made it possible…” Riku rubs at a bandaid on his finger, thinking over his words carefully as he finally speaks up. 

“It’s really not my place to speak for Roxas, but I doubt he’d ever let you know how it’s  _ really  _ been around here.” At my confused expression, Riku softly exhales and sits back. “I’m telling you this because you two used to be best friends, and I think you’re the only one who can finally get through to him. He’s been  _ killing  _ himself trying to make ends meet with this camp because he thinks that if he loses this place, he’ll have nothing left. He  _ says  _ he wants to be remembered, but I know Roxas enough to know that he’s just afraid of ending up with nothing to show for his mother’s passing. He’s been carrying the guilt of not telling you for all these years, too. With the pressures of the camp and the guilt combined, we’ve all tried to help him out. Then him and Sora came up with this drunken idea to text you, and…” Riku’s words lay heavily on my heart as I bow my head in guilt. 

“When he asked for my help, I screamed in his face and said a lot of awful things,” I softly admit. 

“It, it almost broke him…  We knew when he came back he wasn’t in a good place, but damn if he isn’t stubborn. Even if you didn’t come back I like to think he still would have fought tooth and nail to keep this place open.” We share a soft laugh, both knowing too well the extent of Roxas’ bullheadedness. It’s hard to hear, but the way Roxas has been since I came back, there was no way he would tell me all of this. Probably because of this stupid bet... “Roxas is like family, and I want what’s best for him. As  _ stupid  _ as you two have been, fighting all the time, I can tell  _ you’re _ what's best for him right now.” I can’t help but smile at his approval, feeling like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders at knowing that one of his friends think I’m right for Roxas, even though they hardly know the  _ real  _ me.

“I haven’t been around that long, how-” Riku leans in with an unusually warm smile. 

“Roxas isn’t that hard to read. When he goes from a hard scowl for years to practically riding cloud nine around you, it’s pretty obvious. He’s a good judge of character, even after dumb choices from each of you. Just  _ talk  _ to him, that’s all he’s been wanting to do since you got here.” I feel like we’ve talked so much since meeting again, but it’s only been about the surface stuff, like how things were going and what we’ve been doing to keep busy. It got a  _ lot  _ more personal for the first time on the trail…  I merely chuckle as I think back to kissing Roxas before my mood soured by what came right after. 

After learning what’s  _ really  _ been on Roxas’ mind, he handled my stupidity pretty well. Of course he didn’t think I was even listening to him, the whole reason I’m here is to help him save the camp. Yet from what I’ve heard on both sides, it sounds like that might not be what Roxas wants...  I really should thank Riku for the heart to heart and we keep waiting for Roxas to return, but I can’t help but want to talk about what happened, since it seems like he wants to avoid the subject. 

“Can I tell you something? Just between us?” Riku merely nods and patiently waits for me to find the right words. With his consent, I can’t help but tell him what happened after we got separated on the trail. All about the kiss, and all about how I pretty much  _ told  _ him he was moving to California with me, causing another stupid fight. “I can’t believe I thought that was the right time to confess to him… Like he would just drop  _ everything  _ because my ‘love’ would fix all his problems.” Riku merely nods and listens, a nice change of pace from being interrupted every two seconds or being pushed to just stop talking about my problems. 

“At least you  _ know  _ that it won’t fix anything, but it doesn’t change what I said you should do. You guys need to really sit down and talk about what you want instead of being afraid of the answer. I can’t claim to know much about how your life is as a rockstar, and I can’t speak for Roxas or what he’s thinking, but it sounds like you’ve made your mind up about one thing.” I solemnly nod in agreement as I sit back with a gentle smile. 

“All I know for sure is that I want to be with Roxas… He’s all I thought about when I left, and even the day he drunkenly text me, I was thinking about how much I still love him-” I cut myself off as I catch Sora peeking his head around the barn door. His grin stretches from ear to ear as he’s caught, practically radiating happiness. 

“You’re in  _ love  _ with  _ Roxas _ ? I totally knew it! Have you told him?!” Riku stands from his chair and checks his watch, sending me a sly wink. 

“We better get going, we’re late for the bonfire. Let’s keep things low key around the kids,  _ Sora _ .”  Relieved at the distraction, we fall into step with each other Riku leads the way towards the next event of the night. After the excitement of today I never even realized it was already getting so late. 

The sun begins to dip along the horizon, forcing me to shield my eyes as we walk while Sora attempts to pester Riku and I with questions about our secret talk. I never meant to unload my problems onto Riku, I’m the last person to vent to someone I hardly know. Hell, it’s been a while since I’ve even sat down to talk to  _ Demyx  _ of all people. I  _ do  _ feel a bit better after talking to Riku and finding out about Roxas, but that just reminds me that I’d rather talk to him - a practical stranger-  over Saix, who I brushed off all night  _ and  _ kicked out because I didn’t want my issues pointed out. I have a lot of apologizing to do… As we approach the circle of campers and counselors sitting around the growing fire, I pull Riku aside out of earshot. 

“Sorry for making you listen to my problems, I know Roxas and I have a lot of crap we have to work through ourselves but-” Riku brushes me off with a confused chuckle. 

“Don’t be sorry, Ax. It’s what friends are for. Besides, I know a few things about messing up.” He glances towards Sora, his expression soft. “We’ve been friends since we were kids, but it was only a few years ago that I finally stopped running from what I’ve wanted all these years. Sora  _ never  _ gave up on me, even when I gave up on myself.” He seems to drift off in his memories for a moment, old pain resurfacing for just a moment before he snaps back to reality. “That’s a story for another time, I can see Aqua giving me the ‘where have you been’ mom eyes.” We wave to Aqua, who is indeed giving us those classic ‘I’ve been worried sick yet I want to beat you’ stare. I sit on an open log, leaning in towards the fire as the chill of the evening begins to settle in the air. I rub my hands as the chattering between everyone seems to stop at my presence. It reminds me of a lot of meet and greets where - when the fans weren’t screaming - they were awkwardly silent, not knowing what to say. 

“Are you okay?!” Ven breaks the silence, his eyes wide with concern while the other kids chime in their own worries. 

“I saw the snake but my hose got so scared,” 

“I heard you fell off, can I see the scar?” Aqua is quick to silence their wave of questions, but it was a refreshing change of pace. I was expecting more questions about my celebrity life, but I’ll gladly take this instead. 

“The snake didn’t hurt any of our horses, Roxas is the one who fell, and he didn’t have a scar.” Vanitas seems upset about the scar issue while Aqua breathes a sigh of relief. 

“Thank god, no one heard anything from either of you since we got separated until Roxas text me saying you were at the stables. He’s always running off to fix something, if he got hurt he’d be limping out of the hospital trying to get back to work.” We share a laugh, yet it’s different now that I know the darker reason behind Roxas’ work ethic. 

“Did you guys keep going without us?” I would feel horrible if they lost their chance to keep going because of some freak accident. One of the campers cuts in excitedly as they pass around a bag of marshmallows. 

“My horse was really scared but I remembered what Roxas taught me last year about getting them to calm down and it worked!” Another kid chimes in, talking around the marshmallow shoved in their mouth as Vanitas yanks the bag away from him. 

“Yojstgooa-” 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Aqua sharply reprimands Vanitas while Ven quietly laughs, making the rest of us laugh in return. I forgot how carefree kids can be… The worst of their problems is trying to fit the most marshmallows in their mouths. Actually… 

“Hey Sora, Riku, you guys are former campers, right? Remember that game we used to play when we were campers?” They think on it for a moment before Sora flashes me a wicked grin. 

“Chubby bunny?” I match his grin as Riku merely rolls his eyes and sticks his skewer into the fire to roast his marshmallow.  

“Chubby bunny. We got enough marshmallows to play?” I ask, moving to sit closer to the group. Aqua checks the smores stash behind her log and pulls out a couple packs of family sized marshmallows with a challenging smile. 

“Think you boys can handle it?” She tosses me a pack while the kids excitedly watch. 

“What’s chubby bunny?!” Ven wrinkles his nose in distaste. “It doesn’t sound good.” I chuckle as I open my package of marshmallows, offering to share with Vanitas and Ventus who were sitting on the log next to me. 

“We go around the circle one by one, you put a marshmallow in your mouth and say ‘chubby bunny’. You keep going around and you have to count how many you can fit in your mouth until you can’t say chubby bunny.” I easily explain as they each take one. 

“Wouldn’t it be easier to just eat the marshmallows...?” Ven asks, still not sold on the game while Vanitas cackles. 

“You guys are going down, Roxas says I have the biggest mouth all the  _ time _ !” I can’t help but laugh, almost dropping the marshmallows as everyone joins in. I can’t remember the last time I’ve let my guard down so much and just, enjoyed myself without drinking or one night stands. Being around these kids..it’s so refreshing. 

In only a matter of minutes almost everyone around the circle has a mouth full of marshmallows, cheeks stretched. Sora struggles to cram one more in his mouth, trying to catch the drool pooling on his lap as Riku laughs at his attempt. 

“Chuubi buuni,” He manages, although just barely. Aqua groans, trying to call foul with a stuffed mouth. We look to Ven for his ruling, who tilts his head to the side in thought. 

“Judge rules… Fair!” Sora pumps his fist in the air while Aqua waves him off with an annoyed groan, the campers cheering him on. 

“Beaf fhis,” Riding my excitement, I reach in the bag and take out two marshmallows instead of one, causing the campers to fall silent in awe. Their eyes are wide as I shove one in, then with quite a bit of maneuvering, the second one fits. They all lean forward with bated breath as I struggle to get the words out. “C-Chubbi… Buuni!” Heads swivel towards Ven as he stares me down, deep in judgement as he rubs his chin. 

“Judge rules… Fair!” Everyone explodes with cheers and screams, spitting out their own attempts into the fire as they celebrate my victory. I jump off the log in excitement, throwing my hands in the air. 

“I amf dah chubbi buuni schamp!” My victory is short lived as the everyone seems to clam up all at once, quickly sitting back down with a hush as they focus on something behind me. “Whu,” I turn around slowly, a mixture of drool and marshmallow goop dripping onto my obnoxiously yellow Camp Chocobo shirt. Cloud gives me a once over as Roxas hides behind his hand, barely trying to hold in his laughter. 

“Do I even want to ask?” Sora leans back on the log, his mouth still stuffed. 

“Chuffie buunie,” The campers snicker at him as Riku struggles as well to hide his own laughter. Cloud raises a brow at Sora before looking back at me, his eyes burning holes into mine as I struggle to swallow the mass of goop while Roxas is forced to look away before he ends up having a fit of laughter. 

“Right… I just came over to make sure everyone was doing okay after hearing about the snake incident, but I can see that you have things handled, Aqua-” 

“Yesh shir,” She stands and gives the camp salute, her mouth still full as well. Roxas’ eyes water as he’s forced to turn his back to us, his shoulders shaking with silent laughter as Cloud merely flicks his gaze between us. 

“Let me know if you need anything.” Roxas weakly nods, humming in acknowledgement. Cloud sends me one last silent stare before turning on his heel and heading back towards the house. Roxas finally doubles over in laughter, clutching his stomach as the campers join in. My cheeks flush with embarrassment as I spit out the sugary fluff into the fire, followed by Sora and Aqua. Roxas sits next to me on the log, giggles slipping from his lips as he wipes at his eyes. 

“O-Oh my god my stomach hurts,” He heavily sighs in attempt to calm himself down. “My dad’s face was amazing, and you-” He glances at me and bursts out laughing again, making me crack a smile as the others finally calm down. “I’m sorry, but after seeing you as this ‘perfect celebrity’ this whole time, to seeing you with marshmallows dripping all over you, it’s too good.” His laughter is endearing, but I wish it didn’t come at the cost of having Cloud see me like that… 

“Could you imagine  _ Cloud  _ playing this game?!” Ven adds, eyes wide with wonderment. 

“I heard he used to smile,” Vanitas snickers as the other campers shout in disbelief. I take their moment of distraction to focus on Roxas again, catching the stress flooding back into him after the moment of happiness. 

“Everything alright with taking those two idiots back?” Roxas tenses at the reminder of the ride, seeming conflicted as he sends me an easy smile. 

“It was, fine. I got to know them a bit, and I even met your manager Pete.” It’s my turn to tense up at the mention of Pete. He was so angry about the whole idea of even coming here in the first place, I can’t imagine what he would have said to Roxas… If Pete finds out about the talent show, he might have his head for all those years of coaching he so ‘generously’ docked my pay for… spent  _ years _ working it off. 

“Oh yeah? How… How did that go?” Roxas finally drops the fake happy facade as he looks back towards the fire, avoiding my gaze. 

“I uh… I can see what you mean about some of the stuff you mentioned earlier. He’s just as charming as I remember.” He offers a dry laugh, a stressful silence falling over us like a weighted blanket. After a few moments of watching the kids, Roxas finally catches me eyes, offering a gentle smile as he sits back. “After seeing Pete again, a lot of things started to make sense.” I thickly swallow as his soft blue eyes meet mine. I nervously lick my lips, tasting the leftover marshmallow. 

“Like what?” He merely smiles, resting a warm hand on mine, that same comforting gaze he got from his mother. 

“That you you really did fight him to give  _ us  _ a chance. The camp, I mean…” He fumbles over his word choice, trying to take his hand back as his face dusts with embarrassment. I capture his hand once again, stroking it with my thumb. I only feel horrible for the things I said to get here… His skin glows under the light of the roaring fire, the heat warming while the wind still strikes us with a chilled breeze. 

“I’d fight him a thousand times for ‘us’. I mean the  _ camp  _ of course.” I tease with a wink. His lips curl into a matching smile as his fingers lace with mine, giving my hand a squeeze. Roxas easily falls back into conversation with the campers as Riku catches my eye. He offers a smile and a sly thumbs up before resting his arm around Sora, pulling him into a tight embrace. They look so happy together… I can only hope Roxas and I reach that dream someday. As if he heard my thoughts, Roxas scoots closer so our legs are touching and gently leans into me as the wind starts to pick up. 

“If anyone gets too cold you can go to the mess hall, it’s almost dinner time.” Aqua reminds everyone as she begins to hand out the blankets folded next to her. Almost all the campers rush towards the mess hall at the promise of food, the sugar rush hitting them hard. 

“Shouldn’t you go after them?” I ask, knowing that when I was their age I would have already started that food fight she mentioned before. 

“The benefit of having no new campers is that they know I can call their parents.” Aqua winks, causing Roxas to sigh. 

“Not like that ever stopped Vanitas. That kid is taking years off my life.” I laugh under my breath. I see too much of myself in that kid… 

“You’re starting to sound like Cloud when we were that age,” I tease. He sends me a bewildered stare before groaning, resting his face in his hands. 

“If you find me asleep in my office, please put me out of my misery.” We huddle under the blankets, no longer having to keep things low key around the kids. I drape the blanket around the both of us and keep my hands to myself as he leans into me, heavily sighing as he’s warmed back up. My heart beats rapidly in my chest as I shakily reach my arm around his waist, relieved when he uses the chance to get even closer. 

“Does he still do that?” Riku asks curiously as Sora’s gaze seems to be trained closely on Roxas, his smile growing even bigger as I rub at Roxas’ chilled arms. 

“Too many times- Can I help you Sora?” Roxas points out to the brown mass hiding in the blanket as he merely grins. 

“Just didn’t know if you had anything interesting to tell me about your day… Anything at all…” Roxas glances up at me with a knowing stare and I awkwardly look away, clearing my throat as I rub at the back of my neck. Aqua merely giggles aloud as she tightens the blanket around herself, silently observing the both of them before the sound of footsteps force our attention onto a different topic. 

“Terra, there you are! ...Where on earth did you find that guitar?” She makes room on her log for the newcomer as he strums the out of tune strings. 

“I found it in the old barn we use as storage, it was hiding under a tarp.” Roxas tenses beside me at the sight of the old guitar, inching away from me as I sit up. 

“We should check on the kids-” He attempts to change the subject, but that guitar looks too familiar.  

“Could I look at it?” Terra nods and hands me the acoustic, wood still smooth yet dusty from being unused all this time. I run my fingers over the glossy body, nostalgia washing over me. 8/13 is sloppily etched into the bottom corner of the body and my heart sinks in realization. “I gave you this guitar the day I left to California…” I glance at Roxas, who refuses to meet my eyes in shame. He hides further in the blanket as everyone carefully watches my expression. Of course I’m disappointed that he had it hidden away all these years, but how can I blame him? I left and gave him my guitar as some kind of way to remember me by, like that was supposed to fix anything? I softly smile and pull Roxas close once again, feeling him relax. 

“I was just, I…” I cut him off with a warm smile as I start to retune the guitar, causing everyone else to finally relax. Now’s not the time to focus on getting angry or upset, not when it’s been a comfortable night. The first one I’ve had in years… I strum the guitar, sounding a lot better but still not perfect after sitting gathering dust for who knows how long. 

I begin to sing, reminding myself that singing  _ can  _ still be fun. Everyone moves to the music, the air filling with sweet notes as the fire illuminates the soft bliss everyone is lulled into. I capture Roxas’ gaze as I sing, fully enraptured in my voice and his stress seeming to have melted away as he lives in the moment. It reminds me of the days I used to sing to him with this same guitar, his eyes still bright and excited by the music. All these years of touring and live shows can’t compare to the happiness a simple song can bring Roxas… I wish I could tell him how much I love that part about him. I would sing every day and night just to see his beautiful smile light up my life as he loses himself to the music. “Sing with me,” I lean down to whisper as I continue to play, my lips ghosting over his ear. He pauses, looking away for a long moment as I pull away, my hopes slowly sinking. 

“I really haven’t, I don’t-” He shifts away, something inside himself stopping him from wanting to sing along. 

“Come on Rox, you used to love singing! You were really good at it,” Sora prods, leaning in with an encouraging nod. 

“It’s not like it’s serious, it’s just for fun,” Aqua adds with a smile. Their words only hinder Roxas as he folds in on himself as if to hide, his head lowering as they continue. 

“I don’t want to-” He flinches as they continue, his eyes avoiding anyones gaze. 

“Awh please Roxas?” He shakes his head, his fists balling up. 

“I said-” 

“Just for tonight?” I hold my tongue, yet I want to stop them from pushing Roxas to snap when it’s already been a stressful day for everyone. Yet, why doesn’t he want to? It’s not like any of us are gonna judge him for it. 

“You don’t have to-” I slowly rest a hand on Roxas’s thigh only to be brushed off as he stands. 

“I said  _ no _ ! Why does  _ everyone  _ want me to fucking sing?! My job is this  _ camp _ , not running off to fucking  _ perform  _ on command like some  _ pet _ !” He seethes, shouting his frustrations at the fire. Everyone falls silent, the crackling and popping from the wood filling the awkwardness. I thought… I at least hoped we were somewhat past this. I guess you can’t kiss all your problems wash away. I stand and help Aqua gather the rest of the blankets as Roxas struggles with what he said, attempting the help yet merely sits back down in defeat. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t,” I cut him off with a sharp look as the four decide to give us some space, although not without trying to apologize. 

“I’ll handle it, just go check on the kids.” Sora offers one last glance to Roxas before sighing, letting Riku guide him away.  I sit on the log across from him where Aqua once sat, propping the guitar against the log next to me. I stare Roxas down, who refuses to meet my eyes. 

“I can’t change the past, Roxas.” He quickly meets my eyes, pain lingering as he seems to still struggle to find the right words. 

“I know, I didn’t mean what I said it’s just…” He cuts himself off, closing his eyes as he sits back. “I want to be with you, but is it worth the cost to either of us? I can’t ask you to leave your band after everything you worked for, maybe… Maybe I  _ should  _ come with you.” Hearing those words from the man I love should make me ecstatic, yet it only fills me with dread. 

“You weren’t gone that long, did they corrupt you already?” I sarcastically joke as I run a hand through my hair. 

“I thought that’s what you  _ wanted _ ? For me to come to California with you so we can still be together?” He asks softly in disbelief, hurt flooding his expression as he sits up. “You’ve already seen how much the camp is struggling, your band is more important-” 

“Woah woah woah, where the hell is all this coming from?!” I ask in shock. Maybe a few days ago I’d be selfish enough to agree on the spot, but these words just  _ aren’t _ Roxas. “Just this morning you were pissed because you thought I didn’t care about trying to help the camp, and now you’re saying ‘fuck it, lets go’?!” His sadness quickly turns to anger, his beautiful eyes clouding with annoyance. 

“Why are you getting upset about this? I’m trying to tell you that I  _ want  _ to be with you and I  _ want  _ to go with you-” I quickly stand from the log, circling the fire and sitting down next to him once again. I match his annoyed stare as I glower at him. 

“What did they say to you?” My demand flusters him, his eyes widening he’s visibly taken back. 

“Nothing-” 

“ _ What did they say _ ?!” I demand, my patience wearing thin. He finally sighs, staring down at his lap for a few moments before meeting my eyes. 

“Don’t you  _ want  _ this?” His voice is soft, yet strained as his eyes search mine. I sigh, my anger dwindling as he takes my hands. 

“I  _ want  _ to be with you again, but this isn’t  _ you _ .” He avoids my eyes once again. I take his face in my hands, forcing him to meet my gaze. “The Roxas I know would  _ never  _ let some idiots change his mind.” His lips curl into an amused smile as I continue. “We agreed that I would be here until the end of the week to make a choice, so you have to hold up to your end of the bet too. No decisions until then,” I tease as he finally gives me a genuine smile. 

“Okay, okay… You made your point, softie. You can let go of my face.” He grabs my wrists and tries to pull away, a wolfish grin appearing on my lips as I lean in. 

“Maybe I don’t want to,” I purr, ghosting my lips over his soft skin. His grip falters as he shifts closer, a soft laugh slipping from his parted lips. 

“ That’s a very compelling argument…” He finds my lips, indulging in the stolen kiss. My hands fall from his face to cradle the back of his head, the other gliding down his waist as he deepens the kiss. Our tongues tangle as we lose ourselves in each other, his hands buried in my hair as he pulls me closer. His breath becomes strained as lips and teeth clash, one hand firmly entwined in strands of red and the other gripping my shirt tightly, as if he couldn’t get enough of the kiss. 

“Axel,” He sighs between kisses, sending a shiver down my spine at the way my name came from that sweet mouth. He struggles to part for air, my lips following in refusal to end the blissful kiss. “Axel-” I relent at his tone, pulling away enough to meet his eyes once again as he pants. “You’re really not mad about the guitar?” I can’t help but laugh, breaking the mood. I quickly shake my head, running my fingers along his back with a reassuring smile. 

“Of course not. I gave it to you to remember me by, but I wouldn’t want to remember someone who left at a hard time like I did.” Roxas smiles once again, yet it was easy to see the guilt still resting on his heart. He sits back, finally taking his hands back. 

“Yeah but, you helping your dad isn’t any different than what we’re doing right now. I was just really mad in the moment.” I hum softly in thought before pulling him back in for a chaste kiss. 

“Yeah, but what do two thirteen year olds know about making choices? Hell, I  _ still  _ can’t decide which crappy frozen burrito brand tastes better.” Roxas laughs, breaking the kiss and elbowing me in the side. 

“Neither, gross! I thought you can’t poison your body with that kind of garbage anyways?” I snort with laughter as I sit back. 

“The marshmallow mass that almost clogged my arteries would have killed me long before Pete would have chance to.” We share another laugh before settling into a comfortable silence, only giving each other cheesy lovestruck smiles. 

“I should probably clean this up and say sorry for acting like an asshole.” I feel the question settle on the tip of my tongue, but I think it’s better not to poke the bear. At least he knows it was strange, but I don’t want to try and make him pissed again. 

“I’ll help you clean up, it’s sort of my fault there’s marshmallow goo everywhere.” Roxas pauses and turns towards me, taking my face in his hands this time and pulling me in for another deep kiss. 

“You taste like smores,” He hums against my lips as I blink at him with a happily dazed stare. He tries to pull away but I quickly pull him back, diving back in for another kiss. 

“Not so fast cowboy.” He grins against my lips as he tries to protest between kisses before finally giving in. I delve into his sinful mouth, his body pressing against mine as I let my fingers follow the curve of his back and along his hips. He shivers and lets his hands roam my body, humming with appreciation as his fingers trail along my stomach and chest. I decide to test the waters, dipping my roaming hands down his back and following the curve of his jeans, slipping my fingers into his back pocket. I rub at a card in his pocket, a bit curious but more focused on his lips. He gasps against my lips, his eyes sparking with excitement. He leans against me as he gasps for breath, forcing me to step back to support us. I glance back as I try to avoid the fire, his lips finding my jaw and trailing over my neck. 

“R-Roxas,” I shudder at the hot mouth nipping at my skin, my fingers digging into his back. “T-Too hot,” I warn only for him to chuckle against my skin, pushing against me even further. He hums against my neck, trailing back up to my lips. 

“Afraid to get burned?” He whispers against my lips. 

“Fucking-  _ yes _ !” I tighten my fingers around the card reflexively as I push him away,  stamping my foot into the dirt as I try to put out the flame climbing up my pants. 

“Oh my god-  _ Why didn’t you say something? _ !” He helps extinguish the flames and quickly puts out the fire. 

“Trust me, if it wasn’t for the  _ literal fire  _ I wouldn’t have stopped.” I tease, sending him a flirtatious wink at his eagerness. His face changes to a rosey red as he fumbles for a comeback. 

“Y-You, I just- I’m  _ never  _ kissing you again.” He finally decides as he stands, clearing away the rest of the trash in a hurry. I examine my scorched pant leg, thankful I wasn’t wearing something tighter. 

“The way you were feeling me up says differently,” I tease as I stand, rubbing at the wet marks along my neck before following him towards the mess hall. He glances back at me with a glare that falters as I wink at him, his lips gleaming with our spit, now bruised from the heavy makeout. I glance at the card crumpled in my hand, figuring I could give it back to him after eating. 

Dinner follows without anymore outbursts, silent apologizes made as everyone goes back to normal for the time being. I can’t remember the last time I actually sat down for a meal with people I care about… The ‘kitchen’ in the bus hardly counts in my opinion. 

After dinner I finally catch Roxas again, his attention still being pulled in a thousand directions as kids swarm him and the counselors needling him with questions. 

“I don’t know Vanitas- Terra just tell them to call tomorrow-  _ What color _ ?” I observe silently as he tries to handle the different conversations while still single handedly planning the upcoming festival. He’s definitely in his element, yet it’s such a stark difference from the kid I knew all those years ago. How in the hell can he handle all of this? I suppose the same question could be directed towards me with my own band, yet I really don’t have an answer either. You just learn to shoulder all of the problems and figure it out as you go along… I finally capture Roxas’s attention, yet it’s only for a moment. 

“Axel- I’m sorry I’m swamped with fixing something with our vendor, what’s up?” I rub the back of my neck as I weakly smile. 

“Nothing- Just wanted to say I’m heading back to the house.” He quickly nods, his attention already moved on to a clipboard being shoved in his face. 

“I’ll be there soon-” He jots something down on the paper before sighing, his brows furrowing in annoyance. “Damn it, this isn’t the right form-” I back away from Roxas as more people take my place to ask him questions about the festival and the camp. I give up talking to him further with a sigh and head back outside, slinging the guitar over my back. I knew we wouldn’t have that much time to ourselves, but if I knew he was going to be this busy… Would it be like this if I stayed here with him? It’s not like I wouldn’t be just as busy, yet it still hurts to think that we would only have a few moments of the day together. 

As I approach the house I wave away my concerns, chalking them up to just being anxious about the choice looming other each of us. It’s not an easy one to make, but at least we’re open with each other about how we feel. Well… For the most part. Seeing no sign of Cloud in his office or anywhere else in the house, I relax onto the pullout bed left out from the night before. Oh shit, I never gave Roxas his card back. 

Taking it out again, I uncrumple it as I look it over. Pete’s name flashes at me along with his direct number, his skeevy grin making my blood run cold. He only gives this card to big clients and prospects- the same one I got years ago. All of it clicks in my mind at once- Roxas’ outburst from earlier and the reason he was so adamant about wanting to move to California with me. 

The idea of Roxas being crammed in the bus with us, Xigbar making passes at him while being screamed at by Pete day and night in rehearsals... I refuse to let Roxas make the same mistake I did. I never thought what I did as a mistake until I imagine Roxas going through the same thing… 

I shakily sigh as I put the card back in my pocket, not wanting Roxas to know that I found out in the first place. I think Pete just made my choice a hell of a lot easier. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally beat KH3! Writing more of the story helped fill the void before I throw myself back into the con crunch...

_ Lanky fingers awkwardly strum the acoustic guitar situated in the red head’s lap, the cords sounding slightly out of tune. His voice cracks and squeaks through a rendition of ‘Everytime we touch’, his eyes trying not to leave mine as he falters through the forgotten chords.  _

_ “This stinks, you’re better at pranks.”  _

_ “Let’s go mess with Cloud!” The other kids gathered around me agree in excitement as they ditch the circle, but I hardly notice. My grin only gets wider as Axel softly swears through a bad note.  _

_ “I’m no good at this stuff, Roxy. I should just forget it.” He heavily sighs with a whine as he stops, forcing me to sit up from the grass. I frown as I move to sit next to him, his face turning different shades of red as I rest my hand on his knee.  _

_ “Don’t say that Axel, I like watching you sing and stuff! Who cares what those jerks say, I think you can do it. Why don’t you try that song we’ve been working on? I can help!” I offer with an encouraging smile, moving closer as I take his beat up notebook in my lap.  _

_ I tap his worn out pen against my lip as I think, flipping open to the dog eared page of song lyrics, a couple words scratched out with doodles lining the side of the pages.  _

_ “You’re the only one that even bothers staying through the show. What kind of rock star has only  _ one  _ fan?!” He sighs angrily, planting the guitar on the log next to him as he sits back and stares up at the clear morning sky.  _

_ “It shouldn’t matter how many fans you got, as long as that one fan is always listening.” I remind as I nudge him with my elbow. “Besides, I’ll always be your number one fan, manager and songwriter. Got it memorized?” I tease, pointing the pen at my temple as I stick my tongue out at him.  _

~

It wasn’t hard to know I messed up at the bonfire. I let Xigbar and Pete get into my head so badly that I took it out on my friends. I overreacted big time... As soon as I get to the dining hall I seek out Sora as he helps serve the campers their dinner. 

I silently wait in the the corner as I watch him work, peeking over at Axel who quickly finds a seat next to Riku. At least  _ he’s  _ getting along with everyone… As soon as Sora’s finished he turns on his heel to stare me down, no more lighthearted smiles like before. 

“I don’t even want you to say sorry anymore, Roxas. You can’t keep apologizing without changing your behavior, that’s not how it works.” I bite my tongue as I sheepishly nod, understanding his anger. “I get that it’s really stressful right now with Axel and the festival but you can’t keep snapping at the people trying to help you make this happen. Not when you keep us in the dark about what’s going on. And I  _ know  _ there’s something going on.” I glance over to where Axel is seated, laughing and chatting with Riku, Aqua, and Terra like old friends. 

“I’ll tell you- but you have to promise to keep this a secret from Axel.” I can’t risk him finding out about the truth of what happened after I left until I’m confident in what I decide. The only reason I would ever take Pete’s offer is for Axel to keep living his dream and I would be there for him, but I know he won’t let me give up the camp so easily. He made that crystal clear at the bonfire… 

Sora merely nods and hums throughout my retelling of events after we got separated, pausing to give me that trademark Sora Smile when I let on about my newfound relationship. That slowly faded when I told him about the offer Pete gave me. 

“Axel doesn’t know about the offer because I don’t want to put any more strain on, whatever’s going on between us. It’s already a crappy way to start a relationship with this time crunch, Pete’s offer is only gonna make this worse.” Sora softly exhales as he rests his arms behind his head, scuffing the floor with his shoe absentmindedly. 

“On the bright side, this means Axel is gonna play the festival! Isn’t he?” I haven’t really thought about that… 

“I  _ guess  _ he will? If we’re really dating then it’d be an awkward conversation to have if he doesn’t. But then the camp will get back to normal and we’re still left trying to figure out who stays and who goes, or if we even stay together.” We share a look before bursting into humorless laughter. “I kinda miss when my  _ only  _ problem was the festival.” I admit as we finally head towards the tables. 

Dinner flies by all too quickly and soon I’m surrounded by clipboards and pens, my hands moving in a flurry as I give my signature to incessant forms and documents when I notice Axel out of the corner of my eye. 

“I’ll be there soon- Damn it, this isn’t the right form!” It feels like an eternity before I’m finally left alone, no longer getting stopped on my path towards the house with ‘one last signature’ or ‘one tiny detail’. 

Now that I’m finally alone, all I can think about anymore is that stupid choice I made all those years ago. I didn’t understand  _ what  _ I was doing. All I knew was that I had to do  _ something _ . It was too easy to change the names on the contacts and forge his chicken scratch signature while Sora and Riku were lookouts. We all thought we were helping Axel, but I never stopped and thought about the moment when it’d be time for him to leave. I was blinded by my resolve to help my best friend, and maybe I still am?

I  _ wanted  _ to forget about Axel after he left, wanted to move on after realizing he had done the same. Yet he has a way of burning himself into people’s hearts… I hid the guitar out of hopes that it would help, and for a while, it did. I became obsessed trying to keep the camp alive so I would stop thinking about why he never tried to reach out to me. Did he hate me for what I did? Has he forgotten me like I tried to with him? I’ve stopped trying to answer them a long time ago, until now… 

Maybe I remember our time together with a rose colored filter... What if I don’t really have feelings for him? What if what I feel is just a stupid way to make up for the pain of missing him? I  _ want  _ to ask, but do I really want to know the answer? I should be happy that we’re together again, even for a few more days, but how can I be when our future is so uncertain? 

“Roxas?” The sleep deprived voice breaks through, vivid green eyes searching mine. My hand tightens on the rail along the creaking stairs, my foot causing a groan to reverberate in the silent house. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” I let go of the rail, yet I don’t move from my spot. Axel sits up, blinking slowly as he yawns. 

“S’fine, I really wasn’t sleeping anyways.” 

“Oh, okay.” The unanswered questions hang between us as I tighten my grip on the rail while Axel rubs away the last remains of slumber. 

“Get your festival stuff figured out?” I weakly laugh as I step off the stairs, pushing the hair out of my eyes. 

“Hardly. It’s dire that I pick out the right colors, you know.” His eyes sparkle with amusement as he chuckles. 

“Oh trust me, making tiny stupid choices is my  _ specialty _ .” I can’t help but gravitate towards him as I smile, his voice still laced with traces of sleep. 

“Are you sure you weren’t sleeping?” He flashes me a grin as I sit on the edge of the pullout bed. 

“Course not, rock stars never sleep. Didn’t you know that?” 

“Suppose not,” We share a soft laugh before we settle into another uncomfortable silence. “I’ll go grab you some pajamas,” I offer as I stand, only for a warm hand to grab mine. Axel’s eyes search mine, a thought lingering on his lips before he finally sighs in resignation. 

“Nothing- Sorry.” His eyes leave mine as he slumps back against the pillows. 

“Uhm, okay. I’ll be right back.” I head back upstairs and to my room where the clothes from last night were left disheveled on my floor. I let my eyes drift over my bed, wanting nothing more than to ignore my burning thoughts and let myself go into a coma, yet I can’t help but want to go back downstairs and needle Axel with my concerns. We’re not supposed to decide anything until the end of the week, but with how busy I’ll be tomorrow, I don’t want to lose this chance. 

I silently change into my old clothes and plug my phone into the charger, ignoring the messages begging for my opinion on more useless questions. Heading back downstairs, I can’t help but be a little disappointed when I hear the faint sound of snoring coming from the sofa. I guess I’ll have to wait for another chance to talk to him… I sit on the edge of the bed, my lips curling into a smile as I watch his chest rise and fall with each shallow breath. I’ve missed this part of the night… watching him be at peace as he sleeps - his long lashes curled against his skin, lips parted and arms wildly spread out over the bed. 

I can’t stop myself as I reach out, brushing a red strand of hair out of his face. His nose twitches as his eyes slowly flutter open. I’m caught breathless at his soft gaze, my heart filling to the brim with love for my best friend. Warm fingers brush along my jaw as his lips stretch into a sleepy smile, and I have to remind myself to breathe as I find myself leaning in. I rest my forehead against his, those warm fingers sliding along my skin and lacing into my hair as his eyes shimmer with happiness. 

“I could get used to you waking me up,” He teases in a breathless whisper as my fingers dance along his cheek, thumb stroking the tattoos under each eye. Questions be damned, I already know the answer to the most important one. Our lips find each other in a soft kiss, his fingers curling into my hair as I can’t hold back my smile. 

“I think I could, too.” 

“That a promise?” He teases between kisses, pulling away to flash me a challenging smirk. The right words die on my tongue as I lick my lips. 

“Do you promise you’ll be there for me to wake you up?” The sweet kisses turn cold as he falters, his once assured personality now conflicted. I sigh heavily as I sit back, turning my attention back to the pajamas in my lap. “I’m sorry- I didn’t mean,” He silently takes the the clothes from me, offering an apologetic smile. 

“Don’t be sorry for wanting that. I’m just happy that you want that too…” He sits up as he strips his shirt, muscles flexing under his sun kissed skin. Okay sure we kissed but that doesn’t give me permission to stare at him when he’s half naked... He stands from the bed, hooking his thumbs in the waistband of his jeans and tugging down. 

“Y-You’re just- gonna change right here?” My voice becomes strained, my eyes trained on every dip and curve of the newly exposed skin. He turns as he pushes his jeans down, but I totally won’t stare or try to check him out,  _ totally  _ not… 

“I’m so used to changing on the bus in front of the guys that I guess I didn’t think about it.” 

“Mhn hm, right,” I mumble aloud, trying not to get disappointed as he pulls on his pants and shirt. He sits back down on the pull out couch, his smirk making me flush in embarrassment at getting caught. Not like I was very secretive about it… “I should be getting to bed,” I tear my eyes away from his, forcing myself not to look back at him as he rests a warm hand on mine. 

“Roxas- There’s something,” I shift on the bed, watching Axel search hopelessly for the right words. 

“Something… you wanna say?” He pauses, glancing away as he rubs the back of his neck. 

“I wanted to tell you something, but,” He leans in closer as his voice lowers, forcing me to do the same. 

“You can tell me, Axel,” I rest a hand on his and offer an encouraging smile. He finally meets my gaze, lips parting in a silent confession. 

“I…” The words die on his lips as he sighs before just blurting it out. “I want you to sleep with me.”

“... _ What _ ?” 

“ _ Actual _ sleep.”  

“Oh.” The awkward moment is left in the air hanging between us, my disappointment too evident in my tone. 

“Did  _ you  _ want-?” He weakly asks, his once confident facade now crumbling with embarrassment as his words trail off, his eyes tracing every bit of exposed skin. A jolt of excitement rushes through me at his question, unable to recall the last time I actually  _ did  _ want to do  _ something _ . Would it really be  _ that  _ crazy for us to enjoy this last moment of peace? “You’re uhm- taking a long time to say no.” He softly chuckles, his cheeks dusting rose as he puts his mane of hair into a wild bun. I share his embarrassment as I clear my throat, forcing my eyes down to stare at my old sweatpants. 

“I know this is so lame but, what if we only want to be together because of nostalgia? What if a couple months down the road the ‘honeymoon’ stage wears off and we realize whatever we decided was a mistake? What if-” Axel’s mirthful laugh breaks my line of questions, my heart painfully twisting at his reaction. 

“That’s the double edged sword of ‘what if’s.” He softly groans as he moves to lay back on the bed, resting his arms behind his head as he gazes up at the ceiling. “What if it  _ does  _ work out? What if this  _ is  _ what destiny has in store for us? What if we’re  _ meant  _ to be together? Isn’t it worth it to try?” I silently move to lay beside him, staring up at the ceiling with him in deep thought over his words as I fold my hands against my chest. “We could go back and forth on either side but in the end, I’d rather have the side that means I can be with you. Even if it’s only for the week or a few months, and even if we decide to stay friends- at least I’ll still have you in my life.” I tilt my head to search his expression as he continues to stare ahead, his gaze moving towards the pictures lining the fireplace. 

“Since when did you get so sappy?” I tease in a hushed whisper, moving to lay on my side as my fingers dance along his borrowed shirt, tracing the faded pattern. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way about anyone, let alone that person being Axel. Maybe I  _ have  _ been focused on the wrong ‘what if’s’... This might be the last week I get with Axel before he makes his choice, so why should I let that make me miserable when I have the chance to make our time count? “You  _ sure  _ you want an overworked, short-tempered rancher in your life? It’s hard to believe I beat out the list of all the celebs you must know.” His chest rumbles as he laughs moving to rest unexplainably warm arm around me. 

“Hardly. I only know the music industry ones, and a lot of the time we just talk business. The  _ real  _ fun starts when the drinks are out, but I can’t call any of them my friends. More like, ‘let’s get fucking ripped because we got passed over for playing the super bowl’.” I snort as I shift closer to his warmth, resting my head on his shoulder. I find myself dragging my hand up and down his body, following the wrinkles of the shirt and trying not to focus on the exposed skin peeking out of his sweats. His fingers dance along my back, nails scraping along the thin shirt and sending shivers down my spine as I try to focus on replying. 

“Can’t say I’ve had that problem,” I manage, my voice tight as his fingers edge lower with each pass. I press closer as I match his bravado, my fingers tracing along the edge of his shirt and gently nudging to expose more skin. 

“Mhn, not a problem you want to have. I don’t give two shits about the super bowl - it’s not why I wanted to sing.” I softly hum as his fingers dip under my shirt, his nails scraping along bare skin as he traces out my hip. 

“Drunken football fans don’t have the same passion for music, right?” I hum, not trusting my resolve as I respond in kind, following the curves of his stomach. 

“Well, that’s  _ one  _ reason.” His voice is airy as his hand stutters along my skin. He moves to prop himself on his elbow, taking away the hot touches along my skin. I try not to whine as he rests a hand on my chest, his fingers trailing along my neck and jaw as he stares down at me. His gaze is hot and his breath shallow as I tilt my chin up, unable to tear my eyes away. 

“You were the only one I wanted to listen.” My breath catches in my throat as his lips curl into a heart stopping smile, words dying in my throat as my thoughts are shattered. 

Our lips clash in a searing kiss, nothing soft and sweet about the way our tongues twist and tangle as fingers plunge into hair and scrape along skin. He pants heavily against my lips, hands no longer teasing as he pushes me against the bed. I eagerly dip my hands under the loose shirt, feverishly running over the taut muscles as my lips drift over his jaw. He takes no time in doing the same, his calloused hands rubbing and teasing as he nips at my ear. 

“Still taking a while to say no,” He purrs teasingly, hand dipping dangerously low as he twists the strings of my sweatpants over his fingers, his gravelly, sleep-ridden voice sending shivers along my body. 

“You  _ want  _ me to say no?” I tease back, slipping my hands along his back and feeling the muscles flex as I pull him closer. He rests a knee between my legs as he bridges over me, his eyes hot as he licks his bruised lips. 

“I want you to say  _ yes _ .” He challenges as his fingers drift over my thigh, so  _ teasingly  _ close. 

“Shit,” I softly murmur as hot lips explore my neck, that devilish tongue tracing patterns. “I-It’s way too late, mhn-” I flush as I quietly moan, biting my lip as a finger traces the outline of my budding erection. 

“Let me take care of you, then right to bed.” He pants against my lips as my hips betray me, pushing into his hand as he  _ squeezes _ . I can’t help the slip of his name as I press my tongue against his, hands dipping under the waistband and rubbing. 

“What about my dad?” I murmur as his growing excitement presses against my hip, making me shudder. 

“...Double shit.” He mumbles against my lips, feverish hands pausing. I bite my lip and groan, grinding my hips against his still hand. 

“I don’t care anymore, just do  _ something-  _ please,” I gasp against his skin, eyes fluttering close as fingers outline my stiff cock straining against boxers. 

“ _ Fuck _ that’s hot, but you gotta be quiet.” He quickly grabs the nearby blanket and throws it over us between open mouthed kisses. He slips his hand into the front of my boxers, hot hands heavily stroking as he pants against my skin, his own hips grinding against my thigh. I wrap my fingers around his cock, unable to hold back the throaty groan as I feel the length. “Y-You- mhn, don’t have to-” He moans against my neck, teeth grazing as he slows his hand, forcing my hips to push back into his hands as I greedily pump his erection. 

“I’m  _ more  _ than happy to,” I purr against his lips as he bucks into my hand, drowning out his moans with my mouth.

I match his pace with my hand, moaning his name over and over into his mouth as I reach the edge, both our voices thin and raspy. His arm shakes as he struggles to keep supporting himself, my name coming out in husky gasps as his eyes watch my every reaction. With a hard pull I come in his hand, hips stuttering as I arch off the bed, my grip tightening over the head of his erection. He quickly drowns out my string of moans with his tongue, reaching his own climax in my hand. While gasping against his lips, I pull my hand out of his pants, carefully avoiding touching him with my slick fingers as he does the same. 

He heavily lays on his side, giving his arm a break as our chests rise and fall in unison, basking in the afterglow of our late night tryst. After a silent exchange of soft kisses he locates some nearby tissues and we clean up, Axel’s face dusting red at the stain on the front of the borrowed sweatpants. 

“I owe your dad new pants…” I snort in laughter as I pull him in for another kiss before laying back onto the bed, breath still heavy as he collapses beside me. 

“ _ Please _ don’t bring up my father after we just gave each other hand jobs.” It’s his turn to snort with laughter as I pull the blanket over us once again, feeling the lull of sleep threaten to take over me. I pressed against his side once again, this time my arm lazily resting over his chest as he kisses my sweaty head. 

“That mean there’s more of them in the future?” I send him an exasperated stare only to receive a flirtatious wink as he finally closes his eyes. I try to do the same, wanting the will of sleep to take over me, yet I can’t help the thought that nags at the back of my mind. 

“Axel?” He doesn’t open his eyes, yet his arm tightens around me. 

“Hm?” I close my eyes as I finally relax. 

“I’m sorry-” I paused for a few moments for a response, but I’m met with the sound of his soft snores instead. I’ll just tell him tomorrow… 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a lot longer to post than I originally wanted due to the strange layout and vibe of this chapter, but I think it turned out really well! I'm interviewing for a job promotion soon but my cosplay is almost finished, so hopefully I'll have more time to write when it's finished yet I'm unsure of what will change if I get this promotion. All in all I'm super excited to hear your thoughts on this chapter and I really appreciate everyone who sticks around!

_“Mr. Myde? Is there a Mr. Myde here?” I nervously jump from the cheap plastic seat, knocking over my guitar case in my excitement._

_“P-Present! Call me Dem-”_

_“Right this way.” The uptight woman marks something on her paperwork before tucking the pen behind her ear, using her free hand to adjust her glasses as she looks me over. “Hm. Come along this way.” I cradle my guitar case in my arms as I squeeze through the rows of seats and between other practicing auditioners._

_“So, nice day we’re hav-”_

_“You get five minutes to play your prepared piece and you will give Mr. Pedowski and Mr. Ienzo a copy of your sheet music. If you go over five minutes I will escort you out of the room. They will contact you with any further business.” She smooths down a stray flyaway back into her tight bun as she opens the door, glancing me over once again. “Your time starts now.” She slams the door shut behind me, causing me to jump and almost drop my guitar case again._

_“Have a seat, Mr. Myde?” Pete Pedowski in the flesh! It’s like a dream come true, at least it will be if I nail this audition… Focus, Demyx!_

_“Y-Yeah! Yes sir, but my friends call me Demyx.” He cocks an eyebrow at my first name as I nervously lay the crumpled sheet music in front of him and also to the shorter man next to him. Lingering blue eyes catch mine as he gingerly picks up the music, brushing off a few stray crumbs._

_“Ode to Zeland. Interesting name. And interesting song title.” His lips curl into a hint of a smile as he tucks away the low hanging bangs covering his other eye. My heart squeezes as I nervously smile back, stumbling back to sit on the stool._

_“T-Thanks, you- interesting-” I fumble for my words as the stool clatters to the ground behind me, causing Pete to wince and glower at me because of the noise while Mr. Ienzo tries to hide his amusement behind the paper. I quickly pick the stool back up and gather my guitar from the case, glancing at the low hanging mic in front of me._

_“Do you need a music stand?” I quickly shake my head as I tune my guitar._

_“Nah, I wrote it myself so I know it, Mr. Ienzo.” His eyes seem to sparkle under the flickering fluorescent bulbs as he smooths out my paper._

_“You write your own music...?” Pete smacks his lips as he sits back, resting his large hands over his even larger stomach._

_“This is Zexion, does lots of percussion. We’re looking for a bass or guitar player, more for backup vocals to assist a lead.” He checks his watch. “You got about 2 ½ minutes left, kid. Show us whatcha got.”_ _  
_

_  
_ ~~~

 

My alarm blares from my bedside table like a siren and within a moment I shut it down. I’ve been awake for about an hour now anyways, just tossing and turning in bed trying to wrap my mind around what’s happening in my own camp. ‘My Camp’... Like Roxas hasn't been breaking his back for these past few years trying to keep things running while I fight off the debt companies and shuffle around endless paperwork, acting like any of it will make a difference. I roll over in the empty bed, reaching out and running a hand over the leftover space. Maybe I should just sell my bed and sleep in the barn like Roxas does. Hell, at that point might as well do away with the whole house based on how much time we actually spend here...

I waste no time in getting dressed for the day, knowing I have a long list of calls to ignore in favor of trying to find the money they’re all going to be demanding. I head downstairs, blinking away the lack of sleep from my eyes as I run a worn hand down along my forehead only to pause mid step.

“Oh- morning Roxas.” He pauses as he slips on his other boot, his hair even wilder than usual as his face twists in embarrassment.

“H-Hey dad, just heading out for the day to do... stuff.” He shoves his hat onto the mess of blond locks and offers another strange ‘I’m hiding something’ smile.

“I figured you’d stay and eat breakfast since Axel’s here. You don’t need to rush off every morning, we have staff for a reason.” His embarrassment fades into that undisguisable gut wrenching exhaustion as he waves off my concerns.

“I didn’t want to wake him, I’ll come back in a few hours to get him.” I can’t help but crack a smile with a hint of amusement.

“He’s not a dog, though it sure smells like it. Did it smell this musky last night?” Roxas is quick to hide his face as he yanks open the front door and almost plows through the screen.

“Yeah it’s _really_ weird- well I gotta go... water the chicken feed, bye!” He offers a sheepish wave through the screen door and tries way too hard to casually step down the porch and towards his truck. Maybe the stress is starting to make him crack? Not like I blame him… I head down the hallway, silently watching Axel toss and turn on the sofa bed in restless sleep. The bed is littered with used tissues, the box discarded on the pile of Roxas’ sweatpants.

I deeply sigh as I pinch the bridge of my nose, turning on my heel and making a hard beeline towards the coffee machine. Well, that would explain his ‘deer in headlights’ gawk he made at me when I asked about the smell. Axel’s only been here for two nights and they’re doing- whatever they did? I know I’m out of touch with Roxas, but I can’t help but be scared for him. He might just be happy that Axel’s back and is saying exactly what he wants to hear to get him into bed- what happens at the end of the week? Axel isn’t the same kid I knew all those years ago, I just don’t want to see Roxas get his heart broken _again_. I know Roxas is smart, but he’s always had a soft spot for Axel, and it’s not hard to see that he still does. I wish I could just talk to him but it seems like when we do, it ends up in a fight.

I lean against the counter as I heavily sigh, nursing the hot cup between my callused hands.  It hurts seeing that same silent look of exhaustion that I see in myself far too often. What kind of father am I if I let my son keep killing himself day after day just to keep this place going? Adding Axel into mix is just a bad idea, but I know he won’t stand to hear it. I think I’m too late. All I can do is let him learn this lesson on his own…

“Rox? Oh- uhm. Morning Cloud. Have you seen Roxas…?” Axel’s rough voice breaks into my line of thoughts as he shuffles into the kitchen, yawning into his fist as he scratches his chest absentmindedly.

“Morning. He’s already doing some chores- are those my sweatpants?” _That stain better not be what I think it is._

 

_~~~_

 

“Xigbar- I say this a lot, but this time I mean it - I _will_ kill you.” I mumble into my pillow, old drool cold against my cheek as I turn my head away from the open curtain that Xigbar so rudely ripped open. Bleary eyed and still half asleep I fumble for my phone, wincing at the bright screen. I whine even louder as I shove my head deeper into my pillow, yanking the curtain shut once again. “It’s seven in the morning, be a douche after at least 10 am.” He opens the curtain open once again as I roll over onto my side only for him to shine his phone flashlight in my face.

“As if, _nothing_ can kill me. Now get the hell up, Pillow Princess, we still have work to do.” I grimace at hearing that term out of Xigbar as I shield my eyes with my sleep mask.

“You’re exactly the last person I ever want to hear that from.” He snorts as I finally roll out of the cramped sleeping bunk, careful to avoid hitting my head as I stretch.

“What, Pillow Princess ?”

“No, ‘work’. Well- actually don’t say either of those things. Ever.” He merely rolls his eye at me as I shuffle towards the closet situated between the sets of bunks. I glance over to see Zexion’s bunk empty, a twinge of sadness filtering through. I feel like I’ve hardly gotten to talk to him since we left… “Where’s Zexion at? Who would possibly want to be awake right now, on _purpose_?” Wouldn’t he be getting swarmed by the media too? Now that they know we’re here, it’s been a nightmare for the hotel staff trying to keep them off the property.

“He went to a cafe or something- don’t worry about him. Look at this.” He shoves his phone in my face with a Buzz-Sleeze article with Roxas and Axel’s face plastered on it. _‘Axel’s new beau; Country cutie or midwest hick?’_ I skim the article, my stomach knotting angrily at seeing the media nitpick Roxas just from the two seconds they saw him. That’s the life we live- but Roxas should have never been in the public’s eye like this. They go on to question their relationship status and what he’s even doing here, and promise to update as soon as they find out anything more.

“People are starting to notice Axel’s thinking with his dick, and when they find out he cancelled a huge concert for Blondie? We’re _done_. Today is our only day to do some damage, since Pete booked a rehearsal tomorrow.” As I put on a clean shirt I’m reminded of what I watched unfold yesterday outside the bus. Pete and Roxas somehow know each other, and he offered him Xigbar’s place in the band… Even if Roxas doesn’t sign on, does that mean Pete’s gonna fire Xig? I can’t say I’d be heartbroken but that’s pretty cold, even for Pete. The guy took a stagelight to the face for him and he just gets cut for the newest model?

“So that’s the plan- got it?” I pause as I button up the fresh jeans I finished pulling up, glancing over at him with a crooked grin.

“...Uh- totally! We got this!” He pauses and heavily sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

“Would it physically hurt you to listen? For _once_ in your life?” I merely shrug.

“I-”

“Don’t answer that, just, come on.”

  
  
~~~

 

“ _‘Call the media, it’s a good idea!’_ What a joke…” I mumble under my breath as I hold open the barbed wire fence for Xigbar to crawl through. Thanks to Xigbar’s brilliant idea, our once easy access is now blocked by the horde of paparazzi being held at bay by closed gates and barbed fencing blocking entrance into the thicket of trees along the outskirts of the camp. Xigbar found this small patch of fence that needed mending and we’re able to get through with the wire slack- but it’s still more work than I ever want to deal with again. I whine as I examine the bottom of my shirt, poking a finger through the small tear made by the fencing. “This was Gucci…” Xigbar grabs the back of my shirt and gives me a hard push, forcing me into cover.

“Get another one, quit bitching and focus. We have to stay on Axel’s ass and break his nostalgia filter. When everything goes wrong he’ll finally realize this place is a dump and beg to get back on that silver spoon he’s been sucking on.” I trudge after Xigbar as he leads us deeper into the camp, trying to track down Axel when we stumble across Roxas and another guy staring up at a rock wall. They gesture to the harness that one of them was wearing, seeming to argue with Roxas about something. We edge closer, finally catching onto their words.

“-not doing it. You know I’m afraid of heights, quit trying to Dr. Phil me or something Sora.” Sora sighs in annoyance, stepping back and giving Roxas a look.

“Fine. Why don’t we have Axel test it then?” He checks his watch and clicks his tongue. “I really gotta go meet with the sound guys for the stage, you really gotta figure this out.” He warns as he takes off further into the camp, leaving Roxas to stare up at the rock wall. Xigbar gives me his douchey smirk as he silently hatches his own plan. As soon as Roxas sighs and steps away- I’m forced to follow Xigbar as he makes a bee line for the wall.

“Quick- gimme a rock or something.” I roll my eyes and point at the wall.

“You’re asking for a rock, while standing _next_ to a rockwall. A _wall,_ covered in _rocks_...” He pauses and glances back at me, his lips parting only for him to shake his head.

“I don’t have the energy…” He grumbles as he takes the heavy clasp that keeps the ropes attached to the climber and strikes it against the wall. After a few hits he admires his work, the clip bent and chipped out of shape yet still appearing functional.

“Are you sure this is safe…? If the clip breaks and he falls-”

“If he falls, he’ll get pissed off and call it quits. A sleep deprived Axel falling on his ass in front of the guy he’s trying to fuck? I know the guy well enough that he’ll be back on the bus within the hour.” Seeming pleased with his work, he sets the harness back onto the ground and pushes me back towards our hiding spot as we hear footsteps approach. Ducking down and out of sight, my stomach twists with guilt as Roxas, Axel, and another brown haired guy returns to the rock wall. Even from afar there’s  some obvious tension between Roxas and Axel, the way Roxas avoids looking directly at him and seems to put as much distance between them as possible.

“Something must’ve happened last night- they look nervous.” I muse aloud.

“Maybe Axel got rejected for the first time in his life. Doesn’t matter, as long as it works in our favor.” I know I’m helping Xigbar with this gross plan, but I wish it didn’t have to come at the expense of their friendship…

“Roxas, you know there’s no way Axel can test this thing, right?” Roxas visibly pales, his expression falling into an even deeper frown as he stutters.

“W-Why not Terra? He doesn’t have muscles, he’s a twig! We could lift him.” Axel crosses his arms over his chest as he glances away, hurt by Roxas’s callous words.

“Gee, thanks Rox, glad I could help...” Terra glances between the pair and clears his throat as he picks up the harness.

“ I meant because he’s too tall, he’d be up that wall in two seconds and it wouldn’t give us enough room to test the harness. Sora’s busy, so…” He puts the harness in Roxas’ hands, and it’s clear to see that he’s far from willing.

“... Are you _still_ afraid of heights?” Axel asks, amusement creeping into his tone.

“ _No_! I just- wanted to give you a chance to use the rock wall is all.” Roxas glances at Terra, silently exchanging words as he buckles himself into the climbing rig. He faces the wall, shaking out his arms as Terra holds the counterweight rope.

“Axel’s not gonna climb- _what do we do?_ ” I whisper to Xigbar in a panic as Roxas takes longer than necessary to loosen up. Worry crosses his expression as he thinks aloud.

“If Roxas falls then that could work out for us too? If he’s hurt Axel can’t try to get with him and he’ll get bored?” It sounds like he’s trying to convince _himself_ it’ll still work, and for Roxas’ sake, I hope it doesn’t… Roxas slowly climbs the wall, carefully measuring each step and handhold before moving on. “

You’re doing great Roxas!” Terra calls out to him as Axel hovers nearby, a different kind of worry etched onto his face. “Okay, you’re high enough to let go! I got the rope-”

“Just close your eyes and take a deep breath! I’m here for you, Roxas.” Axel calls out to him, cutting off Terra who only makes Roxas seem to freeze against the wall. Axel’s words seem to have struck a chord with Roxas, hard to tell if it was a good or bad one.

“O-Okay- I’m letting go.” And he does. We all hold our breath as he lets go, kicking away from the wall and releasing the handholds. The rope snaps taught and Roxas is suspended in the air next to the wall, causing the three of us to breathe a sigh of relief while Xigbar swears angrily. Roxas spins in place, looking over the camp with a small grin. “You know, this is actually really cool! I bet-” Mid Sentence the clip finally snaps from Xigbar’s abuse and Roxas’s weight, the rope going slack as he plummets back down.

I want to cringe and look away but I can’t help but watch in horror as he falls through the air, thousands of thoughts all screaming that it’s my fault that he’s going to be hurt. Axel moves like a blur to catch Roxas in his arms, the weight of the fall causing both of them to crumple against the ground.

“Fuck! Damn him.” Xigbar snarls as he slams his fist against the nearby tree as I try to get my racing heart to slow down. As the dust settles, Axel rubs at Roxas’ back who clings to him like a scared child as he hyperventilates, Terra rushing to their side.

“Are you guys okay?! Is anything broken?” Axel quickly shakes his head as he runs his fingers through Roxas’ hair, getting him to relax and take normal breaths after the sudden fall. Axel whispers something to Roxas, eliciting a soft smile from both of them as their awkward tension seems to melt away.

“I have no idea what happened, I think the clip busted.” Roxas sits back as they examine the broken pieces of the clip, easily putting together what happened.

“Who the hell would smash this?! A kid could have gotten hurt if we didn’t test the wall!”

“What kind of sick freak…” Terra and Roxas mutter aloud, causing me to send Xigbar a hard stare.

“What? Plan failed- there’s still more chances.” He really is a sick freak… Yet if I’m helping him, doesn’t that make me one too?

 

~~~

 

  
It was difficult to keep following Xigbar, but all I can think about is how much it would hurt to lose the band, and more importantly Zexion. If he ever finds out about all of this, he would never forgive me… I know he would try to reassure me in saying that he isn’t going anywhere but he could easily be snapped up by another manager and get taken across the world. I guess I would know how Axel feels…

“This isn’t some shitty movie, dude. How in the _hell_ are we supposed to get a bunch of pigs to chase Axel? Do they even _do_ that?” Xigbar merely shrugs off my questions as we duck back into the rotting barn to hide from a passing worker.

“Maybe we can push him in? I’m not the idea man, I’m just the good looking hero.” ....In what scenario is he the hero? “That doesn’t really help me feel any better…” We watch as Roxas scribbles something down on his clipboard and hands it off to a passing worker as Axel idly leans against the small animal pen.

“Shouldn’t you be doing camp activities with everyone else?” Roxas asks in a lighthearted tone as he’s handed another packet to flip through, his words cut short as he redirects his attention.

“Shouldn’t _you_ be feeding these pigs?” Axel quips back, breaking into a grin as Roxas’s pen pauses in the flurry of writing.

“Touche. All this paperwork for the festival is making my eyes cross anyways. Son of a bitch-  Tell Hayner I _don’t want_ his band the ‘SkaDoodles’ on the set list no matter _how_ much he asks.” The worker merely shrugs, causing Roxas to heavily sigh and angrily rub at his temples. “I’ll tell him myself, _again_.” Axel bites his lip as he looks back at the sleeping pigs and the bucket of gruel on the ground next to them.

“That sounds important, I can feed the pigs if you want. Can’t be that hard.” Roxas pauses as the worker takes off to avoid Roxas’s growing anger.

“You _want_ to…?” He glances into the filthy pit of mud and muck and back towards an apprehensive Axel who merely gives a faulty grin.

“Uh- Yeah! Totally, I can handle it. Just put the food into the trough, right?” Roxas attempted to hide  his amusement as he nods.

“Right. I just have to make a quick phone call- so I’ll be right back if you need any help. I really appreciate this Axel!” Pulling out his cell and pressing a few buttons, Roxas takes off to make his call to some ‘Hayner’ person while Axel is left staring down the bucket of food.

“Right…” He sighs to himself. He struggles to lift the bucket, swearing loudly as he shoves open the gate. Minding his shoes in the thick mud he trudges through, leaving the gate open as he tries to focus on the task at hand. “Alright pigs- make this easy and I’ll get to impress Roxas and you get breakfast. Deal?” As he sloshes through the muck, a stray pig finally notices the open gate and the fresh grass waiting on the other side. He slowly struts over as Axel nears the trough, getting the bucket ready to throw.

“Eat up- Shit, don’t you dare!” The bucket clatters against the trough, the food spilling out onto the ground and enticing a few of the pigs to finally eat while the others decide to join in on the jail break. Axel yanks his foot from the mud, slowly making progress towards the gate. “Go eat, you stupid hams!” He angrily yells, forcing Xigbar to step back further into the barn as he breaks into  laughter, his phone still recording the disaster. I wince as Axel takes one giant step only for his back foot to slip, causing him to face plant into the muddy ground as his fingers graze the gate, the small push enough for it to close. No pigs were able to actually escape, luckily.

“Better start packing Dem, there’s no way we’re staying after _that_ disaster. Can’t wait to post this.” He chuckles to himself as he saves the recording to his phone. I can’t keep my eyes away as Roxas heads back over to the pen, typing something into his phone as he walks.

“Well it took a few minutes to explain why a Ska/Heavy Metal sound isn’t appropriate-” He stops dead  in his tracks, his phone almost slipping from his fingers as Axel lifts his head from the ground, the escaping pigs sniffing at him before moving onto their breakfast.

“I can explain-” Roxas quickly cuts him off with a round of laughter, doubling over as his phone thuds to the floor. He holds his sides as he struggles to breathe, only to burst out with more laughter as Axel slips around in the mud struggling to get up.

“L-Let me h-help you,” Roxas takes a few deep breaths as he climbs the fence and swings over to the other side, his pants protected by thick rubber boots. Axel glares at the outstretched hand, spitting out a mouthful of dirt as he’s able to get to his knees.

“No, I’ll help _you_.” As he grabs his hand, he yanks him into the muddy pit with him, wrestling him to the ground and coating Roxas.

“AXEL, you dickhead!” Roxas shoves more mud into his face and they struggle for a few minutes until Axel finally pins Roxas to the ground. “Did you even make it to the trough?” They glance up at the discarded bucket and the leftover food scattered on the ground. Axel sheepishly grins as Roxas stares up at him. “We can cross pig farmer off your list of talents.” Axel winks at him, causing a piece of goop to fall onto Roxas’ already coated face.

“Is it weird that I find this romantic?” Roxas’ face scrunches up in distaste as he swipes at the mud streaked across his cheeks.

“Shit and mud is romantic?” Axel pauses as he shares the same expression.

“Guess not.”  I breathe a sigh of relief and step back into the barn, glad that Axel didn’t go full diva mode and storm out of there after falling in pig crap. Yet that only means Xigbar will get another chance to make that happen…

“This is getting bad. If he can get a mouthful of pig shit and still want to stick around, we might have already lost him.”

“What if…” Xigbar pauses when I finally speak up, not able to keep going without trying to stop this before he goes too far. “What if we just, _stop_? If we let Axel stay and be happy, won’t Pete just try to replace him and move on? How can we be so sure he’ll fire the rest of us?” His down turned lips twist into that ‘holier than thou’ smirk as he jabs his finger into my chest.

“Because we’re nothing more than that pig shit to Pete. He doesn’t give a fuck about the rest of us and the minute he loses his show seller?” He snaps his fingers and turns on his heel. “We’re gone. Replaced, forgotten. Now come on, I got another idea.”

 

~~~

 

Xigbar’s ‘brilliant new idea’ just seemed to turn into one disaster after another. In his eyes, at least. If I believed in any higher power, I could have sworn that all we managed to do was make destiny push them together; When they were hosing off from the mud pit we sabotaged the hose to nail Axel in the face with the water stream, only for them to turn it into a war with buckets of soapy water and flinging of sponges; When they went hiking on the same trail as yesterday, we tried out the snake idea again, only for Roxas to pick it up and explain how it was the least dangerous of all the snakes in Oregon and even convinced Axel to _hold_ it.

As the day wore on each attempt to get Axel to quit in frustration or anger seemed to fail. When we thought it was working, Roxas would step in and make things better. In the past, Axel really didn’t have anyone to step in and be there for him to help him through those feelings. His dad bailed when things got rough, and as much as I tried being there as a friend, Xigbar’s the one who showed him that his can ‘solve’ his problems by partying with strangers and finding happiness in the bottom of a bottle.

It’s not fair of us to trick Axel into thinking that kind of life is better than one he could have with Roxas, yet how is it fair for me to give up my happiness for him? Haven’t I sacrificed _my_ own time and efforts when _he_ demanded it? The thought only makes my stomach hurt even more so, my guilt knotting and twisting around my heart. I finally had enough and lied about feeling sick and wanting to go back to the bus, although it really wasn’t much of a lie… On the way out, Xigbar stopped me as we saw Roxas and I think Sora walking past, still unknowing of our presence.

“You guys were together all day and you didn’t find the right time to tell him about what you did?! He deserves to know Roxas, before anything really happens between you two.” Roxas’ cheeks twinge a soft rose as he glances away, running a worried hand through his hair.

“It’s hard, Sora! I can’t just go up to him and say; ‘Hey by the way, you never had _any_ talent and I forged the paperwork so it’s _my_ fault your dad moved you to _California,_ and I’m the reason he ended up _leaving_ you, and I’m the reason you love yet _hate_ your life, can you play the festival pretty please?’” Sora pauses as he mulls over Roxas’ confession while Xigbar flashes me that sickening smirk.

“I think I got all the information I need.” He laughs to himself as he continues towards the exit, leaving me behind as the world seems to spin out from under my feet. I shuffle out from behind the tree, forcing myself out of hiding to reveal myself to Roxas only for Xigbar to grab the back of my shirt and drag me towards the cab waiting out front. “Don’t get cold feet now, or would you want _Zexion_ to find out where you’ve been all day?” I silently trudge along behind him, willing my feet to keep moving towards the cab.

“...Fine.” The cab ride is silent as Xigbar mulls over the new information, no doubt finding ways to twist this in his favor. Every fiber in my body is screaming at me to turn around and warn Roxas and try to find redemption in what I helped with, but I keep seeing Zexion’s back as he walks out of my life forever. I just can’t bear to lose him… We finally arrive at the motel parking lot, yet I’m the only one to get out.

“You go ‘feel better’, I need to celebrate our victory with a drink.” The cab u-turns out of the parking lot and leaves me alone for the first time all day. I heavily sigh, dragging my feet up the steps and into the bus. I finally feel myself smile as Zexion peeks up at me from his spot on the couch, book in hand. At least some things are still the same.

“Where’s Xigbar?” His voice is calm as he bookmarks his page and sets the book next to him on the seat. Maybe I was just too excited to see him, seeing as I ignored the weirdness in his tone.

“He went to drown his sorrows in some whiskey, and probably some girl.” His eyes bore into mine as he runs his fingers over the raised edges of the wording on the book cover, finally clearing his throat.

“Why are you trying to hurt Axel?” My stomach drops to my feet as I nervously rub the back of my head, offering a nervous smile.

“What are you talking about-”

“DON’T LIE TO ME.” He stands, his book clattering to the ground as he steps closer, his eyes clouded with emotion. “I _heard_ you and Xigbar talking this morning, you didn’t even bother to _check_ to see if he was lying about me being gone. I know Xigbar is a filthy cheating bastard who would force Axel apart from Roxas, but I never expected you to _help_ him. Axel is finally getting a chance to choose what he wants and you’re helping Xigbar destroy that chance, and for what?!” I stoop down to pick up his book, my words caught in my throat as I try to find the right explanation only for him to turn his back on me.

“You lied to my face about it? For what, so the ‘band wouldn’t break up’? There’s no _band_ if we’re stabbing each other in the back and lying. I told Pete you were the best and that it would be a mistake to let you go, but I guess the real mistake was bringing you on.” He heavily sighs, his once calm tone now distraught with grief. “ We knew this would be hard, trying to make ‘ _us’_ work, but… It would be best… if we went back to being professional bandmates. I will see you for rehearsal in the morning.” He takes his book from my shaking fingers, his eyes hiding under his thick slate hair as he retreats back into his own bunk, closing the curtain as he curls into himself and discards the book.

I sink into the uncomfortable couch, resting my face in my hands as I let the guilt and anxiety finally take control, processing everything. Without Zexion, none of this matters anymore. Xigbar lost his eye, Axel lost his friendship, and I just lost the love of my life…

I’m quitting the band.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I wrote this chapter almost right after I finished the last one! I really like this one because I feel it finally feels like we're past the midway point in the story and there's a lot of good stuff yet to write. I wanted to wait to post it since I'm going on vacation this weekend for a few days so hopefully this will hold you guys over! I'm also trying a new thing since some people were getting confused about the location and days so hopefully it helps!

_ The church was filled to the brim with flowers, pictures of Aerith in her youth to her last days, holding onto our son with her last bouts of strength as she musters a smile. The funeral director accepted our odd request for no preacher, and let us come to the podium to share only good stories from our time with her. Roxas clung to my side the entire time like a toddler, having lost not only his mother but his best friend nearly days apart. He hasn’t been the same smiling, carefree boy that used to run and play without a thought in the world. The moment we got back to the camp, the ride long and tense with unspoken words, he bolted straight to the hay barn. His favorite hiding place that only Aerith was allowed in… This was never the plan. Raising a son on my own while trying to maintain Camp Chocobo.  _

 

_ We poured our heart and souls into this camp, yet with her gone… It’s no longer the same. She wanted to open a summer camp for kids to learn and love nature like she did, but now it’s just a bleeding reminder of what I lost. I know she would have wanted the camp to keep thriving, but I can’t stand the smell of the trees. The flowers are bleak, the work is backbreaking, and my purpose is gone. A few weeks pass by, the house silent without her lifting laughter, her warm smells and love. The urn finally arrives, basic and without inscription. It’s all I could afford, and she didn’t want anything fancy. Another painfully silent drive, Roxas hardly speaking a word since the funeral. His eyes are puffy and raw, his hood drawn over his mop of blonde as he curls around the urn. When we stop, he takes a few moments before following me towards the edge of the river, unwilling to hand me the urn.  _

 

_ “I want to do it.” I rest a heavy hand on his shoulder as I pull him close as I kneel down into the riverbank, uncaring of my shoes and pants getting damp. “We can do it together.” He nods, and we take our time spreading her ashes along the riverbank, recalling fond memories with each handful. The words die in my throat as we continue, unable to muster the strength to talk to my son. I can’t do that to Roxas, not now. He’s already lost so much, I can’t handle telling him I want to get rid of the camp on top of it all. I’ll give it a years time, hopefully by then the heartache will fade… _

 

_ ~Camp Chocobo: Late Tuesday Evening~ _

 

Even after the exhausting and strange day with the campers, my work still isn’t finished as I thumb through just one of the thousand files resting in my lap. The campers have been sent to bed, the workers home for the night and the counselors preparing for tomorrow’s day of hiking and swimming. As the numbers and letters begin to blur I’m forced to sit back, pressing the heels of my hands to my tired eyes. Most of the sponsors just need some simple paperwork filled out, but the bigger companies require certain needs to be met before they even approve the work to begin. Most of this is just legal jargon that I can’t wrap my head around, but it seems to boil down to some pretty simple things. At least I hope. I’ve signed so many papers and letters that I can’t even tell what they’re for at this point. I’m afraid that I’ll have signed the camp away as a loophole in all this legalese… 

 

I shove the folders aside as I settle into the nest of blankets and pillows I’ve made for myself over the years, unable to just shut my eyes and sleep. I never got my chance to tell Axel about Pete’s offer, and this whole day felt like it was just one long string of bad luck. This morning was tense and awkward, what do you say to your best friend after you jerk each other off? Thanks for the hand job buddy? Yikes… 

 

At least things went back to normal after what happened with the rock wall, it’s hard to stay awkward when you find Axel face down in mud. After a day like today I would’ve torn out my hair and spent the night cutting wood to vent my anger. But when it all happened with Axel, it just wasn’t a big deal. If anything it was  _ funny _ , and really cute the way he was terrified of the snake yet still trusted me enough to help him hold it or how he made cleaning off pig shit fun… 

 

I feel terrible that I sent him on his own to the house, even though he insisted he would help with the paperwork. Based on last night, I doubt we would even get around to the paperwork. I can’t help but smile as I turn over, almost able to feel his lips ghosting over mine, his warm hands exploring my skin and slipping into my boxers… I bite my lip as I glance over to the pile of files demanding my attention. Tomorrow's wednesday, I have plenty of time to finish! I check my phone as I sit up, excitement bubbling in my stomach.

 

“I guess it’s technically wednesday…” Past midnight. There’s no way Axel is still awake right now, and I would hate to bother him when we were up so early. I settle back into the makeshift bed, grabbing a file and my trusty pen. I’m not going to reduce my best friend into a booty call. 

 

Although- I doubt he would  _ mind  _ getting woken up if it was for the right reasons… What if he takes it the wrong way? What if he thinks I’m only trying to get with him because he’s famous or for the show? I don’t think I can rely on another round of mishappens throughout the day to fix the tension between us again. Why does this have to be  _ so hard _ ?! I should just wake him up and tell him that I want to be with him no matter what we decide and I really want him to pin me down on the bed and makeout and say something really cheesy- but I’m not going to, because I’m a chicken… 

 

I toss the file aside and roll over, groaning into a pillow. I could try to get myself off tonight, but it wouldn’t be anywhere near the same. I can’t remember the last time I’ve even thought about a guy like this, even my past relationships were just so... boring. There was nothing to get excited about. But Axel… 

 

I flush as I turn onto my back, letting my fingers trail over my sweatpants and following Axel’s patterns from last night. His eyes sparkle when he smiles, full of happiness and excitement. The way he just loses himself in the music, his long fingers plucking the delicate notes as his voice carries the melody; The way his eyes caressed mine as he sang, letting the sound tell me how he feels. I spread my legs as I grip the base of my harding erection, settling back into the blankets. 

 

“Axel,” I murmur, voice soft as I let my eyes slip close. Memories of feverish lips and teeth grazing my neck flood into my mind, those long talented fingers replacing mine. That throaty voice caressing my ear, heavy whispers of my name falling from bruised lips as I stroke his throbbing cock pressed against my hip. 

 

“ _ A-Axel, _ ” I whine as I tease myself, slowing my strokes and arching my back as I push my shirt up, rubbing hot fingers over my chest where his tongue would lavish and his teeth would nip and bite, marking my skin over and over. I pump my cock faster and faster, his name falling from my lips each each stroke as I edge towards the same bliss I’ve been craving. “Axel, _ Axel, f-fuck _ -” I dig my nails into my cheek as I muffle my last lewd gasp of his name, shuddering as I come into my hand, a few stray spots staining my skin. 

 

Panting, cold, and a little guilty, I quickly get myself cleaned up with the nearby tissues I stashed away and tuck the evidence in an old grocery bag I’ve been using as a makeshift trash can. I pull my pants back over my hips and shove my shirt back down, my face hot as I try to catch my breath. What’s the protocol for telling your best friend you jerk yourself off to the thought of him? Maybe over a nice breakfast with your dad at the same table… I bury my burning face back into the pillows, still a bit guilty yet still  _ very  _ glad I did that.   
  
~Wednesday Morning; Twilight Town Motel~   
  
Pete leans back in the worn fabric chair, loud squeaking filling the tiny room as it struggles to hold his shifting weight. He twirls a pen between his thick fingers, eyes scanning the proposal set in front of him on the splintering wooden desk. 

 

“Why in the  _ hell  _ would I want to buy Camp Chocobo? That place is soaked in three layers of debt and located in the middle of this shithole of a ‘town’. You’ve had some bad ideas Xigbar, but this is your worst one yet.” His abrasive laugh makes me sick to my stomach, but this is my last resort. 

 

“Hear me out Pete-” I pour more brown liquid into the cheap paper cup, hiding a smirk as I watch him down the drink in one swig. “I’ve been talking to Axel and he agrees with me. He’s seen the camp first hand in and out, they can’t afford to turn down a generous businessman like yourself. They’re just sitting on acres of land begging to be used for the right reasons. You know how many  _ stages  _ we could fit once we cut the trees down? This will make  _ Coachella  _ look like the fuckin’ Fyre Festival! Imagine, rich trust fund babies using their parents credit cards to book flights and tickets and tent fees, shoveling ‘high end’ beer and food into their mouths that only cost us a fuckin’ dime a pallet to get! The real cherry on top? People can pay  _ extra  _ to see the place where Axel was discovered. It’s like our own personal tourist trap within a festival that will cost  _ them  _ thousands, but only cost  _ you  _ pennies compared.” He flips through the papers I had printed up, renderings of what the festival could look like and even a profit sheet I found on google that I edited. Pete has no sense for this kind of stuff, he’ll just get a team on it and make it happen. He rubs his stubbled chin with his large hand, only pausing to watch me pour him another drink. 

 

“You  _ have  _ mentioned doing something like this before, I just want to see  _ you  _ succeed so  _ your  _ band can, too.” I added, hating that I’ve resorted to kissing up, watching his eyes glaze over for a moment as he sits back, the several drinks beginning to take a toll. 

 

“And you said this is  _ Axel’s  _ idea? Didn’t he want to  _ save  _ this camp for that Roxas kid?” This is almost  _ too  _ easy. 

 

“He was just in it for the charity publicity, Pete! We all were! That’s why we’re here. What would help them out  _ more _ , if a  _ generous  _ man like yourself paid off their debt? Who’s to say they weren’t so grateful for  _ your help  _ that they decided to hand off the camp once and for all? Axel’s the smartest out of all of us, and if he thinks this is a great idea then who am I to say he’s wrong?” 

 

Before he dragged us all to this hellhole, I think Axel would have jumped at this idea. He was confident and  _ knew  _ what he wanted and didn’t give a  _ shit  _ who told him no.  _ That’s  _ the Axel I would go drinking with in the morning, then party with at night. The Axel I’ve seen all week- the one who’s tongue tied and  _ weak - _ following Roxas around like some kind of whipped dog… That’s  _ not  _ the same person I once called my friend. He’s just blinded by Roxas’s hick charm, but once he’s finally back on the road with  _ us _ , playing drinking games and hooking up all in bars along the countryside, he’ll  _ forget  _ about Roxas once and for all. 

 

“Just imagine, this time tomorrow you could be back in the Ritz, sipping on fine cognac with a view of the beaches. All the while, your festival will be taking shape and those greedy kids will line up for miles to get in.” Pete sits back and closes his eyes, his wet cracked lips stretching into a smile as he lifts his cup, the liquid sloshing around and spilling onto the wooden table. 

 

“Arrange a meeting with Mr. Chocobo, Xigbar. Once we get the deed, we’ll get Axel’s signature on a contract. In case he gets cold feet.” I lift my empty cup, clinking it with his as I chuckle aloud. 

 

“I’ll get right on it, Pete. You’re going to be one rich man.” If I can’t stop him by reminding him of who he used to be, then I’ll  _ force  _ him to come back. No more camp, no more Roxas, no more distractions. 

 

As I step outside Pete’s room, I had to stop short to avoid colliding with Demyx. He pales as he steps back, lowering his fist that was ready to knock. 

 

“W-What are you doing?” I close the door behind me, sending him a wink. 

 

“Making sure that  _ camp  _ is dealt with. No more distractions.” As I brush past, he grabs my arm as his voice breaks. 

 

“What did you  _ do _ ?” His wide, panicked eyes search mine as I push his hand off. 

 

“Why do  _ you  _ care all of a sudden? You’ve been right there all week trying to do what’s right for the band, not my fault that Zexion found out. He’ll come around and you’ll be back to fuck buddies soon enough.” His face twists into rage, his whole body shaking as he merely gapes at me, struggling to find his voice. I smirk, stepping close and leaning in as he raises his fists. “Punch me in the  _ fucking  _ face and act like a man for  _ once  _ and  _ maybe  _ I’ll start respecting you again.” He cocks his fist, the rage taking over his body until he pauses, glancing at something over my shoulder. He quickly drops his hands, his rage replaced with guilt. 

 

“It won’t change anything. It won’t change the fact that I hurt my best friend and someone as hardworking as Roxas, and it won’t change Zexion’s mind.“ He brushes past me. “Getting rid of the camp won’t change Axel, either. He  _ loves  _ Roxas, and you  _ can’t  _ buy that off.” Hmph. Axel isn’t in  _ love _ , he’s  _ never  _ been in love! Axel  _ hasn’t  _ changed, he’ll go back to his normal self in no time. I think…   
  
_ ~Camp Chocobo; Wednesday Morning~  _ __   
  
Any sane person look and say a day like yesterday would be a nightmare, but that’s only if they’re looking on the surface. I didn’t get a good moment to tell Roxas about how I feel, since I chickened out at the last second and asked him to sleep with me instead. Not how I imagined it going, but I’m still pleasantly surprised at the result. Yet my confidence failed me when I saw Roxas yesterday morning… I couldn’t think of what to say without blurting out my confession in front of a group of kids and it snowballed into spending the rest of the morning awkwardly avoiding each other. I never want to be covered in shit again, but it broke our curse and the rest of the day was bliss. Well, excluding the part where I had to make small talk with Cloud while passing his study and having to dance around the obvious subject that Roxas willingly participated in some interesting activities on the couch the other night. Sure I’ve been caught before, but this is entirely different having Cloud know about it than some nightclub bouncer… 

 

This time I figured I would skip the round of small talk in the kitchen and head off to find Roxas, who no doubt was buried under all those files and papers... I can’t help but feel for him. It takes incredible determination and management to be able to put on a whole festival like he is almost single handedly. 

 

“Hey Terra, have you seen Roxas?” He shakes his head, shifting the box in his hands as he passes.

 

“Check the loft.” ...The loft? What loft? I continue on my way around the camp, asking once more. 

 

“Hey Aqua! Have you seen-” She flashes me a smile as she passes. 

 

“In the loft!” Well, shit. That’s extremely unhelpful… Asking around to a few more volunteers, a few shrug when I ask about the loft until someone finally points to the rotting barn, the paint chipping and looking like it could blow over after one good storm. 

 

“Check the barn, I’ve seen him go in there a few times.” Finally, now we’re getting somewhere… I follow the volunteers directions, pausing at the closed door. A string of faint chords capture my attention as I press my ear against the splintering door, the chords getting a touch stronger. They sound… Oddly familiar? 

 

I gently push the heavy door open, the rusty wheels creaking from lack of oil and age as sunlight filters into the dark barn. The music continues as a soft voice sings along with the melody, sounding high above me. I close the door, wincing at the sound again before shuffling around pieces of old farm equipment and rotting fence posts, almost tripping into the ladder leading up to a ledge where the music seems to be coming from. I slowly climb, enraptured by the soft yet powerful voice as they find their groove in the music, changing pitches and playing with range as the strum of the guitar fills the old barn with fresh sounds. This is the song Roxas helped me write all those years ago. I thought it was lost in that notebook we used, but he must have held onto it… 

 

I reach the loft, surveying the fairy lights strung up along the rafters, a few discarded wrappers covering the stack of paperwork he was working on, and on top of that an open laptop with sheet music pulled up onto it. Roxas is blissfully nestled into the pile of blankets and pillows in the corner, his eyes closed as he holds out a note, his lips curling in satisfaction. My heart beats in my chest, happiness flooding my veins as I can’t help but stare in wonderment as he plays. The way he rocks to the beat, the passion behind the lyrics, the satisfaction of holding the right note and striking the right chord… 

 

I glance over at the sheet music, the memories of the song flooding back into me. I can’t help but join in on the song, stopping just as soon as I began as Roxas jumps out of his skin and lets go of the guitar. It thuds against the hardwood loft, both of us wincing as a string snaps from the abuse. 

 

“W-What are you  _ doing _ ?!” I can’t help but laugh as I climb onto the loft, brushing away the stray wrappers and moving the laptop. 

 

“Looking for you, which was a lot harder than I imagined.” I tease as I read over the sheet music and lyrics. “I can’t believe you made our song an  _ actual  _ song! The lyrics are a lot better than I remember,” I muse aloud as Roxas picks up the guitar, examining the broken string with a frown. 

 

“I had to change them up a little, since we weren’t that good at writing songs. Shocking, I know.” He removes the old string, which actually looks pretty clean for sitting around all these years. 

 

“Did you restring the guitar…?” I lean in, running my fingers over the polished body. Roxas sheepishly grins as he fits a new string. 

 

“I had trouble sleeping so I got some new strings on my usual errands. I got the urge to try and play again after all these years and I forgot how much  _ fun  _ it is. I can’t believe you get paid to do that.” He chuckles as he gives the guitar a test strum. 

 

“I get paid to sing songs I didn’t get to write and dance to steps I don’t like.” I correct as I set the laptop aside, biting my tongue as I watch Roxas’s face fall with disappointment. Right, he still doesn’t know that I found out about the talent show… He must feel so guilty after all these years of thinking he did something wrong. “I just sit and play my own music for fun, which is still good enough.” I settle in next to him, pressed close together in the small space. He offers me the guitar, but I shake my head. “I wanna hear  _ you  _ play. Just don’t think about taking my job.” I tease, eliciting a laugh as he resets his fingers along the tuned strings. 

 

“I haven’t played in years, I think your job is safe.” He hums before falling back into the soft melody he was playing before, plucking the strings before finally adding his angelic voice. His eyes remain on his fingers as he plays for a few moments, only lifting when I join in with his voice. 

 

He falls back into that musical spell, his lips pulling into a smile between notes and taking liberties with the vocals and notes as he matches my pace. We trade off lyrics and notes, basking in each other's voices until I fall silent, unable to stop the splitting smile as Roxas holds out the notes on his own, his voice powerful and clear. I softly fall back into rhythm as he strums to a close, locking eyes as our voices drift off. I finally break the silence, wonderstruck by Roxas’s hidden passion. 

 

“That was, that was  _ beautiful _ ! I didn’t know you could  _ sing  _ like that, where have you been hiding that talent?!” Unable to help myself, I cup his face in my hands and draw him close, dotting his face with kisses as I try to stop smiling. 

 

“Axel, stop- it wasn’t that good.” He laughs between kisses, mumbling out an excuse. “I was killing time before my chores and I figured I’d try it out again.” I merely roll my eyes at his words, figuring he would write himself off so quickly. 

 

“Well as a professional musician and  _ not  _ your super handsome best friend with benefits, I think it was great.” He pauses. He glances down at the guitar, then back up to me, the awkwardness etched into his features once again. 

 

“Is… Is that what we’re calling it?” Oh… 

 

“W-Well, I just, I don’t know what we are  _ exactly  _ but we’re best friends who kiss and,  _ do things _ .”  My face burns in embarrassment as I can’t help but look away, rubbing the back of my neck. Why is this so weird to discuss? We’re both adults who like each other enough to kiss and touch each other while still being best friends- wait. “Are we...?” Roxas’ eyes go wide as his face flushes, matching mine as he fumbles for his silent cell phone. 

 

“Y-You know what? I gotta go  _ right now _ , I’m late for a meeting with someone  _ very  _ important and I can’t be late it’s a  _ really  _ big deal,”  

 

“Oh, okay... I’ll uh, meet up with the others then.” I watch as he scrambles down the ladder, pretending to take a phone call as he exits the barn, leaving the door open. Well, that  _ was  _ a nice moment that I ruin by opening my big mouth… Although, it does give me an idea on how we can  _ finally  _ clear the air between us once and for all. 

 

Ah, but he would never agree to letting me steal him away long enough to do that. I glance at the stack of paperwork left to go through, my plan falling into place. I’ll need some help.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from vacation and it was a much needed break! I came back and after finishing this chapter, I think this is one of my favorites so far and I hope you guys do too. I also wanted to give a special shout-out to @v.exo.s on Instagram for tagging me in their fan art doodles! I was crazy excited when I saw his work, make sure to check him out! If you want to tag me in any doodles or works, you can find/tag me on Instagram at @dawnstarcosplays!

_ “Come on Cloud, how long are you gonna make me walk like this?” Aerith giggles as she tries to pry my fingers away from her eyes.  _

_ “Just a little further… And- okay!” I take my hands back in a flourish, resting them on her shoulders as she gently rubs her protruding stomach. The bones of a summer camp lay before us, the grass overgrown and full of weeds and bugs. The thicket of trees overflowing around the edges of the dirt road, a small farmhouse not far in the distance that’s in some obvious need of repair. The gate before us is shut tight with a padlock, the arching sign over head missing letters and too faded to read what once resided. The for sale sign stapled to the wooden post of the sign now has a SOLD sticker across the front, proclaiming this slab of backcountry land belongs to us. “It doesn’t look like much, but I’ve already gotten a crew ready to start working first thing on repairs, and- Are you crying?” She quickly wipes her face clean of tears, her smile stretching from ear to ear as she sniffles.  _

_ “I love it, Cloud.” She rubs her stomach excitedly as she steps up to the gate, peaking through to gaze at our new home. “You’ll get to live right next to a lake, Roxas! And play in those trees, and play with all the other kids that come to stay with us.” I wrap my arms around her shoulders, pulling her to my side as I rest my head onto hers.  _

_ “Any idea of what to call the place?” She softly hums, pulling away and smiling.  _

_ “Not yet, Chocobo butt.” I can’t help but grin at the affectionate nickname, used to the endless teasing of how my hair looks like a Chocobo’s butt. “I’m sure we’ll come up with something.” She hums softly, leaning into my embrace.  _

_ “You know… that gives me an idea.”  _

_ ~Motel Parking lot, Wednesday Morning~ _

It was laughably easy to twist Pete’s plans around my finger, I almost feel bad about it. Just wave a bottle in his face and praise ‘his’ ideas and you’re in. It’s a wonder  _ I’m _ not the one running this band. It’s a shame I lost Demyx and Zexion as pawns, but at least I got them distracted with their ‘relationship’ or whatever the hell they call it. I knew Demyx would never tell him about our original plan, and it was all too easy to get him to fess up without realizing Zexion was a foot away. The only problem is, Demyx seems to be getting gutsy with that little speech in front of Pete’s room. I need to act fast before he finally uses his head and runs off to tell Axel what’s been going on… I didn’t see where he ran off to, either. 

As I step onto the bus, Zexion’s petite body stands in my way as he stares down at me with those cold, unforgiving eyes. 

“Why are you doing this to Axel? I thought he was your  _ friend _ .” Pushing him out of my way effortlessly, I head further into the bus. I pull out my phone, easily finding the number for the camp. 

“I’m doing this  _ for  _ Axel, don’t you get it? He doesn’t  _ ‘fall in love’,  _ he doesn’t get  _ feelings _ , and he  _ certainly  _ doesn’t give a shit about some depressed farmhand.” I turn on my heel, thumb hovering over the call button as I challenge Zexion’s judgemental stare. “You and I have been in this band a lot longer than Demyx and Axel. You know as well as I do if Axel quits the band to stay here with Roxas, it’s all over. It might be selfish, but isn’t it worse to put everyone’s jobs in danger for an old fling?” Uncertainty flashes across Zexion’s unreadable expression, his guard breaking at my question. He knows I’m right, as much as he doesn’t want to admit it. I step closer with each word, lowering my voice. 

“He’s going to get bored and by then it’ll be too late. You know I’m right, and Demyx did too. This is for the good of the band.” He remains deathly silent, his eyes flickering from the phone to my face. I press call and bring the phone up to my ear, the ringing filling the silence between us. He attempts to reach for the phone, only to back away. His brows knit together, his thoughts a tangled mess as he steps towards the doors of the bus. 

“I… I need to take a walk.” I merely smirk as the doors close behind him.

“Camp Chocobo, this is Cloud.” 

“Good morning Cloud, My name is Xigbar and I’m Axel’s bandmate. I was speaking to our manager and I think we have a proposition for you.” 

“...What kind of deal would you want with me?” 

“Something that will help us both out. We’re open to a meeting, say about 11 am?” 

“...11 works. I’ll meet you at the entrance.” 

“Can’t wait.” The dial tone sounds in my ear before I even finished speaking, forcing another smirk onto my lips. This is perfect, Axel gets his playtime and will be ready to go back to his normal self in no time, then we’re back on track. Just how it should have been until this little ‘detour’. 

After the phone call with Cloud it was only a matter of getting basic paperwork taken care of. Thankfully Pete’s name carries a lot of weight with it, so after a few more phone calls the paperwork practically wrote itself. The motel front desk seemed surprised someone actually asked about their fax machine, and in a matter of minutes I had the contract in my hands. I thumb through it as I press my phone between my cheek and shoulder. 

“It’s all very basic legal stuff since I can’t get our lawyers down here in under an hour, but it’s still air tight since the camp is in so much debt. At this point his options are either sell to us or wait and see if this festival really works. Yet without a band like us performing, there’s nothing in our way.” I pause, letting Pete pat himself on the back for all my work before nodding. 

“Yeah, you really  _ are  _ a genius. I’ll meet you in the lobby in 5, our cab should be here soon.” I tuck the papers into a folder along with a few stock pictures I was able to find online. I wanted to find more but this shitty motel only gets dial up internet. I feel like I’m in hillbilly hell...

~Camp Chocobo, 11 AM~

“...11 works. I’ll meet you at the entrance.” 

“Can’t-” I let my phone clatter to the desk, the piles of papers and folders softening the blow as my phone flips close. I run my hands through my hair, resting my elbows on my desk as I heavily exhale. What the fuck did I just agree to… 

Half of me believes it’s just a simple meeting, but the other half knows better than that. I never liked Pete ever since he first came to the camp, parading around and intruding on our end of camp showcase like he owned the place. Like he had  _ any  _ right to try and take my son to another state with promises of fame and fortune. 

Yet after seeing Axel again, he wasn’t lying. He’s made a name for himself with Pete’s hand in the pot, just like he said… I can only shudder to think how Roxas might have turned out if he went with him.Would he be an air headed rockstar diva who only looks out for number one, then convinces others that he  _ actually  _ cares about them long enough to take them to bed, only to disappear to god knows where...? I  _ want  _ to warn Roxas to be careful, to think about what he’s doing with Axel and figure out where he expects this to go, but I can’t. This is something he’ll need to learn for himself, as much as it pains me to sit back and watch. 

We’ve never been as close as he was to his mom, and it shows whenever I try to sit and talk with him about tough subjects. It’s a miracle he let me make the announcement to close the camp, yet I’m afraid that next time it won’t be so easy to convince him. Especially now that Axel is in the picture, but who knows for how long? I only have a small window to make a choice, and if Axel decides he’s bored and breaks his heart afterwards, then hopefully Roxas will finally be done with him. I used to think of Axel like my own child, until he proved that he wasn’t the same Axel I thought I knew. Ten years can do that… 

I force myself to push away the neverending thoughts of what he could be doing with Roxas while I sit here and dwell on my fatherly anger. I take the time to finally organize my office, which has been hit by a tornado of paperwork, pens, and bills. I rub the back of my neck after placing a second chair in front of my desk that I stole from the kitchen, glancing around the tidied room. I haven’t seen it look this nice since we moved in… I really need to think about my life choices if that’s true. 

Checking my watch, I breathe a sigh of annoyance as I shove a hat over my blond hair and leave the house to go find these people I’m meeting with. Axel never mentioned anyone named Xigbar before, but I suppose I haven’t taken the chance to talk with him other than the yelling match on Monday and the awkward encounter yesterday. Why would they call me of all people…? 

I feel my eye twitch as I approach the gates, the horde of reporters and paparazzi thinned out yet still irritating. They bombard me with questions as I approach only to quiet down at my unamused stare, intimidated by my silence. A few smart ones begin backing away from the gates, yet a handful remain persistent in their questions. 

“Are you Roxas’ father?” I stare down the reporter, watching them realize their mistake as I blink.

“Obviously.” Where are these idiots? Some way to start a meeting by being late. 

“Are you aware of Axel and Roxas’ secret relationship? Did you see them kissing?” I tense at the question, shooting a glare over to the reporter as I approach the gates, watching them inch away yet keep their microphone wedged between the bars of the gate. I grab it from their hand and drop it to the ground, grinding the heel of my boot into the cheap electronic as I stare down the reporter. “No more questions,” He whispers in fear, quickly moving to the back of the pack. The others seem to lose interest quickly as a cab pulls up on the road, moving their attention to the newcomers. 

I watch in disdain as someone thin and tall emerges from the taxi, his face scarred and hardened yet easily able to charm the reporters in a matter of seconds, while a lumbering mass gets out behind him. I grimace at the sight of Pete, feeling sick to my stomach as he flashes his rings while waving to the crowd, his lips stretching over obnoxiously bright teeth. He smooths out his suit as they walk through the parted crowd, the taller man offering signatures as he passes. I unlock the gate for them to squeeze through before shutting it tight so others don't get any ideas about sneaking in. 

“Mr. Strife, long time no see! How’s the camping business going? Not that well or else we wouldn't be here!” He laughs at his own ‘joke’, his belly shaking as he wipes away non existent tears. “Ah I’m just messin with ye, I’m glad we have this chance to meet. This is Xigbar, he’s the one who called.” Xigbar steps forward and offers a hand. 

“Nice to-” His words are cut short as he steps on the pile of broken microphone, more bits crunching under his shoe. He steps back and sends me a bewildered stare, his cool persona breaking from the surprise. 

“I have little patience for stupid questions. Come on.” I nod towards the house in the distance, eying the folder tucked under Xigbar’s arm as I lead them to our ‘meeting’. I really must be getting desperate to willingly sit down and let a man like Pete make me an offer. But maybe this is the final push I’ve been looking for? A sign to let me know it’s finally over. Yet I think Roxas will hardly feel the same.

_ ~Camp Chocobo; Same Time~ _

I take the time to gather the papers and leaflets spread out over the loft, a bit surprised to see this unorganized side of Roxas. He always seemed to be neat and clean, even when we were kids. I suppose he doesn’t have the time anymore to pay attention to small details like organization, not that I can blame him. I haven’t seen Cloud help out with any of the chores or camp activities, just letting it all fall onto Roxas to figure everything out for himself… 

I carefully make my way down the ladder, weaving past old parts and broken junk piles in the barn as I nudge the door back open with my shoulder. Roxas ran off when things got awkward, and I really can’t blame him. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, yet I thought if I drowned my past with mindless sex and let myself go in the fame I would forget about Roxas and move on. 

Xigbar tried helping me by taking me to parties and showing me willing prospects who were down for whatever sexual urge I was in the mood to try. I thought it was working. Only for one gut wrenching night, when I accidentally logged onto my old facebook account with all the friends and family I left in the past. 

Roxas’ name kept popping up in my feed, whenever he liked or shared something. I didn’t think much of it at first, yet every time I closed my eyes I could see those boyish features aged into a handsome blond blue eyed 20 year old. When we were kids, our friendship was pure and fun, but somewhere along the way Roxas grew up, and so did my feelings for him. 

“Sora, Riku! Just the fellas I wanted to see. I wanted to help Roxas learn what the word ‘fun’ means, but there’s all this paperwork that I found him hoarding. Do you guys think you’ll be able to take care of it? If it’s not too much,” Sora quickly takes the papers from me, excitedly scanning the files and folders. 

“Are you kidding me?! I’ve been trying to help him out since this festival was my idea in the first place, but Roxas is a stubborn mule.” Riku merely chuckles at Sora then flashes me a smile. 

“It’s really simple forms, we can get these done.” Sora nods. 

“Aqua and Terra are masters of camp counseling!” Riku makes a soft noise as he opens a file from the pile. 

“Well,  _ Aqua’s  _ a master, Terra’s not quite there yet.” Sora pauses, then nods in agreement. 

“I’ve never seen anyone go through their goth phase quite like Terra. Although his silver hair  _ was  _ pretty cool, the yellow contacts were a bit much.” I snort in laugher at the mental images, patting Riku on the shoulder as I head off to my next step in the plan. 

“Who gives a shit about touring all over the country, I kind of wish I was here to see that…” As the thoughts of Terra fade, I can’t help but continue to dwell on my long days and nights between concerts or red carpet awards. 

For weeks my heart would ache when I saw a blond haired fan ask for a picture; while a blue eyed bartender batting their eyes would force the wound even wider. It didn’t take long for me to start exclusively bedding blond haired, blue eyed partners. The craving would subside and I would go weeks satisfied. I was convinced it was the next best thing… No worry of growing feelings, any awkward second encounters, and no ‘what are we’ talks about our relationship. 

Yet the more I depended on those nights, the more I craved for Roxas to be there even just to talk with or laugh about dumb things, and the more empty my bed became. The thought of what I did with all those guys made me sick to my stomach... The thought of ‘what would Roxas think of me’ was enough to drive me to do  _ anything  _ to stop thinking about him. 

“Afternoon Axel. What brings you to the sables?” I almost jump at Aqua’s greeting, having lost myself in my mind. I offer a curt two fingered wave before glancing around for Roxas. 

“Oh you know, just trying to plan a romantic horseback ride is all.” She pauses, her brush halfway through the horse's tangled mane. Her face breaks out into a bright smile as she continues, her eyes flicking over to me as I fumble with the bucket of grooming supplies I watched Roxas use. 

“Good luck getting him to slow down long enough to accept your offer. Although he might, he’s been walking on Cloud 9 today, I wonder why that is.” I nervously grin, not used to this kind of wholesome teasing before. Xigbar was the only one to egg me on, and he said a lot more foul things whenever talking about my latest hookup. 

“Last I saw him he got really awkward when I brought up our ill defined relationship and lied about having a meeting and left. Not that I blame him, I woulda done the same not too long ago.” She offers help with the grooming, silently showing me how to properly brush and clean out the dirt from the hooves without getting kicked or stepped on. 

“What do you mean?” I pause in my brushing, avoiding her curious eyes. “Oh I don’t mean to pry-” Quickly shaking my head I continue to brush, watching the dirt settle in the air with each stroke. 

“I just, had a hard time coping with realizing I missed Roxas before we got back in contact. My band mate Xigbar tried his best to help, which lead to endless parties and drinking then ending up on the cover of all the tabloids claiming I’ve ‘lost control of my life’. They were right, but I never realized the Sleazy Read magazine you find in supermarkets would be so brutal about it.” We share a laugh as I follow her to the tack room to get a saddle and stirrups. 

“I’m sure the middle aged moms at Walmart were pleased to see you asleep in some alley.” I crack a smile as I follow her out with a second saddle. 

“The backlash should have been my sign to stop, but I was desperate and needed a way to forget.” She teaches me how to saddle my borrowed horse Charcoal and I silently watch her saddle up Roxas’ huffy horse. 

“Sounds like it wasn’t so green on the other side of being famous. Some people don’t want or care about friendship or love, which is fine for them. I feel bad for those people, who willing shut themselves away from the light.” She talks aloud, catching my eyes between words. “I believe friendship is powerful. You build a connection with someone, at the same time you build and grow with that person in so many different ways so each connection is one of a kind. It’s beautiful, and I wish more people would see that too.” Her words settle over my heart, comforting my nerves and only proving that I’m making the right choice. For someone only a few years older, Aqua more than fits the ideals of a mom…  

“A few weeks ago I would have thought you were on some ‘peace love earth’ shit. But now, I think I’m finally getting it. I care about my bandmates and my close friends back in California, but I haven’t treated them like I do…” I’ve been shitty to all of them, and that wasn’t fair. All because I wouldn’t stop being a fucking child and grow the hell up and talk to Roxas, even if I was terrified of what my feelings meant. “I have a  _ lot  _ of people to apologize to.” I snort in realization, making Aqua laugh as she hands me the reins of the horses. 

“I didn’t know you in those days, but I’m really glad I got to know the  _ real  _ Axel. I’ll tell Roxas to meet you by the trail. Good luck.” I grip the reins in my hands, weirdly wanting to hug her for her sage motherly advice. 

“Thank you, for everything Aqua. I’m glad you got to meet the real Axel too, it’s been a while.” We share a smile, my nerves long since faded and renewed confidence in its place. 

“Oh, and Axel?” I turn on my heel, pausing in the entrance of the barn. Her smile drops, her brows lowering as her expression turns dark. “If you hurt Roxas or this camp, I  _ will  _ find you.” Huh, I wonder if her and Cloud share tips on how to be really intimidating? Sure she’s a caring motherly friend figure on the outside but on the inside she can harbor pure darkness. She would fit really well in LA. Well, so much for being confident… 

What if Roxas doesn’t want to be together, or he doesn’t feel the same way? Was I moving too  _ fast  _ for him, or  _ do  _ I love him? I’ve never felt this way before and it’s all so new and weird and what happens if I go back to my old self and I get ‘bored’ of him after all these years of pining- 

My thoughts mix and scramble apart, not even realizing I had made it to the trail as I watch Roxas head my way, his usual hat tipped back as he wipes away sweat from his brow. His lips were turned downwards, eyes hollow as he trudges along. He’s like a zombie… I’ve been down that same road. The long nights, early mornings, piles of things to do and never enough time to do them. He’s drowning, and I know that feeling all too well. I need to rescue him before it’s too late… 

I can’t help but still smile as he finally notices that he’s not alone. His zombified state cracks and his light shines through, his smile infectious and his mood immediately lifting.  I can’t  _ believe  _ I wanted to forget all about him… 

“You’re not gonna try to run away again are you?” I offer him the reins to his horse as he approaches. He hesitates, glancing behind him at camp, no doubt running lists in his mind of what still needs to be done. 

“Any other day I’d love to but I’m really busy, the festival is in two days and I still don’t know what could happen-” 

“It’s okay.” He pauses mid sentence, seemingly stunned by my soft words. When I first arrived, it was rough to be on the other side of a busy schedule. Usually  _ I’m  _ the one to brush off others, claiming I’m too busy to make time for them, but after experiencing it first hand… It hurts. I wanted to spend time reconnecting with Roxas again but just because I’m taking a break doesn’t mean he gets to. “I understand you’re incredibly busy, and I get it. That’s why I had Sora and Riku take care of the rest of your paperwork and told Aqua and Terra that you’re taking a break-” He seems to tense up, no doubt worried about leaving too much work for the others. I what Roxas to remember what it’s like to have fun and relax, even for just a little while. But he’ll ever be able to do that if the whole time he’ll be thinking about going back to work. 

“Only if you want to. Say the word and I’ll be right there signing papers or feeding more pigs. ” I tack on, hiding my joy when his shoulders relax, his anxious grimace turns upwards into a grin. 

“Bet you’ve never had a mud bath with actual pig crap before.” I merely grin with a short laugh. 

“You haven’t been to Los Angeles.” My heart flutters in my chest as he laughs, just watching his eyes sparkle with life. I  _ never  _ want to forget anything about Roxas again... The way his lips curl into a hint of a smile when he’s amused, his ‘angry stare’ that’s endlessly endearing, and his unwavering loyalty for his friends and his camp. On the other hand, that loyalty has a hand around his neck and is sapping away his life with each passing day. He takes the horses lead from my hand, his fingers curling around the leather as he softly sighs, yet his smile betrays him. 

“If you’re so set on forcing me to have fun I guess I don’t have a choice.” We share a laugh as I pull him close with my free hand, placing a soft kiss on his forehead while smiling. I just hope he takes my hand and lets me pull him off the path he’s trapped on...

~Farm House; Same Time~

Everything about Pete and Xigbar set off red flags. They’re covered in Hollywood sleaze, their words sweet yet dripping with second meanings. Every step of their feet in my house set me on edge, their voices grating and their hands grabbing- 

“Don’t touch that.” I command as I close the door behind them, grinding my teeth as Pete lays his greasy fingers along the framed picture of my family when we still felt like one. He wipes his hands together, his belly shaking as he laughs off my icy words while Xigbar eyes up the place. 

“Just seeing what a nice family you got there is all. Say uh, before we get down to the good stuff here why don’t we get some of that bacon I smell, eh?” Without a second thought he lumbers towards the kitchen, my eyes narrowing as I watch him go. He must be part animal with that sense of smell, that bacon’s been sitting since breakfast. Xigbar seems to share the same thought as he crosses his arms, leaning back. 

“Isn’t that cannibalism?” He jokes, smirking to himself and glancing over at me for a response. I merely stare at him, eyes narrowing and my expression unchanging. His relaxed posture snaps back to formal as he looks away, clearing his throat and heading into my kitchen after Pete. I heavily sigh in annoyance, glancing towards the picture where Pete left smudges on. No matter how I feel, I need to get through this. For Roxas, and for Aerith… 

I force myself to the kitchen, trying to keep my composure at seeing Pete making himself at home at my table with a plate of food I had covered for Roxas when he came home. 

“Coffee would be great, thanks.” Xigbar asks, his head buried in the papers he brought as he leans against my counter. 

“Pot’s right there.” I point at the ancient machine next to him, the bottom caked with old grounds and stains covering the inside no matter how many times I wash the damn thing. 

“As if. I’m good.” The sooner these morons are off my property the better… I sit across the table from Pete, watching him shovel food into his mouth like a ravious animal in disgust. It’s like a car crash, I can’t stop looking. 

“This is way better than the slop at the motel! Can’t beat fresh pig, eh?” Bits of food spew out of his mouth with each word, grease from the bacon dribbling down his stubbled chin. I quickly look away as I inhale, trying with all my resolve to keep my composure. Thankfully with the rate he ate, he was done in record time. As he pushes away his plate, he motions for Xigbar to come sit next to him at the table. “Now that we’ve had some time to get acquainted, let me cut to the chase.” He pulls out a thick stack of files, clipped together that thump on the table as he tosses it down. My heart sinks as I read the bolded words across the top of the stack.

 

**PROJECT TWILIGHT FEST**

**Approved by Peter P. Pedowski, Xigbar E. Braig, & Axel F. Lea **

 

“What the hell is this?” I zero in on Axel’s name printed on the paperwork, my throat tightening as I glance up at the men across from me. I  _ knew  _ something wasn’t right as soon as they came through my door but like an idiot I let them in. Pete’s smile melds into a smirk as he leans forward, his arms on the table as he laces his fingers together, rings clinking as he does so. 

“It’s all really simple, Mr. Strife. I want Camp Chocobo.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a hot minute since my last chapter but I've been working hard on cosplay for the upcoming convention so my free time has been a little divided recently but this chapter is almost 8K words so hopefully it makes up for the wait!

_“Mrs. Strife? Doctor Ansem is waiting in exam room one, please follow me this way.” Aerith nods silently, her chest rising and falling with even breaths. She takes a moment to brush a stray hair out of her face, a few strands falling out as she does so without her noticing. I lean forward, capturing her hand in mine._

_“Ready?” Taking a deep breath, she nods and closes her eyes._

_“Ready.” I rub my thumb along the back of her soft hand, her delicate yet weak fingers squeezing mine._  

_“No matter what he says, it won’t change anything-” She shakes her head quickly, attempting to stand only to grip my bicep as she falters. Leaning on me for support as we walk, Aerith softly sighs as we follow the nurse._

_“We can’t think like that, Cloud. We need to start talking about worst case scenario.” My grip tightens out of reflex, my throat tightening. I remain silent as I help her settle onto the exam table, the paper crinkling filling the deafening silence hanging in the air above our heads._

_A solemn platinum blond haired man enters the room, his stark white coat brushing the floor as he examines his paperwork. He peaks up at us over the glasses perched on the edge of his nose, that sickening pity etched into his aging features. Small talk out of the way - asking how Roxas is doing and how Aerith has been feeling - he finally stops stepping around the matter at hand. He exhales, setting his glasses aside before rolling closer._

_“There’s, no easy way to put this...” Aerith takes in a shuddering breath, her frail hand covering her mouth. I pull her into my arms, resting my chin on her head as I rub her back. Doctor Ansem smooths back his hair, his eyes falling closed before zeroing in on his papers. “There’s not an exact number I can tell you, but with the right treatment and regular rounds of chemo it could give you more time.” Aerith pauses, her body still shaking yet her resolve still strong as ever. She sits back up, brushing her hair away once again. Tears roll down her sunken cheeks as she sits up, folding her hands in her lap._

_“No more treatments. No more injections, no more radiation, I’m tired of swallowing those god damn horse pills.” I reach out, taking her hand in mine once again as I let her continue. “I can’t ride horses with my son anymore, I’m too tired to help him with his homework, I can barely make it up the stairs on my own to tell him how much I love him.” Using her free hand, she presses a hand to her eyes as she dabs away the excess tears. “No more…” Ansem glances towards me._

_“Are you okay with that?” I narrow my eyes, my anger rising as I stare down at the ignorant doctor._

_“Why the hell are you asking me? If that’s what she wants, then yes. This isn’t my choice to make, I have no right taking that away from her.” He quickly backpedals, leaning back and stammering out an excuse while I roll my eyes in annoyance. I’m fucking sick of these know it all doctors, acting like Aerith can’t make her own choices just because she’s sick. Like she’s already gone…_

 

_~Camp Chocobo, Thursday~_

 

 _“It’s all really simple, Mr. Strife. I want Camp Chocobo.”_ Questions cluster together in my mind, tangling like webs as I struggle to make sense of what I agreed to listen to. I sit back in my chair, softly exhaling as I regain my composure.

“This might seem sudden Mr. Strife, but I’ve been looking for this kind of investment opportunity for quite some time. This plan has been in the works for months now, the last step is finding the place to hold our music festival. Sure we could host it in some concrete arena, but you can’t get real and authentic quite like the charm your camp has.” I grab the stack of papers, flipping through each page. A lot of it is legal jargon I can’t begin to understand, and a few pictures of before and after of what they plan to do with my camp.

I hate everything about this- yet I can’t deny. If they follow through on these ideas, the camp will look better than ever. Plans to add a dock to the lake, getting the grass to flourish again, and setting up fencing around the trees to keep the wildlife safe. I’ve wanted to do all these things for years but I’ve never had the money or time.

“These are just pictures and empty words, Pete. Even if I _did_ consider selling, how do I know you won’t just use this place for a parking lot?” Xigbar takes out a second copy, flipping to the last page with that vile smirk.

“It’s all here in this proposal, Cloud. If we don’t follow through with these conditions then the contract is void.  The top three parties on our end all signed it.” He’s not lying… My stomach twists as I manage to make out Axel’s signature next to Xigbar’s. “I’m Pete’s right hand man, yet Axel has been the brains behind this idea. He mentioned that you were struggling financially and we needed a venue for our festival, so here we are.” I remain silent as I digest his words, flicking my gaze from him to Axel’s name and signature.

“You’re telling me this is all _Axel’s_ idea…?”

“Let’s not give the kid too much credit, the location was his idea, but the festival was mine.” Pete quickly interjects, resting his hand onto the proposal. “Listen- you seem like a smart man Mr. Strife. It’s no secret that a camp like yours has no feasible way of surviving in this kind of world anymore. Kids just don’t care about camping, and parents are more than happy to sit them in front of a screen all summer. This little festival you’re throwing this weekend, it’s your saving grace. If my boys don’t headline on Saturday, you’re done.” I heavily exhale, leaning forward and resting my elbows on the table as I crack my knuckles anxiously.

“That’s the short of it.” He grins even harder, revealing his true colors for a moment before resuming his ‘caring’ facade.

“This doesn’t have to be a _loss_ , Cloud. We’re prepared to meet you in the middle. I pay your debts, get you and your boy set up in a nice cozy house, a little extra for your troubles, and all I want in return is the land.” The words are sweet, and usually I would call him out for his bold lies, yet I can’t argue the facts when they’re laid out in front of me like this. If he tries to cut corners or back out of this deal, everything goes back to normal. I can’t understand half of this nonsense, but I can’t afford a lawyer just to read this over. I didn’t want this to be the way I finally end my time with the camp, but this could be my last chance.

“Why are you doing this, Pete? You’re paying me a lot more than this camp is worth just for the land, when I know for a fact that you have the money for better options out there.” He leans back, holding up his hands in defeat as he chuckles.

“Ah- you got me. I’m a businessman on the outside, but I can’t forget the past. Axel has been… like a son to me ever since his dad left.” I sit back in my chair, unable to stop the short swear that slips out of surprise. Even through my shock I don’t miss the eye roll from Xigbar, the sly turn of his head with annoyed breath. I heard rumors from mutual friends that Reno left with what little money they had to their name, but I… I always tried to think the best of him, even with his poor choices. He still loved Axel - somewhere under the problems he felt the joy of being a father... Or maybe it was just Aerith rubbing off on me, wanting to believe the best in the worst people.

“This was Axel’s way of wanting to help you out.” Xigbar quickly interjects, cutting off Pete’s rehearsed speech. “Two birds with one stone, as they say.” Pete cuts a look of malice towards Xigbar before continuing.

“We could get land just about anywhere, but Axel has risen above the roadblocks in his past and wants to make amends with your family the best way we could think of. Reno was a poor excuse as a father, yet I can tell you’re working to the bone to provide for your own son. If you end up losing the camp and still sit in piles of bills and debt, is that _really_ any better off than Reno?” I know he’s only saying all of this to convince me to sell, but the words still stung deep in my heart. After losing Aerith I could feel my relationship with Roxas begin to chip away with each passing day. He’s all I have left yet I hardly know what’s going on in his life anymore… I might as well have left him just like Reno did. Taking a deep breath, I regain my composure and sit forward. Turning the old wedding band around my finger, I close my eyes for a moment.

“You win.” Pete and Xigbar share the same disgusting, shit eating smile coated in sleeze as Pete clicks his pen. “But-” I quickly interject, sending them both an icy stare. “I have conditions.” I hold up my hand, ticking them off as I count them down.

“We keep the money from the festival, your company doesn’t get ownership until we’re officially moved into a new home, you have to meet _every_ single project you plan to do with my land or the contract is void like you said, and you give me time to find jobs and homes for my workers and animals. Do we have a deal?” Pete rubs at his stubbly chin, as if he’s really considering my stipulations.

“It’s gonna cost us _big_ to miss out on our last tour stop, all those refunded tickets and especially the contacts I’ll be breaking.” My gaze unwavering, I sit back and fold my arms over my chest.

“What are you saying?” Pete’s disgusting smile returns, even Xigbar looking caught off guard and on edge.

“I’ll match every single stipulation you have, but the Bleeding Nobodies will be playing that show in Los Angeles.” I knew there was going to be a catch to this whole thing, but I expected something bigger than that. Roxas is going to get angry at me no matter what I tell him when he finds out, and the festival has no point if we’re closing down the camp regardless of how much we make. He’ll thank me one day for saving what’s left of our family from years of debt and misery, I know he will. He’s a smart kid, and it’s not like he’ll never be able to see Axel again. They’re both adults, they can figure that out for themselves, but I need to be a father and make this decision for the sake of his future.

“...Fine. Let’s do this.” He whips out his meaty hand, his face cracking with the intensity of his faux grin.

“You’re a hard sell Mr. Strife, but I believe we have a deal.” With a shake of hands, he begins to bark at Xigbar. “Talk to whoever you need to make this happen, I want those contracts in my hand the end of the week.” He brushes him off to make those calls, yet he makes no move to get out of his own chair.

“With that taken care of, we should smooth over the tiny wrinkles before we get going.” I narrow my eyes at him, still not able to sit right with this whole situation.

“When are you planning on leaving town?”

“Not ‘til tomorrow, depending on when the next flight is. It’s a tight crunch but I’ll have to send the boys and the equipment via bus directly to the venue and get a hotel room for friday,” He begins to mumble under his breath, calculating trips and times in his head. It’s almost like he has a brain, but I honestly find that a bit hard to believe.

“How long is this ‘detail ironing’ going to take…?” He pulls out his phone, tapping a few buttons on the screen and ignoring my presence.

“Only a few hours, give or take. Gotta get some lawyers on call to make sure everything will be okay when the contract is made- Why don’t you start on some lunch?” I feel my eye twitch as my stress levels skyrocket through the roof. I flex my jaw and bite my tongue as I stand.

“Kitchens right there. I need to make a phone call.” He hardly seems to acknowledge my words as I squeeze past. I look Xigbar up and down, his back turned towards me as he picks up different pictures from my fireplace mantle. I hardly understand what he’s saying on the phone, most likely getting those contracts they mentioned made up. I resign myself to my office, shutting the door behind me.

With a heavy sigh, I sit in at my desk and slowly punch in the numbers on my own phone. Pressing it to my ear, I anxiously wait as I listen to the dial tone. As expected, the voicemail message plays as I mouth along to the words.

 _“This is Aerith! Sorry I can’t come to the phone right now, please call Camp Chocobo at 555-451-5660 to reach me.”_ At the tone, I can’t help but chuckle.

“I swore to myself I would stop doing this, but I need you more than ever. We worked so hard for the camp, to raise our son, but _I can’t do this_ without you anymore.” I press a hand to my eyes, my throat burning as I choke down my sorrow. “Roxas will never forgive me for this, but it’s for his own good. Isn’t it-?”

_If you want to change, re-record, or delete your message, press 1. If you are satisfied-_

I angrily snap my phone shut, cocking my fist back to launch it against the wall in retaliation. I stop short when the phone vibrates, chiming with an incoming phone call. Glancing at the screen, I quickly press the phone to my ear.

“Leon, thanks for returning my call. My hunch was right, they wanted to make an offer.” I pause, waiting for his response as I clear my throat free of the past emotions. “Yeah, I just need you to make sure I’m not signing away more than I should be and that they really will meet everything I asked for.” I sit back in my chair, sharing a sigh.

“We both knew this was coming, I just never expected it to end like this. The hardest part will be telling Roxas- No, no. I couldn’t ask you to come all the way out here on short notice. He’ll be upset, but he’s old enough to know this was always a possibility.” We spend a few more minutes taking the time to catch up, asking about how the law firm are doing, and updating him on the mess Roxas has gotten himself into. And yes, how it really _is ‘_ that same Axel from all those years ago?’.

“I’ll send you the contract before I sign anything. Don’t think you’re doing this for free, either. If this deal isn’t total garbage I can pay you full price, no more brother in-law discounts.” I chuckle at his answer, feeling a bit better knowing that I won’t be totally in the dark about this deal.

“Thanks again, I’ll buy you a beer next time I get to Hollow Bastion.” Even though we live in different states, I still can’t help but feel close to Leon even with the distance.

We were always close ever since I started dating his sister freshman year, and only got closer after her passing. He’s been wanting to move closer for years now, but unlike on my end, his business is booming. Maybe once Roxas calms down about the camp I can look for homes closer to Leon? A sharp knock at the door brings me out of my planning, Xigbar intruding without permission.

“We’re ready to get this thing hashed out whenever you’re ready Cloud. Try not to take too long, Pete’s been throwing a fit trying to find an Uber Eats.” I merely stare at him in confusion, getting irritated when he rolls his eye again. “Nevermind. Fuckin small town bullshit,” He mumbles under his breath as I follow him back into the kitchen.

“I’m going to act like I didn’t hear that for your sake, son. Unless you want to lose your _other_ eye.” I cut him a cold glare as I pass him, matching his challenging gaze.

The sooner I get these snakes out of my house the better…

 

_~Camp Chocobo; Earlier that same day~_

 

I place my hand into Axel’s, his gaze softening as I do so. I can’t silence the nagging in the back of my head about the unfinished duties still left, even with Axel’s charming offer. Guilt eats me from the inside, pulling my heart in different directions while I try to save face. As much as I want to get back to my duties, this could be the last free moment with Axel I can take before the festival happens, then what? He goes back to his celebrity lifestyle, I keep up this backbreaking pace and we forget that we were ever friends again?

A sting of pain pulses in my heart as he leans down, pressing his lips against my forehead as he pulls me close. A sad smile tugs at my lips as I let myself cling to him like we were kids again. I can’t lose my best friend, not again, not now…

“You okay Rox? You didn’t argue about coming with me,” He teases, pushing me back by my shoulders, flashing his trademark grin. I brush away his hand as he presses it to my forehead, the guilt washing away under the waves of shared laughter.

“Even _I_ need a break once in a while-” I pause as he sends me an even stare, his brow rising in disbelief.

“Are you a duplicate of Roxas? Repliroxas or something?” He grabs my chin, moving my head around as if I would have any telling signs of being someone else.

“Cut it out man. I’m _me_ , nobody else. Even if I _did_ have a duplicate why would I let it have fun with _my_ best friend instead of doing my _chores_?” I push his hands off once again, unable to help small bubbles of chuckling between words. He seems to freeze, taking a moment to register what I said only to break into a glowing smile. I give him a curious look as I nervously shove my hands in my pockets. “...What? We’re best friends, right?” His cheeks darken with embarrassment as he leans away from me, rubbing the back of his neck out of sudden nervousness.

“’Course we’re best friends, but it’s just, different.”

“Well sure, but just because Sora is my best friend doesn’t mean I’m gonna start making out with him, too.” Oh fuck. I just said that outloud. I quickly turn my head in embarrassment as I swear at myself a hundred times over. I didn’t mean to just put it out there like that, now I made shit all awkward again right before our... hang out? Date? I don’t even know what to call this anymore…

Axel’s expression mirrors mine, eyes locking and cheeks burning with embarrassment while unasked questions linger between us. I’m sure a lot of best friends makeout and give each other handjobs in their childhood home, nothing weird about that…

“I uh, I don’t think this is the best place to start that discussion,” Shit. Now it’s a ‘discussion’? Not like it shouldn’t be, I just… This is all new territory and I hate dealing with the unknown. I have no idea what’s going on in his mind about all of this. Trying to ease the conversation back out of the super fucking awkward mess I left it in, I offer an awkward grin as I slide up to my horse.

“Things would be a lot easier if we didn’t kiss each other, huh?” Axel’s blushing cheeks remain, yet he laughs at the thought.

“Multiple times, and then some- but even if we _didn’t_ , I would still think about it.” I heave myself onto the saddle, trying to stop myself from smiling so hard like an idiot before responding. If it didn’t happen before he left, I don’t think I would ever forgive myself for letting him leave without finding out what could have been.

“Well in that case, thanks for kissing me. The second time, just to clarify.” I tease as he settles into his own saddle. Meeting up again at the cafe seems like it happened ages ago… With how much that’s happened since then it’s hard to believe we almost never saw each other again if Axel didn’t decide to come back.

“You know me, always shit at reading the situation.” He shrugs with a nervous chuckle, still a bit tense about our reunion. “I think I’ve said this before, but I’m sorry for being such an ass back then.” I offer a gentle smile before turning my attention towards the trail ahead. We settle into a slow walk, our horses walking in tandem and enjoying the chance to stretch their legs.

“You have, but I still like hearing it.” He merely rolls his eyes.

“You’re so humble.” I snicker under my breath, letting the comfortable silence sit between us. I turn my attention towards the sky, the sun peaking out from its cloudy hiding place only to be blocked by another. I adjust my hat to keep the sun out of my eyes, although the weather seems to be doing that job for me. It looks like there could be rain later in the day, I just hope it holds out for the festival… Axel clears his throat, grabbing my attention.

“Now that we have the chance to be alone, there’s… Something I haven’t told you yet about what happened after I first left.” I remain silent, my heart freezing in my chest as I thickly swallow the lump that formed in my throat. He remains focused on the trail ahead, lost in his own thoughts.

“When I first moved to California, I hated it. The air was polluted, the city was loud, but at least my father was there. I overheard what our parents argued about and I thought if I was a good son and I agreed to leave he wouldn’t be sad anymore. That my family would be okay again, as strong as Cloud and Aerith.” He quickly cuts himself off, his gaze burning into mine. Pain lingers in his gaze, his words soft yet hardened with truth. “It meant leaving you behind, and for _what_ ? Pete got so _angry_ when he found out I couldn’t sing as well as he thought, and it scared my dad. He was afraid he would lose his ticket to fame, and he _left_.” He looks ahead once again, quickly shaking his head.

“Fuck, I’m sor-”

“Don’t.” He quickly cuts me off, his expression pained at retelling the memories. “Please, don’t _ever_ apologize for what he did. It was a really fucked up thing to do, and when we couldn’t find my mom… I was alone. Or at least I _thought_ I was.” Oh, my god… His pained expression fades, replaced with a warm smile.  It’s my fault Axel’s dad left. If I had never forged those papers saying Axel was the musical talent his dad would have never gotten scared and disappeared. He was never the best father to Axel but there could still be a chance that he would at least still be around for him!  

“My band is my family, dysfunctional and shitty most of the time, but they were there for me when I couldn’t even trust my own parents to be. I will _always_ regret leaving you, but I can’t help but think that if I didn’t, I would have never gotten to where I am.” He glances back towards me, his soft smile turning sour with worry as he pulls the reins to stop along the trail. “Are you okay...?” My face is hot yet flush, my stomach twisting violently while my mind screams at me ‘TELL HIM, TELL HIM, TELL HIM’. If I do he’ll never want to see me again but he _deserves_ to know what happened.

“Would you still be my best friend, even if I did something to hurt you?” He cocks his head to the side, brows furrowed in confusion.

“What are you talking about Rox, you’re _always_ going to be my best friend. What’s going on, are you in trouble?” I quickly shake my head, my breathing ragged with anxiety, my heart slamming against my chest as my eyes fall closed.

“You weren’t the one Pete wanted, not at first. After the show was over I heard him talking to our parents about how he wanted to take _me_ to California and make me this ‘big rock star’ but I _knew_ in my heart how much you’ve been waiting for a chance..” I pick at the peeling leather saddle horn, unable to meet his eyes as I finally reveal the secret I could never bring myself to tell him. “I told Riku and Sora about what was going on, they helped me forge your signature on his paperwork and we convinced him _you_ were the one singing.” I finally meet his eyes, faltering in my confession at his expression.

“Thank you for telling me.. But I figured it out for myself when I was talking to Riku the other day.” His gentle smile only widens while I merely gape in confusion.

“You, you figured it out? Why didn’t you say anything?!” His smile turns into a smirk as he faces forward, clicking his tongue and snapping the reins to continue on the trail.

“I was waiting for _you_ to tell me, when you were ready. That way I can tell you that there’s no _reason_ to blame yourself.” I’m forced to follow, scowling at him in annoyance for being so ‘all knowing and wise’ all of a sudden.

“I’ve been holding that secret for the past ten years and you shrug it off like it’s nothing? It’s my fault that you’re exhausted and dealing with a shitty person like Pete-”

“ _Pete_ was there for me when my own _father_ couldn’t be bothered. As shitty as he can get, he _still_ cares about me and the band.” He quickly cuts me off, striking a nerve when talking about Pete. He softly sighs, releasing his sudden anger. “I get tired like any other person but this is everything I wanted! I get to perform my music in front of _thousands_ of people and get _paid_ for it, my fans are some of the most genuine people I’ve ever met, and I never had to worry about turning into a drunken piece of shit like my dad- and _you_ made all that happen. Sora and Riku, too.” Somehow, that still did nothing to make me feel better… He’s skirting around the truth just for the sake of my feelings, so he can try to convince me that I didn’t fuck up his life. I clench the reins in my fists, my knuckles turning white as I shake my head in defiance.

“You can’t deny it’s my fault your dad left!” Axel yanks the reins to a sharp stop, a different type of anger in his voice.

“Roxas-” Tears spring to my eyes out of frustration, tired of him trying to make everything seem fine when this is something I need to get off my chest.

“If _I_ never messed with the forms then your dad would have never had any reason to leave-” His eyes narrow, irritation clear in his voice as his hands begin to quiver with anger.

“ _Stop it_.”

“ _You know it’s true!_ ” I yell in retaliation, pushing him to finally push past his breaking point.

“Reno was a fucking _coked up shell of a man_ who thought he could use me to hide from his problems in California, and when he lost his meal ticket, he fucking left with what little money we had left. If it didn’t happen in California, it would have happened _here_ sooner or later. Don’t you fucking _dare_ act like you had _anything_ to do with that. Can’t you see, Roxas?” His voice softens as he reaches out, putting a warm hand over mine, his determination practically radiating from his smile

“ _You’re_ the reason I get to live out my dreams, and I’ll _never_ be able to repay you for that. Even before Pete came into the picture, you were _always_ the reason I got to where I am. You’re my _best friend_ , nothing can change that. If anything I feel even shitter about how I acted at the cafe. If anything _I_ should be the one getting upset at myself.” He has a point about his dad, but it still doesn’t sit right with me about how content he is with this new life of his. Though, he’s had ten years to adjust to it, after all... I curl my fingers around his, pressing the heel of my other hand against my eye to wipe away the bleariness.

“I got so _angry_ with you leaving when the whole time _I’m_ the reason you left. My mom didn’t have much time left but I didn’t know how to cope with losing her, and it happened at such a weird age. Then you left and a few days later I lost her too…” I softly sigh, dropping my other hand to rest on the horn of the saddle while I take back my other hand to pick of the reins again. “I was alone, too. My dad did what he could but I know he was at a loss as much as I was. We’ve, never been as close since then. I wish that was different but sometimes it’s hard to talk with him before the conversation turns to him wanting to close the camp and then we just fight and go back to our tense relationship.” I stroke along the neck of my horse as I ease him into a walking pace once again, able to tell that he’s getting frustrated with all the starting and stopping. I heavily sigh, although my shoulders feel weightless with the secret no longer resting so heavily on my heart.

“It doesn’t excuse my anger, though. Can we just say a couple hundred apologizes to each other and call it good?” I offer, my lips curling into a half smile. Axel merely laughs, easing the tension from the heavier unexpected confessions.

“Make it two hundred and you got a deal. I know we fell out of touch, but I’m here. You can talk to me about anything, ten years can’t change that.” His words set my heart at ease, my shoulders relaxing at his offer as I nod.

“I know… Same goes for you, since it’s apparent that we both have some daddy issues to work through. Mine’s stoic and closed off,”

“And _mine’s_ a drunken crack whore... I feel so close to you right now.” He teases, sending me a flirtatious wink.

“What a strange way to segway into flirting. Now _that’s_ a skill we should be teaching in schools.” throwing his head back in laughter, the guilt I’ve been carrying starting to lighten from my heart. It’s so easy to pick up where we left off, making jokes and carrying on like he never even left. Ten years felt like my own personal hell, and the sad truth is that over time the pain never left. I got comfortable with it, leaving it chip away at my heart day and night.

“All I learned in school was to write letters to people I wanted to talk to, but never send them. It was some sort of venting thing. They’re all shredded and burned by now, my righteous teenage anger made sure of that.”   It felt childish to write to someone who would never read those words, no matter how much the school counselor said it was a healthy way to cope. It actually worked really well, and for a while I was finally able to keep my head above water and feel like myself again. He seems to mull over my words for a moment, his eyes flickering to mine for a brief moment.

“Who did you write?” A joke dies in my throat, wanting to derail his question yet I stop myself. I pause, forcing myself to remember sitting in that hard plastic chair as my cheap pencil scratched the surface of the notebook paper.

“I wrote to you a lot, at first. Asking how you were doing, venting about what stupid thing my dad did, the usual pre-teen drama. But after a few letters, I started to blame myself for forcing you away with what I did, then blame _you_ for actually leaving.” His expression remains unchanged, merely nodding for me to continue.

“After a few weeks I was able to write to my mom. After a year or two, she was the only person I wrote to. I guess that’s the point where I had to find it in myself to move on or at least try.” After graduating and turning my full attention to the camp, I could never bring myself to sit down and try writing them again. Instead I would just send passive aggressive text messages, like a normal person. In place of anger, he sits back and merely offers a comforting smile. “I still have a lot of shit to work through, especially with this deadline looming over my head and having you back in my life for who knows how much longer- but I like to think it could have been worse if I didn’t write those letters.” His gaze falls back onto the trail as he hums in acknowledgement.

He remains silent for a few moments, seeming to be lost in his own head. I glance at him every few seconds, expecting him to respond but his eyes get cloudy and his thoughts seem to be elsewhere.

“It’s funny,” He chuckles suddenly, still keeping his attention to the path ahead. “I always imagined you had plans to leave the camp to get a fancy degree in counseling, find yourself a fiance and had life planned out for the next five years. I used to tell myself that whenever I wanted to look you up or try and talk to you again - so I wouldn’t mess up your ‘big life plan’.” I can’t help but laugh at his idea of my ‘perfect life’, causing him to send me a sour stare. “I’m _trying_ to talk about my feelings, rude ass. And you call yourself a camp counselor, you should be _ashamed_ .” His eyes dance along my chest, arms, and exposed skin as he seems to loose his train of thought. Yeah, _I_ should be ashamed.

“Focus Ax, big life plan…?” He offers a cheeky smirk before continuing.

“If I told myself you were doing well without me, I guess to fool myself into thinking you were better off without me stumbling back into your life and bringing everything that follows.” He rubs the back of his neck, his joyful teasing tone now somber as he looks away in guilt.

“You’ve been here for almost a week now and the only thing that ‘followed’ was the horde of paparazzi at the gates-” He quickly shakes his head.

“I didn’t want you to get swept up in the ‘glamour’ of celebrity life like I did. It doesn’t phase me to go dancing on three hours of sleep, get plastered off body shots with Xigbar and be at rehearsal in six hours. That’s my usual tuesday night.” He laughs to himself, getting sweeped into the memories.

“This one time it was so stupid, Xigbar bet me 20 bucks I couldn’t drink three whole bottles of strawberry liquor in under 15 minutes without vomiting.” He can barely get the story out between his giggles as I try to give a supportive nod. Axel has been playing chubby bunny with the campers like he was Mr. fuckin’ Rodgers when a few weeks ago he was binge drinking in LA… “-So I’m like, three sips away, dancing with this sexy blond guy who was _begging_ to get to my hotel room-” He quickly cuts himself off as I cast him a sharp glare. He seems to take stock in his words, realizing his story isn’t quite as ‘funny’ as he once thought.  He clears his throat, cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

“So uhm… next thing I know I’m out cold in front of the club with the _nastiest_ black eye - Xigbar said I threw up all over the guy and he couldn’t find me for hours… It, really wasn’t all that funny. Actually, it was _terrifying_ to black out for a few hours, surrounded by cameras and reporters.” I furrow my brows in worry, biting the inside of my lip as I try to keep my opinion to myself. I watched as his once happy memory turned sour, watching his realization take over.

“What did Xigbar say when he found you?” He sighs heavily, no more amusement in his tone as sadness begins to etch onto his features.

“That I owed him 20 bucks and that guy’s dry cleaning bill. Fucking dick move, but I owe a lot to Xigbar. He’s like an uncle to me, showing me all the bad shit I can get into without Pete knowing.” He shrugs it off, yet I can sense it’s still nagging at him under his cool exterior. I lean forward, my voice soft as I catch his gaze.

“Is that what you didn’t want to bring into my life? The binge drinking, partying, and string of sexcabades…?” He can tell his life wasn’t in a good place, and he didn’t want me to see that version of him.. I can’t say I blame him… After missing him for so long only to see him buzzed 24/7 with some fling attached at the hip, I would be _pissed_ at myself for crying over him. His face burns with embarrassment as I watch the realization finally dawn on him that his colorful past might have not been a good thing.

“I meant the crazy people who try to get in my hotel room or the bus and steal my socks or something, I don’t even want to _think_ of you getting shit faced and blacking out for hours on end, waking up in someone’s _bed_ or a fucking _street_.” I can’t help but get a little defensive at his tone. He spews off some story about fucking some guy then puking on him like I want to think of him like that?

“Yet it’s different for _you_ because your famous...? Can’t say I enjoy the mental image of you _fucking_ your way down Beverly Hills with a drink in your hand.” He rolls his eyes in annoyance, grunting in frustration.

“It’s different for _me_ because that’s just how shit was back in LA, I had it under control, but I haven’t even looked at another guy for weeks even before we started talking again. I couldn’t do it anymore, not when… Urgh, nevermind. All you need to know about my past is that I made a lot of shitty mistakes but I _stopped_ .” You don’t just _stop_ that kind of lifestyle, not if he’s been conditioned to think what he was doing was perfectly okay. If he really _was_ under Xigbar’s wing, there’s no way.

“Not when… What? Did something happen?” I ask, my voice tense yet curious as I try and catch his eyes as they refuse to meet mine. He bites his lip and glances around, his face lighting up as he points to the overgrown path tucked away into the trees.

“Let’s go to our usual place,” He guides his horse off the trail, making me sharply sigh in frustration yet I’m forced to follow. Something happened to force him off his destructive streak, I want to know what it is. What if that same thing gets him back into drinking, and what if he decides to forget all about me when he leaves and replaces me…

I shake away the intrusive thoughts as I stop next to him, hitching my horse to a nearby tree like we did when we came here a few days ago.

“California has the ocean, but man… You really can’t beat this view.” Axel softly sighs, crossing his arms over his chest as he gazes into the scenic camp down below. From this hill tucked away into the height of the forest, almost the whole camp is in layed out below. The lake ripples as a gentle breeze picks up, a couple kids sharing a boat with one of the counselors, another handful daring to try the rock wall without a harness. It was almost eerie to watch Vanitas place a bug on Terra’s shoulder, making Ven laugh as he yelps in surprise.

“Remind you of someone?” I cast him a soft smile as I brush past, plopping myself into the overgrown grass, letting my feet dangle over the edge of the small overhanging cliff. He scoffs, his feet shuffling through the thick grass  towards me.

“Pulling pranks just to impress your cute blond best friend that you had a massive crush on?” He mulls it over, leaning back onto his hands, his thick red hair spilling over his shoulders. “Doesn’t sound like me. Must be you.” I roll my eyes as I shove his shoulder. As we laugh, a comfortable silence falls over us like a weighted blanket, the gentle breeze ruffling the grass and flowers between my fingers.

“The biggest reason I got so pissed after you left is because you kissed me at the gates in front of everyone. I didn’t think what we had was serious until that moment, and I always wondered in the back of my mind what could have been if you decided to stay.” I glance down at his hand, his fingers twitching in anticipation. He mindlessly plucks at the blades of grass as he clears his throat, shades of red dusting his cheeks as green eyes lock onto mine.

“A part of me wished the same thing. Well… A big part of me.” He admits softly, sitting up straighter and resting his arm over his knee as he continues. “I’m not proud of it, but a few months ago I let myself risk looking into you. I saw your facebook and seeing you grown into a beauty, having fun with your friends and looking so happy… My puppy dog crush wasn’t so simple anymore.” I thickly swallow around the lump in my throat, nodding for him to continue. “All it would take was a blond, blue eyed fan to ask and I would let myself believe in this fantasy for the night. It worked, for a short time… There was _no_ way I could still have feelings for you, not after so many years apart.” My heart beats like a drum in my ears as I forget how to breathe, hanging onto his every word.

“It never mattered how much they looked like you, it was never _you_ . It _was_ mindless sex at first but I craved _more_ , so I went on dates trying to find a way to cope with the fact that it’s too late for me to step back into your life after so long… Demyx is the one who helped me wake up to see that it was killing me more to pretend, so I stopped.”

“Stopped… What?” I can barely speak, thousands of questions flooding my mind as he seems to casual in his confession, different than the previous admissions. Is he saying… A smile tugs at the corner of his lips.

“ _Everything_. No more hookups, no drinking, no pity dates- none of it. Not anymore. I think my friend Saix got jealous by how much I was talking you up, even though I still refused the truth at the time.” His hand finds mine, shaking and clammy yet still comforting…

“What’s the truth…?” He tips his head back towards the sky, the gloomy overcast clouds trying and failing to keep the sun at bay. Warm streams of light cascade over the treetops, his face practically glowing as he settles his gentle gaze on me.

“As a summer camp crush, as my best friend, as my partner… I haven’t stopped loving you since the moment I left.”


	17. Chapter 17

_A flat open palm strikes my cheek, my head whipping to the side from the impact. The sound of the slap resonates throughout the empty hotel room, the only sound to be heard is my labored gasp as the drunken haze begins to clear. My cheeks burn as I clutch my face in agony. I’ve been slapped before… why does it hurt so much?!_

_“Get your ass up.” Demyx seethes in anger, grabbing my loose shirt and pulling me up from the disheveled, abused bed from another drunken stranger. He shoves me towards the bathroom, turning on the water and pushing me into the spray. I stumble over the wet tiles, resting my hot face against the cool tile wall as my cheeks throb in pain._

_“Fuck you.” I spit in annoyance, cutting him a dull glare as I try to right myself. He gives me a once over, clicking his tongue in disgust. “You’re fucking drunk hours before a show, and you reek of cheap sex-” I want to roll my eyes and tell him to leave me the fuck alone, but jesus my head hurts way too much to do that…_

_“I’ll be fine. Pete can scream at me later.” I lazily strip off my clothes, begrudgingly showering. “Oh, he’ll do a lot more than scream.” He cleans up my clothes, muttering under his breath the entire time before handing me a towel when I finish._

_“You beg and cry to see Roxas again- do you think he’ll want to anything to do with you if he sees what you let yourself become?” I trip on my way out, grabbing onto him for purchase as he directs me back to the bed._

_“Fuck you Demyx- I’m trying, alright?” He lets me drop onto the bed, grimacing when I feel cold leftover stains of last night. His eyes pinch close, his fingers gripping the bridge of his nose in annoyance._

_“Sleeping with people that look like Roxas is_ not _trying, and honestly it’s really fucking weird. Then you get hammered to forget about it, and the cycle never breaks because you let Xigbar take you out all over again!” He pats himself down for his phone as I merely stare up at him, my muddled mind trying to make sense of his words._

_“It’s not like I’m hurting anyone, it’s just a couple-” As I try to defend myself he snaps my picture and flips his phone around to show me. I softly swear under my breath as I take the phone into my shaking hands. Two black marks rest under each eye, the skin around it irritated from the slap and the spray of water. My eyes are sunken, dull, and lifeless as if I was a corpse. I don’t even- when did I get these marks…? I don’t remember anything from last night._

_“I want to help you Axel, if you’ll let me.” Demyx takes his phone back then outstretches a hand, his anger dissipating. I match his smile as I take his hand. “I owe you, Demyx.”_

 

_~_

 

Sharp knuckles rap on my sleeping pod along with a curt “Open up.” I quickly clean up my bleary red eyes, knowing it would be just another reason for Xigbar to get pissy with me. After my blow up earlier I had to clear my head, and I just couldn’t stand the way Zexion would refuse to look at me, like I disgusted him… I can’t deny what’s been a long time coming anymore. Losing Zexion’s trust, sabotaging Axel’s life, plotting with Xigbar- it was all a mistake. Maybe this whole _band_ was a mistake in the first place… I open the curtain, quickly cutting him off with a yawn.

“‘Sup?” He glances around over his shoulder, making sure the driver was still tucked away in his room in the motel and that Zexion was still gone.

“Pete and I are heading to Camp Chocobo to do some business-”

“You mean to strong arm them into a shitty fucking deal because you can’t stand the fact that Axel’s happy without you?” His eye narrows, yet he gives me that vile grin.

“If that’s what _you_ decide to call it, then yes. If all goes according to plan we should be back in San Fran this time tomorrow, preparing for the concert that’s gonna get us to Europe.” I cock an eyebrow as I swing my legs over the edge of the bed, playing off the fact that I’m dressed to go somewhere.

“You really thought this out. Pete makes an easy puppet, huh?” Xigbar’s grin turns into a vicious smirk as he pats my cheek, putting a bit of force behind it.

“ _Pete’s_ not the only one...” He leads off, turning on his heel and heading off the bus. I scowl at his back before jumping off the cot and watching him board a taxi with Pete in tow.

After they pull out, I rush off the bus and unlock the undercarriage compartments where our suitcases are held. I grab all of mine, having to make multiple trips just to get everything in order before sighing in exhaustion, staring at the empty luggage I placed on my bunk. I reach in and start unplugging my chargers and laptop, my palms slick with sweat as my heart hammers in my ears.

“What are you doing?” The sudden voice startles me, my head hitting the bunk above mine. The sharp crack resounds throughout the bus, forcing me to back out and quickly cradle my head in my hands.

“Fuuucckk, damn it-” My heart stops cold, the pain in my skull forgotten as Zexion stares back at me, worry etched across his features as he gingerly reaches out.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t… Are you okay?” His eyes dart to the cases strewn around the room and within moments he easily picked up on the situation at hand. I always admired that about him most, his quick wit always got him out of tough spots… “You’re leaving.” My face burns in embarrassment as I quickly avoid his gaze, turning my attention back to packing.

“I helped Xigbar mess with Axel because I was afraid if he decided to stay with Roxas, the band would fall apart. That the same thing that happened to Axel and Roxas would happen to _us -_ I let him do that to me.” I heavily sigh, running a hand along the shaved sides of my hair, dragging my nails along my throbbing scalp.

“I was so insecure that you wouldn’t have any reason to be with me anymore after the band, as stupid as it sounds. With Pete and Xigbar trying to buy off the camp for some unknown fucking reason- I just can’t do this anymore.” I slam my palms down onto the first layer of pants I had packed, raising my voice out of anger. Zexion recoils as I keep packing the rest of my clothes. I’ve never been one to yell like that, but I just _can’t_ be here. “This has been a long time coming.” Zexion softly sighs as he moves to start helping, grabbing a shirt and folding it neatly.

“I picked up on it a few months ago after Pete got furious over how one of the tracks turned out. You were the only one he took his anger out on, even though... ” I nod, taking the shirt from him and watching as he starts another.

“It was my track idea, yet it was Xigbar’s fuck up. Pete lets Xigbar puppet him and he’s so blind to it since all he can see is money. I thought he was an idiot to fall under Xigbar’s spell, but I guess I was too.” The only difference is Pete is a multi-millionaire and I get a _fraction_ of that… I take another shirt from Zexion and I watch as he sits on the couch, his thoughts no doubt running a mile a minute.

“I suppose I let Xigbar get into my head a bit too, right before he left to Camp Chocobo. I should have stopped him but I just, had to take time to find the most logical solution.” I zip up one of my cases shut, setting it onto the floor next to me.

“What’d you find…?” His lips twitch into a hint of a smile as he glances up at me.

“That I let him get in my head, too.” The smile fades as he stares at his hands, his fingers looping together and apart as he tries to find the right words. “What you did doesn’t sit right me still, but I understand why you felt the need to do it. I want, to try again.” He takes a deep breath, staring up at me with uncertainty.  “I want to leave the band, if you’ll take me along.”

 

_~_

 

 _“I haven’t stopped loving you since the moment I left.”_ As the words left his lips I couldn’t hold back the face splitting smile that overtakes me, my chest tightening as my breathing gets ragged. Questions flood my mind, each one trying to blurt out yet I can’t seem to find my voice… I was suspicious ever since he first kissed me and a few times since then, and after the night we spent together- I guess I didn’t know _what_ to think after that. With all the flirting I just thought he was being some new persona crafted by years around celebrities but I never thought it was just his awkward way of trying to tell me… His shoulders drop, his head tilting back as he lets out a long exhale as his fingernails anxiously digging into the blades of grass as he continues.

“You don’t have to say anything- I just… I _can’t_ hold it in anymore. I avoided you online as long as I could because it _hurt_ too much knowing I could never see you again-” He cuts himself off as a realization seems to dawn on him. He sits back up, catching my eyes as his cheeks begin to lighten with a faint rose blush. “After seeing you online I realized how _much_ I _missed_ you and then after talking and seeing in person how you’ve molded into this confident, independant, warm hearted person with the same caring heart I fell for.” My smile begins to fade as my thoughts turn dark as if I don’t deserve to be held in such high caliber in Axel’s heart.

“After all these years… How can you still be in love with me? You can have anyone you want, what makes me so special?” I brace myself for his response, half expecting him to get upset that I haven’t returned his feelings and start another argument. He merely chuckles as he runs his long fingers through his gleaming red hair.

“Because after all these years, you’re still _Roxas_ . You have more of an attitude problem and a touch of anger issues-” I push his shoulder in retaliation, offering a disgruntled glare as he laughs even harder. “ _Exactly_ my point. You changed, but you never lost who you were along the way. You didn’t leave your friends behind, or cast away your kindness after so much heartbreak, if anything, it only made you and your relationships _stronger_.” My smile returns as my stomach knots anxiously.

“That’s nice of you to say, if only that last part was true…” Losing my mom should have been the wakeup call for my dad and I, yet all we manage to do is fight or avoid each other. He bites the inside of his lip and glances away as he seems to mentally berate himself

“I know we got off to rocky restart, but I like to think _our_ relationship is stronger… At least on my end.” He nervously jokes, rubbing the back of his neck as he offers an uneasy smile, the unasked question no doubt burning in his mind.

“You’re my best friend, yet everything we’ve done- It felt so _natural_ . Like we’ve been dating for years, it’s so _easy_ to lose myself in the fantasy of having a real relationship.” He thickly swallows as he digs into the dirt mindlessly.

“Why does it have to be a fantasy...? This isn’t some ‘nostalgic fling’ to me. I meant what I said.”

“I know you do-” I quickly interject, pulling his hand away from the dirt. I cradle his hand in mine, casting away the intruding thoughts. My thousand watt grin returns, helplessly smiling like a love struck fool as the words spill out like a faucet. “I’m in love with you too, _idiot_.” I whisper in a single breath. His face lights up with happiness, his eyes sparkling with the hint of oncoming tears as he sucks in a hard breath. The weight of the world vanishes from his body as he tackles me to the ground, dirt covered hands capturing my cheeks as his lips cover every inch of skin in a shower of kisses.

“I’ve waited so _long_ to hear those words,” He murmurs between kisses, his feverish lips slowing as he can’t stop smiling long enough to speak.

“This feels like a dream…” I whisper to myself, afraid if I speak too loudly he’ll vanish. I wrap my arms around his back, fingers digging into his shirt as I bury my face in the crook of his neck. As happy as I should be… I can’t let myself give into the false security. “ _This_ is the fantasy I warned you about.” I mutter into his shoulder, tightening my grip as I tightly shut my eyes, unable to give him my heart until I know he won’t just take it and leave again.

Reluctantly I let him out of my grasp, my fingers moving to grasp his arms as he hovers over me. A shower of red locks spill over his shoulders, his body framed by the beautiful mixture of colors caused by the sun slowly beginning to set along the horizon. My breath catches in my throat as my heart beats at a deafening pace in my ears, drowning the doubtful thoughts that refuse to leave. Pain flashes in his acid green eyes, yet only for a moment before being replaced with that passionate fire that resonates in his heart.

“It doesn’t have to be, Rox… We have _time_ to figure this out and make this work- as long as you want to try.”

“What about the _festival_ , and what comes _after_ that?” I take in a long, deep breath as I struggle to gather my thoughts as jade eyes burn into mine. “I can handle losing the camp - and my best friends will _always_ hold a place in my heart no matter where we end up - but I can’t lose you, not again…”

“Roxas,” He softly breathes in surprise, his eyes widening a fraction. I dig my fingers into his arms as I feel the sting of tears threaten once again as my emotions overtake me.

“I lost my mom and my best friend, now I might be losing my _camp_ too. Axel, you _have_ to tell me in all honesty. Is our relationship worth risking everything in our lives we worked so hard to build? My camp is on its last legs as it is, but _you-_ you have so much _more_ at stake.” Instead of getting defensive or jumping right to the reasons why we should do this- he begins to chuckle under his breath as if I said something amusing.

“All I’ve thought about for _ten years_ is what I would do or say if I had a moment like this, a chance to say everything that was left between us… But I can’t remember anymore.” His lips curl into a smile, stroking his dirty thumb across my cheek.

“I always thought staying away and focusing on my career was the best thing for both of us, but after being with you this week… I’ve never realized how _wrong_ I was. Pete can scream at me, tear me down, and punish me all he wants but I _don’t care anymore_. I want to play for the festi-” Sliding my hands up and around his shoulders I press quivering lips against his, effectively cutting off his words.

“I love you,” I softly whisper before his lips feverishly try to latch onto mine. “But I can’t let you risk your dream.” Axel softly chuckles, hot breath washing over my cheeks as he gently lowers me back to the ground. His chest presses against mine as long fingers dance along my jawline, tilting my chin up as those passionate emerald eyes pours into my own.

“You’ve always been my dream…” My heart swells with happiness, the newfound love filling the hole in myself that I’ve been longing to fill since the moment he left. I brush away the silky red strands that spill over his shoulders, tucking a strand behind his studded pierced ear. Lips brush mine as he smiles, his fingers curling in my mop of blond, his other hand resting next to my hip as he supports himself against the ground.

“You stole that from Tangled.” He quickly pulls away with a deep set frown, his brows knit together in annoyance.

“I’m trying to speak from my heart and tell you how I feel and you accuse me of stealing from a Disney movie...?” I merely shrug with a teasing grin, laughter bubbling in my chest.

“I mean… it’s pretty similar.” He heavily sighs, a flash of annoyance crossing his expression as he tries to decide if I’m either irritating or endearing. “Still very heartfelt,” I quickly add, pulling him down into a soft kiss through my smiling. I never imagined I could feel this happy again…

“Ten years later and you’re still a pain in my ass yet _unbelievably_ cute.” His mutters against my lips, refusing to leave the kiss.

“Funny, I could say the same about you.” I tease, titling my head to the side as his lips trail down my jaw. His warm fingers caress my hip, his thumb rubbing along the exposed skin.

“Mhn, I’d like to hear more about the cute part.” A warm laugh reverberates in my ear as I push his hair out of his face, tucking it behind his ear. A teasing remark stalls on my tongue as the sudden splash of water strikes my forehead, forcing me to look up at the darkened sky as a few more drops splatter against my skin.

“What- _shit_.” I quickly push Axel off, rolling to my feet and brushing myself free of grass and dirt. He glances over at me from his place on the ground, casting me an annoyed stare.

“ _God_ I hate nature right now.” He mutters as he stands, shielding his eyes from the drizzling rain. I merely roll my eyes and grab the horses, saddling up and making a beeline back to the stables so I can get them nice and dry.

After Axel helps me board them and rub them down with a towel, we’re stuck standing in the entrance of the barn, watching the rain fall like bullets from the thick grey clouds overhead.

“So much for my day of relaxation.” Axel heavily sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. I pluck my soaked shirt away from my body, leaning forward to wring out the excess water. As I glance over, I catch the way his fingers flex and how his eyes sharply zero in on the beads of rainwater dripping down my stomach, rolling into the waistband of my jeans.

I clear my throat, soft shades of red coloring my cheeks as I try and fail to avoid his eyes. Instead they trail down to his equally soaked shirt that clings to the sunkissed skin of his chest, the sleeves sticking to each ripple and crevice of his biceps. I drag my eyes up to meet his, our breathing suddenly thin as I adjust my damp hat.

“We can make it to the old barn, it’s patched enough where the rain shouldn’t leak too badly. Plus I have extra clothes up there, we can try and wait out the storm.” We glance towards the barn in question, peeking back at him. “Unless you wanna run back to the house?” His subtle smirk is enough answer for me. I grab his hand in mine as we dart the short distance to the old barn through the torrential downpour, giggling like teenagers when we stumble in.

The barn is dark, save for the window of light pouring in over the the loft above. Cold lips find mine, exploring hands pushing my wet shirt up so he can feel more of my skin. I shiver, my skin prickling at the cold as I return the favor, running my hands along the tight muscles along his back, pressing against him. Lips part as our tongues tangle and twist, and soft whimpers slip out while his hands begin to excitedly explore. It’s been so long since I’ve gotten excited like this, and it’s even more thrilling because it’s _Axel_ .  We fall against the barn doors our hands excitedly exploring the new territory, grabbing and stroking in _all_ the right ways.

“Tell me if you want to stop.” He whispers hotly in my ear, his fingers twisting up my shirt to pull it away from my body as nimble fingers danced across my chest, brushing across my nipple. He certainly didn’t miss the small jump that caused, my shirt being abruptly yanked up, a sharp gasp leaving me at the cold air assaulting the exposed skin. Axel dipped down quickly, flicking his burning hot tongue out to run across it. _Holy fuck-_ My body involuntarily shudders, hands grabbing onto the back of his wet shirt for purchase. Those soft lips trailed wet kisses up my chest, moving to the base of my neck.

It felt hard to breathe, whimpering at feeling his tongue and teeth driving me wild, my pulse almost worryingly high. God, I hadn’t realized it’d been so long since anyone has touched me like this… The fact it’s _Axel_ doesn’t help either. I let my hands work under the back his damp shirt, my fingers tracing appreciatively over the dips of muscle. Axel’s hands sneakily moved down my side without me noticing, my nails digging into his back at his hand cupping me through my soaked jeans. The sensations clashed, both the cold material being pressed against me and the jolt of pleasure making my mind reel. I couldn’t even open my mouth to speak before he cut me off by rubbing teasing circles, my hips pressing back against him. My grip on myself was quickly slipping, seriously debating on letting him just fuck me against the barn door.

“ F-Fuck, Axel, wait- Let’s get up to the loft before I’m not able to make it up the ladder.” He had the nerve to laugh while I pulled away, quickly moving to climb up, my shirt still partly rolled up.

“ _Someone’s_ eager, huh?” Axel purred, watching from below as I climb, following up after me. The lack of papers made me freeze for a moment but I push away the worry in favor of the sexy redhead next to me.

“ Shut up.” I growled grabbing his face to roughly mash our lips together, Axel happily following along with the needy pace, pushing his tongue greedily into my mouth.

It took no time at all for our hands to be pushed up each other’s shirts, mine being hungrily yanked off me before our heated kiss continued. Shoes were kicked off to who knows where, neither of us breaking apart to care. Axel’s warm hands ran along my body before one found its way to my hair, tugging on it gently, definitely making a mess of it.

His free hand expertly popped the button of my jeans, dragging the zipper down, fingers toying with the waistband of my boxers. I moved my hips to help him wiggle me out of them, saved from being completely on display by my thin boxers. Axel quickly leaned back down, capturing my lips for a searing kiss, my brow furrowing at the unfair situation. I pulled at the bottom of his shirt, trying to clue him in on what I wanted, turning my head to break our kiss. The low rumble of thunder made the barn shudder, the rain still beating on the pane, turning the sunset a vivid red.

With a self-assured grin, he sat back, wordlessly grabbing the hem of his shirt, pulling it off as his muscles flexed, my heartbeat speeding up even more. I knew he was hot before, but something about the look of him in this moment - body slick with rain, eyes burning passionately, completely focused on _me…_ \- made my blood ignite. I bit my lip, my eyes closing half-way as I watched Axel slowly trail his hands over his hips, making a show of unbuttoning them, dragging them down his thighs. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t work on me... My face flushed hot when I saw how much he was straining the front of his boxers, it visible proof I wasn’t the only one affected.

He gently pushed me back till I was lying on my mess of blankets and pillows, breathing heavy as he settled between my legs. I reached out without thinking, running the tips of my fingers over his toned stomach, feeling the muscles tremble under my touch. It’s still hard to process that _this_ is the same lanky pre-teen that got embarrassed every time he held my hand, making promises to protect me huddled inside blanket forts…

“Puberty hit you like a fucking _truck_ .” I hadn’t meant for it to actually come out, the redhead only laughing in response, while I fought my blush. I moved my hands to roam over his pecs, freezing when I felt piercings that I somehow missed before… _ohmygod, he has fucking nipple piercings, of course he does, fuck me_ …!  Axel moved back down for another kiss before I could comment on them, trying to play off the fact it made a wash of heat flow over me. This kiss was much shorter, Axel pulling away to look at me curiously, suppressing the urge to shiver at how arousal blown his pupils were.

“ You don’t happen to be _prepared_ up here, right?” It took me a moment longer than it should’ve to catch what he meant, it only driving home that, yes, this is happening right now. My childhood friend is asking me if I have condoms so he can fuck me. I nervously laugh, coyly shaking my head as we both awkwardly smiled. “I uh… I got lube,” I heavily pant, pushing my sweaty locks out of my face. He takes a long pause, his eyes widening as a wicked grin crosses his expression. My cheeks flush in embarrassment at his knowing stare, memories of the other night flooding back. I dig under the pile of blankets, pulling out the tube. He merely shakes his head, that same knowing grin never leaving his face.

“What about condoms?” I quickly shake my head, letting my eyes wander. “Don’t worry, I get myself regularly tested after doing a campaign for safe sex. Plus I don’t plan on making love to anyone besides you from now on, so we can worry about it another time.” My lips parted at him oh-so-casually dropping that on me, basically promising we’ll be together from now on, my face flushing a deep red.

Axel smile is warm, slowly slipping back into the mood, his thumbs working into the band of his boxers, inching them down his slender hips. I let out a shaky breath when he pulled them all the way down to his thighs, seeing _everything_ all at once like this kinda overwhelming, but I’m not complaining. I reached out to shyly wrap my fingers around his cock, surprising him as he tried getting his boxers all the way off, hearing him suck in a breath. This was totally different than jerking each other off under a blanket, I only _felt_ it last time… I remember him being big but… shit. I started moving my hand, slowly pumping him hesitantly, shocked to watch his face flush as he panted, leaning down to press his face against the side of my neck. He was throbbing against my hand, his hips jerking every time my finger pressed against the head of his cock.

“ _Roxas, fu-ck!_ ” Came his hot moan, a surge of confidence making my strokes faster, trying to remember how I did it last time, giving the base feather light touches before gripping it tighter at the top, rubbing teasing circles on the leaking tip. It felt good to hear his breathing get out of control, his nails digging into my sides, a smirk gracing my lips. I had figured he’d probably lead this, having more experience than me. My hand quickly grew slick as I pumped him hard, trying to get him to moan for me when my movements were suddenly stopped by a hand on my wrist.

“ ...Wait… I… can’t… yet,” Axel breathlessly spoke, pulling away my hand as a small pang of disappointment hit me. All of that was quickly forgotten when my boxers were ripped off of me in one fluid movement, drawing out a hiss at the rush of cold air. I let out a small yelp at my legs being spread wider, looking down to see Axel’s mouth tantalisingly close to my cock. My eyes went wide, the blood moving to my face as my confidence plummeted. His lips teasingly blew on my neglected hard on, shivers running down my spine and my head kicking back.

“ Remember, Rox, tell me if you want me to stop,” His voice was low and seductive as he took me in all at once without warning, a loud cry ripping from my throat. Axel’s sinfully hot mouth made me come completely undone, my entire body lighting on fire. My thighs trembled in his hold as he bobbed his head, my hands plunging into his thick red locks, tugging encouragingly.

I tried turning my head to hide my face in the pillow, but my throaty gasps and moans echoed around the barn back to me, only making me that much more mortified. Axel’s tongue worked over me, the heat building rapidly as I panted, pulling roughly on his hair.

“ A-A-Axel, I- _please!_ You’ve gotta- st-opp!” I whimpered, my body restlessly moving around, feeling my climax right on the edge of tipping over. Chancing a glance, I look down, only to see his full, pink lips wrapped around me. I almost wished he _hadn’t_ listened to me, Axel pulling away, lips still brushing the tip of my cock. A soft curse passed my lips as I fell over the edge, my eyes growing wide once more. Oh… fuck… I just came on my best friend’s face… My mouth opened and closed wordlessly as he sat back, panic rising in my throat. “ I just-, I-!”

The words died in my throat at seeing Axel simply use his fingers to wipe it off, smirking as he licked them clean. If I didn’t feel like dying of embarrassment _before_ -... He spit it back out over three fingers, my mouth feeling dry as he shifted back between my legs, my cock slowly jumping back to life. He takes his sweet time in uncapping the lube, spreading it over his cum and spit covered fingers. Green eyes pierce mine as his finger traces my entrance, tongue flicking out to sensually lick his rosy lips.

“ Stop me any time,” Came those same maddening words, suddenly feeling in _way_ over my head. Yeah, he’s still the Axel I know, but right now with him like… _this_ \- completely in control, knowing all too well how _sexy_ he is - I feel… intimidated…? If it wasn’t for him subtly, thoughtfully, reminding me that I _do_ have the power to end this, I’d probably be a little scared. Instead I feel eager to take _anything_ he’s willing to give me.

It’s been so long that I forgot how uncomfortable it is to have fingers inside you, wincing at the intrusion. Axel leaned down quickly, placing kisses over my face to comfort me, whispering sweet nothings as he added another finger. It didn’t take long before one of his fingers hit my sweet spot, earning him a low moan as my hands pawed at his back. His mouth fond mine once again, muffling my cries of pleasure as he stroked it mercilessly, my hips rocking back onto his fingers.

“ _Axel_ -!” My voice came out as a whimper against his lips, sounding almost foreign to myself. Luckily it was enough to signal him to pull his fingers out, his hand reaching down to rub his pre-cum over himself. My heart was hammering against my chest, knowing what’s about to happen, both scared as fuck, and ready to just get him inside me right now. Axel pulled back, getting me to wrap my legs around his waist, able to feel his cock pressed against my heated skin. I must’ve looked pretty scared in that moment, because his hungry look faded slightly to something more serious.

“ Last chance to back out before things get serious.” He spoke, adoration slipping into his words, still the awkward, dorky Axel I know, checking up on me way too many times just to make sure I’m comfortable. Offering him a gentle smile, I wrapped my arms around his neck, my voice soft as I nodded my head.

“I trust you, Axel. I _want_ this.”

At that Axel slowly pushed his way in, a shot of pain running up my lower back, causing me to grit my teeth. _Fuck_ , I forgot how this can feel…! I let my breath hiss out between my teeth, screwing my eyes shut, forcing my muscles to relax. I opened my eyes at feeling Axel still, worry painted plainly over his features.

“ Are you okay Rox? Do you want me to st-”

“ No!” I blurted out, feeling my face heat up at how fast I was to respond, trying to calm down as a crooked smile slowly appeared on his face. “ I’m fine, just… need to adjust.” I mumbled, looking away from his smug face, wishing he’d just fuck me already so I don’t have to keep feeling so embarrassed. Plush lips pressed against my warm cheek, his arousal thick voice murmuring to me.

“It’s a _lot_ to take,”

Even with his cock halfway in, I held back the urge to kick him out into the rain. It took a moment before he was completely inside, sweat already forming on my head, the pain dulled now. He carefully pulled out before thrusting slowly back in, starting a rhythm up, growing more and more steady as he did so. What little pain there was quickly faded, allowing me to get back into it, tightening my grip on him. After a few thrusts, he managed to angle his hips just right to hit my bundle of nerves, my cry louder than before. It’s lucky it’s raining outside, otherwise I think it’d be pretty obvious what was going on in here.

My noises seemed to give Axel even more energy, his thrusts getting faster, hitting my sweet spot every time. I buried my face into his neck, trying to quiet my loud keens of pleasure, only managing to fill my senses with Axel’s cologne and the smell of rain. With every rock of his hips, tingles went through my body, all my thoughts blanking out except for this moment. It’s all so… surreal? I never would’ve thought _this_ is how we’d end up all these years later, but it feels… right.

The loft was filled with the gentle pitter-patter of rain hitting the window, offset by the lewd sounds of skin hitting skin, gasps and moans punctuating the air. I tightened my legs around his waist, wanting to feel him even deeper inside me, wanting him pressed firmly against me. Sex hasn’t made me feel like my very _nerves_ were on fire before, or make my heart race so fast like this. I’m not sure if the men around here are just very boring - they _are_ \- or if it’s entirely because of Axel…

Two strong arms wrap around me, catching me totally off guard, my world spinning for a moment. The next thing I knew, I was looking down at Axel’s devilish grin, my hands pressed against his stomach to hold myself up, his cock still inside me.

“ Wha…?” It was hard to wrap my head around what was going on, with him looking unbelievably attractive with his crimson hair splayed out around him. His emerald eyes twinkling mischievously, making that grin of his all the more worrying. A quiet gasp fell from my lips at his warm hands running slowly up the length of my thighs, completely out of my element now.

“I want you to _ride me_ , Roxas,” Came the seductive purr, able to clearly tell that I haven’t done this before. My lips parted, only for a lewd moan to spill out at Axel thrusting up, the angle perfect to hit my nerves directly. It dawned on me what this was, feeling stupid it took me so long to figure out. I’ve never personally done this with anyone, but I know what it is… and that almost makes it worse…

“ You’re a cowboy after all, you should be great at this,” His voice had no business sounding so flirty, my embarrassment reaching a whole new level. Both because I just moaned so loud, and because this jerk _planned_ on making me do the fucking ‘cowgirl’ position for his own amusement. My attempt at a glare was weak at best, not really able to get angry when he’s filling me up like this and looking irresistible. “ Unless… you don’t want to. I thought you might enjoy it though.” His words were definitely flirtatious, but they also obviously gave me an out if I really didn’t want to.

I felt my blush creep down to my neck, feeling so exposed straddling him like this, his thumbs rubbing circles into my hips. Swallowing my pride, I hesitantly lifted my hips before sitting back down, my head knocking back as stars danced behind my eyes. _Fuck…!_ It didn’t take me anymore convincing as I began bouncing, feeling like his cock rubbed against my sweet spot with every movement.

Thankfully I had enough sense left to glance down, surprised to see what a mess Axel had become; his face was flushed, breath coming in short bursts, expression wracked with bliss as his fingers grabbed onto my hips hard enough to bruise. With another rough thrust, Axel’s head lolled back, eliciting a low moan as he panted. It sent blood rushing to my groin to hear him like this, probably not expecting to be to affected by this. My tongue flicked out to lick my lips, deciding to have a little fun with this. Axel just put all the control into _my_ hands, might as well mess with him a bit.

I leaned back, spreading my legs wider, throwing him an alluring smile as I rolled my hips languidly, not giving enough friction to be satisfying. It gave me exactly what I wanted, Axel moving around, desperate for _something_ , but he can’t expect me to be so nice after embarrassing me. I moved my hand to run down the length of my body, keeping up my agonizing pace, not looking away from his heated gaze. His eyes naturally followed my hand, desire raging behind them as he groaned softly.

Just to mess with him even more, I let out erotic whimpers of his name, smirking wickedly all the while rolling my body. It was a definite confidence boost to watch my longtime crush gradually come undone because of something _I_ did. I’ve got this ‘rockstar playboy’ trembling beneath me, gasping for air… can’t say that everyday. The redhead let out a frustrated growl, lifting my hips himself to slam them back down onto him, causing a genuine moan to leave me. All my thoughts of fucking with him were forgotten as he bounced me, the brutal pace making me tremble in ecstacy.

We easily fell back in sync, the air growing heavy around us, noises of pleasure streaming out of me as my hands moved over his body, looking for purchase. My thumbs happened to brush over his pierced nipples once more, unable to help but tease them, earning myself a breathy moan. That familiar warmth spread across my body, pooling in my groin, my moans reaching a new volume, Axel’s name coming out in slurred chants now.

Axel seemed to sense that we’re both painfully close, seeing as he was quick to flip us back to the way we were before. A small squeak blurted out when he lifted my hips up, my mouth falling open in a silent scream when he thrusted in to the hilt. My hands frantically reached out to claw at the blankets under us as he urgently thrusted, my back arching as my broken cry echoed.

I laced my arms back around his neck, clinging onto him desperately, the wood flooring creaking in protest of the hurried movements. The heat was almost unbearable as it rushed to my cock, tears forming while I whimpered into his shoulder, pressing back in time with his thrusts.

“ Axel, _oh god, please!_ Ah, _ah, ahh- Axelll…!_ ” I all but screamed, white dotting my vision as I came hard, relief filling me as my ecstasy hit me.

I didn’t even get a moment to rest, seeing as Axel continued to move, thrusts becoming shallow, rhythm a complete mess. Hot breath blew into my ear, his ragged breathing erotic as hell, my body shuddering due to my hypersensitive nerves being so overstimulated. A deep, husky moan sounded right next to my ear, already knowing that I’ll be hearing it in future dreams, drawing out my own small moan in response as hot cum fills my body.

Our sweat slick bodies collapsed together in a mess of tangled limbs, both of us too exhausted to bother moving for the moment. Reality pieced itself together for me again, now able to hear the gentle rain as the barn fell quiet save for our heavy breathing. There was only one thing on my mind right now-

“ Fuck, I love you…” I gasped, getting Axel to let out a giddy laugh, both of us smiling as we gazed at each other, Axel placing a tender kiss to my lips. “I’ve waited so _long_ to do that to you…” Once he pulled away, I finally saw his slick hand, laughter bubbling out of me again despite myself. “ I think I should have a box of tissues over there,” I helpfully supplied, not hiding the fact I still eyed him up as he moved to snatch up the box, cleaning the two of us up. Axel peppered kisses up my body before we both settled into each other's embrace.

Basking in the afterglow I watch as the sun descends behind the horizon of the camp, the colors warm and inviting. Inky black clouds still lingering, the rain having long since stopped, save for a few droplets running down the window. Fingers dance along my bare hip, a low hum resonating from Axel’s chest.

“Bet you don’t know why the sun sets red.” I let my fingers tangle with his, readjusting to watch his eyes scan the sky. “Light’s made of lots of colors - out of all those colors - red’s the one that travels the farthest.” My brow raises in confusion, his peaceful expression remaining the same.

“Like I asked, know-it-all.” I gently elbow him in the side as I grin. His laughter makes me sink deeper into his embrace. We settle into a comfortable silence, content with watching time pass us by. I want to live in this moment, forever… Just Axel and I watching the sunset for years to come, wrapped up in eachother like cozy blankets on a winter's night.

“I’ve been all over the country, seen the sights and done it all. It was fun and exciting, but… Knowing I have to go back to my band hurts a lot more than I imagined.” Turning on my side to face him, I prop my head up on my hand as my elbow digs into the horde of blankets. His gaze flickers from the window to mine, his soft smile fading as he instead stars up at the rotting rafters.

“I thought the band was your family? It’ll be hard when you have to leave, but you’re the one who said how much they mean to you-”

“ _I know what I said._ ” He quickly snaps. His screws his eyes shut as he heavily sighs. “They are- but I’ll never get another moment like this one the road; making new friends and actually seeing them more than once, stealing you away for moments like this,” His head falls to the side, his hand reaching out to take mine. His lips curl into a smile, the warmth in his expression returning. “You can’t _buy_ these moments. And I’ll miss out on hundreds more if I go back.” As much as he wants to just let himself be happy, it’s heartbreaking to watch him fight with himself over his obligations to his band.  

“I can’t tell you what to do,” I softly whisper, which breaks my heart even more. “I wish I could ask you to _stay_ but I’ll always blame myself for being the one who made you quit,” Shaking his head, his hand leaves mine only to bury itself in my sweaty mess of hair, pulling me close as his forehead rests against mine.

“I know, Rox. And I can’t ask you to leave the camp behind.” The unasked question hangs in the air between us, the afterglow bliss quickly fading. _What happens now?_ My phone begins to ring, causing the both of us to share uncertain glances as I sit up.

“Fuck- where did you put my pants?” I grumble under my breath as I find them thrown across the loft and tucked into a corner. I fumble with my phone, my jeans still damp from the rainstorm. I pale when I see the caller, knowing I have a lot to explain about why I’ve been missing for the better part of the day.

“Dad, I was just-” I pause as he interrupts, his voice thin and soft.

“I need to talk to you and Axel.” I sit back, my blood running ice cold, fear gripping my heart.

“O-Okay,” I glance down at my phone at hearing the dial tone, watching the screen go to sleep.

“What did Cloud want?” I peak over my shoulder to watch Axel put his wet shirt back on, taking a moment to tie up his messy mane of hair so it’s not _completely_ obvious we had sex. Unable to find my underwear, I slip on my damp jeans, ignoring the cold as Axel tosses me my equally wet shirt.

“He just said he wants to talk to both of us.” He hasn’t sounded that upset since… he told me my mom died. Axel nods in understanding, although the confusion is clear on his expression as he descends the ladder. I quickly follow, brushing past him when we leave the barn.

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Axel rushes to my side, matching my pace. I bound up the steps of the porch, my hand reaching for the doorknob only to freeze. I tightly shut my eyes, resting my forehead against the door.

“Last time I felt like this, I found out mom died. What if something happened, I can’t handle-” Axel rests a warm hand over mine as I glance up at him, tears pricking the corner of my eyes.

“You don’t have to handle this by yourself anymore, Roxas. _I’m here for you_.” The fear receding as Axel offers a warm, trusting smile of encouragement. He’s right. I’m not alone anymore, and I never will be... I take a long, deep breath, my eyes never leaving his as he moves with me to open the door.

Softly shutting it behind Axel, he follows me throughout the house as I search for my dad. I stop short when I find him sitting at the kitchen table, a pile of papers spread out in front of him. He silently offers us to take a seat, my throat tight as I try to speak.

“What’s going on?” Axel takes a seat next to me, offering his hand under the table. I latch onto it, squeezing it as I take in my father’s current state. The skin under his eyes is darker than usual, his crystal blue eyes now red and swollen from a crying fit. Even as his hands shake when he hands me a thick stack of papers stapled together, his voice is clearcut.

“I’m selling Camp Chocobo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My best friend and editor helped me a lot with the intimate part of this chapter since life has been giving me a lot of curve balls and I can never thank her enough for it! You can find her work on A03 at spacekateyes!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UH sorry it's been a thousand years since the last update, I didn't realize how long it's been. I know it's been a hot minute since I've last uploaded but I had some major life changes and events that I had to get through before being able to sit and focus on the story. I went to Anime Minneapolis with my editor SpaceKatEyes a few weeks ago, and I got a dog! You can see pictures from the con/my new pup on my instagram at dawnstarcosplays! I'm going to be started a new cosplay that's going to be my first contest piece as well so I might be spread a bit thin for the story but it's almost at a close so I'll try to keep up!

_ As soon as my eyes open, I knew it was going to be one of those days. One of those fucking god damn miserable days where life seems to make a joke out of you. My body is heavy as my brain screams at me to return to bed, offering sweet lies about how much better the day will do if I stay under the covers until the sun goes down.  _

_ The day crawls by at a miserable pace, as if the rest of the world was feeling the same weight on their chests. My chores become tedious and stressful, talking with Sora about fixing the fence irritates me more than it should, and my cheap boots finally reach the point of no return as mud seeps into the glaring holes and tears, effectively ruining my socks.  _

_ When the sun finally sets I trudge back into the lifeless house, the stench of chinese leftovers wafting from my father’s office, the door shut tight. I ignore my angry stomach as I head upstairs to my room, changing into clean clothes before seating myself at my desk. I glance over at the picture of Axel and I at camp last year, my heart dropping to my stomach as the sting of tears threaten to fall once again.  _

_ With a weak sigh I pick up my worn pencil and flip to a clean page in my notebook. It takes me a moment to gather my words, but I find my groove as my hand moves steadily writing out my thoughts. About how shitty today was, how mad I was with my dad for closing himself off again, about how many punches he’s gonna get when I see him again… I sniffle, pressing the heel of my hand to my eyes as I try to stop the sudden tears from staining the paper.  _

_ “Shit- stupid jerk.” I rip out the finished letter, holding it in my shaking hands. I fold it up, reaching for an envelope yet I pause. Instead I roll backwards towards my bed, reaching underneath for a box of similar letters. I set the folded paper on top of the pile, watching it fall to the side.  _

_ “365 days, 365 letters.” I set the lid back on top, slowly pushing the box away along with the lingering thoughts of my best friend. _

_ ~ _

The quiet yet firm words assault my ears as my father bridges his fingers, sliding his arms across the table as he leans closer. Exhausted, ragged, and out of options, he blows out a heavy breath as I slump back in my seat. My fingers twitch as Axel’s warm hand envelopes my own as if to say ‘I’m here for you’. I weakly squeeze it back while questions twist and mangle in my mind as I flounder for the right words. 

The clock in the dining room clicks with each passing second of silence that sits between the three of us, no one knowing what to say next. Cloud sits back slowly - calculatingly - as he watches my face for any sign of emotion, his lips parting and closing as he himself seems to struggle to speak. He thickly swallows as he rubs the empty space where his wedding band used to sit. 

“I can never tell if your silence is good or bad,” He chuckles under his breath, a sparkle in his dull eyes as he continues. “Just like your mom.” I crack a smile, the suspense leaving my body as I slump down to match his relaxed posture. 

“Remember when how mad she was when you let Axel and I watch Bloody Mary Murder 2 in the living room?” Axel chimes in with laughter, breaking the tension in the room. 

“When she caught us we screamed and threw our popcorn all over the floor,” Cloud’s hard expression softens at the memory, slightly grimacing. 

“She made me sleep between you two and clean up the popcorn.” As the laughter dies back down, Axel’s hand finds mine once again and Cloud inhales for a moment, eyes darting at the papers spread before him. “This is hard to hear, but I need to be your  _ father _ , Roxas, not your boss.” His melancholic gaze meets mine and briefly flicks towards Axel, before sitting back up, sliding a paper towards us. I refuse to give into curiosity as I hold his attention, my throat constricting as his words embed into my heart. Every time we try to sit and have this conversation, one of us ends up screaming and storming out in anger. 

“There’s always been something holding us back from getting close to each other after your mom died, and I kept holding on to the camp constantly telling myself that she would be  _ ashamed  _ of me if I let this piece of her go,” I inhale sharply as I catch my breath, my stomach churning anxiously. Axel’s thumb strokes the back of my hand as he catches my eye. He smiles- so soft and sweet, as if he believes with all his heart it really  _ will  _ be okay. It’s  _ okay-  _ and realization hits like I’ve been awake with my eyes closed ever since I lost Aerith. 

“That’s stupid.” The words tumble from my lips before I can catch them, the insensitive words sounding harsher than intended. “I should have realized it sooner,” I quickly tack on, letting go of Axel’s hand. 

“Keeping an iron fist on this camp isn’t keeping mom alive, if anything she would probably call us  _ both  _ out on our shit for acting the way we’ve been. What keeps her alive is knowing that even after she passed, we can joke and laugh about the dumb crap we did when she was still around.” I find Axel’s hand once again, offering him a matching smile to his own. 

Without Axel here with me, I don’t know what I would do. Would we get into another screaming match, putting the final wedge between us and Reno and Axel’s relationship? I love Sora, Riku, Aqua, and Terra with my entire heart, it would take about three  _ lifetimes  _ to make up for everything they’ve done for my family and our camp, but they can’t give me the same kind of love that Axel can. 

“I love Camp Chocobo,” I admit softly, watching my dad’s face closely as I continue. “ _ But _ I love my family, friends, and our campers even more. They deserve better then what we can give, and it’s not fair of me to keep being in the way.” Axel catches my eye by bringing my hand to his heart while he gives me that same thousand watt grin that I’ve missed. 

“That was so sappy, Rox. You make me feel like I have a heart.” He murmurs softly as my fingers press into his soft shirt. I roll my eyes yet I can’t help but laugh as I pull my hand away, ignoring his amused grin. 

“Real cute.” 

“I like to think so.” He teases with a wink, relaxing back into the wooden kitchen chair. Cloud clears his throat to regain our attention, his eyes flicking between us both. They narrow a fraction, the unasked question hanging in the air as he taps his fingers on the paper he pushed towards us earlier. 

“I have, many questions. I’m glad you feel that way about the camp Roxas, but that brings up our last problem.” He eyes bore into Axel as he holds up the paper, pointing at a scrawled signature at the bottom next to Xigbar and Pete’s. Axel’s name is written in ink, so messy and wobbly it’s hard to tell- but it’s his name signed on the contract to sell Camp Chocobo to  _ Pete _ . Axel’s jaw drops as he snatches the paper from Cloud, his eyes scanning the document as he sits up in his chair. 

“W-What the fuck, when- how did you get this?!” I lean over to read the paper myself, each word making my blood boil. I let my frustration take over as I slam the paper down to the table, my heart cracking as I think back to our time in the barn. All the things he said to me, where his fingers touched and lips have been, how full I felt when he told me he loved me- His eyes lock onto mine, fear fueling his actions as he takes my hands once again. 

“Roxas, I- I didn’t sign _anything_. I want more than anything for you to come on the road with me, but this contact, I had _nothing_ to do with it-” I swallow around the hard rock in my throat, my heart splitting into two directions. Axel’s been with me this entire time, of course he didn’t sign it, especially not after today. But what if he signed it _before_ he came back to give me a chance? Was this all some elaborate plan to get me to trust him enough to sign over the camp...? 

“You want him to do  _ what _ ?” Cloud interjects, forcing my tangled thoughts away. “We’re finally getting on the right track and you want him to live in some bus for months on end with people who went behind your back?” 

“Dad-” I sharply bark, yet he pays me no mind. 

“You’re just  _ now  _ deciding to step up and be his father, even after knowing what kind of man Reno was? How can you sit there and talk shit about my band when they’ve been more of a  _ family  _ since you’ve been to Roxas!” I grab Axel’s arm, trying to get him to relax before he says something he can’t take back. 

“Axel-” I hiss, yet he ignores me. Cloud balls his hands into tight fists, his eyes burning with an inferno of anger as his voice cuts like glass. 

“Your  _ ‘family’  _ tried to sell you out. Pete sat his fat ass in that same chair, giving a bullshit offer that was  _ your  _ idea. They forged your signature-” Axel knocks my hand away, slamming his fists on the table, crumpling the paper in his hand. 

“Don’t sit there and  _ lie  _ to me because you can’t let go of Roxas-” Cloud narrows his eyes to dangerous slits, silencing Axel with a mere look. 

“Sit. Down.” I hold my breath, and Axel does. He leans back in his chair, his chest heaving with unbridled rage as his fingers tear into the document. “I called my brother in law, Leon. He’s a lawyer who saw through the contract. Your name was forged, and it made the contract void. I told Pete and Xigbar to get the  _ fuck  _ out off my property, and if those are the kind of people you call ‘family’ these days, I don’t want Roxas anywhere near you.” Before he gives either of us to protest, he continues. 

“I called the city’s office. I made a deal with them and they’re willing to buy the camp and turn it into a city park. You can play the festival, but if after all of this- if you  _ still  _ can’t see that they’re using you, you better stay the  _ hell  _ away from my family.” No. No fucking way.  _ No fucking god damn way. _

“You tell me to be okay with selling the camp, fine. You can even give me bullshit about how you’re going to start being my dad,  _ fine _ . You don’t get to sit here and  _ talk  _ about me like I don’t even get a goddamn say in  _ my  _ future! Axel used to be family, now you’re casting him out before he even gets a fucking chance to defend himself, you already decided you hate him because of Reno’s mistakes and you know it, yet you  _ continue  _ to hold it against him!” They both gape at me as I stand from the table, roughly shoving my chair back into place as I stare down my tired, worn out father. Part of me is screaming to stop talking, just walk away and give us both time to breathe. But I  _ can’t _ . He’s been sitting idly by while I’ve been busting my ass for ten years getting my hands dirty trying to salvage what’s left of our lives after losing mom. I won’t let him act like he suddenly knows what’s best for me. 

“Banishing Axel from my life just proves to me how detached you really are as a father.” I mutter aloud, missing the pained heartbreak that crosses his face. I smile weakly at Axel as he stands with me, his own mixture of feelings pooling in his expression. 

Guilt and frustration swirls in my stomach, churning over the words I mindlessly let fly. We just had a glimmer of bonding that he ruined, then I made it even worse. Axel tights his grip on the chair he stood from, his voice thin and his entire being shaking. 

“ _ Don’t do this to each other. _ ” His soft, emerald eyes fill with sadness as he captures our attention. “You still have a chance to make things right with your dad- how  _ dare  _ you take it for granted? I can’t be the one to get in the way, I just can’t.” He takes in a shuddering breath, dipping his forward as he struggles to speak. I choke on my breath as I tighten my grip on the chair, trying to keep my sense of reality as his words stab at my already breaking heart. I bite the inside of my lip as Cloud begins to shake his head, refusing to meet Axel’s gaze. 

“But I  _ can’t  _ walk away again, never again. Pete might not who I thought he was, but I don’t need him anymore. Sora, Riku, Aqua, and Terra-” A small smile tugs at his lips, his mood lifting as he seems to lose himself in thought. “They barely know me yet they treat me like… like we’ve been friends for years. They don’t give a shit who I ‘am’ or how much money I have. It took me a while to realize, but that’s all I ever wanted.” He gently takes my hand in his as he turns towards me, lacing our fingers together. The warmth from his gleaming smile washes over me, expelling the last shreds of doubt I harbored. I don’t need any words to know what he wants… 

I slowly draw in a deep, calming breath before turning to my father, our hands still intertwined. His mask is finally gone, leaving behind a broken and bruised man who’s been dealing with his own demons while struggling to keep our family tied together… 

“I want us to be a family again but not if you keep treating Axel like he’s a stranger to us. You said he was family too, once. Why not again?” Cloud sits back in the chair, letting the silence filter in once again. The clock ticks, the only sound as he mulls our words in his head. His eyes lock onto our entwined hands as he rubs at his ring finger. 

“I want that more than  _ anything _ , but you’re seeing this through rose colored glasses.” He tiredly rubs his face, dragging his hands down before resting them on the table once again. “Are you willing to be with your band after what they did? What kind of life is that to bring Roxas into, where the people you trust lie and cheat to get their way?” His eyes burn into Axel, the anger morphed into serious reasoning. “You’ve lived like a rockstar for ten  _ years _ , if you think you can settle down and have a normal life- you need to be honest. If you can’t do that then you’re just going to break my sons heart.  _ Again _ . Have  _ either  _ of you thought about what happens next?” Axel squeezes my hand, seemingly unfazed by Cloud’s harsh reality check as I try to keep myself from saying something else I’ll regret. He lifts his chin as he looks down on Cloud, a playful smirk blossoming. 

“I’ll prove to you that I’m more than my fame, old man.” I have to keep my jaw from dropping as Cloud matches his cocky smirk, leaning back in his chair as they silently exchange words. 

“I’ll hold you to that.” He glances towards the clock, nodding and returning his attention to us. “I’ve said my piece. You know what you need to do, son.” Axel’s smirk melts into a slow thousand watt smile before quickly ducking away, moving to rub at something on his face. 

“Shit- you’re a cold bastard Cloud.” My dad merely laughs as Axel tries to compose himself, gathering the rest of the papers as he stands. 

“I don’t want to know what you would do if I asked you to call me ‘dad’.” He pauses and quickly corrects himself. “ _ Don’t _ call me ‘dad’.” I breathe a sigh of relief as the tension settles between the two men, finally coming to some form of an understanding. 

Cloud gives Axel the folder of papers that Pete and Xigbar brought over, their gaze refusing to break as Cloud pulls him into a brief hug, patting his back and stepping away. It was over as soon as it happened, leaving the both of us dazed and confused by the sudden show of affection. 

“I know you’ll do the right thing, Axel.” Axel seems to falter under Cloud’s heavy words, his once steeled resolve about what to do suddenly wavering from the pressure. 

“Ah, right...” With a silent nod he gingerly holds the folder, his thoughts no doubt running a mile a minute. Cloud takes a moment to take in our appearance, soaked to the bone from the downpour and still breathing a little hard from our time in the barn. 

“Why don’t you go shower, get in some warm clothes first-” Axel quickly shakes his head, his hands shaking from nerves. He draws a slow breathe to try and calm himself. 

“No, no not yet. I need to do this now, before I convince myself not to. No more running.” I thickly swallow as a question dances at the tip of my tongue, begging to be asked yet I don’t know if I’ll like the answer. 

“Do… do you want me to come with you?” He pauses. His thoughts seem to crash into a tangled web, uncertainty clear in his expression as he can’t seem to find his voice. 

“I-I…” He struggles as his eyes find mine, pain evident in his once sparkling gaze. 

“You don’t have to handle this by yourself anymore, Axel. _ I’m here for you _ .” I parrot his words back to him, hoping it has the same effect they had on me. I hope it makes him feel safe and loved, that he’s no longer left alone to face his fears. 

Even with the anxiety racking his heart, he smiles - weak and scared - but still a smile.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm elbows deep in craft foam and contact cement with my contest cosplay but I managed to get the next chapter done! I actually really like how this one turned out, and I'm excited for you guys to read what's next. Thank you for your patience, the comments, and kudos, it's much appreciated! Each one I get motivates me to keep going <3

_Xigbar knocks back another shot and slams the glass back onto the counter, making the bartender give him a heavy side eye as he refills the glass._

_“You break it you buy it.” He grumbles under his breath, causing Xigbar to roar with laughter._

_“I’ll buy your whole fuckin’ bar if I feel like it, so keep em coming!” The bartender growls under his breath and moves onto another customer, still keeping the two of us under watch._

_“Can you really afford this place?” I ask, peering into my own glass of amber liquid. Xigbar pauses as he brings the glass to his lips and laughs once again._

_“Fuck yeah I can. With a few more years under your belt you’d be able to buy this entire street! Now drink up flamilocks, it’s a Friday night and schools out.” I grimace as I remember my backpack full of worksheets and math books sitting back in the hotel room waiting to get finished._

_“I dunno if I should be doing this anymore Xig, my grades are kind of shit and Pete keeps yelling about trying to get me to graduation-” He waves off my concerns, sliding my glass closer to me as his eye can’t seem to focus properly on me._

_“ That’s what Sunday is for, you get boozed up Friday and Satruday and then you got all day to work on your fuckin, square roots or whatever they’re teachin’.” I used to think sitting in a bar and drinking with Xigbar was the coolest thing I could do, and all my friends in class thought so too. A guy just like a cool uncle that’ll let me drink as much as I want? That labeled me for popularity for the rest of highschool, yet the graduation date looms over my head like a noose. If I don’t pass my classes this year, I’ll have to repeat. And I really don’t want to know what Pete will do if that happens…_

_“Just this weekend, then it’s back to the books, I promise.” He offers a toothy grin, holding out the shot like an offering. I mull it over in my head before sighing in resignation, knocking the liquid back and wincing at the familiar sting._

_“Just this weekend.”_

 

_~_

 

Roxas shifts in the driver's seat, his fingers tapping the wheel as we speed down the dirt road leaving the camp in the distance. The old truck chugs along as the engine wheezes with each press of the gas pedal as it’s coaxed faster and faster, the driver sitting on the edge of his seat anxiously. A witty remark dies in my throat, resigning myself to sitting back and staring out the window, watching the trees fly past.  

The air is tense with the unanswered question of what will happen next if what Cloud said is true. I’ve been living among highly coveted music stars, I like to believe I know a lie when I hear one. Even after being gone for ten years I know deep down that Cloud has _never_ lied to me about something as serious as a fake contract. Santa Claus doesn’t count, although I was pretty pissed off when Roxas and I caught him after we stayed up all night trying to catch the fat bastard. 

“Hey Rox,” I muse aloud, wanting to share the happy memory to try to elicit a smile through his anxiousness. I peak over when I get no response, his eyes darting over the road while his fingers continue to tap out of rhythm. Lost in thought it seems. I softly sigh, resting my chin on the palm of my hand as I rest my elbow on the open window. The cool, slightly humid air still lingers with light rain as it gently dots my exposed skin. My soaked clothes stick to my body, causing a chill to settle into my bones that I ignored. As nice as a hot shower and warm clothes sounded, I _have_ to do this now or else I’ll never have the guts to know what happened without getting lied to.

 My stomach churns at the unknown, my mind diving headfirst into a sea of ‘what if’s; What if we split and break our contact? What if Zexion was playing us all for idiots this whole time for revenge? What if Demyx was the mastermind- I snort to myself as I wave the idea away. Demyx isn’t an idiot, but he’s no mastermind either. If anything it would be… Xigbar. 

The name sits on my chest like a rock, heavy with the weight of what his betrayal would mean. He was never my _friend_ , never cared about our _family_ , and tried to run what little real family I had left out of town… I suck in a soft breath as I turn my attention once again to a still anxious Roxas. 

“When you took Xigbar and Demyx back to the bus, did either of them say anything to you?” He’s finally shaken out of his daydreaming at my question, his tapping fingers pausing on the wheel. He bites his lip for a moment while glancing over at me. 

“I wasn’t going to tell you because I knew you’d get pissed-” 

“What did they say?” I sit up a smidge, only able to go so far with the seatbelt holding me back. He winces as he sharply inhales, refusing to meet my eyes as we continue down the road into town. 

“Xigbar gave me a lot of reasons I’m a shitty person for asking you to stay at the camp with me for a whole week, and after hearing them it’s pretty obvious I kind of am. Like how your fans are losing money because the San Francisco show will be canceled, how he sacrificed himself for the band yet your word is law and it’s ‘your fault for ruining their one chance to tour in Europe’. And how I’m abusing our friendship by asking this huge favor-” I grit my teeth with each word, silently sitting back in the seat as my rage bubbles under the surface. 

For years I’ve been dealing with backhanded comments from Xigbar, but I thought nothing of it like a fucking idiot. When I would confront him about his issues with me, he would gloss over it with a joke and offer to buy drinks and we’d laugh it off until Demyx had to sober me up for the show in the morning. Xigbar has a silver tongue and he knows it, and he’s been using it to drive a wedge between Roxas and I without me even realizing… 

“It was my choice to come back, you know that, right?” For the first time since the barn I watch his lips curl into a soft, relaxed smile so contagious I can’t help but smile back. I rest a hand on his thigh, gently squeezing. 

“I know. I wrestled with trying to come to terms with that all week, but I understand now. As much as he irritated me, he did have a good point. What happens now that the concert is cancelled?” 

“We’ve gotten to the point where we can afford to give refunds in case of cancellation, but we’ve only done that a handful of times. One time Zexion had surgery on his hands for early onset arthritis from overplaying, and another time Demyx couldn’t sing for three weeks because he had a vocal fold hemorrhage. It was minor, but enough to put him out of commission. It was before I started, but there was Xigbar’s accident too.” Roxas scoffs as I finish, eyes wide with shock. 

“And you didn’t see a pattern of destruction? Isn’t there some kind of union for the music industry for those kind of cases?” I tsk then roughly exhale as my stomach knots as the motel comes into view. 

“You would think, but if you have the right amount of money you can buy anything for the right price.” As we get closer and pull into the parking lot, Roxas slams on his breaks as Demyx comes tumbling out of the bus, sprawling against the pavement as a suitcase falls out of his hand. It skids across the lot as Xigbar charges down the steps, Zexion hot on his heels as he tries and fails to grab his arm. 

Roxas cuts the engine as we both bolt from the truck, their shouting heard over the drizzling rain. I all but tackle Xigbar as he lunges, trapping him against the bus while Zexion and Roxas go to help up the bruised and battered Demyx. 

“What the fuck are you doing, have you lost your mind?!” Xigbar shoves my shoulders, forcing me to stumble back to catch myself while he jabs a finger at Demyx, his body seething with unbridled rage. 

“Beating the shit out of this little _bitch_ who thinks he can walk away from this band. I caught the both of them packing their bags like they can run away like they’ll _ever_ find anything better than what we’ve built.” I keep my hands planted on his shoulders as I step in the way as he tries to step closer to Demyx, who’s nursing a blossoming black eye. 

“What we ‘built’ is a goddamn nightmare! We’ve all lost something because of Pete, and Axel is the only one who has the balls to realize he wants more from life than drinking himself to death with you.” He slowly stands to his feet, brushing off Roxas and Zexion’s help as he lowers his hand. His swollen eye puckers, the skin blackened and bruising from Xigbar’s fist. “I was your prize pony at first, being the one you took to bars and strip clubs at all hours of the day. Then Zexion and I started dating, and you couldn’t stand being around me. When Axel came along, you did the same fucking thing with him- except _I_ was there to pick up the pieces. We’re both finally _happy_ that we found new meaning to our lives, and it _kills_ you.” He steps forward once again and I release my hold on Xigbar, Demyx’s solemn resolve something I rarely see from him. He spends so much time being the funny one, the goofy one, playing the joker of the group, that he never gets to just be _him._

He goes toe to toe with Xigbar, staring him down without a trace of fear. Only sadness for the husk of man we once called a friend. “It eats away at you every time you look at either one of us because you can’t handle the fact that you’re a cold, miserable bastard that refuses to look past the money. I’m smarter than you _or_ Pete give me credit for. I’m smart enough to know when to walk away.” With his piece spoken, Demyx brushes past him to collect his discarded suitcase that is covered in scratches and paint flecks from where it skid across the parking lot. Xigbar seems frozen, his expression unchanging before his gaze finds mine. A slow smirk spreads across his face, yet it’s cold and callous. Defeated. 

“You wanted this. Ten years ago when you first joined. Squeaking voice, sang like shit, shaking in your shoes every time Pete raises his voice. You kept crying that you wanted to go home, how much you wanted to be back with Roxas.” His gaze flickers to the blond in question, who defensively scowls. “You got your fucking wish, princess.” He raises his hands in surrender as his smirk only grows, his expression smug as if he had won. “After everything we’ve been through as a family - how Pete raised you as his own - you got what _you_ wanted.” I tremble with anger, biting the inside of my cheek to keep myself calm. 

“What I _want_ is for you to back the hell off! Who do you think you are signing _my fucking name_ to buy the camp with Pete?! You’re _nothing_ but an old fucking _drunk_!” My voice raises with each word, my hands shaking with pure anger as I try to keep myself from shoving him against the bus and giving him what he deserves. He’s just trying to piss me off, don’t let him... 

“You can call me all the names you want and go back to that stinking shitpile and laugh about how good life is, but at the end of the day you’ll start to feel that dark guilt creep back in.” 

“Keep your mouth shut-” I bite back with venom, unable to control the waves of hot rage that pulse through me. 

“He’s just trying to piss you off, don’t let him.” Roxas’s voice cuts through the damp, foggy air like a ray of light. He pushes between us, ignoring Xigbar as he forces me back a few steps to clear my head. Xigbar snickers behind Roxas, crossing his arms over his chest as he glances towards Demyx who’s helping Zexion collect the rest of their bags. 

“Tiger steps in to save the day, huh? You can tell yourself whatever you want as you spend the rest of your life playing cowboy, but you will always know that you’re the one who tore apart the _only_ family that _ever_ cared about you.” Roxas’s hands tense against my body, jumping at the crack of thunder that emphasizes Xigbar’s spiteful words. That’s, not true… Not in the slightest. 

My gaze falls onto Roxas’s expression, watching his brows knit anxiously as he prepares to hold me off from beating the shit out of Xigbar for what he said. I softly exhale, even laughing a bit as I rest my hands on his tense shoulders as I watch the confusion filter in. 

“The only family who ever truly cared about me was the one who took me even after leaving for ten years and treat me like their own. Including getting lectured.” I tease with a sly wink, causing Roxas to break into a bright, beautiful grin. Even without words, all these years later I can still call my best friend my family… Xigbar’s prideful smirk molds into a disgusted scowl as he’s forced to realize what’s been a long time coming. The money, praise, and admiration, it’s all over. And I couldn’t be happier because I don’t _need_ any of that. Not anymore. 

Xigbar heavily sighs, yet that sickening grin returns as his gaze flickers to Demyx and Zexion and all the bags at their feet as Roxas steps away to help them load their things into the bed of the truck. 

“If you’re serious about running off into the sunset together, then you should know everything before you go.” I glance over to Demyx, who in turn refuses to meet my gaze. His head dips low as his grip tightens on his bags, Zexion looking just as ashamed. 

“We were going to tell you after we left the bus-” Zexion attempts to explain before getting cut off by Xigbar’s sharp, barking laugh. 

“You had all week to open your mouth and say something yet you didn’t, because your just as selfish as I am.” 

“ _Stop_ , just- tell me. What’s going on?” My stomach twists violently as they fall silent, Demyx and Zexion looking like they could vomit on the pavement and Xigbar like he won the fucking lottery. 

“Demyx and I tried making you lose the bet. To make you realize that you’re about to sacrifice _everything_ and ruin _our_ careers with yours, because you’re _never_ satisfied.” 

“...What?” The whisper leaves my lips like a ghostly wail, my nails digging into my hand as I let the years of rage I had once locked away begin to cascade into my veins. 

“The snake on the trail? The rock climbing gear? Every little thing that seemed to go wrong when Roxas was around- those were all meant for _you_ . But _he_ got in the way.” He narrows his eyes once again while he holds himself with pride as if he won after all, sneering over at Roxas who’s frozen in place as shock courses through his mind. 

Another crack of thunder lights the darkened sky, veiling the sound of my knuckles striking Xigbar’s jaw. I tackle the man to the ground, no longer seeing someone who was once my mentor, my _family._

“All I ever wanted was to go _home_ and you try to get Roxas _killed-_ ” Between words I feel his skin break under my fists, ignoring the sting of his nails as they dig into my throat as he pushes me down to the ground. I let out a heavy gasp in pain as my head bounces off the concrete, wincing at rain stinging my eyes. My skull aches as I try to focus on Xigbar, hardly able to see the blurry cocked fist as he yells back. 

“ _I’m_ your best friend, not some kid you forgot existed until a week ago! I tried to open your eyes - I _know_ you!” His grip tightens on my shirt, his cocked fist shaking as his loose ponytail falls from the band. His hair plasters against his face like a wet rat, his face red from screaming. “You think working on a farm for the rest of your life will be enough for you? After years of singing for hundreds of thousands of people, coming and going whenever you damn well please, fucking a different person every night- _That’s_ who you are, Axel, and that’s my best friend - My brother.” He relaxes his raised arm yet still keeping a tight grip on my shirt, his eyes refusing to leave mine as he waits for an answer. 

Through the hazy, dull pain I find myself settling on Demyx, Zexion, and Roxas, all poised and ready to intervene if need be. Best friend’s are there for me when I get drunk and start crying about missing Roxas, Demyx and Zexion always have been. And best friends forgive each other for ten years of mistakes, like Roxas has. They’ve been more of a family then I ever would have gotten from my own father. 

“If you really believe that, Xigbar, then why did you try to stop me from leaving?” I avert my eyes back upwards, catching the surprise that crosses his expression. “If you were _really_ my friend, you would have been there after you took me to the bar. Been there to see me hit my lowest because the only way I can cope with accepting my choice of leaving behind the only good thing in my life was to drown it in booze.” A heavy shuddering sigh leaves me breathless as Xigbar’s fist lowers, his hand loosening on my shirt.  “Demyx and Zexion were there for the real me, and Roxas never saw me as what I was conditioned to be. _That’s_ what family does, Xigbar.” I push off his now limp hand, heaving myself up from the ground. He sits back on his heels, his attention focused on his shaking hands. 

“I’m not a bad person-” He mutters aloud, as if trying to convince himself of that. “You were becoming a fame monster and the only way to slow you down was getting you ripped off your ass, I tried helping you and you repay me by beating the shit out of me and spitting on everything we’ve been through?” He slowly stands to his full height, his words spiteful yet the fire behind his eyes now extinguished. All that’s left of Xigbar is a tired, broken man who doesn’t know how to move on.

My heart aches to take the easy way out, to let things go back to how they were before I even got that drunken message from Roxas. Yet I know better than to wish to go back to how I was before. Crying in a stranger’s arms, missing the only family I once knew and convincing myself in the morning that my ‘dream’ is worth the pain. Five minutes of pain for a lifetime of happiness. What a joke that was. There’s no such thing as happiness if you can only find it in the bottom of a liquor bottle, wishing for something impossible. 

“ _I’m_ the one who decided to go with you every night, but you were the one who didn’t take a second to stop and realize that’s not the kind of thing a 17 year old should be doing with their weekends either.” I bite back as I feel my anger flair. Even at his lowest point, he still has to throw out a few more barbs. “You have _no_ right talking to me about _‘family’_ after what you tried doing to Camp Chocobo - trying to frame me as the villian. I’m done.” I step back, raising my hands in defense as I glance over the hulking tour bus, our band name and faces plastered all over the side as one giant advertisement. As I stare into my enlarged face, I hardly recognize the smirking man staring back at me.  Rockstar Axel, fueled by booze and sex. It feels like another lifetime ago… 

“Nothing left to say?” I scoff, shoving my hands in the pockets of my soaking wet jeans, the rain lightened to a soft drizzle. He remains silent, refusing to even spare a glance in my direction. “Fine with me.” I softly mutter. With one last gaze up at the bus I turn on my heel, leaving behind the only life I’ve ever known and the last shred of my old life behind. 

With a silent understanding we finish packing the rest of our things into the bed of Roxas’ beat up truck and start down the road towards camp, at least for the time being. The fate of the camp is still a question we’ve yet to answer, even as I try to stomach the realization that the chapter of my life being a famous rockstar is over. I don’t have the luxury of taking time to process what I just lost, not while Roxas is facing down his own demons. It doesn’t mean that it hurts any less, though… 

The ride is somber and almost silent, save for the noises from the half dead truck as it lurches down the dirt path towards camp. Roxas nervously chews on his bottom lip, tempted to break the silence as he glances in the rearview mirror at Demyx, who’s still nursing his bruised eye. Before Roxas gets a chance to even breathe, the sandy blonde beings to sniffle, attempting to hide his oncoming tears. 

“I didn’t deserve that ninja turtle band-aid,” Roxas swivels in his seat to look back at Demyx, confusion written across his expression. 

“What are you-” Demyx continues, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. 

“I only helped Xigbar because I didn’t want to lose Zexion. I thought if Axel left then so would Zexion and I know it’s stupid but there’s a constant voice inside my head that keeps telling me all this bad shit will happen- it was selfish. And you got hurt and your campers almost got hurt and you’ve been really nice to me. I should have told you sooner what was happening,” Zexion rests a hand on his knee, letting him take a moment to compose himself. 

“I knew Xigbar was up to something, yet I too was selfish in that regard.” Zexion softly admits, looking between Roxas and I. “Making music for the world was a dream that turned sour years ago, yet Demyx was my reminder that it can be beautiful again. I stopped caring of what happened to the band a long time ago, all that mattered to me was knowing I still had the both of you to call friends. When that was in danger I let myself be convinced what he was doing was good, though it didn’t take me long to realize it wasn’t.” A heavy sigh laced with guilt falls from his lips as he mulls over his next words. I don’t give either of them the chance to explain as I turn in my seat to face them as best as I can with the seatbelt constricting my movements. 

“We’ve known each other for ten years and not once did you think to at least mention what was going on? Roxas fell twice and could have gotten seriously hurt- and what about the kids?! What if they got caught in the middle of your stupid plan,” I change my anger towards Zexion as Demyx avoids my eyes, keeping his head bowed in shame. My voice is sharp as I get louder with each word, the years of pent of anger continuing to flow. 

“You’ve known Xigbar longer than anyone, you of all people should know how he twists that kind of shit. You’re smarter than this, Zex!” My anger dwindles, my tone shifting to one of guilt for losing my cool, yet the bitterness still lingering. “You both knew how important this trip was for me, and neither of you just took a fucking _second-_ ” I suck in a shuddering breath, the deep cut of betrayal laying like a weighted blanket over my chest. 

After everything we’ve been through together like a family, I used to think they had my back. I thought they would support me in going back home, but now... I don’t know if I’m ready to forgive them, or if they’re any better than Xigbar. They all had their own reasons, yet they made their choice. Just like I had made my choice to fly all the way to Oregon without even asking if they were okay with it, so close to our biggest show yet. 

“So- uh,” Demyx clears his throat, capturing our attention. “Dibs on not telling Pete.” Even after the yelling and fighting, Demyx still finds a way to bring us together again by just being himself. 

We fall into a fit of laughter, something that was much needed to clear the tense air between us all. We argue and squabble like siblings and make up like ones too. The laughter dies down as we pull into the camp, the sun long set and the clouds finally parting to show the night sky dotted with stars.

“I almost forgot what stars look like.” Zexion hums as we crawl to a stop in front of the house. 

“You sorta get used to them, but it’s nice to remember how pretty they can be.” Roxas comments as he steps from the truck, leaning against the bed as he gazes up towards the dry sky. “I like to lose myself in ‘em, like all my problems are so insignificant when you realize we’re just a spec on the universe.” He muses as Demyx and Zexion begin to grab the rest of the luggage from the truck. 

“Okay well I still have dibs about Pete, so don’t try that star crap on me.” He sends me and Zexion a pointed stare. I roll my eyes, tossing him a bag a little too harshly as I try to fight away a grin. I love being back home with Roxas, but it’s not the same as being with Demyx and Zexion again. 

“You’d better let me do the talking, let’s just say he’s not the biggest Bleeding Nobodies fan.” I snort as I follow him up the porch steps. 

“He’s not the biggest Axel fan, either.” Demyx pushes past both of us, shoving his bags into my arms before straightening out his shirt and hair. “ _You_ lack charisma and finesse, which _I_ excel at.” I roll my eyes once again as I silently debate on dropping his precious bags all over the dirt. 

“Careful with that big word, you might choke on it.” He raps his knuckles against the door and places his hands on his hips, back straight. 

“My point exactly.” Roxas bit his lip as he watched the door closely. “I don’t-” Cloud fills the doorway, his hands coated in a scarlet red that reaches all the way to his elbows. He wipes his hands on a blood soaked kitchen towel as he stares down the over confident blonde. Demyx practically shrinks into himself, his eyes wide as plates as he can’t tear his gaze away from the coated hands. Cloud glances down and back up again, quirking a brow at a petrified Demyx. 

“It’s pig blood. Damn coyotes.” He mumbled under his breath, causing Roxas to sharply gasp. 

“They got Mr. Moogle?” With a curt nod his expression falls at the tragic news. Demyx seems to shake himself out of the initial shock of seeing the blood and plasters a familiar dopey grin. 

“Sorry to intrude sir, my name is Demyx- Axel’s bandmate.” Cloud’s expression doesn’t change, causing Demyx to falter. “U-Uh, yeah, so- you must be Cloud, Roxas’s dad. Is your wife around? Axel’s said so many good things about you guys over the years I just wanted to meet you in person-” Cloud’s eyes narrow at Demyx, his grip on the towel tightening and wringing a few droplets of blood. 

“My wife died ten years ago.” He seems to freeze, that dopey grin stuck in place as his lips tighten together to prevent him from saying anything else that would prompt an ass kicking from a very irritated Cloud. Roxas steps in to save his poor soul, Cloud standing aside to let us enter while he watches silently. 

“I’ll explain- go wash Moogle off your hands first.” He grimaces, yet I have a feeling it’s due to the loss of his favorite pig rather than the blood. Cloud gives us all a once over, taking in our soaking wet clothes and our puddles collecting on the porch. 

“Don’t sit on anything.” Cloud steps around the piles of baggage as he makes his way to the back to the kitchen, keeping an eye out to make sure we follow his order. Once he’s out of earshot, Demyx silently stares at the doorway of the kitchen and gives me a pat on the shoulder. 

“That could be your _father-in-law_ someday.” He mutters under his breath as Roxas follows Cloud into the kitchen. “Thank god Zexion’s dad’s a librarian- that was fucking _horrifying_.” Zexion slaps him upside the head as he passes by with an armful of bags, glancing over his shoulder with a sharp glare. 

“We’re guests in his home, don’t piss him off.” 

“Don’t know if you can get any worse than asking to see his dead wife.” I shrug off his hand, reaching out to give his cheek a sharp pat as he gapes at me. 

“That’s- fair. Please don’t let me become the next Mr.Moogle.”

I show them into the living room to wait for Cloud’s ultimate decision if he’ll let the shambles of my band sleep in his house until… Who knows when? Zexion and Demyx investigate the pictures on the mantle, cooing at my 13 year old self in my camp days. 

“Look how short your hair was, you look like a bloody porcupine!” I snatch the photo away, putting it back into place. 

“Says the one sporting a mohawk in 2019.” Roxas and Cloud exit the kitchen through the dining room, Cloud’s once bloody hands are now clean and dry. He surveys the three of us and our bags, heavily exhaling through his nose. 

“You can stay for the night, but I expect you rockstars to be able to afford the motel in town tomorrow.” 

“Can I stay if I get my dad to sign my permission slip?” I jab my elbow in Demyx’s side as Roxas vigorously shakes his head behind Cloud, cringing at the sarcastic remark. Cloud pauses and zeros in on Demyx, his nostrils flaring as he deeply inhales. His lips press into a tight line. 

“I’ll uh, get everyone some clean clothes.” Roxas steps in before his dad decides he hates us again. He gives us a once over before mumbling under his breath as he makes a bee line for his office. 

“Showers upstairs with a washer and dryer. Clean up the mud you tracked in,” He pauses as he passes Demyx, his neutral expression twitching into one of amusement. “or else your _dad_ will be signing your hospital bills.” 

“Yes sir-” He meekly responds as Cloud continues, shutting the office door behind him. 

“Are you _trying_ to piss him off?” Roxas hisses at Demyx as he follows closely behind, passing by the office and heading up the staircase. 

“Guy looked like he coulda used a laugh…” 

He begrudgingly follows Roxas up the stairs with the rest of us, one by one filing into Roxas’ bedroom. The walls are littered with camp class pictures, the years stamped on the bottom of each frame from when Roxas was old enough to start taking over for his dad. Each year is a smaller group each time, ending with the photo from last year. Only two new faces were in the picture, and they’re not with the group this year. I grimace at the pictures, quickly turning my attention to his desk as he searches his closet and tries to size Demyx and Zexion for clothes that might fit. 

A picture of his mom and a pressed flower share a frame, as if a small memorial to her memory. She did love those flowers that used to bloom near the old church… I remember her telling me a story about how she used to sell them while her parents ran the tack shop. On the corkboard over his desk I examine the pinned up notes and momentos, a lot of them from Sora and Riku and a couple notes from someone named Xion scribbled on a cocktail napkin. 

A twinge of sadness, and even jealousy strikes my chest as I run my fingers over a photo booth picture roll. Roxas looks so _happy_ with Sora, Riku, and this black haired girl. I haven’t gotten to see much of this care-free excited Roxas since I’ve been here… A gentle hand on my back pulls me out of my searching. I glance over my shoulder as Roxas holds up a pile of clothes. 

“I think these should fit you. I’m gonna go take a shower, you can change and throw the wet stuff in the wash.” I merely nod and return my attention to the desk as he closes the door behind him, ignoring the way his eyes darted from me to the pictures. I’m finally with Roxas like I’ve always wanted, but it just feels different from what he has with Sora and Riku. I don’t regret having sex with him, or admitting that I love him- but I can’t help but feel like we’re, just not back to being the kind of friends we used to be. 

“I kind of miss having a bedroom,” Demyx hums from the bed as he and Zexion start changing into clean clothes, breaking me out of my depressing thoughts. 

“His room was practically my room too,” I chime in as I begin to change too. Demyx catches my eyes and pauses, as if sensing what I had on my mind. Before he gets a chance to speak his phone rings, and with one quick glance his face goes white. He takes in a deep breath, trying to calm his sudden nerves as he answers. 

“Pete, listen-” Pete’s voice is heard through the speaker in the small room, his shouting making us all cringe from memory of how bad his temper really gets. Demyx gets no chance to speak as Pete continues for a few more minutes, only a few select words coming in. Contract. Money. _Lawyers_. When the phone dial sounds instead of Pete’s unintelligible screaming, his mouth falls open, his eyes darting between us. 

“Our contracts… we broke our _fucking_ contracts-” He yells, dropping his phone to the hardwood floor as he runs his hands through his hair. “If we don’t play the show in San Francisco this weekend Pete has the legal rights to take his fucking _cut. FUCK-_ that’s 75%!” That’s… almost everything. We make a lot of money with the gigs, promos, and the thousand other circus acts he has us parading around for- but that’s… I fall back into the desk chair, the rest of my fabulous rockstar life crumbling around my feet. 

I never cared about the money, but there’s so much I wanted to do. I wanted to help pay off Cloud’s debts, I wanted to make a life for Roxas and I. I stop myself at that thought, a shockwave making my heart thump heavily in my chest. Roxas and I living together in our own house, our future together, I want that more than anything in the world. I have to hurt him by leaving to make sure we have a future, but I promised- 

“Are you guys okay?! I heard yelling-” Roxas barges in, his body dripping with water and a thick towel wrapped around his waist. Ever since the phone call in the barn my mind’s been so focused on my own problems that I completely forgot that today was supposed to be a chance for Roxas to unwind, and he definitely did back in the barn... My fingers twitch as I zero in on the trail of bruises scattered in a haphazard line down his chest and stomach, dipping below his towel. He doesn’t seem to notice them as his worry stains his expression. 

“Uh- Demyx, stubbed his toe. We’re fine.” Zexion easily lies, patting Demyx’s knee who still has his face buried in his hands. Roxas glances over to me for a moment, catching my eyes lingering on his chest, the soft skin dotted with water. He tightens his towel, his ears burning red as he quickly backs out of the room as he meets my eyes. 

“O-Oh, uh- alright. I’m done, if anyone wants to go next.” He slowly closes the door once again, the confusion clear in his embarrassed expression. No one asks why Zexion lied, as if it was a mutual understanding between us.  

This is just like the choice I had to make ten years ago, but now it’s different. Back then the answer seemed clear as day, my father needed help, so I did what I thought was right. If I tell Roxas about what Pete said he’ll tell me to stay and remind me of our promise, but if I lie to him and disappear, he’ll never want to see me again. If I stay, then I’m useless to help him or Cloud. What kind of job can I get after touring the world, playing for millions? Was Xigbar... right? The answer should be so obvious, but nothing ever is when it comes to family. 

A few minutes pass and Roxas re-enters, prompting Zexion to take the next shower shift. I swallow a deep breath as I wait in the hall for Roxas as he shows Zexion where everything is. I have to tell him. He closes the bathroom door and glances over, his entire body lightening up with excitement. 

His smile stretches from ear to ear as he steps closer, his sudden happiness infectious. A warmth spreads in my chest as he approaches and all of my worries, my decision, it falls off my shoulders as I reach out to him. I pull him close, his head tucking into my shoulder as he nuzzles his cold nose into my shirt. His fingers dig into my back as he clings to me, my arms crushing his small frame to my body. 

“Thank you.” I whisper as I close my eyes,  burying my face into the soft, slightly damp golden locks. 

“For what?” He mumbles into my chest, peaking one perfect blue eye at me. _For making my choice so easy…_

“For being my best friend.”


End file.
